Pairing: Shizuo x Izaya
Prompt from the Drrr Kink Meme: Shizuo accidentally turns into a cat. Without knowing the tabby is his arch-nemesis, Izaya takes him home and keeps him as a pet. As a cat, Shizuo discovers a side of Izaya that nobody knows, his secrets, life, fears, loves and feelings.
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!
THIS STORY CONTAINS MALExMALE RELATIONSHIPS. You have been warned.
Warning: Slight dubcon at the beginning.
Izaya shuddered as Shizuo's tongue entered his mouth, devouring him and leaving him breathless within moments. Shizuo was clearly hungry for his taste, - the blond suckling on his tongue, licking at his wet lips, and plunging in for more with every passing second. It left Izaya's knees weak while Shizuo continued to lean in, stealing kiss after kiss from the still surprised informant.
This wasn't a dream, this was Shizuo in the flesh as he pressed the raven up against the door - trapping him there so that the blond could steal the kiss that they both knew Izaya would never admit having cried for all these years. Even now, was in disbelief as Shizuo kissed him again and again with such passionate fervor and all Izaya could wonder was why…?
Izaya knew more than anyone else what kind of man he himself was. He was nothing more than filthy trash, dabbling in underhanded blackmails, cheating, scandals, and everything that no decent man would ever even want to touch. Izaya was like a cruel and spoiled child, desensitized to tragedy and devoid of empathy. After all the horrific insensitive actions he had done to so many, including Heiwajima Shizuo, he knew that seeking things like love or even an embrace of comfort - anything that was decent and good in this world - was as undeserving to to him.
So how? How could Shizuo, a person who was decent and deserved so much better than Izaya, ever love him after all the horrific things Izaya had done to him and so many others? How could Shizuo kiss human garbage like him?
Each kiss left Izaya shaking, unable to believe that this was really happening. Unable to believe that he who watched others fall into the pit of hell and laughed at their suffering would be allowed to have this moment of happiness, that someone who had fallen into the deepest of depravity and debauchery just to see how it felt could be allowed to have someone love him for who he was. He was the most unlovable person he knew, someone who had joyfully walked over a pile of dead corpses to reach his goal, like they were nothing more than stepping stones he could use to win a petty game of his own.
Izaya struggled, still in denial that this was all a mistake. He didn't want this man's kisses because it was too good to be true and things that were too good to be true always hurt him. Thus his wary mind screamed all kinds of warnings at him despite how his heart wanted to believe that each kiss was true and that this wasn't a trap some cruel god had sent just for him. Izaya wanted to believe, yet his cynical mind continued to hiss quietly in his ear that the kisses were just sweet lies that would lead to a painful heartbreak.
But as each kiss made the raven's knees tremble his resolution to put on a facade becoming weaker and weaker.
He had longed for this for years... many times he had dreamed of Shizuo kissing him fervently, the man starving for him and becoming desperate for his taste. However, the kisses stung him now despite their surprisingly gentle and loving caress that one wouldn't have ever expected from the reputable monster. They stabbed at him and made his heart throb with the pain of desire. Because he knew he did not deserve these kisses. Because he knew Shizuo deserved better, and because Izaya believed that if the blond truly knew how ugly and despicable he was as a human being, Shizuo would leave him forever. Izaya would rather never know the taste of these sweet kisses if they also came with his inevitable heartbreak. He had always wanted Shizuo to just hate him and he would have been content with such a relationship rather than to have the blond forever break his heart. The idea of a romantic relationship with him scared Izaya more than the daily physical beating of raining vending machines and stop signs. The physical bruises, after all, would always heal over time but Izaya wasn't sure if he could ever survive a broken heart. And so he had guarded himself over the years, making sure that Shizuo never found out about his feelings, choosing to be hated rather than loved. Because love meant opening up and being unguarded and Izaya feared letting someone have so much control over his heart. And he feared the monster that was Shizuo not due to his supernatural strength, but because he couldn't prevent himself from falling in love with this man and giving him that control. And as much as Izaya loved these kisses, it terrified him at the same time.
Thus Izaya firmly believed that there was no way Shizuo truly loved him. The idea was inconceivable to Izaya and ridiculously laughable. Izaya knew fully well how disgusting he was, how tarred black his heart had become stained with all the ugly malice and scorn within him. He was a man who had turned a blind eye when one of his loyal follower was about to be brutally raped and violated in a van by several ruthless gang members, who had an unsavory habit of dealing and smuggling underground information - including human trafficking. He knew exactly what happened to those men and children who were kidnapped with his information. He had watched with detached amusement as the suicidal girls he met online were tipped over the balance of life and death all with just a little bit of teasing, and found it entertaining as he neatly wrapped them into the palm of his hand. He played with the lives of humans like chess pieces, their sufferings serving as just a means to move the pieces across his nameless board game. Worst of all, he had no remorse nor pity, Izaya had always figured they had had it coming and in the end it was all out of their own choice or decision - all he did was 'talk' to them. He had never shoved a knife into someone's stomach or pulled the trigger of a gun but he had provided the knife or the gun for their use then stepped back and watched. To him it was a game and that was probably the most despicable part of his entire personality. He knew it and yet he didn't care. There was no one to stop him. There was always no one to stop him…
No, that wasn't correct, not entirely. There was always someone who did stop him, only one person who had ever bothered. Heiwajima Shizuo always had tried to stop him ever since their high school days. The man who had, not only the guts and power, but also the man who innately hated the entirety that made up what is Orihara Izaya.
Despite everything Orihara Izaya wasn't in complete denial. He knew that his hobbies were considered unsavory by society as a norm. And he knew very well that Heiwajima Shizuo, despite his infamous reputation, was a man with a towering sense of justice and righteousness; which was why he had always gone out of his way to stop Izaya to begin with. So to have this blond say he loved him was impossible. They were two things that could not mix well together, like water and oil. Even if Shizuo had miraculously fallen for him Izaya was certain that after such heightened emotion died down Shizuo would leave him. Their values were too different, their moral complete opposites. He never even had the heart to hope for his feelings to be returned. Ever. Which was why it seemed so impossible for their relationship to last even if Shizuo claimed to love him because Izaya was convinced, without a doubt, that once the high emotion faded and Shizuo saw the true blackness of Izaya's heart once more, the blond would leave him completely heart broken.
"S-Shizu-chan… s-stop!" Izaya struggled again. He wanted more. God knows he wanted more of Shizuo's kisses. Yet, he was more afraid of this growing desire more than the monster's life-crushing blows.
"No," was the soft growl before Shizuo continued his kisses. He too lost himself with each kiss of those lips, not wanting to let Izaya go, not wanting to ever let him slip away and run again. Because Shizuo knew now, that Izaya had been hiding behind that same mask, saying one thing but wanting something completely opposite. And now that the debt collector had a way to know the difference between the truth and lies behind Izaya's face Shizuo wasn't going to allow Izaya to slip by him again.
"Stop lying to yourself Izaya," the blond murmured before sucking on that lying tongue as he initiated another brief kiss.
"You were crying when you thought I had left. If I leave you now… won't you just go back to crying again?" Shizuo paused to look the raven directly in the eyes. He saw the crimson eyes flinch at the rebuke then harden. Ah, perhaps he shouldn't have been so blunt with the informant.
"I did not! cry!" Izaya glared back.
"Oh really?" Shizuo smiled half amused which only made Izaya angrier with shame. They both knew that lie was very unconvincing. With a small smile Shizuo reached to grab Izaya's wrist and gently kissed the underside of his palm. Izaya's cheeks renewed in their redness at such a soft, innocent kiss before flushing even deeper at the lewd lick that replaced it.
"It's cold. You're lying again Izaya," the blond said after he tasted and touched Izaya's hand. Shizuo looked up at him with those glorious golden and lightly hooded bedroom eyes causing Izaya to stammer his reply, the male too stricken to think coherently of any sort of a comeback at that sinuous look. Since when did this man become so manipulative and seductive at the same time?!
"The temperature of my hand is not a lie detector!" Izaya managed to yell out as defiantly as possible despite the last word quickly dying out when Shizuo leaned forward to resume their kisses. The blond still had Izaya pressed up against the door, his hands refusing to let go of the informant out of a desperation to just feel him in his arms again. Despite Izaya's protesting and stammered words in his heart Shizuo understood what it was that the other male really wanted to say. It wasn't just instinct that kept him going anymore, it was something more natural and almost disgustingly romantic than that. He had gained the perception to know and to differentiate the contradiction between Izaya's words and his actions.
Shizuo understood Izaya.
In his heart.
It was as though there was a connection between them that Shizuo had closed himself off to before and now, even as Izaya spewed lies that caused his hands to grow cold, his actions - his reactions - told the blond differently. Shizuo knew, just as much as Izaya did, the truth behind the way the raven's lips quivered hungrily against his, the way their breaths mingled with each moaning murmur, and finally with the way that Izaya's weak refusals diminished with each strengthening kiss. The physical reciprocation caused Shizuo's mind to reel with an emotion he couldn't possibly express other than through this kiss.
And this kiss.
And this kiss.
For when Izaya finally stopped struggling and pushing him away and instead clung to the front of Shizuo's shirt and parted his mouth open with trembling arousal the blond found himself completely lost to the desperation of both their desires. Lips parting, the blond enticed Izaya deeper - tongue tasting the inside of his mouth with the curiosity of a cat while he traced the ridges of Izaya's teeth, the roof of his mouth, and at times the softness of that pliant tongue. Unlike with his previous words the raven's body responded so much more easily to him and as a man of action this spoke louder to Shizuo than words ever could. Every hitch of breath, every trembling moan and every touch of those icy cold hands guided Shizuo to the truth and told him time and time again that Izaya was lying. Shizuo's fingers intertwined with the informant's as he tried to warm those hands a bit, trying to coax and plead with him to trust Shizuo with his heart.
Even now Shizuo could see that there was a flickering hesitation in Izaya's eyes, obviously wanting more of the kiss yet unable to give voice to his desires. Izaya's tongue hesitated, not quite licking the blond back but no longer pushing him away. As if to ease him the debt collector's thumb began to caress the side of the informant's hand as he kissed softer now, their embrace more like wet butterfly kisses after such a heated one, while Shizuo began loosening his grip as he began to trust that Izaya wouldn't bolt and run anymore. A moment later and Shizuo was catching Izaya's hand, his eyes hooded slightly as he brought those cold hands to his lips. Pausing for only a moment to make sure Izaya was watching the blond then began kissing every finger from thumb to pinky with an unspoken promise for each one.
First, that he would never leave him.
Second, that he would never betray him.
Third, that he would love him fully, for all his goods and his bad sides.
Fouth, that Izaya could trust him with his heart.
And lastly, that he would make Izaya the happiest man in the world.
Glancing up, Shizuo's heart raced with hope when he sensed Izaya finally acquiescing. The blond couldn't help but feel a thrill run through him then when he saw the raven's eyes lower as his cheeks flushed a shy pink. Not wanting to lose the chance freely given the blond dipped his free hand behind the informant's back to reach up so as to begin lowering the zipper just a bit. The tightness of fabric around Izaya's neck loosened then just as Shizuo ducked his head down so that his teeth could catch the edge of the suit. Smirking slightly from around the fabric Shizuo began to help peel away the skintight suit away from the front of Izaya's neck with his teeth as his fingers continued unzipping the rest of it from behind until the scent of sweat filled both their nostrils.
"Your smell is strong... I used to hate how you reek but... I think I missed this,"
However, those words snapped Izaya out of his daze of disbelief when his quick temper and pride took over.
"Don't smell me, you idiot!"
Izaya tried to push Shizuo away in complete embarrassment. But to his dismay, Shizuo's teeth only willingly let go of the stretch fabric so that he could instead drag his tongue up his neck, licking and tasting his body in a deliberately slow manner.
"You taste interesting," Shizuo's grin twisted wolfishly as Izaya stared at him in horror.
"No! You're so not doing this! Let me go! I want to clean up!" Izaya struggled to get out of the debt collector's hold, but when the struggle increased so did Shizuo's grip upon Izaya. Not wanting Izaya to get any advantage over him, the blond removed his hand from behind Izaya to instead press the male back up against the door. The sudden pressure made Izaya react, the little raven standing up on his toes as if to try and put some distance between them to no avail. Instead the movement only made Shizuo's lips curl in a wider smirk, a canine tooth now glinting in the dim lighting as he leaned closer in.
"Oh no. I missed your scent... and I'm going to indulge myself while I have the chance," Shizuo growled the words out heatedly as he continued to peel off the bodysuit that had stuck onto Izaya's skin with sweat - only stopping once the hollow of the informant's nicely defined collar bones were bare. The ticklish sensation of Shizuo's tongue sliding up his skin then set Izaya on edge but even worse than that was the thought of how unsanitary Shizuo was being at the moment.
"S-Shizu-chan, beast or not, this is disgusting!" Izaya trembled at each sucking and licking of his neck. That was surely going to leave a mark.
"Mmm... and weren't you the one telling me I should lick myself clean?" Shizuo murmured as he drank in the fierce scent of Izaya that he had really craved. The smell of sweat was much stronger as his fingers began to peel the suit further away bit by bit, the blond's body following the slow descent so that Shizuo could continue sucking and nipping at every new inch of revealed skin until he all too suddenly paused.
Glancing up, a slow - albeit triumphant - grin began to suddenly crawl upon Shizuo's face when he finally found where Izaya's scent was the strongest. He took a deliberately deep breath then from between Izaya's legs as if to show off his position to the flushing informant.
"You were a CAT THEN!" Izaya screamed at the blond in his bartender suit, his voice becoming a bit shrill. The informant watched, horrified and ashamed as the blond started to peel the suit down the middle and toward the lower region of his torso, smelling him all the way. Izaya shivered as he felt a chill crawl across his skin, the raven dripping in his own sweat as his body suit continued to be peeled off. It did not help that the informant clearly had gone commando and there was a small bush of pubic hair slowly being revealed along with the tip of a shy erection.
"Now you know why I didn't," Shizuo shrugged as he came back up to nip at the tip of Izaya's ear.
The blond was being as playful as a cat and Izaya's head was spinning from trying to keep up. Wait, did this sly, overgrown beast just dodge his question?!
"L-look here! This is undoubtedly revolting, so let me clean up.."
"If I let you clean, are we gonna continue?" Shizuo cut Izaya off, and cunningly invited the informant for something that meant a lot more than what the raven had in mind.
"Absolutely not!" Izaya hissed before crying out as he felt two large hands suddenly squeeze his ass cheeks. The thin bodysuit left none to imagination as the hands' heat transferred right through the fabric. This guy was getting way too bold!
Still wearing that sardonic grin Shizuo noted that the biting edge of Izaya's retort was gone and his complaints were mostly out of habit. Whatever lingering hesitation Izaya had back then was now carefully replaced by Shizuo with minor annoyance. Shizuo was learning how to handle the lying tsundere of a raven.
Without warning, Shizuo ignored Izaya's complaints as he suddenly lifted the informant and started carrying him off towards the couch. Caught off guard and balance, Izaya yelped, clinging to Shizuo out of a reflexive fear that he might be dropped. But before he could register the situation and push himself off, Izaya was dropped down onto the soft couch moments before being closely pursued by the blond beast who began to climb up on top of him.
When Izaya tried to push Shizuo off of him then, the blond seemed to ignore him as he simply grabbed both of Izaya's wrists and pulled on the sleeves so as to tie them together, effectively making it into a type of straitjacket.. Shizuo gave him a look over, inspecting his work of art with an expression of amusement. Izaya looked rather adorable with his flushed cheeks and tight wet spandex. Plus, with his wrists effectively out of the way, Shizuo could now kiss him as much as he wanted.
"W-what the hell...! Shizu-chan!" Izaya cried out as the blond dropped down his body and pulled his legs apart, forcing the informant onto his back. After that Shizuo then crawled between those thin limbs to sniff where Izaya had smelled the strongest.
"Oh my god, you're not gonna...!" Izaya's eyes bulged, and he froze up in disbelief at the thought of what Shizuo might do. Surely Shizuo wouldn't go so far, right? For someone who hated his scent for so long the blond wouldn't-!
Only for the insufferable fortissimo to prove him wrong yet again as he licked at the growing bulge beneath his suit.
"D-don't you dare! Shizu-chan, s-stop!"
"You know, this isn't... as bad as I thought it'd be." Shizuo looked pleasantly surprised as he continued licking at the skin tight spandex. With the way the sleeves had stretched up to tie the informant's wrist, the torso area was now clinging to Izaya's skin again. However, the raven's taste despite being hidden beneath the fabric was still there... not to mention the throbbing erection growing with each lick only added to the taste. He sucked a bit at the apparent length and licked at the soft sacks, his hands now firmly holding Izaya's hips down.
"What do you mean, it's not bad as you thought?!" Izaya hissed in a different sort of anger. The informant had prided himself on being relatively attractive. To have someone claim he was anything less, no matter what his current predicament was, was quite offensive.
Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly. "It's my first time sucking a cock."
Before Izaya could even retort, Shizuo hooded his eyes in a manner that caused the informant's breath to catch.
"Didn't you want to be licked clean?" Shizuo smirked as he continued to lick at the growing erection that tented the fabric. Izaya's cheeks burned with shame. S-since when did this man learn to be so cheeky and... sexy?
… then Izaya remembered the damn beast had been his pet cat for two months, during the course of which he had played all sorts of games with him. At that time the sneaky little cat had been suddenly playful and cuddly every time Izaya felt sad. He had thought that it was because the cat was brilliantly intelligent. But this sly mongrel knew exactly what he had been doing! All those cute poses, rolling around, doing tricks, begging him for more milk with his big kitty eyes...! It wasn't Izaya playing with a cat, the beast had been totally playing a joke on him all along! He had learned to be a sneaky little rascal while pretending to not understand human language in order to make things go his way with the informant for months now!
"You overgrown cat! That was then! This is now! Know when to pick the time and place! And no I do NOT want to be licked clean! Humans have showers for this!" Izaya tried to kick and close his legs, but Shizuo remained firmly in between the male's, effectively keeping him spread wide open for the blond.
"But I've learned now to clean by licking." Shizuo winked. He winked! at Izaya whose lips practically trembled with livid anger. Not because Izaya was angry at Shizuo for licking him per say, but because Izaya had prided himself in being one of the best at manipulation and for being able to read people like an open book. However that exact pride was being thoroughly crushed by this man who had received his tutelage from Izaya, without the informant's consent! And now, Izaya learned, Shizuo had been an excellent pupil.
"Let me go, Heiwajima Shizuo! I swear, after you're through, I'm calling the police!"
"Ah... so you'll let me finish then?" As soon as he finished talking, Shizuo opened his mouth and took in as much of the erection as he could - despite the fabric covering the cock - and sucked.
Instantly, Izaya's back curled, arching away from the sofa as he moaned softly. Oh god that felt… heavenly…. Izaya almost came right then. It took all his toes curling to hold himself back and he did so just barely. He saw spots and stars swimming on his ceiling that he was certain shouldn't be there.
"Too bad it's hard to taste you through this spandex," Shizuo licked his lips before going back to licking at the now hard cock stretching the thin fabric dangerously.
"Then why don't you fucking take it off?!" Izaya gritted his teeth and glared at Shizuo, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to control his breathing. He swore he was panting due to anger... not arousal. He made a point to wiggle his arm to show that his wrists were still tied up.
"Nah... You're sexy in this outfit." Shizuo brushed off Izaya's retort nonchalantly.
Izaya spluttered and Shizuo smirked knowingly. The more Izaya got angry, the more honest Izaya became and that was what Shizuo wanted.
"Hey, you don't mind if I make a tiny hole... here, right?" Shizuo asked with feigned innocence as he pressed a finger between the informant's buttcheeks. Izaya stiffened instantly.
"Don't you dare!"
"So I can?"
"NO! I NEED TO RETURN THIS! IT'S NOT MINE!" Izaya screamed at the man who was clearly not listening to him.
"I'll just buy you a new one as replacement," Shizuo shrugged as he started to pull on the spandex to tear it. In his panic, Izaya became hysterical. Why wouldn't this man listen?!
"Get it through your damn thick protozoan skull head! Besides, do you even know how to...!"
There was a ripping sound as Shizuo tore the fabric, causing the spandex to snap right back and slap against Izaya's sensitive privates between his legs. He winced visibly at the sting. Now he could feel a cool draft right at his ass entrance, and it stunned him in disbelief that Shizuo had boldly ignored him.
There was silence as Shizuo stared. After several solid seconds of observation, the blond finally said, "It's actually cute. Your hole is kinda... pinkish?"
Izaya was beyond mortified and exhausted from keeping up with Shizuo's 'my pace' attitude. Normally it was Izaya who kept his cool and moved at his own pace, but not like this! For a moment Shizuo wondered if he actually saw foam in Izaya's mouth as he dropped his head backwards before he snapped right back up to screech.
"You degenerated son of a hell's offspring from a distorted womb! I'm going to murder you once I...!" Izaya snapped as he struggled to get up and somehow get away, never mind that his hands were tied and that his ass was bare to the world.
Izaya paused in mid-sentence when he saw Shizuo dig through his bartender's vest pocket to pull out a small bottle and pop it open with a flip of his thumb. The disgustingly luscious strawberry scent saturated the very air around him while Izaya stared in shock.
"... You brought LUBE WITH YOU?!" the informant's voice went up another octave.
It was definitely on the screechy side, Shizuo decided.
"Yeah, don't you know how gay sex works?" Shizuo gave Izaya a very critical look that spoke of volumes of sass that the informant had never known the ex-bartender to possess.
Needless to say, the Shinjuku informant was flabbergasted.
"S-since when did you became so...! N-never mind that, since when did you carry …?!"
Izaya's mind was reeling. Since when did this man became so damn sassy? And why the fuck does a virgin man - or at least Izaya believed Shizuo was a virgin - carry a bottle of lubearound as if he could actually …?! Wasn't Shizuo always afraid to love someone?! Afraid to hurt them?! How did all of that get cured so abruptly?! Hell, wasn't this manSTRAIGHT?!
"HOW DO YOU EVEN KNOW HOW GAY SEX WORKS?!" Izaya finally blurted, mind spinning away from the earth's axis. He definitely was not keeping up with the blond's pace.
"I watched videos," Shizuo shrugged in that infuriating, nonchalant way he had picked up somewhere. Probably from Izaya himself. Actually, Izaya was sure Shizuo learned that mannerism from him since Izaya always did exactly that just to keep his clients off guard and annoyed.
Izaya groaned. The damn cat had been watching him for two months twenty-four seven after all. The informant was reaping what he had unwittingly sowed.
"Wait, what videos?" Izaya felt his anxiety budding as he watched the blond pour lube onto his fingers. Shizuo then warmed the lube by rubbing it between his fingers quite expertly, Izaya noted.
"You know... The ones at those seedy stores. They gave me weird looks when I first walked in but I paid them, so whatever. While I looked for you during the day, I decided I should do some research at night so..." Shizuo left it hanging. They were more than just for educational purposes, of course. He had also wanted to see if... he could be turned on by men.
"You... actually... rented out... gay porn videos?!" Izaya's jaws dropped, eyes looking as if they were ready to pop out.
"Well, yeah. It's not like I can ask somebody." Shizuo could feel the heat rise to his cheeks as he turned away briefly, unable to meet Izaya's stunned gaze.
Izaya quickly stopped himself from adding that the dumb brute could have looked it up on the internet. Instead, Izaya began to imagine the highly embarrassed, most feared man on earth - Ikebukuro's very own Fortissimo - and the god of violence incarnate... walking into a seedy looking store, marching up to the shady looking, possibly fat and balding clerk in order to hand him the gay sex tapes so that he could pay for them. He could even almost hear the impatient tap of the blond's foot, and see the cigarette bent from being bitten at the tips out of nervousness. It was so crystal clear in his head that Izaya might as well have been present to witness the most humbling act. The informant suddenly burst out laughing.
"Hey, it's not funny," Shizuo gave him an injured reproach.
Izaya just laughed some more, rolling around a bit on what small space the couch offered him before looking back up with teary eyes. "So? You didn't punch the clerk? He didn't give you dirty looks?" He shifted one of his shoulders a bit higher, to try to wipe the tears from his eyes.
"A-actually, it was a girl... w-who worked there."
Shizuo hung his head and looked away abashedly, his cheeks dusted with pink. "S-she was quite helpful once she realized I'm... pretty new at everything."
That sent Izaya on another round of peeling laughter as Shizuo cringed, taking more injury to his pride.
"Oh god, it wasn't Karisawa-san was it?!" Izaya asked as he finally got back up with only more tears in his eyes.
"Erika? Ah, no. Someone else," Shizuo seemed to look quite uncomfortable at the memory. "Every time I returned, she kept offering me more and... will you stop that!"
Izaya was choking from laughing.
"Anyways, I checked them out. It wasn't all that different from … normal porn, anyway," Shizuo muttered, his mouth suddenly craving for a cigarette. "I... I mean other then the fact that she kept trying to get me to watch more of the hardcore tapes with BDSM, I kept saying I wanted something with a simpler... taste but..."
Izaya was snorting. Shizuo ignored him.
"The first tapes made me want to puke, I admit. I mean... it was educational yeah but... I just couldn't stomach... most of it."
There was breathy silence as the slightly calmer Izaya stared up at the ceiling now, the aching in his stomach slowly subsiding as his laughter died down.
So, Shizuo really was straight.
Izaya had known it all along. But there was still that sinking disappointment, almost like a punch to his gut, when his suspicion was confirmed. His heart grew cold and hard as the reality finally began to catch up to his dream.
However, before the dejection could fully sink in, Shizuo began rambling rather fast as he went back to rubbing his fingers together as if he was pretending to concentrate more on the lube.
"But... one of the tapes had this guy who looked a lot like you who bottomed. Well, similar hair style, and a way too thin body like yours that looked like you needed to eat more burgers... Although the nose was different and his eyes weren't as sharp as yours... and his dick was a bit too big and..." Shizuo scratched his head, catching himself from going completely off track in order to hide his embarrassment. He coughed to clear his throat, trying to get back on topic.
"When I … pretended that he was... you... I realized..." Shizuo's voice trailed off.
Izaya held his breath.
"... I realized..." Shizuo started again, his voice stuttering as he bit his lips and struggled. "I was very turned on."
Izaya swallowed hard, his dead heart beginning to pick up speed, thumping with a hopeful note. He shifted a bit, using the leverage of one arm to try to sit up so as to look into Shizuo's honey brown eyes that looked embarrassingly back at him.
"What I'm saying is... I realized I'm not... gay or anything. But... if it's you... I don't think any of that matters."
Shizuo's voice sounded dead serious, his tone a deep timbre that fell softly across the stilled informant in a bewildering caress. And yet, compared to his voice, it was his eyes that kept Izaya enraptured within the moment. His eyes which still held the tint of warmth that the informant had come to associate them with now held an amorous expression with a passion he had never even dreamed of Shizuo possessing. Lost in those passionate hues Izaya felt as if the world around him had evaporated and nothing besides Shizuo's piercing gaze and promising confession remained. He could feel his heart squeezing tightly, wanting to believe what he had just heard, and yet his mind screamed at him to run, telling him that this was surely an impossible dream, that Shizuo would soon be disillusioned and dump him for the trash he was in the near future.
"Maybe... you just like that porn star." Izaya tried to jest lightly, shrugging it off in another attempt at escaping this, whatever this was. However, it only served to reinforce that Shizuo had definitely gotten that shrugging sassiness from him and it resulted in Izaya cringing inwardly at that.
"No, Izaya. I wasn't turned on until I imagined him as you. I was pretty sure I was revolted by the video just like all the previous ones I had watched until... I started to... think of him as you. You know.. doing... all those things, making those noises and... those faces... And I wanted... I wanted..." Shizuo struggled to find the right words. No, to find any words. Anything which could express himself better now than his usual stumbling about. In the end no matter how much confidence his personality gained over the last couple of months, he was still the same old Shizuo inside. The same man who was every bit as socially awkward now as he had been in high school.
"But seeing you, now... Kissing you, holding you... tasting and touching you... not imagining in my head anymore but actually being with you. I am certain," Shizuo hastened on, the blond stumbling upon his words as he leaned in closer, holding Izaya's gaze for as long as he could while he still could.
"I love you."
Izaya's vision blurred and for a split second, he didn't know why. But Shizuo knew. He pushed up, moving ever so carefully so as to not startle the other man, as he kissed each of Izaya's eyes before softly licking away the salty tears that had built up unknowingly by the informant. Izaya's heart was in a state of freefall where his reality and his impossible wish collided and shattered to pieces and he didn't know what to do. Luckily in that moment Shizuo was now there to gently pick up the lost boy's lonely heart before he completely tumbled to the floor and instead seized the chance to embrace him and hold him close.
"I love you."
The second time he heard it, it felt more real to Izaya, the reality of those words breaking the walls he had built up within his heart in an almost gentle manner - as if all it took was a whisper as light as a gentle spring breeze to send them crumbling down.
Shizuo was kissing him then, lips sliding along Izaya's cheeks, his jaws, his temple... anywhere the blond's lips could touch. Izaya didn't even realize he was crying yet. It wasn't a lot, of course, just a few sniffles here and there. But, his eyes kept welling up with tears that seemed as bottomless as the darkness that had swept up his heart. Before the informant had realized it, Shizuo had finally broken through the wall Izaya had used to shield himself as a means of prevening him from becoming too intimate with anyone due to his fear of intimacy only leading to pain and betrayal. At long last, this one man had braved the spikes and thorns and every bitter word and spiteful action that Izaya could throw out against the world to find the lost crying boy hidden deep inside who had been slowly dying of loneliness. After what seemed an eternity the blond finally reached the informant's lips, his kiss still gentle as if scared of Izaya falling completely apart within his arms until with a hesitant press of his tongue he could feel Izaya's lips parting for him so Shizuo could pull him in for an even deeper kiss.
"Shizu-ch…" Izaya's words melted as Shizuo continued to kiss him. Rough thumbs gently brushed away the remaining shame that kept falling down the informant's cheeks while the blond's tongue tenderly nursed the opened wound that Izaya tried to hide.
A few minutes later, after Izaya finally calmed down, Shizuo finally pulled back to look down at him. Eyes soft, the blond stared at Izaya quietly for a few moments before he was leaning down to place his forehead on top of Izaya's. By now the tears had slowed down and the trill of embarrassment began to seep in when Izaya realized what had just happened. But, rather than mocking him for it, Shizuo simply smiled as his hand slid up to caress Izaya's cheek.
"If you can't say it out loud, then that's okay."
Shizuo breathed the words out against Izaya's lips, making the raven open his eyes just a bit to look up into the blond's as he continued. "A nod is all I ask for to show me if this is okay."
Izaya's heart was in his eyes but his lips trembled. His mind could not make up if he should take this next step forward. He wanted to say yes but the fear of rejection scared him so much, the possible and inevitable karma coming back to backstab both of them.
"Izaya…" Shizuo's eyes soften as he understood.
"Before I turned into a cat…, I had thought that I shouldn't ever love someone. That I didn't deserve it. I've hurt too many people and I know… that I could always lose control over my powers and hurt the very people I want to protect. I know this too well which was why I had thought that… it was better that I never love anyone at all. But now I know that that's wrong. I may not be perfect but please, can you trust me? Will you allow me… to love you?"
Izaya's glassy eyes wavered again.
"And if," Shizuo continued. "If, the gods decide that we are not allowed this… happiness…. or whatever you call it, we'll just kick their butt, won't we?"
Izaya couldn't help but laugh as tears welled up once more. His heart bubbled with overwhelming joy. He nodded slowly as Shizuo again wiped away his tears.
"So, will you trust me? And let me love you? We'll both take this next step together, so you aren't walking it alone." Shizuo asked again as he kissed the side of Izaya's temple. "I promise I'm strong enough to beat the hell out of anyone that gets in our way… be it gods or demons or any monsters…"
"I don't know Shizu-chan… some yakuza are scarier than the king of hell." Izaya teased. Shizuo scoffed. "Then stay the hell away from Shiki guy."
"But it's for businesss~~~" Izaya whined. Shizuo figured that was a good sign despite that he really did not approve of Izaya doing this 'business' with that yakuza. .
"Well a few yakuza won't get in our way." Shizuo looked so determinedly at Izaya that cathe raven's breath caught briefly at the fierce look. To have Shizuo feel so strongly about him, it really was like a dream.
"And if I run away again?" Izaya asked softly.
"Then I'll find you again." Shizuo's eyes hooded.
"Izaya." Shizuo cut him off. "Nothing, will get in my way. Not anymore. As long as you love me, I'm yours."
Izaya's eyes lowered unable to meet such a fierce gaze. He had never imagined that Shizuo would love him so passionately and it was overwhelming.
"Then… can you untie me?" Izaya suggested instead.
Shizuo blinked. Then he smirked like a tiger.
"No, everything but that. I am tired of you running away."
Izaya's eyes flickered. "W-wait why not?!"
"Because chasing can be fun but… it's no fun if I don't catch you once in awhile…. and besides," Shizuo's eyes hooded once more and Izaya couldn't help but be reminded how sexy the blond was especially when those bangs half covered those light chocolate eyes.
"You look sexier this way." Shizuo's one free hand tweaked Izaya's nipple in response. The informant gasped at the stimulationi.
"W-wait, that's not fair!" Izaya shouted heatedly. "Didn't you just say you'll…" Izaya floundered too embarrassed to repeat what Shizuo had just said… about them being together and walking together…How could the blond say such things without shame?
"How is it not fair?" Shizuo shrugged. "I want you right here and if I untie you, you'd run away. So until you answer me, I'm not untying you." Shizuo then went lower to lick at the bud on top of the fabric, sucking on that hard nipple. The raven gasped as his body burned with need.
"A-alright. I… I will. I will! So… please untie me!" Izaya conceded hastily before Shizuo continued.
"You will what?" Shizuo asked as his free hand not covered in lube caressed the side of Izaya's thin waist.
"I… I will… walk with you." Izaya murmured softly as he tried to bury his face into the corner of his sofa.
"Walk with me?" Shizuo feigned his confusion. "We parkour all the time together."
"T-that's not what I meant!" Izaya snapped his head back up to look at him while his nostrils flared in anger.
"Then say it properly." Shizuo smiled down at him and again Izaya's heart fluttered. The blond who always frowned or screamed at him in anger was finally smiling at him genuinely… and all those years that Izaya had secretly watched in jealousy every time Shizuo smiled at someone else flashed before his eyes.
"I… I want to be… with you. Shizu-chan."
"Why?" Shizuo shrugged nonchalantly.
Izaya's jaw dropped. WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY WHY?! He had just answered him didn't he?!
"W-what do you mean why?! What more do you want?!" Izaya blurted out, wanting to slap the man.
Shizuo just stared right back patiently waiting. He knew Izaya wasn't stupid. And Izaya knew what Shizuo wanted deep down. He bit his lower lip as he swallowed, his mouth suddenly feeling dry.
"I… I…" Izaya struggled, this was impossible for him.
Shizuo finally sighed sadly. It was as far as Izaya was willing to go it seemed. He tugged at Izaya's wrists to untie him, to Izaya's surprise. Then the raven looked up at Shizuo in consternation when the blond got up to leave.
"Sorry for your trouble then Izaya. I guess this is goodbye."
No, wait. Izaya's mind raced in panic. Why was he leaving?
He was willing to leave just like that?
Didn't the man confess?! Why was he giving up so easily?! He had said that he would fight the gods and demons for him! He had said that he'd never leave him! That damn-
"DAMMIT YOU PROTOZOAN! DON'T YOU DARE LEAVE ME! I LOVE YOU!" Izaya screamed at the top of his lungs as Shizuo turned his back on him. Then, before he could even look back up, he was scooped into an embrace as Shizuo hugged him tightly.
"I'm sorry…. I'm sorry Shizu-chan. Don't leave me… I'm sorry…." Izaya stammered as he could feel his tears well up again. Shizuo was kissing him fervently while apologizing as well as he could between them.
"I just… I just wanted to hear…" Shizuo's arms squeezed tightly around Izaya. "I just… wanted to confirm…."
As soon as he got the chance Izaya kissed back softly on Shizuo's temple. The blond too was crying and only then did the informant realize that Shizuo had been holding back a lot back there… gambling everything he had, his heart just as fragile as well in the hopes that Izaya would finally confess.
"Shizu-chan…" Izaya cupped Shizuo's face and looked into his eyes. They were honest, the hurt still lingering within them from the pain of when he had to face losing Izaya due to his stubborness. But soon those chocolate eyes smiled back at him like a gentle giant as Shizuo's hand wrapped around the one holding his face.
"You're not cold anymore... Izaya."
Author's Note: Thank you so much for still reading this fanfic. I went ahead and deleted the extra chapters since people were getting confused. If you still want to read them, they are on my archivesofour website, the link is in my profile.
i'm so sorry this fic is still not done. I'll keep trying. i just really wanted to post this since it's been a year i've been editing and re-editing and it's already over 8,000 words. we're really close to the end ;_;
thank you for still being with me.