Disclaimer: Don't own the Winchester or Bobby. Honor belongs to Eric Kripke and Sera Gamble. I just own my happiness at that we have a 7th season and such a good 2hr finale night.
A.N: Dunno about anyone else, but I LOVED the season finale last night! I thought of this story, born of conversation in my head between the brothers after the finale. And too, as much as I LOVED the finale one thing…..I wished it had more brother chick-flick moments. Granted there wasn't enough time but hopefully in the premiere we'll get some more brotherly moments. But hey, we got a Sammy out of Dean, that's a wonderful start.
Okay so I wanted another Winchester hug or something that mirrors it. So this was born. I wanted to have the brothers talk about all this and have some chickflick moments.
Summary: Takes place immediately after the credits 6.22. Sam and Dean talk after the events that took place. Also bonus AU one-shot titled: The Final Piece follows.
I've lost Lisa. I've lost Ben. And now I've lost Sam. Don't make me lose you too.
I'm your new god…So you will bow down, and profess your love unto your lord, or I shall destroy you….
Everyone stared in shock at what was once their friend. No one knew what to say, behind that.
Castiel just glazed around at the group.
"Castiel. Cas, please….." Dean managed to murmur.
Castiel slowly turned his head and looked calmly at Dean. "What will it be? Serve and worship me, or perish?"
There was still shocked silence at which, no one still could not utter much of anything.
None of them could even think, for that matter.
Or perhaps it was that they were thinking too much at one time.
Castiel looked at Sam, studying him for a long moment. "I'm impressed Sam, even without my fixing you, you have managed to fit yourself back together."
Dean's head snapped up, finally really noticing and realizing that Sam was there. Slowly he spoke, "You said….that once this was over…you'd fix Sam."
Castiel looked at Dean but didn't answer. Finally at length he spoke, glazing around at the group, "Out of respect for what once was and was shared, I will allow you some time to think this over and assimilate this new change. Meanwhile, I have much work to do."
And before anyone could say anything, not that they could process enough to do so, Castiel was gone. And still everyone stood shocked. It wasn't until Sam let out a groan and grimace that everyone snapped out of it.
Dean covered the distance. "Sam?" he asked his hands hovering in the air between them still not believing his eyes. He feared to touch him in fear of hurting him and then the fear of it all being a dream. He stared at Sam hard.
Sam's hand flew up to his head and he sunk down to his knees.
"Sam!" Dean cried fearfully going down with him, placing his hands on his younger brother's shoulders.
Sam breathed, his head bowed.
"Sam….please…." Dean begged.
Bobby stood worriedly but not saying anything. It took a moment but finally Sam slowly looked up and gave a lopsided grin. "Hey, Dean."
Dean blinked his eyes rapidly. "Sam?"
Sam gave a small chuckle. "It's me. Don't worry. I'm okay. I'm okay."
Dean took in Sam's form. How was it that even with the pain in Sam's eyes that he looked more like the Sam that Dean knew in a long time? How jacked up was that? Dean swallowed his grip tightening slightly. "How…what?"
Dean watched as Sam's eyes took on that stubborn determination that he had seen many times before. It soothed him in a way as Sam said, "I wasn't going to let you and Bobby deal with this by yourself. I wasn't going to let you deal with this alone. You think I'm crazy or something? I intend to back you up. Lazing around on my behind is not accomplishing this."
Dean blinked rapidly again. He was still have processing problems. "Sam…..I…"
Sam laughed again once. "Careful, you'll wear my name out", he teased.
Dean just blinked at him as Sam added, "I won't break. Don't worry. I won't break. You haven't lost me, yet. And if I have a say, you won't for a long time in coming." His laugh was cut short with another grimace.
"Sam?" Dean questioned as said male bowed his head, focusing on breathing.
Slowly, Sam's hands came up to rest on Dean's shoulders. "Give me a minute, okay? I'll be okay. Just a minute." Slowly his head came to be anchored on Dean's shoulder.
Dean wrapped his arms around him. "You're here. You are really here." Sam could take all the time he needed. He had his brother. That was enough for Dean.
He felt Sam nod. "Yeah, I'm here."
He heard a small chuckle. "It was hard, piecing myself back together, but I had a goal." Sam sobered, "I had to accomplish a goal and I wouldn't rest until I did so. I had to do it. I had to do it."
It was then that Bobby eased up. "I hate to break this up, but we probably should really go, when the two of you get ready." He knew the brothers really needed to talk and he knew that even he wanted some answers, but it was probably best that they got going soon as possible. Not to mention the further away from this place the better, just on principle.
Sam nodded though his face was still bowed, his head still anchored on Dean's shoulder, echoing Bobby's thoughts, "Yeah. The less time spent in here the better."
"I'm really glad you came back to us, son", Bobby added.
Sam managed to pull back from Dean and look up at Bobby. "Me too."
Dean couldn't say anything as he helped Sam stand and they all proceeded out. Finally he managed to say something when they got out the door into the night.
"Crap." Dean murmured.
"What?" Sam asked.
"I'm gonna have to fix the Impala. Again." Dean nodded in the area of the car, "My poor baby. Means we need to jack a car to ride."
Sam glanced at Dean, "I'm a little surprise you haven't run over to check said baby."
Dean stopped and looked at him making Sam look back at him. Dean looked directly at Sam, "I have bigger things to worry about then the Impala. That comes later."
Sam's eyes softened and he smiled. He knew what Dean was saying without saying.
"If you girls done for the moment, we can jack this car", came Bobby's voice from the driveway though there was no really gruff in it.
Both brothers looked over and saw a few cars in the driveway.
"Uh, why do demons and angels have cars?" Dean questioned as they walked over to their ride of the night.
Sam shrugged, "Appearances, maybe?"
"Don't knock it, be thankful", Bobby gruffed.
"I don't really care. Just as long as we get the heck out of here", Dean glanced worriedly at Sam who seemed to be holding up okay, for the moment anyway.
"I'm sitting in the backseat", Sam announced.
Dean looked at their second father, "You drive, Bobby."
Bobby nodded as Sam was finished folding himself in the backseat. Bobby opened the driver door and got in as Dean slid in the backseat next to Sam, who was holding his head.
"What are you doing, Dean? You hate riding in the backseat." Sam murmured.
Dean looked at Sam as Bobby managed to jump start the car. "You okay?"
Sam grimace. "Yeah."
Wordlessly, Dean slung his arm around Sam and pulled him to him.
"Dean, this is highly unnecessarily", Sam spoke though it did sooth him in some respect.
"Shut up", came the retort with no censure.
Bobby pulled out of the driveway and they drove off into the night.
It didn't take long from them to arrive back at Bobby's. The boys unfolded themselves and got out, Dean hovering as he helped Sam into the house. Sam disappeared into the living room and Dean started to follow him but was stopped by Bobby.
"I'm going to tow the Impala back here", the older man spoke moving around to get the keys to the tow truck.
"You are going back out tonight?" Dean asked. He had momentarily forgotten about the Impala. His mind was firmly set on Sam.
"Well, we don't want to just have it sitting in the road, even if it looks like it's the middle of nowhere. And besides, I'll be gone for awhile at least." Bobby looked meaningfully in the direction that Sam had disappeared in.
Dean got the hint and was thankful. "Thanks Bobby." It conveyed everything at one time.
Bobby gave a small smile before turning and going back out the door, "I'm off. See you later."
Dean nodded as he walked and entered the living room where Sam was sitting on the couch, his jacket laying over the back of it, "Hey, shouldn't you be getting ready for bed?"
"Yeah, probably, but I'm not really sleepy at this moment", Sam said as Dean took over his jacket and took a seat next to him.
There was silence for a bit before Dean asked slowly, "What…what happened?"
"I'm surprised you restrained yourself this long."
Dean glanced at Sam.
Sam gave a sigh, "The wall is down. Completely. I remember. I remember the last year and I remember hell."
Dean sucked in a breath. He didn't want this for Sam. He didn't want Sam to experience all this pain.
"But it's okay." Sam reassured, "It was weird though."
"What was?" came the soft inquiry.
"I was in my head and I had forgotten everything. I couldn't even remember my own name. I didn't remember you or Bobby. But through a series of events, I slowly began to remember. That was wasn't what was weird. It was that I saw other versions of myself."
He had Dean's full attention now as Dean looked at Sam's profile, "What do you mean?"
"What did you call him? RoboSam? I saw him. He was talking a lot of smack, I guess."
Sam swallowed, "Like, that….he was stronger, smarter, better because he didn't have a soul like I did. A soul slows you down. Well, he was right in that respect."
Dean's eyes flashed as he hissed, "He was right in no respect."
"No, he may have been stronger and maybe he was smarter and better, but without a soul he was a loose cannon, you know?" Sam looked at Dean who nodded, "I mean, a soul gives you a conscience. Without one, I was just….."
"He…It…..not you", Dean still wanted no personal references coming out of Sam's mouth that identified himself with RoboSam in anyway.
Sam glazed at Dean and decided not to go there tonight. So he continued amending his statement, "He….did a lot of horrible things. He would sacrifice innocents just to get to the bad guys." Sam's eyes glazed over in thought, thinking of the girl in his mind that he didn't even bother to save, "And he didn't even care. Not one bit. I mean, how could he live with that? I don't know, how I was able to do such a thing and I feel so sorry for all those things I did."
"Sam, you weren't yourself. You didn't know. You weren't even soulled."
"I know, but anyway, I saw RoboSam and he tried hunt me down. He wanted control of the body again. Get rid of the soul I guess. I managed to outsmart him and shoot him."
Dean smirked, "That's my boy."
Sam gave a small chuckle, "Then I got his memories, which now they are mine, I suppose. I remember…..I remember everything about the last year. And before he died, he said there was another that was worse than him."
Dean tensed at this. Worse that RoboSam? What could be worse than that?
Sam leaned his head back and closed his eyes. Dean still had his eyes glued to his brother as he waited for him to continue.
"All I knew at that point, was I had to get back to you. And Bobby. Nothing else matter. RoboSam said I was I was in pieces. He was a piece and I was a piece but I still I had to go about getting it the heck out of my head."
Dean managed a small chuckle at this. Never thought Sam saying that would be so comforting to Dean.
"But like I said, I managed to get the jump on him and shoot him, gain his memories, putting back together those pieces. So eventually I came across another piece. A worst piece."
Sam didn't speak for a long while which made Dean asked cautiously when he could stand the silence no longer, "What was that?" his voice was as soft as Sam's.
"I finally came across…..the piece of me that remembered hell."
"HellSam?" Dean dubbed as he asked.
Sam grinned and cracked his eyes open briefly, "Yea. HellSam. HellMe, whatever." Sam let out a sigh. "HellMe, was…he was….well, he was sight into himself. Myself….."
"Yeah, I feel you", Dean injected sensing the confusion of what to call him verses his pieces.
That was nine kinds of crazy right there.
"Well, he, me….was…he told me that….that I didn't want to know about hell. That I shouldn't know about it. He was pretty adamant about warning me against fitting that piece back together with what I had. It was…comforting I guess to know that he cared that much. At least he wasn't shooting me. Or rather that I was shooting myself. Is this jacked as it sounds?" Sam opened his eyes and turned his head to ask of Dean with a frown.
Dean let a small smile, "Worse actually."
"Okay, just checking." Sam turned and stared up at the ceiling, "Anyway, he warned me and all but pleaded that I don't join with him. Even told me that I wasn't strong enough to deal with the hell memories."
Here Dean sucked in a breath. "But you're here." He pointed out the most comforting thought.
"All I knew was that I had to get back to you. I had too. I couldn't leave you alone. That was all that mattered to me. He actually gave me a knife to kill him with."
"You let you gank you", Dean shook his head, "He let you gank you…..oh forget it. He let you gank him?"
Sam let out a small smile, "Yeah, he did and I regained those memories."
Sam lifted his head from the couch and looked at Dean, straightening from his slouch. He grimace and held his head, groaning.
"Sam!" Dean cried panicking turning himself to grip Sam, "Talk to me, please!"
It was a long moment that seemed to last forever before Sam was able to breathe normally. "I'm okay. It's just the memories of hell, they can be overwhelming, but I deal with it. I won't let it break me. I made it back, I'm not going to ship out anytime soon", his voice was ragged but determined.
"You shouldn't have to go through this", Dean couldn't help but murmur as he leaned his head on Sam's shoulder, who was still hunched over, as if he was the one that was spent. Even when he returned from hell, his memories wasn't this bad. He hated Lucifer and Michael even more if that was possible.
"Dean, you have to believe me. I didn't come back just to break. I'm holding onto the pieces of me and over time it will get easier. I promise you. I just need some time. That's all. Time to master this", came a soft voice.
"However much time you need, it's yours." Dean replied back under his breath.
"Thank you", came the small voice.
Sam moaned a little followed by a small sigh as he turned over in his bed. He groaned as he opened his eyes and an expletive came out of his mouth as his eyes widen and he scrambled away.
"What that heck!" Sam cried as he sat up, "Dean! Don't scare me like that! What the…..why are you within inches of my face, dude? You are not a good sight to wake up to, man! The heck!" Sam was about to continue to go on, until he saw heard his brother let out a small trembling breath.
"Hey, hey, hey…what…what's wrong?" Sam asked looking down at Dean, his annoyance melting way.
Dean was sitting on the floor, his arms on the bed, which he slowly slipped off. When Sam wake up Dean had his head lying in his arms as he watched Sam wake up. Needless to say, waking up to that, would have scared anyone who wasn't expecting it.
Dean lowered his head and took another trembling breath as he wiped his hand down his face. Sam had saw the wet eyes before they lowered. "Hey, what is it?" Sam asked again gently as he patted his brother's shoulder.
"Do…..do you know what time it is?" came a shaky voice.
Sam blinked and looked at the alarm clock. His eyes budged out of his head. On it read: 1:23pm. It was after one going on two in the afternoon. It was shocking to say the least but it didn't explain Dean's behavior, which was scaring and worrying Sam. He looked back at Dean, his hand on his shoulder squeezing, "I know I don't normally sleep this late, but what's wrong? Really?" he kept his voice gentle as he could.
"I tried to wake you earlier. I was a little concerned that you didn't wake up like normal but I figured we had a trying day, you especially. But after you slept past nine I started getting a little worried. You were so still and if it wasn't for you breathing….I would have thought…" Dean choked, "And then around ten, you jerked and cried out and I still couldn't wake you. Then you settled down and was so still again…and I…..I just…"
"Oh, Dean, I'm okay." Sam murmured before tugging his brother up, "Get up here. Sit here." He parked his brother next to him who still had his head bowed. "So you felt the need to be right in my face, why?" he tried to interject some humor.
It fell deaf as Dean lifted his head and looked brokenly at Sam.
Sam gave a small smile that he could barely maintain in the face of this older brother, "I'm okay. I'm still in one piece."
"I thought that…" Dean trailed off, looking away.
"…you lost me?" Sam finished softly.
Dean nodded like a six year old boy. Sam threw an arm around Dean's shoulder. "I don't know why it happened. Maybe my body is trying to get used to being in one piece again. But I'm okay. I didn't mean to scare you. I don't even remember anything about nightmares or whatever at the moment. But then again, I'm living a waking nightmare so….."
Dean spoke softly, "Stop trying to make jokes about this."
"Sorry", Sam apologized, "I just wanted to cheer you up."
"Then just be quiet."
So Sam did and they sat like that for the longest time.
"You know I'm willing to fight, right?" Sam asked softly.
Dean nodded, "Yea."
"Then believe in my ability to fight this."
"I do, I'm just….."
"I know you've been through a lot these past days. With Cas and….." Sam trailed off remembering he's not suppose to mention them so he said, "….and among other things, and I don't want you to worry about me too. Though…I know you will", he added before Dean could say the obvious.
Dean just nodded.
"You should know...you deserve to know", Sam's voice got quieter and trailed off.
"Know what?" Dean asked turning his head in Sam's direction.
It was a moment before Sam said anything, "You're the reason, I'm here you know."
The made Dean look up at his younger brother to look him in the face.
Sam shrugged and looked away, "Remember what I told you. I fought to get back here to help you. I promised that I would back you up. I know I've done a lot of crap in the past several years but I just….." he trailed off again.
"Just?" Dean asked turning slightly to look at Sam, wanting to know.
Needing to know.
Sam just shook his head, biting his lip.
"Sam, please. I'm begging you, talk to me. Don't shut me out. Not now."
Sam glanced at Dean out the corner of his eye. "I…..I just want to make up for everything. Or at least do better."
"You already have. And besides remember what I said before? I'm square with everyone. Water under the bridge."
"Even Cas?" Sam couldn't help but ask quietly.
Dean got quiet before he slowly spoke, "I want to believe that he can be saved. That we could find away to save him. De-soul him of all those souls or something. I dunno. We owe him that much to try though, I figure. I mean, I want to believe that him letting us go was speaking from the Cas we knew."
"Same here." Sam nodded.
"But back on point remember what I said, blanket apology for all the crap. I'm not taking all this to my grave like Rufus."
"Some of us pulled a lot of crap", Sam echoed.
"Doesn't matter. It still stands."
Sam looked at Dean. "It means a lot."
Dean looked uncertain.
"What?" Sam asked softly knowing something was on Dean's mind.
Dean stumbled over his words, "Are you…I mean really….okay? I mean…..are you really…do you….are you in one piece?"
Sam nodded, "I'm in one piece, yes."
"And you'll…." Dean trailed off. He honestly didn't know what he wanted to ask. He didn't know what he wanted or needed reassurance for.
"I'll fight to keep myself in one piece. I will. HellSam…..HellMe…." Sam let out a chuckle and Dean followed suit, "I'm telling you this is confusing as heck."
"Tell me about it."
"Well, the hell piece of me said I wasn't strong enough….."
"But you are." Dean interrupted.
"Think so?" Sam asked.
Dean nodded, not breaking eye contact with Sam, "You want to know how I know?"
"What, cause older brothers know best?" Sam quipped with a smirk.
Sam was happy that Dean smirked at this and said, "Well, you aren't wrong but I wanted to say, I know without doubt you are strong, because you are here. If you weren't strong you wouldn't be here. You wouldn't have come to try and help us. You wouldn't have made it out the house, down the street and that long walk to help us, if you weren't strong. That's why. Cause you're here and that's all that matters."
The stared at each other for a long while until finally Sam let out a small smile, "Yeah…..you're right."
And he was.
A.N: This story is finished but the 'sorta' is in reference to a bonus story that rather than be uploaded as a separate story will be added as 'chap 2' in this story, so to speak. The reason being, is that I'm gonna push my luck and do this story (you'll see what I mean when I upload-which is written but give me awhile to revamp and upload). It's ties to this story and follows a few minutes after this one, but since the chances of it happening are more AU, that's why I just thought I'd make it a bonus one-shot rather than a direct continuation of this one, if that makes sense.
I hope you enjoyed this story though!