Well here it is - the very last chapter. I'm kind of sad about that, I came to love this storyline. But I think it's time to move on, I mean it's getting a bit frustrating for Steve not to be able to do much. He 'demanded' to get back into the action. :-) But since he is not healed we need to skip forward a bit. But since I also like to 'see' his way back, I decided to do both. The healed Steve and the healing Steve.

That is where the sequel comes in. So you will see a new adventure of Steve and Danny and as a bonus you will see how Steve reached his goal to be back at Five-0. Oh come on this was not a spoiler; none of you thought I wouldn't get him back on his feet!

I would be really happy if you might like to check that out as well.

I hope you will enjoy this last installment of 'Search and Rescue'.

Chapter 45 – Coming to terms

First thing Steve becomes aware is the different smell. It smells actually really nice, fresh and like after a mild summer rain mixed with the air carried over from the ocean. After he thinks about it he comes to the conclusion that it smells like Hawaii and he can feel a soft breeze. Not directly on him but he just knows that a window is open in his room. And that means without a doubt that he is not at Tripler anymore. There was no window to open, they were all bolted. His bed is also very different, it's soft and warm, he feels safe in it. He wonders why there is the unmistakable beeping of a heart monitor above his head. He didn't have anything attached to him last time he was awake but now he can feel that he has an IV, electrodes all over him and a damn Foley again. Damn! What the hell happened to him? Last he remembers is that he was not feeling so well when Catherine left. She promised to come back in the morning, obviously something happened in between. He just has no idea what.

Now his body makes himself known, there is a light throbbing in his leg that was not there when he went to sleep. And his arm is not just throbbing but actually hurts from the elbow down, wait a minute 'up' to his wrist. Why is the arm fixated in such a strange position? His arm is still casted the same but the whole arm is somehow held in a ninety degree angle with his fingers pointing to the ceiling. Come to think of it, his leg is also not lying on some soft pillows but is also fixated and 'hangs' in some kind of contraption.

He feels kind of fuzzy and just knows that he was sedated and is still in the process of waking up. He can hear JoJo and Cath talking in the background and debates about letting them know that he is awake. He is really tired and wishes he would fall asleep again but his arm is hurting and prevents him from going back under. His lower back also hurts, which tells him that he has been lying in this position for some hours now. Ever since he broke some lumbar vertebrae, he can't lie on his back for hours on end without getting some discomfort. And the helicopter crash he was in just two weeks ago didn't really help. He tries to shift a little to ease the pressure on his back but that results only in a spike of pain through his arm that makes him groan.

This lets Cath and Dr. Jordan know that he is waking up. Before they can reach his bed he opens his eyes to show them that he really is awake.

"Hey," oops that was not his voice, that sounded like he had been screaming all day and gargled with sandpaper. His try to speak makes him cough and suddenly there are some ice chips in front of him. After a few seconds he tries again, "Hi." Well that didn't sound too bad.

"How do you feel," JoJo is actually laying her hand on his forehead and looks with a soft smile down at him.

If he wouldn't know better he'd say she looks scared. "Confused," is the word that comes to mind first, "why am I at Queens again and why does my arm hurt like hell?"

"Dr. Hope will be here in a minute and will give you something for the pain. Steve what is the last you remember?"

"I wasn't feeling well when Cath left, but I fell asleep and. . .I don't know. Where you there at some point last night? I don't know, next I know I'm here. What happened?"

Before she can answer Dr. Hope comes in, also with a very worried face, "Steve how do you feel?"

"JoJo just asked me that, will you please tell me what happened? My arm really hurts and can you please take my leg and arm down I need to turn onto my side."

"We're going to ask your Orthopedic Surgeon about that, does your back hurt?"

"Yeah. Why do I have an IV and a fucking Foley and why am I on a heart monitor, will I please get some answers," Steve is not staying quiet any longer, since no one seems willing to answer him.

"Steve calm down, everything's okay," Cath is now trying to calm him down.

"Please just tell me what happened," he is softly asking her while pleadingly looking at her.

"Steve it's okay I'm going to tell you everything, just let me check you out first. I'm going to give you something for your pain, you should feel better in a minute," he injects something in his IV and Steve can feel the relief almost instantly. Dr. Hope takes his temperature again that is now a little under 101 and shines his penlight into Steve's eyes which is still hurting him even though two weeks passed since he received his concussion. Last he moves the fingers of his casted arm, satisfied with his findings he is addressing Steve again.

"Last night you got a dangerously high fever which was at its highest at six a. m., when Sergeant Square came to inject your medicine; we think you got scared because you couldn't understand what was happening because of the fever, you were very disoriented. We think that you thought you were being attacked, you pushed the nurse away, she fell and called the doctor. The injection made you very dizzy and really sick and you threw up, that didn't really help to calm you down."

Steve listens to what he is told but has no recollection of any of it, "Did I hurt the nurse?"

"It was an accident, she sprained her wrist, but she said it was not your fault, don't worry about it. The doctor on call was Dr. Neill, he was under orders not to treat you, but he did. He. . .ordered restraints," they are all looking at Steve to see if he remembers any of this, but he is just calmly listening to Dr. Hope. "You fought that with all you had, they even tried to fixate your casted arm and leg. You were totally out of it, you were screaming bloody murder and were trying to get loose."

They can see now that Steve is paling, obviously remembering something, "It hurt, I begged them to take them off but they didn't and then they left."

"You didn't stop screaming and when no order was coming to give you some sedatives but let you scream yourself out instead; a nurse, Sergeant Square, called Dr. Jordan."

"You came and took them off," Steve remembers now how JoJo stormed into the room and got the restraints off of him and how he clung to her and how terribly his arm was hurting, "I'm sorry I got puke all over you," he whispers to her.

"That was the least of my worries," she is very warmly smiling at him, glad that he is relatively calm about the whole incident, "I sedated you, you were in a lot of pain and very agitated, your fever was still 104 and I needed to get you out of there. I called Mark and he organized a transport back here."

"Steve I'm sorry to tell you but the healing of the bones in your arm of the last two weeks is all undone. You were trying with such force to get out of the restrains that you broke up all the bone-forming that already happened in the last two weeks. We had to reset the bone and the healing process starts completely new. That is why it hurts so much. Your leg got away a little better we didn't have to set it, but there is a little damage as well but not as bad as your arm."

"So I guess I will not be released on Monday, it's still Sunday right?"

"No and yes. You have to stay a couple of days, but not because of the arm. Your body was under extreme stress from the fever and your agitation and there was some cardiac irregularity. Your heartbeat got a bit out of rhythm, don't worry it's been perfectly fine for the last 6 hours. The Cardiologist said your heart is strong and completely healthy. It is just a precaution, don't worry about it. There is nothing wrong with your heart. If everything goes as planned you will be released Wednesday morning."

H50 – H50 – H50

Steve is dozing in his bed and watches the sun go down. This was a really shitty Sunday. He can now remember most of what happened last night, well at least as much as he was aware of while he suffered the fever. But he can very clearly remember how very scared he was when he was restrained and how much he screamed and how hard he fought against the bindings. How very much his arm hurt, how sick he was, and that he puked all over himself, and that they just left him alone. He was completely scared out of his mind and is ashamed to remember that he wet himself. He can see with complete clarity how he clung to JoJo when she freed him and that he was just a sobbing mess in her arms. How he couldn't breathe and his chest hurt and how he was just seconds from a panic attack when she sedated him.

After Dr. Hope left, JoJo was talking to him for over an hour calming him down and trying to figure out how he was feeling but he wasn't really in the mood to talk, so he didn't. Even after she left and Cath came back he didn't talk much, he barely said a few words to her. At some point during the afternoon his Orthopedic Surgeon came in and declared that he has to stay in the contraption for at least twenty four hours. As a result of that he is still lying on his back. His lower back is really hurting by now and the pain medication that is flowing thru his system is not doing that much for his back. He just needs to turn on his side to elevate the pressure on the three vertebrae that were fractured in his parachute accident all those years ago. Not being able to sleep on his back a whole night is the only problem he has with his lower back since the accident, something he can easily live with. But him turning will not happen in the next hours with his arm and leg in the fixed position.

When Cath left a few minutes ago to get some more coffee he called the nurse and asked for some sleeping pills or sedatives, she promised to get back to him shortly after talking to Dr. Hope. He just doesn't want to talk anymore, Danny wants to come by again, and he is sure that he too wants to talk about what happened. Steve can feel his own panic and anxiety lurking in the background ready to jump him the second he is not keeping his control. He knows that he can't keep it up much longer and just can't bear the thought of breaking down again in front of his friends. He just wants to sleep and hopefully wake up in the morning not being so miserable anymore. Before the nurse comes back however Cath and Danny are back. Just Great.

"Steve how are you doing," Danny is looking down at his friend and Steve swears he can see pity in his eyes. Something he just hates. He decides not to answer since Danny always says that his face says it all. Well take that, Steve knows that he is unreasonable, that none of his friends is responsible for any of this, but he just wants to be alone. Needs to be alone if he wants to keep it together.

"Sorry guess that was a pretty stupid question. Steve would you like some coffee, we got your favorite," Danny seems to be very adamant to lift Steve's mood. Yeah good luck with that my friend.

"No." Don't start talking, you'll lose it.

"Okay maybe something sweet?"

"No." Don't start talking, you will lose it.

Danny looks at Catherine who is just looking back at him and only shrugs since Steve is like that all day. She warned him about it before they came in.

"Okay but it's your loss, this cake is really good."

Just looking at the rich cake makes him queasy and he is not sure that he will be able to keep the nausea at bay. It seems to show on his face, "Steve you feel all right?"

"No I feel sick, please take that away from me." DON'T start talking damn it! Oh god I'm going to lose it, please don't let that happen not now, please.

Before they can actually take it away the door opens and a nurse comes in.

"Commander I talked to Dr. Hope about your request and he said it's okay to give you some sedatives. I'm going to give them into your IV in a minute, let me just do a quick check first."

"Thank you." Thank you, thank you, thank you. Please hurry!

"You're welcome. Just relax Commander I'll be done in a minute and then you can go to sleep," she is noting all his vitals in her chart, checks his output and the position of his leg and arm. It really only takes a minute and she is inserting the sedative into his IV-port, making him relax almost instantly. It looks like he is whispering something. That was too damn close, thank you. Danny and Catherine are watching with great concern, they can't believe that their friend actually asked to be sedated.

The nurse is busy for a moment longer but then they are alone again with a very calm Steve who seems to be on the brink of sleep. Catherine is now next to his bed and takes his hand to rouse him some, so they can at least talk to him for a minute.

"Steve are you in pain, that why you asked for the sedative?"

Please please let go, don't make me cry in front of Danny again, please let go. Don't start talking, "don't". DON'T tell her!

"Don't? Don't what Steve? What do you want to tell us? Steve?"

NOTHING! Please don't touch me like that, please just leave, NO please don't go, please hold me, I'm "scared" please don't leave me.

"Steve nothing is going to happen to you, please don't be scared, you will never be restrained again, I promise," Catherine doesn't really know what he means with 'scared' but she thinks he is scared that he might be restrained again.

"No!" nonononononono please no, oh god I can't breathe, oh please no. Steve can feel how his control is slipping, the sedative obviously not strong enough to knock him out instead it weakens his control. He can suddenly hear shouting and feels how he gets hit, he can feel the pain in his gut and his back, there is the metallic taste of blood in his mouth that makes him gag. But suddenly he feels how his leg is lowered and his arm is taken out of the strange position and lowered to the bed, which shoots pain up to his shoulder. He can feel how he gets shot, that pain is almost overwhelming, next he hears Catherine "Danny I don't fucking care", what is she not caring about? Before he can think any more about that, he feels himself being turned on his right side and he would have rolled further on his belly but he is suddenly stopped by a body. A warm body that is now lying almost buried under him and he is suddenly embraced in a hug. Arms are holding him securely in place and his head comes to rest on a shoulder while those arms are rubbing up and down his back. He starts to relax and the imagined pain leaves him almost immediately and a soft sob escapes him. He buries himself even deeper in that warm and soft body, not caring that his arm is in an awkward position and hurts a little. He gives in to the feeling of being safe and protected, his eyes are closing and he knows that his friends will watch over him and won't let anything happen to him. He can feel how his control is slowly slipping completely out of his hands, but it's not scary anymore, he welcomes it and he is embraced by a restful sleep. Securely lying in the arms of his 'girlfriend'. A word that is not enough to describe what she is just doing for his sanity.

Danny is looking down at Cath and Steve, again together in a too small hospital bed. He got worried when she suddenly started to get his arm out of the sling that was keeping it in the ninety degree angle and 'ordered' him to get his leg out as well. He was kind of shocked when she seconds later crawled into Steve's bed. But it was obvious even to Danny, that Steve was in dire distress and he only calmed down when he could feel his friend next to him.

"Danny please call JoJo, I think we need her here. Tell her what happened."

"What happened? Cath I have no idea what just happened," Danny knows that Steve was agitated but he really can't say to what extent, this is so not his field of expertise.

"Tell her that he had a flashback and a panic attack; that he got a sedative that was not strong enough to knock him out, but made him lose control. She needs to come."

H50 – H50 – H50

He can feel sunshine on his face, which tells him if the sun is again on this side of the hospital it must be early afternoon. Last he was awake it was almost night. JoJo kept you under, he has to smile at that thought. But when he thinks that she might be angry at him for not telling her that he was feeling the panic coming, the smile is gone faster than it came on. If there is one person he never wants to be angry at him or to disappoint than that's JoJo. She helped him so much in the last years, she kept him sane. Yeah right until now.

I lost it. Again. She will probably diagnose me with ASD again. Acute Stress Disorder. Well it was acute, I was in stress and my thoughts are in complete disorder. Disorder does not mean 'that', he laughs at his own joke. No one else is laughing, should I be concerned that I have a complete conversation with myself? Who do you ask? Me or yourself? This is getting disturbing. Yeah well maybe you should ask JoJo, you know she is here, don't you? Yeah I know. Stop that, don't answer my questions. Yeah then maybe you shouldn't ask, just open your eyes and talk to her. "Can't."

"Steve? You can't what? Can you open your eyes for me? I know you're awake for a while now. Come on please look at me," JoJo is speaking very softly to him. She is watching him for over an hour now, waiting for him to wake up, which he did about ten minutes ago. She knows that he might think that she is angry with him, but nothing could be further from the truth. She is actually pretty angry with herself, she should have seen it yesterday; all the signs were right in front of her. But she just didn't see it, just like the last time she completely misjudged the situation with him. That almost cost him his life so many years ago.

*Annapolis December 1995*

Commander Jordan is called to a bus accident that involved fifteen young cadets in the middle of the night. Two of which are dead and the others are injured, from life threatening injuries to just some bruises. Only one of them emerged unscathed. And that someone is now standing in front of her shivering in his soaked uniform. He has a blanket over his shoulders and is looking down to the water were the rescue teams are still trying to get the last one out of the overturned bus. She has no idea yet why the bus landed in the bay, but she does know that she needs to get Midshipman McGarrett out of here. He is soaking wet and was obviously in the freezing water for how long she has no idea. He is still shivering, that's a good sign it means the hypothermia is not too bad yet.

"McGarrett? Come on you need to get into the warmth. We take you to the hospital."

"No I can't."

"You need to get checked out, you're freezing, come on let's get you out of the cold. There is nothing you can do here anymore."

"No I have to wait for him."

"Who do you have to wait for?"

"Tim. He was right next to me. I couldn't get him out, he was stuck. I tried, really I did but then I had to come up for air, but I went back. I couldn't get him out," young McGarrett is still staring at the water waiting for his friend to emerge.

"They will get him out, come on before you freeze to death. Let's go," Commander Jordan is gently leading McGarrett away from the waterfront but he is looking back all the time, still in the hope that his friend might come back up. They only get Midshipman Timothy Roves out after over an hour, every try to resurrect him fails and he is pronounced dead two hours later.

McGarrett is declared unhurt and after an hour of talking to him Dr. Jordan also declares him fit to leave the hospital. He does, but he is not returning to the Academy, he goes straight to the scene of the accident. No one there is interested in a bystander who seems to watch the accident clearance work. A few hours later there is almost nothing left from the scene where hopeful young people died. No one pays attention that one bystander is still standing at the edge of the waterfront just staring down to the water.

Dr. Jordan gets the call in the early morning that Midshipman McGarrett is missing, that he never reached the Academy after he was released from the hospital. She instantly knows where he is and she is right with her assumption. He is still standing at the edge and looks down to the almost black water. He doesn't acknowledge her at all when she speaks to him.

"McGarrett? Steve! Steven," that gets a response, he turns, looks at her but before she can even say anything he falls to her feet and doesn't move again. He is rushed to the hospital, where he is diagnosed with severe hypothermia and shock. He spent a full week in the hospital. She took a long time to forgive herself that she talked to McGarrett for over an hour and that she was still not able to see the fact that he was in complete shock and not clear on what he was doing. In a way she is amazed that he was able to fool her like that, even though he didn't do it on purpose. After that incident they had weekly sessions for six month. He took it very hard to lose a friend like that and survivor's guilt was also an issue that they talked about in lengths.

JoJo is back in the present when she feels being watched. Steve is looking intensely at her, like he wants to gauge her reaction.

"I'm not mad at you," she softly says and can practically see how the tension is leaving him, "I'm sorry I didn't see that coming. It is not your fault Steve. You know that, don't you?"

"I don't want to lose it again," Steve is silently admitting to his worries.

"You're not 'loosing' it Steve. You went through a terrible ordeal in a place where you should feel absolutely safe. That made it so much worse, that it happened in a hospital. We will work through all the things that are going through your head."

"How much time do you have," Steve can even joke a little, he feels much better, just talking to her helps already.

"All the time we need. Yesterday you still had a fever and the sedative was not strong enough to knock you out. By the way it was the right thing to request one, you did good on that. I left the 'order' to give you something if you requested it. Sorry that it was not strong enough. Catherine said she thinks you had a flashback and a panic attack. Did you?"

"I think so, I couldn't keep the panic at bay and I was scared to break down in front of Danny. I don't want him to see me like this again," Steve is looking at JoJo and is not sure to say the next words, she got very angry the last time he did, "I don't want him to think I'm crazy."

"First of all you are not crazy, you know I hate that word. You may have ASD and that is nothing you have to be ashamed of. That can happen to anyone, doesn't matter how strong someone is, the right trigger and even the strongest person will suffer some psychological 'problems'. Don't you dare call yourself crazy ever again," JoJo stops when she sees him grinning, "You did that on purpose to get me going. Steve that is not nice," but she is grinning back. They are back on familiar ground and they can start to work on Steve's 'issues'.


"No you're not. Okay let me tell you what happened yesterday. Danny called me and was really bent out of shape, maybe I should have a session with him," she is grinning at Steve who silently laughs at that, "He told me what happened or what Cath told him to tell me," she is now smiling when she thinks about the phone call from Williams, "When I got here it was quite a picture, you were lying on Cath, happily drooling on her shoulder. It was not easy to get her out of the bed, even in your sleep you clung to her, you almost had a death grip on her. We then made you as comfortable as possible and I gave you the right amount of sedation so that you slept through the night. In the morning I talked to Mark, your Cardiologist and your Orthopedic Surgeon, I decided to sedate you for the rest of the day. You slept almost the whole Monday away. It's almost five pm now. You needed this rest Steve. I underestimated the stress your stay at Tripler caused you. I'm sorry about that."

Before Steve can say anything they get interrupted by a nurse who is bringing his next injection.

"Steve you want me to do it," Dorothy is smiling at him, she was always really nice to him when he was here last week.

"No thank you it's fine, I'll do it."

"Okay, anything else you need," Steve shakes his head when he takes the wrapped syringe, "call me if you need anything." She leaves them alone again.

Steve is struggling to get his hospital gown, that he is still wearing, out of the way one-handed without exposing himself completely.

"You didn't think of that, did you? Come here let me help you," JoJo is pulling it out from under the blanket careful to keep the blanket in place.

"Thanks," he is opening the wrapper with his teeth and takes the wipe out, clears a patch of skin and injects the drug into his system. The pain is localized in his back again, not much fun, since his lower back already hurts, but at least the dizziness is really mild.

"Here give me that," JoJo takes the empty syringe and puts the cap back on the needle and puts it on the tray to give it to a nurse later for save disposal.

Steve is trying to get his gown back down, without much success, so she just lifts his blanket without looking and after a few moments he is 'dressed' again.

"Thank you," he smiles at her but is still blushing, "Where were we? Oh yeah it's not your fault, I didn't even know, when you were here I wasn't feeling so bad. It started a little later when I thought about what happened, I shouldn't have done that. I knew I wasn't ready to face it. I feel a lot clearer about it now and a lot calmer. Am I still on medication?"

"No you're not, you don't need drugs to manage your ASD. We haven't even established yet if this episode classifies for ASD."

"It was not the first."

"I know, but all your flashbacks or panic attacks, breakdowns or other problems where either while you were under heavy drugs, high fever, and while you suffered a severe head injury. Steve before we can say that you indeed have ASD you need to be clear headed first. All the problems you experienced up until now were aided by your concussion. I'm pretty sure even you are underestimating the severity of your injury."

"You think?"

"Yes my friend, you are not yourself at the moment. There are a few personality changes visible. Don't look so panicked, that is nothing bad, it's normal with a concussion to experience some 'changes'. I'm talking about that you are very emotional, you are very open and accessible. You are very vulnerable and take a lot what people saying at face value. You have no shields up at the moment and that is why you are hit so hard by what is happening to you. So what we will do is wait and see. We will talk about what happened, but we will not panic about it. Is that understood, Commander?"

"Yes Captain, ma'am."

"Good. Are you tired?"

"No actually I'm hungry. And can I get dressed, I hate these hospital clothes, and please can the damn Foley be taken out?"

"You really don't like that one, do you?"

"NO, would you? It fucking hurts and it already gave me an infection. Sorry for cursing."

"I think that's okay, I won't tell anyone. I'm going to get Mark and I'm sure you will get rid of all the stuff around you. Not the heart monitor though they will keep you on that a little longer."

"Why? Was there another episode?"

"No. Everything is fine, it's standard protocol to keep it on for three days, so you have to live with that a little while longer. But I'm sure the rest will go. Steve promise me something, if you start to feel anxious in any way for whatever reason you call me."

"Yeah I will, I promise. But actually I don't feel too bad. I'm not scared to lose it again, well I'm a bit worried but I can handle that. I feel kind of confused, I can't really sort through my thoughts, it's in disorder somehow. Before I opened my eyes I had a whole conversation with myself, that was kind of disturbing."

"Yeah I could see that, I must tell you that was pretty entertaining," Steve is sending a very annoyed look her way that makes her actually laugh, "That is what I'm talking about. Steve don't worry we all talk to ourselves all the time. As long as you don't do it out loud and that they are not your only conversations, don't worry about it."

H50 – H50 – H50

When Danny is entering Steve's hospital room at almost eight pm he is doing that with great apprehension, not knowing what to expect. He is not sure anymore how to behave around Steve. He never saw his friend so vulnerable and 'weak' as in the last two weeks and seeing him having that 'episode', he doesn't even know what to call it, really threw him for a loop. He wants to be there for his friend, he just doesn't know how. Cath told him to be just himself, Steve is still just Steve, no matter what happened yesterday. She is right, just be yourself, great now I'm talking to myself, if this is going on much longer I'm going to need therapy. Danny is shaking his head a little and opens the door completely and stops in his tracks. He did not expect to see what is now in front of him.

On the covers of his bed is Steve a tray of food in front of him and he's happily sucking on a giant milkshake. His leg is now resting on some pillows and his arm is lying half on his stomach with a pillow at his side, so that the arm gets support and doesn't slide down.

"Danny! Come in, you want a drink? They brought me soda and a shake," he is smiling at his friend who is still standing in the door, "Hey you wanna come in or not?"

"Hey," Danny is finally stepping in and closes the door. He makes his way around the bed and getting a chair all the way thinking if he imagined the last thirty-six hours.

"Danny you okay?"

"What? I'm fine. Steve I'm confused, are you feeling all right, I mean don't get me wrong I'm happy to see you like this, but frankly that is not what I expected. You look, I don't know how you look, but not like I thought you would."

"Hey! Don't forget to breathe Danny," Steve has to laugh at his friend who really looks like he is more than a little confused. "I'm feeling much better Danny," he is telling his friend with a calm and soft voice. "My fever is finally down, I'm much calmer and more in control now. I'm not okay, I'm still a bit anxious and I'm really glad that I don't have to spend the night alone, I don't think I could do that. I'm sorry you had to see me like that again," Steve is now looking away from his friend.

"I am so sorry that you had to go through that in the. . ."

"Danny I can't talk about that right now, please don't. I'm not ready to face that again, please let's not talk about what. . .," Steve is closing his eyes and takes some deep breaths when his hand is suddenly grabbed by Danny.

"Steve it's all right you're not there. You are here with me, you're safe, nothing is going to happen, I won't let anything happen to you. Come on just breathe in and out," Danny keeps talking and holds his hand just like JoJo told him to do.

"You talked to JoJo," Steve is smiling at his friend when he has his breathing under control again; he doesn't feel like he might lose control but he is still glad that his friend is here with him.

"Yeah well you know I felt like a complete idiot."

"What do you mean," Steve looks at his friend not understanding. He takes his shake and slurps the rest out of it.

"Yesterday. I was at a complete loss at what to do. When you, you know, I just stood there and felt so. . ."



"Well then you know how I felt. I couldn't stop it. I felt it coming for a few hours but I couldn't stop it. I should have called JoJo, but I thought if I go to sleep it will be fine, but the sedative just made me lose the rest of my control. I. . .Danny I hate that you saw me like that again."

"What? Why Steven, I don't think anything less of you because of that."

"I know you don't, I think. But I know you have a problem with me seeing a therapist and seeing me like that only adds to your opinion that I'm crazy," Steve is very softly telling him.

"I don't think you're crazy. I don't know how I feel about you seeing a therapist, really I don't and we should maybe discuss that, but not now. Steve I do not think that you're crazy, please believe that. And seeing you like yesterday only hurts, because you are hurting and that is something I have a real problem with. You are so strong all the time and to see you like that is not easy. But that does not change my opinion of you or my feelings for you or my friendship."

"Wow. Thank you. You do know that you said that I'm not crazy twice? So if you call me crazy out in the field again I will remind you of this conversation."

"We will not talk about this conversation ever again, and just forget what I just told you," Danny is grinning at his friend who is still sucking on the straw but he is sure that it is empty for a while now. "You want me to get you another one?"


"Your shake, you want another one? It's from the cafeteria isn't it?"

"Would you get me one," Steve actually looks more hopeful than a child at Christmas morning.

"Yeah sure, what do you want?"

"Banana! Is there another flavor for a shake?"

"Are you really asking me that, I could tell you what we use in Jersey for a 'real' shake."

"Ah maybe 'after' you get my shake?"

"Okay I'm going, you behave yourself, eat your vegetables or no desert."

"Oh you can have my desert, it's green jello," Steve says with a disgusted face.

"Hey no dissing green jello, it's the best," Steve couldn't hear the rest of it because his friend was on his way to get him another shake. He is really glad that they are still able to have such easy conversations. He was worried that talking with Danny would be awkward, but it's just like it always was. It's easy to talk to his best friend. Maybe this is going to be all right after all.

Later at around nine Catherine will be back and she will spend the night, for which he is eternal grateful. He doesn't think that he is ready to be alone for more than an hour.

Tomorrow he will be allowed to get up again and the Cardiologist will check him out and already said that he will most likely get rid of the heart monitor.

The throbbing in his leg stopped a few hours ago and his back is a lot better by now, only his arm is still bothering him and he is really angry that he lost two weeks in the healing process.

Tomorrow he will have his first session with JoJo.

And on Wednesday he will be released and start with his recovery at home.

Steve smiles to himself, all in all he is not so bad off. Yes he still has broken bones, he still is in the hospital, he still has a lot to talk about with JoJo and he has a lot to remember. There are still huge gabs in his memory, not just about his ordeal. And they still have to find his capturers.

But his friends are all there for him and are willing to continue to support him on his way back on to his two feet. They found him and rescued him in more way than one, without them he would not have found back to himself. And he is sure that the way of his recovery will be a lot easier with his friends at his side.

Especially the one that is just coming back with another milkshake from the cafeteria and a huge smile on his face. Steve can't but smile back, takes his shake and start happily sucking the delicious bana. . ., "Danny! What the heck? Strawberry? I'm allergic to strawberries," Steve starts to cough.


Steve has to laugh at Danny's panicked face, "just kidding," he keeps slurping his shake, it's not banana but it's not bad.

"That is so not funny! I'll get you for that Steven. Just you wait."

"I'll wait for you, don't worry. What's your shake?"


"Can I try?"


"Oh come on."




H50 – H50 - H50

Thank you all so very much for reading until the end. Thank you for all the great support, your reviews, your countless private messages, alerts and just plain reading.

I hope you all had as much fun reading as I had with writing this one.

The sequel will be up soon and I hope you will enjoy it just as much.

Here is the summary of the new story, please keep in mind that I really suck at summaries. :-)


This story is set 16 weeks after the events of ‚Search and Rescue'. Well sort of.

Steve and Danny are in trouble. They went to investigate down at the harbor and a few hours later they are still not back at HQ. As Danny said 'I just knew something like this would happen with you being back!' One thing's for sure it's never boring with Steve around, he can get you into trouble faster than you can even blink.

Find out how Steve and Danny are going to manage in their predicament, while you learn all about the weeks that led to 'that' situation.

You ready? Then dive in!

You don't really think I'm going to tell you in this sneak peek in what kind of predicament they are, do you? Nope not gonna happen, but as promised a scene from the story:


Chapter 1 - ? (nope not gonna tell you the title)

Five weeks ago (81 days after the crash)

There is that annoying beeping sound that wakes Cath up. With a groan she turns and is looking at the clock on the nightstand, the time on it elicit an even loader groan, four am. The beeping is still going on but is now even more muffled than before. It takes her a few seconds to realize that the sound is coming from Steve's watch on his wrist, the one that is beeping every five hours to indicate that it is time for a new injection. His arm with the annoyingly beeping watch is buried under his body and Steve is making no move that would indicate that he is even remotely hearing the alarm. Which Cath finds more than a little odd, since he is a very light sleeper. But instead of waking him up she just makes her way out of bed and down to the kitchen to get one of his syringes. When she comes back up he is lying on his back still fast asleep but at least the alarm is off.

"Steve? Come on wake up, time for your meds."

"Hmmmm, go 'way," that is not the response she is hoping for, but at least he is opening his eyes somewhat and looks at her rather sleepily. She is not waiting for him to come fully awake but just injects his meds into his upper belly. That does wake him up.

"Shit, argh he was lying, you know," Steve is curling in on his side and squeezes his eyes shut.