Author's Notes: Anyone reading this knows that Nickelodeon owns the rights to Big Time Rush, right? I just like to play chess with the boys, moving them around as I see fit.
This fic is dedicated to the person who still keeps me writing to this day with her cheerleading and willingness to listen to my rambling fic ideas. She motivates me and pushes me and encourages me and I love her dearly, even if all I ever hear from her is "Let them just have sex already!" But kathrynew30, you are the best, and I'm so glad we're still friends. I would be so lost without you.
Also want to thank my buddies Aranelle and PromiseMeTheStars for their awesome feedback and helping me to know that my writing gets the reactions I'm looking for. I love you guys. 3
And thank you for the awesome reviews I've gotten so far! I'm slowly replying to them and it's taking longer than normal and with life and stuff...yeah. But I love you and thank you for reading.
Well guys, this is it. And no, there will not be a sequel. I'm sorry. They've come a long way from staring at each other on the bus, from that first "See ya tomorrow, Logan" and "Later, James." I have tears in my eyes as I type this, I am so proud of my boys. I always feel like I'm sending them off to college when I finish a fic, and...wow. I actually AM sending them off to college at the end of this one. HAHAHA That's funny. But I'm rambling.
Again, thank you. Thank you all SO SO SO much. You guys have motivated me to continue with your reviews and made me feel like I'm doing something right. I started this fic because kathrynew30 demanded high school Diamond/Mitchell and has been on me for a year to write it, so you can all thank her. By reading her stories. She writes awesome Kogan. Just saying. But thank you. I love you guys.
"Oh, look at you. Both of you. I am so proud of my boys. Just so proud."
"Aww, Mom, come on. No tears."
"Honey, your father would be so proud. I wish he could be here."
"He is here. Isn't that what you told me after he died? He's always here watching over us." Logan smiles and brushes away a tear on his mother's cheek.
She nods, thanking James for the tissues he silently passes her. "He would be proud of you, too, you know. If he was alive he would've welcomed you into the family the way I have."
James slides his arms around Logan's waist from behind, pulling Logan back against him; Logan gladly goes. "Even though I'm stealing his son and running away to Hollywood?"
Joanna laughs. "Even though. Because he's happy. And that's all we ever wanted for our baby."
"Uh oh, I think your baby might need some of those tissues."
"Shut up, jerkface."
James cranes his neck to kiss Logan's cheek. "You know I love it when you get all choked up, you little sap."
"Okay, let's get some pictures. Put on those caps."
After placing his graduation cap carefully on his head ("Gotta be careful with the hair..."), James grabs Logan's and settles it in place. "You are so gorgeous."
It's been more than two years since the first time James said that to him, and not a day has passed since their sophomore winter ball where Logan hasn't heard it again. It still jolts him the way it did that first time, and he still wonders how this beautiful creature could find him so attractive. The difference between then and now is that now Logan has no doubt James loves him, nor is he afraid James will ever leave. They've made a point to talk about any worries or issues that arise, Logan designating special time for it after school each day-before the make out sessions, though James spent almost a year trying to rearrange the order of that. Luckily there wasn't anything to talk about most days. Logan still laughs when he remembers the day James used the talk time to complain aboutthe talk time, arguing that making out always comes first. When Logan fought James on that, James proceeded to remind him why making out should always come first, using action instead of words; Logan gave in after that.
"You're biased," Logan answers now, smirking at James.
"Guilty as charged." James leans in for a kiss and they both laugh when Logan's cap falls off.
"Not now, boys, or we'll never get out of here. Sometimes I wish I'd never told you it's okay to kiss in front of me."
"We never get too crazy, Mom," Logan argues.
"And thank God for that. I'm thrilled you two found love, but I don't need to see it all the time."
"We'll be moving soon enough, you won't have to worry about it at all."
Joanna frowns. "Don't remind me, baby."
"Awwwww," the boys chorus and surround her with hugs, each kissing her cheek.
"You can come visit as often as you want," James says.
"And stay as long as you want," Logan agrees.
"I already told you, you should just move with us and cook us dinner every night. Once I'm famous, you can quit your job and be our personal chef."
"Oh, Mom! James got a callback! I totally forgot to tell you, we were so busy with graduation and finals and...he's got an audition set up for next week!"
"Next week? Are you flying out there?"
"Yeah," James answers, "Dad already knows. I'm staying with him. I'm gonna be gone for about three days."
"And Logan's going to survive this how?"
Logan answers the question himself. "Logan is going to cry like a baby and hide in his bed for three days."
"Awwwww," James wraps Logan up in his arms and cuddles him in. "I said I'd take you with me. Dad doesn't mind."
"I know, but...I think this will be good for us. We haven't gone a day without seeing each other in over two years. I think this is a good test."
"Why do we need a test? School's over, man!"
"You're such a dork," Logan grins. "But once you get going on your acting-"
"-or singing, you'll probably be gone a lot or working a lot of hours. And I know I'll be working long hours at the hospital, so-"
"But that's not for years, Logan. You still have to finish college and get your degrees first."
"I know, but there will be a lot of late nights studying and you'll be gone a lot and...I think this is good for us."
"Tell me how being away from you, for even one day, is good for us."
"It's good practice."
"I don't ever want to get used to being away from you. That's not something that should ever happen."
"I know what you mean, but-"
"Boys, can we talk about this later? You've got a graduation to attend."
"Oh! Right!" Logan places the cap onto his head again and reaches up to straighten James'. "Still so beautiful. Every day I think you're more beautiful."
"Aww, thanks, Pookie."
"You're welcome, Mr. Diamond. Now stand still so Mom can take our picture."
James steps closer to the stage as the line moves, thinking that a few years ago he wasn't sure he'd ever see this day. If he hadn't taken that leap and said those first words to Logan, he knows he would've flunked out and run away to Hollywood by the end of that year; the idea had been growing steadily in his mind. Maybe that's why he finally took the step. Maybe he knew Logan would somehow rescue him, drag him out of the chasm of despair he'd fallen into.
He spins around in place, searching out Logan in the line of seniors on their way to joining the "real world." It's such a stupid thing to call it; like his world up to now hasn't been real? His eyes settle on Logan and he smiles. This is his world, and it's more real than anything else ever has been.
"I'm going." James moves along, eyes still on Logan until he gets what he's waiting for, and there it is. There. Logan catches his gaze and smiles before making a quick kissy face. James grins.
"You two are pathetic."
"Shut up, you're just jealous because I have the best boyfriend in the whole world," James answers, addressing the guy behind him. James can't remember his name but he knows they've had a few classes together.
"Right, because I'm so gay."
"Your loss," James shrugs.
He looks back again, this time past Logan and toward the guests, and when Mom waves he laughs and waves back, telling himself not to let it bother him that the seat next to her is empty, save for the purse she's using to hold the seat.
She said she would be here. She promised.
And when has that ever mattered, James?
Whatever. I've got Logan. And I've got his mom. Our mom.
He feels the stare on him and turns his gaze back to Logan, who of course knows what he's thinking.
"I love you," Logan mouths.
"I know," James mouths in return, and just like that he's smiling again.
He would've loved for his dad to be here too, but Dad got called into work on an emergency just as his flight was about to leave. James knows that Logan's mother would have come anyway if that had been her situation, but James' parents are not like her and he's come to accept that and love them for the people they are rather than hate them for what they don't know how to be.
One foot on the steps leading up to the stage and James knows she's not gonna show. It still hurts more than he cares to admit.
His phone buzzes in his pocket. He can't get to it in this stupid robe! Fuck it. He unzips the robe just enough to reach into his shirt pocket and pulls out the phone, eyes scanning the two words from his mother.
He looks up and around, eyes searching desperately, and of course she's running late and practically knocking people out of her way to get there, but his mother is approaching the seats. She stops at the very back and smiles at James.
His phone buzzes again. "I'm proud of you."
When the name James Diamond is announced, three cheers are louder than the rest. It's not the massive acclaim he fantasized about a few years ago, but that will come later, and Logan will be at his side when it does. For right now, this is enough.
Watching James shake hands and grab onto that diploma has to be the proudest moment of Logan's entire life. They have worked hard to get James here and while he never doubted it would happen (at least once Kendra was no longer a threat), there were times he wanted to strangle James for being apathetic about schoolwork. None of that matters now, though; they made it. They're here. James is beaming at him from that stage and yes, Logan is actually crying some because he is a sap.
James high-fives him as he walks past the line, but Logan pulls him in for a tight hug. "So proud of you. Love you so much."
"I know. And thank you. Love you, too. Now go graduate."
A kiss on the cheek and his sunshine is gone, but he knows it's not for long. Logan steps up as the line moves but turns back when a hand falls on his shoulder.
"He looks really good in purple," Kendra comments.
"Doesn't he? He told me why that is, but I can't remember. Something about his skin tone and the shade of his eyes...I don't know. I just know he looks amazing."
"Yeah. You guys want to hang out with me and Lisa at grad night?"
"Actually, we're not going. We have other plans."
"Oh yeah? Where are you going?"
"I have no idea. And I'm rather terrified about that. All James will say is 'Tonight we become men.'"
Kendra gasps and covers her mouth with her hand. "Do you think he's planning to go all the way?"
"I think so. And if not, I am. We're totally going there tonight."
"Logan, oh my gosh! Listen to you!" Kendra laughs.
"I know. He turns me into an animal."
"So you're ready?"
"We've been ready, just...I don't know. It feels right tonight. How about you and Jerry?"
"We're waiting. We decided. It's hard, but...we're gonna hold out."
"Aww, that's cool." Logan feels the stare and glances over Kendra's shoulder. He smiles at James and shakes his head.
"He's not still jealous of me, is he? That was like two years ago!"
"He's fine as long as you don't touch me. He doesn't like it when people touch me. He's so ridiculous."
"Is he gonna have a problem with us keeping in touch after you move?"
"No, he won't."
"Because I can't touch you from another state," she laughs.
"And as long as it doesn't interfere with us making out." Logan rolls his eyes but he's smiling.
"You are so in love."
"I am. Have been for twelve years."
"It's so sweet how you guys never talked but wanted to."
"We lost so much time, though."
"It was meant to happen that way. Just focus on the future."
Logan meets James' eyes one more time before stepping onto the stage.
James. My future.
"I am," he answers.
Joanna had plans to take the boys to a nice restaurant to celebrate, but all James really wanted was homemade lasagna at the house and Logan talked her into it. James had been wanting to spend as much time at the house with his "family" as possible before the move in a few months; Logan certainly wasn't complaining.
It took James ten minutes, but with Joanna's help he convinced Brooke to join them. The lasagna was warming in the oven when they got home, and soon enough the four of them were helping themselves to pasta, garlic bread, and salad (James' specialty).
Logan wonders if it bothers Brooke that James is so close to his mother, then decides he hopes it does; it should. She hasn't spent any real time with them all and as the meal wears on, the laughter and closeness is obvious between James, Logan, and his mother. Logan notices that Brooke gets quieter and quieter.
Yeah, it took you long enough.
"Brooke, can I offer you some more wine?"
"I think so, yes. Thank you, Joanna. So you two have everything worked out? You'll be okay with money?"
James nods and speaks through a mouthful of food. "Yeah, I'm gonna try to get a job so we can get an apartment. We'll live with Dad for a while, though."
"And I'm gonna get a job, too," Logan adds.
"No you're not, you're going to focus on your studying."
"I can do both."
"No. I don't want you to worry about money, okay? Let me deal with that."
Brooke interrupts. "James, we're rich. I will pay for an apartment for you two. I'll just pay upfront. What do you think, a year to start you out? Six months?"
Three sets of eyes blink at her in surprise.
"What? It's the least I can do. I'm going to miss my son."
Logan knows then that it is finally setting in, all the time lost and how much she truly has failed her son.
"Mom, you don't have to-"
"James, I make all this money and for what? It just sits there. It's your money, too. Use it. I can't think of any better use for it than to further my son's dream and help the young man who makes him so happy."
James is stunned. Logan grabs his hand and squeezes tight, knowing what this must be doing to him.
"I...thanks, Mom. Um. Logan, are you okay with that?"
"I am. I think she's right, it's the best thing that money could go toward. Helping you. And we could have our own place now, not have to burden your dad."
"Yeah, that could work. And Mom? You can visit anytime. We would like that."
Logan nods immediately. "You're always welcome." He really hopes he won't regret saying that; Brooke can be very overbearing, but he wants to see James patch up the rift between him and his mother.
"Actually, Brooke, I'm going out there with them the week they move. Make sure they get settled in okay. You should come with me, we can be annoying moms and embarrass them together."
"I can't take the time off work but-"
"Right. It was worth a try." Joanna stands up and starts clearing dishes away.
James looks down at his lap, at his hands clasped with Logan's. Logan leans over to rest his head on James' shoulder, saying what he can through touch.
"You know what? Screw work."
Again, they all freeze in shock.
"I have missed the important years in my son's life because of work. It's time to change that. Is it too late, James? Is there still a chance you can forgive your fool of a mother?"
"Oh, Mom." James stands and Logan lets go of him, watching James rush around to hug her. Suddenly she's crying and James is holding her tight. "It's never too late."
Logan stands and starts picking up dishes but James reaches over and grabs his wrist.
"I promise, Mom. You can visit anytime. Just...don't try to rearrange our lives. We know what's good for us."
Yeah, each other. Logan smiles.
"I'll try to behave."
"Crap, is it that late? Logan, we gotta go. We're gonna be late."
"There's a time for this?" Maybe it isn't what Logan thought it was. Either way, they're totally doing it tonight.
"Yeah. Everything's already in the truck. Mom, we'll be home in the morning!" James calls out to Joanna, who had just left the room.
"You boys are leaving already?" Joanna rushes out of the kitchen.
"James says we have to go." But hey, out all night. Logan grins. He hugs his mom, then James does the same.
Brooke hugs them both as well, surprising Logan. "I never thanked you for everything you've done for James. For loving him when..."
"I know. Just don't get his hopes up if you're going to disappear again."
Brooke doesn't answer.
"Come visit anytime. Not just in California. Come hang out with us here."
"Come hang out with me tonight, Brooke. Let's go out and get some drinks. We can cry together about how our boys are men now."
"I...well, okay. That sounds...nice. I think."
"Let's go, dude. We can't be late."
"I'm coming. Bye, guys. Do I need a jacket?"
"Everything's in the truck."
"Okay." With a huge smile, Logan follows James out to the truck. Their truck.
Tonight they become men.
"So you're not going to tell me where we're going?"
"You'll know when you know."
"That's cryptic." Logan smiles and squeezes James' thigh. "So. Your mom."
"I know, right?" James looks back before changing lanes. "What was that?"
"That was her finally getting a clue. I'm just sorry it took so long."
"You really don't mind her visiting? And paying for a place?"
"No. She owes you. It'll give us time to focus on what matters."
"Making out?" James winks over at Logan.
"You love me."
"Sure do. We should get married. Not now but like...once we get where we want to be in our careers."
"Okay, but I don't want to wait too long. I don't want us to be like fifty and still not married."
"Aww, we're gonna grow old together."
"Totally." James lifts Logan's hand and kisses it.
"So where are we going?"
Logan leans over and rests his head on James' shoulder. "I'm surprised you didn't blindfold me."
"I want to see your face when you figure it out. But uh...thanks for the blindfold idea. Didn't know you were so kinky."
Logan laughs. "We really haven't had enough time alone to be kinky."
"Yeah, that's gonna change. Every night, Logan. Not just on weekends, not having to worry about Mom hearing us, not having to go home on Sunday night. Or any night. Can't even wait."
"Mom said you can move in now. Instead of just during the weekends. I think she wants to spend as much time with us as she can before the move. If you want to stay overnight, you can. She said we're adults now."
"I love your mom."
"Me too. So what do you think? Would your mom be okay with that?"
"I'm an adult now, right? It doesn't matter. And yes. I'll pack up some stuff tomorrow and just...move in."
Logan sighs and settles his head down on James' shoulder again. James turns the radio on low and Logan hums along to the random song. The big screens suddenly loom in the distance and Logan's head lifts up abruptly. "The drive-in? You're taking me to the drive-in?"
James bites his lip. One night after they got their licenses Logan mentioned they should go to the drive-in sometime. He said it in an offhand way, like it was no big deal, but James knew Logan well enough by then to hear it in his voice, to see it in his eyes; for whatever reason, this was important to Logan, something he really wanted.
Now James isn't so sure. What if it was just an offhand comment? Here he had set up this night, planned it all out so perfectly, and what if it just fell flat? What if Logan didn't think it was all that special? "You said once we should go, and I felt bad we never did, and we're gonna move soon and..."
James glances over for a second and all his doubts vanish. Logan is looking at him with such worship and love that he relaxes immediately, knowing he did well with this.
"I can't believe you remembered that. I said it like...over a year ago."
"Almost two. And you know I don't forget things like that." A quick kiss to Logan's cheek, then James is turning into the entrance.
"Did you bring blankets?"
"And candy. There has to be candy."
"Relax, I got it covered."
"When? When did you do all this?"
"Mom helped me a little, got the candy and drinks for us since you never let me out of your sight."
"Oh please, who's the one that makes me walk him out to the truck every night and keeps me there for almost an hour until Mom has to call my phone to get me back into the house?"
"It's not my fault you're an animal."
"Actually, it is. It's totally your fault for being so sexy and amazing and horny all the time. What movies are we seeing?"
"The new Disney one. It's paired with an old Disney one, not sure which."
Logan practically bounces in his seat, and it's so rare to see Logan act like a kid. He's the mature, responsible one, but Disney movies always do this to him. One of the James' favorite ways to spend an evening is watching an animated movie cuddled up with Logan on the sofa with Joanna nearby. The two of them usually end up crying at the end of whatever movie it happens to be while James shakes his head and laughs at them.
"I love you, James. In case I don't say it enough, I love you."
James beams. "You don't. I need to hear it every second."
He pays for the movies and drives them in, backing into a spot. They jump out and James pulls out pillows, blankets, and a bag full of goodies. Logan helps him set up the blankets in the bed of the truck and they get settled, taking off shoes before snuggling up under the covers, Logan cuddling right up against him. James is glad they changed into comfortable clothes before coming out here; jeans and t-shirts are perfect for this.
"You sure you're okay with missing grad night, James? It's not too late to go."
James kisses Logan's hair. "Positive. Nowhere I'd rather be."
Logan lifts his head to kiss James, drawing it out until their tongues do more talking than their lips, and just as James is about to pull Logan up over him, the screen lights up. They break apart breathlessly.
"What's the plan after the movies?"
"Promise me we'll be in a room alone where I can attack you."
"That I can promise. And you'd better."
Logan nods slowly, licking his lips and trying to focus on the previews flickering on the screen.
"Candy me," Logan says five minutes later.
With a huge grin, James reaches into the bag and uses his teeth to open bags of candy, since his other arm is wrapped tight around Logan. As the movie plays, James feeds Logan candy and soda, taking some for himself as well. Every few minutes he has to lean over and kiss Logan somewhere—hair, ear, forehead, nose, it doesn't matter. Each time he does, Logan scoots a little closer.
James spends most of the movie watching Logan and thinking. He still can't believe how lucky he is to have Logan in his life, this gorgeous being who lights up his every day, who tells him every day that he isn't stupid, tells him every day that he loves him. Whenever he remembers how close he came to losing this, how stupid he was to even consider moving away, he wants to kick himself. Hard. Terror seizes his heart when he thinks about it, when he imagines what his life would be like had he not gone crazy with jealousy over Kendra. He's apologized numerous times for pushing Logan to Kendra, but Logan always tells him it had to happen that way. He needed the wake-up call in order to see it, to understand what Logan was feeling and realize that it would tear them apart eventually. "I love you," he whispers now.
Logan had been smiling at something a character in the movie said, but immediately his head comes up and that smile widens for James. "I know." Logan climbs up onto James, the movie forgotten as he loses himself in those lips, in those hands running up his back, in the desperation he feels from James. "I love you, too."
In under two minutes James has that glazed look in his eyes, the one that turns Logan into an animal, and he knows he can't wait for whatever James has planned. His hands work at James' jeans and get them open, James already having trouble drawing breath. "Logan, fuck!"
Logan slides his body down under the blankets, freeing James and taking him into his mouth. He's learned a lot since that first blowjob so long ago, and knows how to take his time, knows just what James likes, knows how to get James writhing under him. He takes this slow, not in any hurry for it to be over (and certainly not wanting James to get crazy and loud).
James sighs and closes his eyes, Logan's mouth warm on him even though he's shivering in the cold air. The contrast between the two temperatures makes it even better. He pets Logan's hair as Logan's head moves, the orgasm near but not threatening just yet, and he wishes this could go on forever. Then he remembers that it will; he will have this for the rest of his life. It makes him smile through the lust, fills his chest with warmth.
Logan has become a pro at this. It's one of the few things James has taught Logan, and Logan has put in hours of practice time. I love you, I love you so much, don't know where I would be without you, don't ever want to know, you're so perfect and I-
James gasps as a wet finger slides up into him, and yeah, this is something they've been playing around with more and more lately. It never fails to bring on a quick orgasm, once Logan's fingers get up in there and moving it's all over for James, but this time he's going to last. He's going to draw it out because it's practice for later, for what they really want and have been wanting for a long time now. Two more fingers slide in and James starts bucking, hips thrusting up into Logan's mouth and it's so good, all of it is amazing and Logan's fingers move just right and he's sucking like a vacuum and James can't hold back anymore, he comes hard, fighting to keep it quiet while Logan swallows him down-one more thing Logan has become a pro at.
James lies in the truck with his eyes closed, trying to regain his composure, while Logan kisses his way up to James' mouth. "I love you," Logan whispers.
"I know," James answers. He hugs Logan to him, holding on tight, heart beating like a drum. "We're gonna do this for the rest of our lives."
Logan kisses him. "Hell yeah, we are. So I saw an overnight bag in the cab. Are there pajamas in there?"
"Hell no," James laughs. "We won't need clothes tonight."
"I was hoping you'd say that. Now take me somewhere and make me a man."
James laughs again. "Such an animal."
"Kinky one, too, apparently. Get your pants fixed. Want me to drive?"
"You don't even know where we're going."
"Right. Hurry up, then."
James rolls his eyes. "Animal."
James checks them into the hotel, Logan waiting patiently with arms crossed as he looks around the lobby. This is a place he and his mother could never afford, as it would no doubt take a huge chunk of his mother's retirement fund. Logan getting a scholarship did put a lot more into that, though, since she'd been saving for years for his education.
James takes Logan's hand as they move toward the elevators.
"I would've been happy with a cheap motel. Or even the back of the truck and a deserted area of the woods."
"Ew, there are bugs in the woods. And I'd get leaves and...nature stuff in my hair."
"Am I not worth a little...nature stuff? What floor?"
"Uh...four. And yes, of course you are. But if we can do this instead, why wouldn't we?"
Logan can't argue that. He hugs James tight suddenly. "I love you."
"Aww, my little sap. I love you, too. Nervous?"
"Not really, just...ready. Impatient. Been thinking about this a lot lately."
"Yeah, I could tell. Your animal side has been insane the past month or so." James leads Logan down the hallway, searching out the room numbers as he speaks. "Totally not complaining. I love it."
He stops and Logan hitches the overnight bag higher on his shoulder. "So what all is in here?"
"Just stuff we need for a night away from home."
"Ah. Lots of hair products, no doubt. No wonder it's so heavy."
Logan looks around the room and repeats James' exclamation. "This isn't a room. You booked us a suite, James."
"So what if I did?"
"Yeah, but for one night? That doesn't seem very cost-effective and-"
James smiles. "How about you just...let me treat you to something nice for once?" He kisses Logan deeply, the bag dropping from Logan's shoulder as he returns the kiss with both hands on James' face.
For a while they kiss, enjoying the freedom of not having to lock a door or worry about a mom showing up suddenly.
"What time do we have to check out?"
"Eleven," James answers. He picks up the bag and pulls Logan down a short hallway, ignoring the sitting room and kitchen they pass along the way. "Ah, here we go. Master bed."
Logan's heart thumps a little faster. He watches James take off his jacket and unpack some toiletries in the adjoining bathroom, but he's frozen place, arms crossed over his chest.
"Dude. You are nervous."
"No, I'm just...I don't know. Feeling weird things."
"What sort of weird things?"
"I don't know. A good kind, I think."
"Come on, talk to me. You're always telling me to talk, now it's your turn."
Arms wrap around Logan and he sinks into the warm, strong body holding him up. "I don't know, though. I feel..."
"Scared? Happy? Horny?"
Logan laughs. "Yeah, definitely some of that, but...I feel...right."
And now James' lips have found his neck and Logan's body wakes up. "Mmm. Definitely horny."
James laughs. "And right. Right is good."
"Like...all day I've been thinking about us. About how we started, all those years ago, just looking at each other and studying each other and wanting to know each other but...why didn't we?"
"Because we're idiots."
"Okay, but...look at us now. We talked about getting married earlier. And it just came out, so natural, and it's something we know is going to happen. Think about that, how far we've come."
"I do. I think about it all the time. About how I almost walked away from you."
Logan shivers. "Stop that. Don't ever talk about that again."
"I know what you mean. Sometimes when you're kissing me, I think I might be dreaming. I have to pinch you to make sure you're real."
"Is that why you do that? I thought you were just...you know. That it was a kink."
"No, that's your kink. Because you really seem to like it when I do it."
"I also love it when you bite me."
"Mmm, I know. Always gets you attacking me."
"So bite me, James."
James licks his lips and Logan smiles. He knows how to get to James.
"There's no...hurry. We have all night."
"Then let's not waste it." Logan shoves James down onto the bed and straddles him, pushing him back to lay over him and kissing him. James peels Logan's jacket off as they kiss, letting it fall to the floor.
"We need the bag," James whispers between kisses, already breathless. "Let me get ready before you kill my brain."
"What's there to do? Just fuck me."
"Oh my God, Logan. Fuck!" James pushes him off and sits up, hand shaking a little as he rubs his face. "Okay. Okay, we need to...damn, I can't think. Say that again."
Logan climbs onto James' hips again. "Fuck me, James."
He's about to hyperventilate. Logan is proud, still loves it when he causes James to lose control. He whispers into James' ear. "Hard."
"Ohhhhh God! Stop! You want this to happen, right? Don't make me come before I even get inside you."
That shuts Logan up because suddenly his own breath is coming fast. "I...yeah. Okay, go get what we need." He moves off James, who scoots off the bed. "What do we need?"
"I don't want to hurt you, so I did some studying. Figured out the best way to do this."
Logan melts, though he's amused. "I love how when it comes to sex, you study."
"Of course. Anything for my pookie."
"Ha, right. Anything except studying economics or English or-"
"Hey, I graduated!"
"You did. And James? I could not be more proud of you."
Now it's James' turn to melt. "I know." He returns to the bed with a few bottles and a towel.
"So this is basically lubrication?"
"Pretty much, yeah. But you have choices."
"Oh, cherry-flavored? Why does flavor matter?"
"Because I know how much you love to suck my dick, animal."
Logan busts up laughing. "True, but I like the natural taste, too. It's...you."
Thinking face is back. Logan doesn't see thinking face often anymore, and it scares him a little bit. "What are you thinking? Talk to me."
"How much I fucking love you. How right now I'm about to freak out, totally explode with it, because it can't be possible to feel so much at once and not die from it."
"Oh, it is. I promise." Logan kisses James and James responds with such intensity that Logan suddenly knows exactly what James means. How is it possible to love someone so much, to feel it in your chest and your entire being, even? No wonder James wanted to run, it's terrifying. But it's amazing. It's everything Logan always wanted but never thought he would have. "Love you, love you so much."
James pulls at his clothes and Logan helps; they get rid of everything until they're naked and hands are running everywhere and neither is aware of anything but each other, this moment. Logan reaches out blindly for the nearest bottle he can reach. "Hurry," he begs, pressing it into James' hand.
James flips the cap open with a thumb. "Move up there. Lay on the pillows."
"On my back?"
Logan follows orders, letting James take charge. James presses Logan's knees back and drizzles the lube over him, expression focused and determined. It's so rare to see that in James and it always turns Logan on, watching him focus so intently on a job. Then a thought occurs to him and he giggles.
"No. You totally watched porn to prepare for this, didn't you?"
James' cheeks flush but he counters with, "Oh, like you haven't? Where do you think I found the free sites? Your browsing history is quite entertaining."
Now Logan's face turns red. "Well, what do you expect? You make out with me in the truck every night, practically make me come right there in my driveway, and then you just leave?"
"I never want to!"
"I know, but damn! You go home and I go to my room and...finish the job."
"You need porn for that?"
"No, the porn is recent. Because I wanted to do this and I like to know what to expect. Dying for this, James, will you hurry?"
"I don't know, I kinda like you desperate and begging."
Logan sits up enough to reach James and stroke him. James' breath catches. "Okay, okay. Hurrying now."
James coats his fingers and then slides them into Logan, Logan moaning because he's loved this from the first time James did it. It's smoother with the lube and he imagines what James will feel like inside him, thicker and throbbing and- "James, will you just fuck me already? I'm ready, okay?"
"Damn, dude!" James can't help but laugh as he shakes his head. "I love you."
"I know. Just a little impatient here. Two years of teasing, just do this already."
"Shhh. I'm right here, this is gonna happen." He slicks himself slowly with the lube, groaning now because it feels so good and yeah, he's been wanting this just as badly as Logan. "I love you," he says again, getting Logan into position. "So much more than you can ever imagine."
Logan shakes his head. "I can imagine. Trust me." He gasps because James is suddenly there, no hesitation, no "Is this okay? Does it hurt?" James is buried in him and his body is stretching and spasming around it and Logan can barely breathe.
James leans down to kiss Logan softly. "Breathe, love."
"I'm okay. Fine. No, better than fine. Wow."
"Not too bad?"
"I think you should...yeah. Move. Like now."
"Just let me know if-"
"Fuck, I love you." James starts to move, and as much as he loves Logan's blowjobs, they're nothing like this, nothing like being gripped so tight as he moves in and out and he is soooo not going to last. He's about to ask if Logan's good, if this is still okay, but then Logan starts moaning in a way James has never heard and it's loud and it's sexy and the look on his face and "Oh my God, oh my God I love you oh my God Logan Logan-"
Logan grabs himself and strokes fast, and he can't breathe, it seems like he can never breathe when James touches him, but he would happily die just like this, with James kissing him and fucking him and "James!" He comes suddenly, groaning into James' mouth, and James finally lets go, and there's nothing like this. Nothing could ever be this good, this amazing, this perfect.
Except it gets better when James whispers, "The rest of our lives, Logan. This. For the rest of our lives."
Logan holds James tight to him, the words sounding like every dream he's ever had come true. "I changed my mind."
"About what? You don't want to marry me?"
"Of course I do. But I'm going with you next week. To California. We don't need to practice being apart."
James smiles, relieved beyond belief. "Or you're just an animal who liked this so much you can't live without it for three days."
"That, too. Yeah, definitely that. When is it my turn?"
James laughs. "Soon, my little tiger. Soon. Let me rest for a minute." He settles back against the pillows and pulls Logan to him, Logan snuggling up with a sigh. After a minute James starts to hum the tune he chooses whenever he's feeling overwhelmed with love, and Logan sings along softly.
"...because I'm the permanent one..."