A/N: Hiya folks! So this ficcie is written for Eng-sana, who btw has been really patient with me taking ages with this fic. The fic Eng wanted was a Gibbs/Other fic where Tony was also in love with Gibbs, but puts up a brave front and supports the relationhip. Whether it ends up Tony/Gibbs or stays Gibbs/Other was left for me to decide so we'll see ;D

This fic has a lot of Hurt! and Angst!Tony, and It does have a pairing of Gibbs/Ziva at least in the beginning. Which I never thought I would write but there's always a first time for everything XD

This is very much a WIP, but I'm trying to update every few days.

Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me, even the idea for this fic is someone else's XD. (oh but imagine the fun things I'd do if I owned NCIS... *happy thoughts*)

Four months. Four months of pure torture.

Tony shook his head as he tried to will his exhausted body to move after a night of tossing and turning. He slowly got up and made his way to the head to take care of his morning routine, contemplating calling in sick for a second before dismissing the idea. Gibbs wouldn't buy it and that could potentially open up a whole new can of worms he'd rather keep closed.

Or maybe the silver haired NCIS agent wouldn't even notice that he was missing from work since he had Ziva there to keep him occupied. The thought made bile rise to his throat but he pushed it back.

He'd lost too much weight already since this started and seeing as he hadn't slept too much either it might be enough to really make him sick if he gave into the urge to puke his guts out.

Well at least then he'd really be sick and he wouldn't have to watch Ziva flirt with Gibbs and every time the man responded, shoot a self satisfied smirk in Tony's direction. Rubbing in that she got the man they were both in love with and who Tony had been pining after for as long as he'd worked at NCIS.

Tony brushed his teeth and shaved while thinking back to the day four moths ago when his life had taken a turn for the worse.

It had been a good day, up until the point Gibbs and Ziva made their announcement that they were together and had been for a few weeks. It had taken everything in him, to keep back the scream that wanted to escaped Tony as he heard the news.

He'd loved the man for longer than he dared to admit, but since Gibbs had never shown any indication of feeling anything positive towards him, and there was the rule twelve to consider, he hadn't made a move.

And now the man had broken his own rules and gotten involved with a coworker. And the smirk on Ziva's face as she stood by Gibbs' side as they told of their commitment was one of smug satisfaction.

Tony flinched as the razor nicked a piece of his skin as his hand twitched as the memory haunted him.

After that the Italian had made every appropriate noise and congratulated Ziva and Gibbs with everyone else, ignoring the worried look he got from Abby for having his heart shattered, and keeping the mask on for as long as it took him to make his escape.

Now it had been four months since the day and he'd played the role of a supportive friend, pushing his own feelings to the back ground and doing his best to support the two people he considered friends.

Well he wasn't sure what to make of Ziva really. She had been well aware of Tony's attraction to Gibbs like had Ducky and Abby, and still she'd gone after the older man.

Though could he really blame her? After all who in their right mind wouldn't go after Gibbs? And besides, he'd decided from the beginning that he wouldn't hold a grudge, since it wasn't her fault he had been stupid enough to let himself fall for a man who could never return any of his feelings.

But this had been going on for four months already and he hadn't exactly been dealing with it well, but he'd functioned well enough that Abby's and Ducky's concern for him had faded even if they still looked at him with something close to worry in their expression when they saw the dark bags under his eyes and Tim had made a few attempts at getting him to eat more, but he was fine. He shouldn't be feeling like he was going to fall apart any moment, he shouldn't be this close to edge all of a sudden.

Well it wasn't just all of a sudden.

He walked to his bedroom and picked up his cell, opening the file containing all his received texts and he opened the one he'd gotten the previous night from Ziva.

The bile rose in his throat again as he read the two words written.

'He proposed'