Hello, hello, hello. I am your loving Count Olaf- just kidding, that guy's a creep. Anyway, I know it's been a while and you're probably all sick of my empty promises, but my tentative goal for this story is to update it every other Saturday from now on. *fingers crossed* Hope you enjoy this chapter that's somewhat longer than the past couple have been!
P.S. Check out the Shooting Star Summit forum for even more Paper Mario awesomeness. (link is on my profile (: )
Have I ever mentioned how much I dislike Bruce? No?
Well, I really.
Seriously though, my fuse gets lit just thinking about what he did. Give me a second to cool off, I've already done enough damage to my home today as it is.
Okay, I'm back.
SO, here's how it went down. I decided to take a trip to Toad Town today to request that the post office hold off on delivering my mail next week since I'm traveling to LavaLava Island to do some excavation work inside of Mount LavaLava with the famed archeologist Kolorado. (The guy's a total dimwit, but he pays good money so I ain't complainin'.)
Anyway, while I was gone I left you lying half-open on the kitchen table, not thinking much of it.
SO LO AND BEHOLD, WHO DO I FIND SITTING AT MY KITCHEN TABLE WHEN I COME BACK, READING THROUGH MY JOURNAL ENTRIES LIKE THEY'RE THE CHAPTERS TO HIS FAVORITE BEDTIME STORY?!
And here's the best part: the guy didn't even have the decency to apologize or even try to cover up what he was doing when I walked in on him.
He turned around, looked me right in the eye, and asked (in a voice that he was trying to make gruff but ended up sounding like Bowser on the verge of tears):
"So, what's going on with you and this Goombario dude?"
I was so mad and so mortified at the same time that I completely blacked out. I vaguely remember the sound of screaming (whether it was mine or Bruce's I really can't say), and lights bursting before my eyes like fireworks. The next thing I knew, I was lying on the floor in a daze and Bruce was being rushed to the Toad Town Inn.
Although I can't say that I'm proud of what happened, I can't say I feel bad about it either. Let's be honest, that guy has had it coming to him since the first time he broke into my house in the middle of the night and started serenading me with Peach's Lullaby while I was sleeping. Besides, everyone else in the village was fed up with him too- I was just the first one with enough dynamite to actually do something about it. Even if it was (kind of) by accident. Ish.
Well, this Bob-omb's off to get the first good night's sleep she's had since before the adventure with Mario (or the War of the Stars, as it's become known among the Mushroom Kingdom inhabitants.) Sweet dreams Journal, hope the padded safe I've decided to keep you in after today's incident is comfortable enough for you.
Hm… the more I relive it, the worse I feel about what happened. Maybe I'll send some anonymous flowers to the Inn tomorrow.
P.S. Ah yes. In my excitement over the day's events, I forgot to mention something else that occurred. On my way to the post office I bumped into my dear friend Parakarry, who was just finishing up his rounds for the day. (Let me tell you, I have so much more respect for mailmen after hearing his horror stories.)
Anyway, Parry (Mario was actually the one to give him this nickname- "Parakarry" was just too much of a mouthful to say in the heat of battle) and I made small talk for a while, and somehow Bow's name came up.
Well, after blushing and stuttering for about five minutes after I asked him how the two of them were doing (accompanied by a wink and a meaningful nudge), Parry suddenly began babbling about Lady Bow's butler/guardian Bootler and how he was so afraid to ask him for permission but he knew that if he didn't she wouldn't say yes and that would be even worse than invoking Bootler's wrath and what's a poor mailman to do and oh yes Bombette (with a wink and nudge of his own), has you-know-who asked you to accompany him yet?
When the blank look on my face made it clear that I had absolutely no freakin' clue what he was talking about, Parry blushed even harder than before and began stuttering again as he fumbled around for something in his mailbag. It went something like this:
"You mean… you haven't received the invitation yet? B-but that's impossible, I'm almost positive… well, not quite positive, but nearly ninety-four percent sure that I… oh Parakarry, you pathetic bumbling excuse for a postal worker! Nigel's going to get that promotion for sure, and then all the hard work you've done for the past ten years will have been for naught…"
I thought the poor guy was going to have a nervous breakdown if he kept stressing out this way and using phrases like "for naught," so I did my best to calm him down.
"Easy there Parakarry… that's it, deep breaths… there ya go. Whatever it is you dropped or lost or whatever, it's honestly no biggie. So what was I invited to?"
And then he proceeded to tell me that Bow had taken it upon herself to invite all of the partners to a birthday dance thinly disguised as a reunion and that it was mandatory for the males to ask the females and that was the reason he was freaking out in the first place and sometimes he has nightmares where Bootler has him backed into a dark corner and oh Eldstar what if Bow tries to kiss me and he sees and does it make sense that he's afraid of ghosts even though he's in love with one and oh yeah the dance is tomorrow night.
I don't remember much else after that; partly because I think my explosion caused temporary amnesia, but mostly because all I could think about was the fact that I was invited to a dance.
A dance which was happening tomorrow.
A dance which, as of right now, I still do not have a date for.
And I'm not really sure how I feel about that.