Here's another post-HSM3 one shot for you. It's another songfic, this time to Miley Cyrus' I Hope You Find It. Again, I just pulled out the lyrics that I thought were relevant to the storyline. This is written in Gabriella's perspective. Hope you like it :)
Finding our Future
I'm such an idiot.
I can't get that last conversation out of my head, and there's no way I'm going to be able to sleep now.
Just a few hours ago, my boyfriend of eight years, Troy, left to tour several states across the U.S for a play he got a leading role in. He's going to be gone for half a year. And because I have a demanding job at a Law firm here in Albuquerque, I couldn't go with him.
The thing is, while I was set on becoming a lawyer from the word go; Troy has been flitting from basketball one minute, to theatre the next. He still hasn't decided which way he wants to go in his career, but when he joined a local theatre group as a hobby alongside his day job in a supermarket; he hoped he would be able to make a choice soon. Every few weeks he had also been returning to East High to assist his dad in coaching the Wildcats. But then he was talked into auditioning for a play, and he was offered the part as a full-paid job.
It's an amazing opportunity, and I've always told him that I will support him no matter what he decides to do. I even told him to go for it when he excitedly told me about the play, and the tour that came alongside it. And I meant it, I really did.
But there was one other thought nagging at me. For the past few months, Troy has been hinting at the idea of us getting married – and soon. Even when he was preparing for this trip, I thought maybe he was going to propose before he left. But he didn't. And it seems he had no intention of doing so.
It was as I was helping him finish his packing, in our apartment this morning, that my upset over this issue came spilling out.
"It feels like somehow, after this trip, I'll finally know what I want in life," Troy had told me.
I know now that I should have reminded myself of what he was referring to - his career, and nothing more.
But the way he said it, and the things that were going through my mind as he said it, made me feel inadequate. I wanted to ask him, "Aren't I enough?"
Like I said; I don't honestly think he was trying to get at me. I know he wouldn't do that, and I know he loves me. He tells me that every day.
He has spent months talking marriage, and during his most romantic moments he even confessed he couldn't wait to have a family with me. So I though he already knew what he wanted in life. Now he was going to put all of that off for another six months – well, he was putting off even planning a life together, let alone actually having it.
Despite all these notions in my head, I didn't blurt out what I was thinking. I just didn't answer him. Instead, I walked over to our wardrobe and concentrated on taking out some clothes.
"Gabi?" Troy then asked, obviously noticing that something was bothering me. "You are still okay with all this, aren't you?"
"Okay with what?" I replied. I didn't snap or sound deliberately ignorant – I was just genuinely trying not to admit that no, I wasn't okay with all of it.
"Me being away for six months," he elaborated, sounding concerned.
"I'm not going to stop you from doing something you love to do, Troy. It's just that..."
"What is it?" he asked softly. "Talk to me, Gabs."
Well, I was hardly going to tell him that I'd been expecting our imminent engagement.
"I don't really know how to say this," I said finally. "It's just the fact that I'm not going to see you for so long, and I feel...I feel like...am I supposed to hang around and wait forever?"
Last words that I said...
The second I'd said it, I regretted it. I know exactly how it must have sounded.
You know that wasn't what I meant...
Troy seemed to ponder my statement for ages, and this made me feel worse. But even though I wished I hadn't said it, I was also partly relieved that I'd said something. "Gabi," he started, taking my hand. "I'm not expecting you to just spend your days waiting for me until I come back. But I promise you that I meant all those things I said about us and the future. I still want it, all of it. This is just something I have to do first."
I nodded, seeing a sad smile form on his lips. I understood – I still do. But I didn't know what to say back. I had clearly already made him feel guilty. I wanted to rectify what I had said, but I didn't want to make it worse, either. So all I said, with what I hoped was a happier smile, was, "okay."
And that was it. We didn't discuss it anymore, and I saw him off at the airport not long after.
But I have been feeling awful ever since. He had assured me that he still wanted to make a life with me upon his return. But I'm worried that he now thinks I won't wait that long; that I will find someone else.
If only I had let him know that I never could. There isn't anyone else in the world for me. I discovered that a long time ago.
I feel so selfish, because this was supposed to be Troy's chance to find out what he wants to do. And I managed to make it about me.
It is a few days before I hear from Troy, and I know it is due to his performing commitments. He leaves me a voice mail while I'm at work, telling me he misses me, and that the first show went well.
When I get home that night, I decide to bite the bullet and leave him a message in return. I call at a time when I know he won't have his phone nearby, because I really only feel brave enough to say what I need to in a voice mail.
I hate that you left without hearing the words that I need you to...
It turns into a long, rambling message. Basically I explain that I had been worried he had changed his mind about spending the rest of his life with me; or that he didn't want to marry me yet. Then I add that I know I was wrong and that this was just about carving out his career.
I hope you find it,
What you're looking for
I wanted you to know that,
And nothing's gonna change that,
And I hope you find it...
I hear nothing back from Troy for the next week, and I get more and more worried.
Then, finally, the phone rings on Saturday morning, just as I have woken up. And it's him.
"Hey," I answer, so happy that he has called.
"Hi, how are you?" he says softly.
"I'm fine, how are you?"
He lets out a sigh. "Missing you."
"I miss you too, Troy," I tell him, suddenly feeling teary and wishing he was here to hug me. "Did you...did you get my message?"
"Yeah, I did. It's okay, I understood where you were coming from. I know I had been talking about our future together, and then suddenly I'm up and leaving you for half a year. I wasn't being completely fair to you, Gabi."
I did make him feel guilty. And that wasn't fair on him.
"That was how I was feeling, if I'm honest. But I should have realised that this trip was important to you. I didn't mean to make you feel like this. I was being selfish, and I'm really sorry."
"No," replies Troy. "You're not selfish – it was thanks to you that I ever had the courage to be up on stage in the first place, and you've been supporting me ever since. Which is why I've finally made a decision."
"You have?" I say in surprise, forgetting about the previous subject now.
"Yes, I have. Do me a favour, will you, Gabi? Turn around," he tells me. In confusion, I do as he asks and find myself facing our apartment balcony.
An amazing moment from our history is recreated, right there in front of my eyes. For a few seconds my mind goes back to our junior year in high school, on the night Troy turned up on my balcony and sang to me.
Lifting the phone away from his ear, Troy smiles at me, and opens the balcony doors. My mouth is still hanging open in shock.
"My decision is to never be away from you like this again," he explains, walking over to where I am still standing, frozen in place.
"You mean..." I blurt out, trying to process this.
"I can't truly say that I will ever like either basketball or theatre better than the other. I will say this, though. Performing on stage will never give me the same kind of thrill as it did when I sang with you."
This makes me smile, but I am also anxious. "Have you...have you given up the play to come back to me?" I ask. "I can't let you do that, if you have. Please tell me I haven't made you give all that up, Troy."
He smiles softly at me and holds my face gently in his hands. "I promise you, I left the play because I wanted to. I needed to. It wasn't for me anyway, to be honest. But I'm not saying I'm going to stop doing theatre altogether," he explains. "Gabriella, when I said that after this trip, maybe I would know what I wanted in life; I was right. Then again, I think I always knew. I always knew I wanted to marry you someday. But when I realised that I couldn't even take being away from you for a few weeks, let alone six months – I also realised something else."
Troy is looking me in the eye as he says all this, but then he takes my hand and drops to one knee. Even with the amount of times we've used the word 'marriage' in our latest conversations; I am still stunned at the sight before me.
"I realised, Gabriella Montez, that I want to make you my wife now. I don't want to wait. So..." And with that he pulls out a little box, opens it up, and pulls out a gold ring that is so breathtaking it makes me gasp.
"Will you marry me?" he asks.
"What do you think?" I reply with a delighted giggle. "Of course I will!"
I actually leap into his arms. He kisses me, and then I jump down for him to put the ring on my finger.
"Are you sure you found what you were looking for?" I suddenly ask, wanting to make sure that Troy hasn't missed out on something by cutting his trip short.
"I didn't need to find anything," he tells me, wrapping me in his arms. "I already had everything I needed in my life, right here."
And I hope you found it...
Please do let me know what you think and...Review!