A/N- HI! I didn't forget about these guys! I wanted to make sure the epilogue was perfection before I posted it, but then as I was writing, I came up with like 10K words! I guess these two weren't as done as I thought. So, because my little darlings were chatty, I decided to do a series of flashforwards as the epilogue. It will be posted under the title of The Adventures of Peeperward and Stripperella. Right now there are four, possibly five. I know... I'm pathetic. I just love these two too much to let them go. And yes, I'm totally biting off of FRIENDS because I love them, too! I hope you enjoy!

This installment of Peerpward and Stripperella is dedicated to my little ray of sunshine everyday- Sunshinegal3

Disclaimer: As always, I own nothing except for a deep abiding love for Stripperella and some massive lust for my Peeperward.


Adventures of Peeperward and Stripperella: The One with the Freshman Thanksgiving

"I haven't seen her in three weeks, Emmett. If you don't get the fuck out of my room, I'll beat you senseless."

"And with what will you beat me, Eddie? Books? Books are for learnin', not hurtin', young man."

I swear on all that is holy I will hurt him. If he does not get out of my way, I will no longer have a brother.

"Okay, dude, the clenched jaw, the stupid grimace, the emo eyes, just let it go. She barely got in with her grandmother and you know that Alice will want to do Turkey Day shit with the family and if she mentions pictures you know mom will be flinging out three different technological ways of memorializing all of us. You can wait a few fucking hours so I don't have to listen to mom. Plus, if I'm not getting any ass, neither are you."

"What? This is not a deal I shook on when we became roommates, asshole. And Rose won't be here 'til tomorrow. I could get some tonight."

"I don't think you can. Her dad is all over her and you know it. And her grandmother came into town. You know that's important shit since she never sees her mom. I guarantee you that you won't be gettin' any Beauty-tail anytime soon. Not with Gramma Cockblock and Sheriff Ass-kicker all up on her."

Shit. He's right. I hate when he's right. I settle for going down to the front room and playing Madden 2010 with Emmett while we listen to Alice rave about Jasper and his art and Rose and her modeling and how much she LOVED the Seattle scene. She sounds like she should be on the Seattle Board of Tourism. I love being in Seattle, but I don't wanna marry it.

When he's beaten me for the fifth time I give in and go into the kitchen to help mom, with Emmett taunting me for being a panty-waist. When my mom hits him with a spatula in the back of the head, I then mock him for being a whiny, little girl. I then get smacked. Then get relegated to chopping onions and Emmett is sent to rake leaves. Good times.

I don't see Bella at all on Wednesday. I know she's spending time with her family so I don't go over, but I text her repeatedly telling her I miss her face, her eyes, her hair, her hands, her boobs, her ass... after the ass one she stops responding with "Thank you, sweetheart."

I really do miss all of her. We've been apart a lot during our first semester. She has been living in the dorms, at least a twenty-minute walk from our place. She won't let me get her a bike or anything and I hate the idea of her being out alone anyhow. I always offer to come pick her up, but most nights she's at study groups or hiding in the library away from her weird ass roommate. The lovely Nella thought it was divine intervention that they were roomies, Nella and Bella. They were to be "Biffles" or something like that. She talks a lot and I mean a lot. I lived with Alice for 17 years and never once did she annoy me quite as much as Nella. After learning that her cat had urinary tract surgery and that she was getting her undergrad in cellular biology so she could learn how to grow new parts for her animals, I started getting too weirded out to go over to her dorm. Unfortunately, Bella never had much time to come to me.

Yes, I'm frustrated. All summer long we humped like bunnies and I know I was all for waiting, but once that waiting period was over, it was rabbit season. But then, college happened. We had started off strong. We met up for dates all weekend and we would share nights together most days of the week, but toward the second quarter that started to fade out. She was so busy all the time.

Not that I wasn't, it's not like I was slacking. I'm Edward "The Brain" Cullen according to my brother. I'm doing just fine in my classes, but they're all general ed classes. Lots of 101s and 201s right now. I tested out of several basic classes like Writing 101 and 102, so that was cake. Tested out of all the reading classes. Thank God for CLEP tests. Bella had CLEPed out of several general classes too because she's fucking awesome, but she was on a scholarship, so there were some classes she had to take to fulfill some of the requirements. She had to take a full load, but she was taking two on top of that so that she can make sure she has enough money for all four years. She's using the money her dad had left over from paying for her housing to pay for minimal food and the rest went to paying for more classes, study room time, and anything else she thinks will help her get her ahead.

Because of her plan to get ahead, I was getting no head. At first I was all for her plan; I figured we'd still have time for us. I was taking a full load, but in all reality, I was half-assing a lot of it and still pulling in B's. My girl was not okay with B's. She even tracked down one of her professors who gave her an 89% on her Psych paper on the similarities between humans and simians. She was so freaked out when she'd gotten home with that paper. She actually found the guy's sister's Facebook page and messaged her saying she was an old friend from high school and she told her where he got his morning coffee. She got up at 5am and waited in the cold Autumn morning air and then proceeded to beg him to let her justify her stance that she could prove that there were simians capable of higher thought than that of humans. I thought the paper was brilliant and hysterical. She'd used Emmett as her human and then went to the zoo and ran similar tests on one of their monkeys after she'd sweet talked the primate keeper into letting her in after hours. Apparently, Mr. Professor didn't believe she'd actually done the research or that Emmett was not as smart as the monkey. She proved him wrong with a cell phone video of him trying to lick peanut butter off of his arm. The monkey used a napkin.

My girl is fucking smart. I just miss her.

Thanksgiving morning, I wake up to the sound of music coming from Bella's room; just the thought of her dancing causes my dick to wake up. Eager to see her in all her stripper-hot glory, I get up and stand by the window.

I, for one, was not expecting Gramma Swan to be doing her morning aerobics routine. The woman is still svelte, I'll give her that. But with Gramma Swan in Bella's room, where is Bella?

I decide to go over to see my girl. The door is quickly answered by an older gentleman that says his name is Marcus. Marcus is apparently "Ms. Swan's beau" as he puts it. I cannot stop smiling when Charlie grimaces at the term.

"So, is Bella around, Chief Swan?" I ask, trying to divert his attention from the old coot banging his mom.

"She's out back with her demon dog. I did not miss that bastard. Can't he stay with you and Alice?"

"You know as well as I do that Bella would castrate me if I tried to take her dog away from her. She hates not being able to have Erik with her in the dorms. She's at Alice's as often as possible visiting him."

Charlie just snorts and shoves me outside. "We're eating at two your mom said?" I nod then pull the door closed. At least I can have Thanksgiving dinner with her.

I stop short on the back porch seeing Bella.

She's laying in the grass on her back, her knees bent and her hands over her face. She's squealing and laughing, and then I see why. Her idiot dog is yanking at her hair and running back and forth over her head and chest. He's making little growling noises like he thinks he's Jake.

I decide to take advantage of her being on her back. Creeping closer while she and Erik are distracted, I kneel down next to her. She shifts, almost like she knows I'm near. Her arm is across her eyes and I have just enough room to press my lips against hers.

She doesn't jump, she doesn't yelp. She just presses her lips against mine, smiling just a touch. Her rat dog keeps attacking though until I reach a hand up and pin him to the ground belly up. I continue to kiss Bella, slowly moving my chest over hers. She moves her hand from her face and curls it around my neck, pulling me into her even more.

"God, I missed you," she says in a husky voice as I pull away to pick yapping Erik up.

"I missed you more, my love." I kiss her again, then sit up with the demonic puppy-spawn.

"Your dad says he's not happy to have Erik home, you want me to keep him with us?" I hedge cautiously, knowing she'll say no.

"Oh, yeah." She rolls her eyes dramatically. "He's really all hate about the dog he slept with last night." I just laugh, tossing Erik into some leaves, then lean down to kiss my girl again.

After some quality time with Bella and Erik outside, we both go to clean up. When the Swans come over, my mom is all a twitter over Ms. Swan and her "beau," Mr. Cunningham. Chief Swan immediately gets into a conversation with Emmett about hockey season starting up and who they are rooting for this season. I move like a lonely magnet to Bella's side, kissing her neck and then finding her a drink. We wait for Alice to show with Jasper and his family. She'd gone over with her shiny, yellow Ziggy 9-11 even though all of us said they wouldn't fit. She didn't care, she just wanted to show Rose her pretty new toy.

I found out later that Jasper drove his aunt over and Rose was driven by my dear, modest sister.

When everyone finally arrives, we sit down to one of the best meals I've ever had. It is by far one of my mom's best. She's gone all out, cooking for days before. The Hales brought some amazing pies, Bella brought incredible homemade breads and a pumpkin trifle that I wanted to molest it was so good. All through dessert, Emmett keeps repeating lines from the FRIENDS episode when Rachel makes the meat trifle and Bella keeps slapping him with her fork. "It does not taste like feet, damn it!"

I can't stop laughing. The night has been perfect. The food was fantastic, but the people were what made it even better. I love that I can hold my girl's hand whenever I want, even when her dad looks at me like he wants my head on a pike. I feel her up under the table, let her lick my earlobe when no one is looking, and whisper softly to her about what I want to do to her later.

She pouts at one point and when I ask her what is wrong she says that she and her Gramms are going with Alice and my mom and Rose and her aunt out for Black Friday at 5 in the morning.

She doesn't think she'll be able to go do anything after that but nap. Then she tells me she's going out to the Res all day on Saturday to visit her dad's friends with him and go to a bonfire for their Native American celebration. Charlie called it their Anti-Thanksgiving. Sunday is our trip back to Seattle.

Pushing her against the wall inside the pantry away from everyone else, I kiss her deeply to stop her talking about what she is doing with everyone but me.

When I finally release her lips, she sighs heavily. "I'm sorry."

I rest my forehead against hers, inhaling her sweet smell that's mixed with fresh baked bread. She smells like home.

"I need some time with you, Bel. I feel like we haven't been near each other in forever."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. It's not that I don't want too. I haven't seen my grandmother in years. I want to spend time with her."

"I know you do, I don't want you to not spend time with your family. But can- can you make some time for me too?" Wow, I grew a vagina when I started having sex? It's okay though, I'm getting laid either way.

"Yes. Why don't we go out tomorrow night? I'll need a nap after dealing with Black Friday crowds and that hurricane you call a sister. But Friday night. You and me."

I lean in smiling and kiss her softly, then leaning in for more.

"Edward!" I hate my brother.

Bella pushes me off of her and turns me around. "I'll see you later." She slaps me on the ass and I head out to find out how to kill my brother without my mom finding out.

Emmett, Jasper, and I end up with dishes duty and my mom takes Bella and the girls out to the patio to start a fire. My dad and Charlie sit at the table arguing over baseball. My dad, the forever-Yankees fan, and Charlie, the die-hard Marlins fan. It's a funny conversation to listen to from afar. I'm so not stepping in on that. One guy pays my tuition and the other guy will someday stand between me and the girl I want to marry. I sit on the counter and dry dishes silently.

Charlie heads out pretty early, he's on duty tomorrow. Apparently, there are a lot of accidents because of the crazy ass people that get up at 5am and drive to Port Angeles to shop on Black Friday. I'm so glad all the women I love will be up there. Wonderful.

Friday morning, I had planned to get up and see my girls off. That did not happen. After Emmett and Jasper and I had the brilliant idea to chase our pumpkin trifle with Jameson shooters, there was no pulling any of our asses out of bed until well after noon. When I finally make my way downstairs, my head pounding like it's stuck inside a avalanche, I am assaulted by my crazy crack-head sister. Her screeching and bouncing nearly has me throwing up in her new Ugg-ly ass boots. I threaten, but she moves them away and promises to keep the screams to a minimum. She shares with my mom all the great things she bought. My mom looks half awake nursing her coffee with her legs tucked up under her. Emmett is the picture of hungover, his head hanging below him while he lays upside down with his feet over the top of the couch. When I sit next to him he threatens my manhood with harm if I jostle him further.

My father comes in from outside, apparently he had to go to work. Some kid fell into a fireplace. This sobers us all up quickly. For some reason, hearing this sad story, it makes me want Bella. I excuse myself quickly to go to my room to call her.

I stand in front of the window facing Bella's room with my phone ringing. I can see her laying on her bed. Her head is at the foot, her feet propped on her pillow, nearly face down. Adorably, Erik is curled around her head like an adorable and annoying hat. Her phone must not be nearby. I decide I will wake her up our way.

I turn on some Less than Jake, the ska riffs and horns starting up fast. I open my window so the music will move out into the crisp air and hopefully into her room. I ring her cell again, hoping all the noise will make her stir. Finally, Erik, my little helper, gets up and starts pawing at her head. I knew I could count on that little fucker.

As the song gets faster and the horns louder, I start unbuttoning the shirt I have on. I see her head pop up as she shoves Erik off the bed. I see her smile as she finally realizes what is going on. The smile just melts my heart, and no I don't care if that makes me sound whipped. I am. I pull the undershirt off and throw it behind me as we lock eyes. I can't help but smirk when she sits up on her knees, hands in front of her, leaning eagerly forward toward me.

The song switches to another upbeat ska riff and I move my hands down my chest and stomach and landing them on my belt. Slowly, I undo my belt, watching her face, rapt with attention. Her beautiful lips pout slightly as I pull it slowly from the loops. When I get to the button, I see her stand up and move toward the window. Tugging the fly down I turn around slightly to shove my shoes off and then slide my jeans down on my hips. When I face her fully she has her hands against the top of the window, leaning out a bit now that she's opened it. The look on her face is pure lust. It spurs me on.

I turn around slowly as I push my jeans down taking my boxers with, when I get below my pelvis though I decide not to go Full Monty yet and just let my jeans drop. Her pout becomes more pronounced.

I move my hands down over my very hard erection, not losing eye contact with Bella the entire time. I slide my hands back up my hips to where my boxers now rest at my pelvis, very low indeed and I just shimmy a little and down they go. My cock bounces like "ta-da!" and I can't help but grin as she sticks her thumb in her mouth, biting down hard. I notice her other hand is placed nicely on her breast, it's moving slightly and now I'm jealous of her hands. To be in her mouth and on her tits… lucky ass hands!

"Bella, dear," I hear from her house. I jump aside so Gramma Swan doesn't get an eye-full. "Your dad and I are headed into Port Angeles with some friends, would you like to come along?"

"Um. No. No thank you, Gramm. I'd like to take a nap."

"You've napped all day, child. Are you feeling ill?"

"No, just worn out. I need to just chill before I go back to school."

"All right then. We'll be back after dinner."

"Okay, I'll be here."

While they're talking, I'm dressing.

As soon as the chief and his mom are gone, I run my ass across to their house like something's chasing me. Much to my noisy happiness, I soon find myself inside the Swan house and inside Bella, right where I belong.

We might be busy, but we'll figure it out together.


E/N- D'awwwww! Peeper is adorable isn't he?
Next installment coming soon! :)