Disclaimer: Don't own the Winchester or Bobby. Honor belongs to Eric Kripke and Sera Gamble. I just own my happiness at that we have a 7th season and such a good 2hr finale night.
A.N: Okay, because I don't want to ruin the surprise, I'm not going too say much. I consider this a bonus AU one-shot that follows the previous story. All I have to say is this is long and you might want some tissues if you are prone to that.
Summary: Continuation of The Pieces of Me but more AU.
Sam and Dean sat for the longest while in silence, just thinking and enjoying the company. Sam had taken his arm back and was laying down, staring at the ceiling. Dean kept alternating between the floor and his brother out the corner of his eye. It was amazing how much of a kid Sam was acting in Dean's opinion. Laying sprawled as he could get. He hadn't looked that comfortable since they were kids before Sam went away to college. It was also amazing that Sam was convincing him that he was okay. That somehow it would be okay and like everything else they would get through this. It's not that Dean didn't believe that, but he felt this was hitting way too close to home. But Dean was starting to think that Sam would be okay. Yeah, he would be keeping a sharp eye and occasionally Sam would have hell memories attack but for the first time since the wall was erected, Dean felt as if things would actually go okay.
And for him that was a big relief.
Well, on the home front, thing would go okay anyway, Castiel was another matter, but he didn't wish to think about that now. He just wanted to enjoy this for awhile. He did wonder though that perhaps they could save Castiel. Wasn't it his old self talking that was allowing them some time? He could have smited them on the spot like Raphael but didn't. Didn't that say something? Dean wished to believe it did. He didn't want to fight or kill Castiel. He wanted to try to save him. He deserved that much from them.
Dean absently shook his head, trying to clear away those thoughts. Now was not the time for that. His younger brother was beside him, in a basically right frame of mind and Dean would revel in that for a while. So he did, up until he jumped because Sam broke into his thoughts, shooting up, near giving him a heart attack.
"Oh, yeah!", Sam snapped his fingers and darted off the bed.
"You okay?" Dean asked watching warily as Sam went over to his duffel bags. Dean had to turn around, placing one leg on the bed as he watched.
Sam stopped and turned to Dean blinking, "Huh, oh, yea….I'm okay. Sorry, I had a thought. And no it's not…hell." He gave an apologetic smiled before kneeling and rummaging through his bags. He muttered to himself and bit his lip. Dean watched as Sam looked worried as he dug through his bags.
"Oh, where is it? Can't have lost it!" he muttered but Dean heard him.
Sam waved him off without turning around before giving up his neat version of rummaging and just went tossing things out of the bag. When that one didn't produce what he wanted to went to the next bag, a deep worrying frown on his face. And the longer his search yielded nothing the deeper that frown became.
Dean was about to go nuts and demand what was wrong and what Sam was looking for because honestly, he wanted no frowns and worry on Sam's face right now, but before he could, Sam surfaced with a triumphant, "AH-HA!"
"Ah-ha, what?" Dean asked curious now. He frowned lightly as Sam blushed and became fidget-y. Dean tried to raise himself higher on the bed to see what Sam was holding but Sam quickly shoved the box out of his eye sight, which was under the bed as he slowly reorganized his duffel bags. And if Dean didn't know any better, he thought that Sam was taking twice as long as he should.
"Sam, what you got there?" Dean asked jerking his head towards him.
Sam finished putting his duffel bags back together with the exception of some clothes and still he sat where he was on the floor. He bowed his head and fumbled with whatever was in his hand.
"You're worrying me, here", Dean finally admitted.
Sam looked up, peaking out of his bangs. "Nothing to worry about, promise. Just….um….well…I think I lost my nerves", the last was muttered under this breath.
It took a moment but Dean finally figured out what Sam murmured, "Lost your nerves for what?" Dean reflected that he looked all of a teenager, as Sam sat Indian-styled facing the bed, sorta rocking back and forth. He found it ironic that Sam was willing and would fight to keep himself together but whatever he was doing (And compared to the hell memories, Dean was sure it was mundane), he couldn't seem to gather his courage.
Dean didn't know why, but he felt oddly amused at this, but still didn't take care of the fact, that he was now just dying of curiosity, to know what was going through Sam's mind. And hands, as well as Sam was fumbling with whatever he got out of the bag, but kept it hidden from Dean.
"Um…oh, forget it! Here!" Sam finally snapped seeming to gather his courage as he stood and toss Dean a small white box.
Dean blinked at it laying on the bed where it landed, before picking it up. "This looks suspiciously like a jewelry box. I half expected Martha Stewart's name to be on it." He turned it around in his hands.
Sam gathered his clothes, "She's mostly home decorating and cooking stuff. Though I'm not completely sure she doesn't have her own line. Wouldn't be surprised if she did, as she got a whole lot of stuff with her name on it already." Sam trailed off musing.
"Wow, something that you don't know for absolute certainity." Dean teased, "I'm shocked, Sammy!"
Sam made a face. "Bite me. Contrary to popular opinion, I don't know everything. And it's Sam."
"Sooooo, what's this? An engagement ring?" Dean quipped with a grin.
Sam made another face, "I'm not dignifying that with an answer." He walked to the bathroom.
"Hey! Where you going?" Dean blinked.
"If I have your permission, I'm gonna get washed up and get up. I've lounged around enough, don't you think?" Sam didn't wait for an answer as he closed the bathroom door.
Dean made a face before he just sat there for a few moments. Then he looked back at the small white box. "What's in the box?" he said to himself in funny voice chuckling as he opened it.
His mouth dropped open, as his chuckle halted abruptly, as he stared at the box, incomprehensible. He didn't know how long he sat staring at the box. It wasn't until he scrambled off the bed and darted across the room. He banged on the door. "Sam!"
"What, man!" came the snap, "Give me a few minutes."
Dean lounged around the door, shifting on his feet as he alternated between the box and the door. It was a long while, too long for Dean (later he'd swear that Sam was purposely taking his sweet time), before the door snatched open.
Sam looked a little annoyed. "Yessss?" he asked.
Dean blinked and held up the box. Sam glanced at it before sticking his toothbrush in his mouth and proceeding to brush his teeth.
Sam grunted in response as the toothbrush was in his mouth.
"What…what is this?" Dean asked.
Sam spit out the toothpaste before rinsing his mouth. Then he glanced at the box again, "What do you think it is?" he asked.
"I…..this is…" Dean breathed and looked back down at the box in wonder.
Sam wiped his mouth with his face cloth before proceeding to say softly, "If you don't want it, then give it back to me."
"NO!" Dean cried vehemently making Sam jump a little and looked at Dean, eyes widening. Dean calmed himself and repeated softer, "No. No..no…..I just…..how is this possible? I mean I threw this away. How did?"
Sam wouldn't meet his glaze as he held the face cloth to his mouth, looking into the mirror in front of him. Dean slowly fished out the pendant that he hadn't seen in so long and set the box on the counter. He held the pendant as it if was breakable china, up to his eyes. He watched it swish back and forth. It didn't look any different than the day he…
Dean choked. He hated thinking about it. Granted he didn't all the time but sometimes he did. He did a lot especially when…..
Dean licked his lips and touched the golden item. Slowly as if in a trance he held it up and slipped it around his neck. It fit like a glove, as it came to rest on his chest, as if it was happy to back where it belonged.
Dean's head shot up at the small gasp, once it settled back around his neck. "Sam?" he asked his own voice wavering.
Sam had lowered the face cloth and was currently using the sink to hold him upright. He let out a little choking sound. "You have no idea…..no idea…" he voice was breathily. He shut his eyes and pressed the heel of his hand to his forehead.
"Sam?" Dean found he could never take Sam holding his head as a good sign anymore as he touched his shoulder.
"Not hell. Not that….it's just….." Sam opened his eyes and stared at the pendant. Finally he had to turn away, head bowed, gripping either side of the sink.
"Just what?" Dean asked.
He felt Sam's shoulders shaking. "Sam?"
Sam sniffed, "You have no idea, how long I've waited to see this. I didn't even know you'd accept it back. I didn't even know you would want it back. You could have thrown it away, tossed it back in my face and it's no less than I probably deserve it's just….."
Sam looked up, silent tears streaming down his face. Dean didn't know what to say at that moment, though his own eyes were wet. He just watched as Sam looked down at the pendant and reached up to grasp it loosely in his hand. He alternated doing that and then patting it down to Dean's chest for a bit.
Sam's voice wavered and broke, "You have no idea…..how much…this pendant means to me. How much it means to me….to see you….wear this." Suddenly he let out a loud groan and slapped himself with the heel of his hand on the side of his head.
"What is it?"
Dean's breath hitched as he felt powerless to do anything as he watched Sam fight. He could only be there and offer silent support as one hand was on Sam's arm and the other kept trying to stop Sam from hitting himself in the head. What seemed an eternity later, Sam sagged and had to lean on the wall to keep his balance.
"What can I do?" Dean asked softly. He wanted to do something, anything but he didn't know what.
Sam groaned again and slid down the wall. Dean went with, with worried eyes. "Please…." He murmured.
Sam panted and finally was able to look at Dean and answer, "You are doing it." He stated.
Dean was momentarily confused, "Doing what?"
Sam gave a small smile as he wordless reached up and patted the pendant to Dean's chest. "Wearing this, means more to me than anything else you could do. I didn't know how you would react to me giving this back to you. The fact you didn't throw this back into my face, means the world to me."
"I wouldn't…..I mean….." Dean trailed off uncomfortably. Technically, didn't he the first time? He threw it away. Just tossed it aside like it was nothing. His face took on a pinched look.
"Hey, hey…..it's okay. It is." Sam reassured and Dean looked at him out the corner of his eye, "You didn't see any point of this anymore and I don't blame you. I still don't. I just know it's more than I can ask for that you didn't seem to object to it now."
"But how….all this time….how?" Dean asked.
Sam laid his head back on the tile behind him and closed his eyes. He turned his face away a little from Dean and didn't answer for a long while.
"I fished it out of the garbage when you left. I was shocked when you…." Sam paused his breath hitching, "But when I recovered, I fished it out. I thought about just letting it go when I got it out but….but I couldn't. So I hid it in my duffel bag. I just wanted to believe that maybe, maybe someday, a long someday, maybe you would want it back. I didn't put much stock in that, but at that time, it was all I had to hang onto." He let out a shuddering sigh, "So I kept it….until the day I jumped in the hole."
Dean realized the implication of this, "You took it to hell with you?" he asked as he re situated himself to sit next to Sam, their knees almost touching.
"I just….I felt better with it. I actually forgot about it until that day and I was going through my duffel bags. So I put it in my pocket. A sort of good luck charm, you know? I didn't know that it would…..it would come to…."
Dean glanced at Sam, "…To?"
Sam ran a hand over his face, "When I was in hell, I forgot about it for a while. I forgot it was in my pocket. Michael and Lucifer there…..they double teamed up on my sometimes. And sometimes each one would go for me. But most of the time it was Lucifer who was doing the most. And I could feel the pieces of myself breaking and crumbling. I tried to fight, tried to hold one, but in hell…" he let out a choked sob.
Dean didn't say anything but nudged his knee to Sam's to let him know that he was there.
"And then one day…..time had no meaning there, you know, so it could have been days or weeks, or years, I don't know. But one day, some time…..I put my hand in my pocket for whatever reason and I felt the brush of the pendant. When I pulled it out and looked at is, it was like gaining a small piece of myself back that I lost. Or perhaps keeping what I had. That pendant saved me, Dean. It saved me, just like you always did." Sam gripped the side of his head, gripping his hair.
"And always will", Dean added softly.
"I remember. I remember that so clearly. Just sitting there staring at the pendant, watching it rock back and forth, clutching at it in more ways than I can explain as a lifeline. Because that pendant was all I had left of you. It was what was left of me. It was all I had for comfort in a world that did not have dealings with that word, you know?"
A soft tap against his knee made him smile. "It was hard though. Trying to fight, trying not to forget you, trying not to forget myself. They kept chipping away at my soul, Dean, taking pieces like they were ice chips."
Dean blinked rapidly shifting in his spot as he listened to his brother. He would listen for however long it took. Whatever it took for Sam to deal with this, he would do. Whatever helped Sam through this, he would do.
"And I don't see what they were trying to warm with my ice chips souls, cause they sure didn't know a thing about warmth", Sam laughed tightly at his own twisted joke, "But finally one day, out of the clear blue sky, or rather clear blue darkness….wait….darkness isn't clear or blue….."
Dean couldn't help the small chuckle as Sam stopped to ponder this issue for a few moments.
"But anyway, one day, I felt this tug and realized that I was getting dragged up. I tried to fight thinking it was Lucifer or Michael but it didn't slow down. But at the same time, I felt my soul struggling to keep up with my body and finally it wasn't able too, so it drifted back to the bottom of the cage, where Lucifer and Michael had a free for all. Cause let me tell you, they were hacked off. That's when I realized that I was just…..light….."
"Light?" Dean questioned momentarily confused.
"Yeah, not heavy vs. light but like dark vs. light. Like…..I know I'm going to regret this analogy, but a ball of light like Tinkerbell", this was the first time in a long while that Sam looked at Dean.
A grin began to spread on Dean's features, "So you were a fairy, huh?"
"See, knew I'd regret it."
But something in Sam's voice let Dean know he didn't really. He wanted to hear Dean's smart comment.
Sam sobered and looked ahead at the floor, "I was just a ball of light and a weak one at that. Michael and Lucifer had so much fun torturing me in that state because it hurt so much more. Pain was amplified by...thousands upon thousands of times."
Dean couldn't help the painful grunt that slipped from him at that thought. Sam grunted and knocked his hand upside his head.
Dean stopped his hand. "Don't."
When was certain that Sam wouldn't do that anymore, he slowly released his wrist. Sam was silent for a long while before continuing.
"That's when I realized that my body was gone as well as the pendant. I didn't have it anymore. I didn't have that lifeline anymore. And suddenly it was that much harder to fight. But I also remember when I was soulless."
Dean knocked Sam's knee a little more forcefully then normal which made Sam nod and amend, "RoboSam", which made Dean nod in satisfaction.
Sam let out a weary sigh, "I almost lost it again. The pendant. I almost lost it."
Sam was silent for so long after that, that Dean finally asked softly, "What happened?"
"Apparently it was awhile before RoboSam realized what was in his pocket. I remember when I…he….", Sam corrected before Dean could do it for him.
Dean was stickler for keeping Soulless him or RoboSam as Dean dubbed him separate from Sam himself. In a way, Sam was grateful that Dean kept trying to drill that into his head, but still it didn't ease the guilt he felt about his, RoboSam's actions. Not to mention trying to talk about RoboSam and himself separately was hard sometimes.
Sam took a breath before continuing, "I remember when he found the pendant. He pulled it out of his pocket and he was a little surprised but it turned to….." he trailed off, looking away.
"Keep going, Sam. I'm listening." Dean encouraged after a moment of silence filled the room.
Sam shook his head. "I don't want you to think that I…"
Dean looked at Sam and knocked their knees together, "Separate identities remember? Whatever he did wasn't you."
Sam nodded and was grateful. It took a moment before he could continue, "He was a little surprised at first, but it quickly turned into….disgust", he ended quietly.
Dean nodded, not taking his eyes off of Sam. "Then what?" he asked as if they were talking about an everyday occurrence not something another self of Sam had done or felt.
It made that a little easier for Sam as he managed to pick up again, "I remember he winkled his nose and held it up watching it swing around. He didn't remember hell, but wondered how he managed to keep it all that time, but honestly he didn't care. He didn't care. He just shrugged and decided to get rid of it." Sam was talking real fast. He needed to get it all out before he couldn't, "So he walked over to a trashcan and held it over it. And he stood there for quite awhile and still he didn't let go of the string."
Dean was shocked at this. He never thought he'd see the day where he thought RoboSam had an inkling of some sense.
"So he stood and tried. Oh, he tried to get his hand to let go of the string but he couldn't. So finally he got fed up and just stuffed it in a duffel bag haphazardly and he didn't even think about it again." Sam felt drained behind that as he managed to slump down further. A few stray tears fell down his face.
"I'm so sorry, Dean", he choked out.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, Sammy", Dean stated quite fervently as he swung an arm around Sam. "Nothing. Can't believe I'm saying this, but RoboSam managed to do something right. Probably the only thing he did right. Maybe a part of you still resided. A really small minuscule, can't be detected part."
It was a long while after that before Sam felt like he was able to go on. "So finally, I….RoboSam didn't think about the pendant, until he was re-souled which…became…me…..again. Man, this doesn't cease to be confusing", Sam muttered.
"Or amusing to see you stumble over what to call what", Dean smirked making a light moment.
Sam glanced at him with a small smile. "Yeah, go ahead, get your kicks."
"Already doing so with pleasure."
Sam chuckled before he gave a deep sigh and continued, "When I got back and awoke, I didn't think about it. Didn't really remember. It wasn't until a few days after that dragon case and getting some memory back that I came across it, in my bag. I became upset that it was just thrown into the bag, so I decided to get a nice box for it. It deserved that much." Sam turned and looked back at the pendant watching it twinkle.
"But I still didn't believe you would want it back. I didn't even think you even remember it existed."
"But I did." Dean felt the need to interrupt and explain. He didn't want Sam to think that this pendant didn't mean anything to him, "I do. When I came back to myself when we were trying to ward off the apocalypse, I remembered it and I missed it. I felt guilt for doing such a thing. Really guilty. I admit I was able to deal with it, but when you were in hell, that's when I missed it most. I wanted it back and would have done anything to get it back. But it was gone and you were gone and I had nothing of you around. If I had had this" he reached up and toyed with the pendant, "I think I could have beared your lost a little better, not by much but if I had it, I could have had it as a remembrance of you, but I didn't. But maybe it was better that way….."
Sam's head jerked up and pain filled his eyes, "What?"
"NO! I don't mean it that way", Dean reassured taking fast while had Sam's attention. He should have worded that differently, "I mean you had it when you were in hell, right? And if either of us needed it the most, it was you. If it helped you in hell, even knowing that you would never be saved, then it had so much more of a use than if I had had it. I mean I suffered for a year but it was nothing compared to your suffering and if this helped you, then I'm glad that you had it. I'm just glad that it was something for you to have to help you. That's all I care about. Whatever eased your suffering and pain, then I'm good with it. You know what I mean?"
As Dean talked Sam slowly began to settled down from thinking the wrong things. Sam nodded at Dean's question as his glaze settled back on the pendant. He couldn't help but to reach out and pat it to Dean's chest again and then pick up the pendant and run it through his fingers. He kept switching back and forth between the two actions.
Dean asked softly as he watched Sam's hand, "What made you change your mind?"
Sam was distracted, "Hm?"
"You gave it back to me. What changed your mind?"
"Oh. Hm." Sam seemed to be in thoughts as his eyes never wavered from his hand's actions. Finally he was able to stop and he pulled his knees to his chest, wrapping his arm around them holding them to him. His head laid on top of his knees as he looked in Dean's direction. He closed his eyes.
"I…I didn't…..like I said before I didn't hold onto the hope that you'd want it back or even thought about it. But then the day of Rufus' funeral is what gave me hope. I wanted so badly to believe that maybe we could get back to a semblance of how we were. I wanted that more than anything. I knew I probably still had to work on things but I thought maybe….just maybe I could let myself believe for the first time that you'd want that to."
Dean nodded and answered firmly, "I do. I do, really, Sam I do."
"I want us to be brothers again."
"We are." Dean reassured. After all this time did Sam still think that there were still bridges to mend? As far as Dean saw, he had rebuilt and moved on. But perhaps he should have made sure that there was an clear sign that said that it was back in rotation.
Dean was worried at his thoughts even as he watched Sam hug his knees tighter like a little kid as his eyes cracked open and looked at him. Sam seemed to search his face for something so Dean added, "Sam, you know we cool, right? I'm good and I hope you are or come to be. The past is the past, we learned and we move on. We are brothers again. We are, I want you to believe that. Please believe that."
Sam was silent so long it was beginning to worry Dean even as Sam's eyes still searched Dean's.
"Talk to me, Sam", Dean murmured after a bit turning a little, in his spot, to face Sam.
Finally Sam gave a shy smile, the hair hiding part of his face, making him look like eight years old again. "I know", he said simply.
It was Dean's turn to study Sam, as Sam unfolded and leaned his head on the tile behind him, his face and eyes still looking at Dean.
"You know, for real?" Dean asked.
Sam nodded and smiled, "For real."
It got Dean smiling, slow in coming, but smiling nonetheless. It was apparently contagious that it made Sam give a one-dimple smile.
"We'll get through this, like everything else", Sam said after a bit.
Dean could hear the questioning note the unspoken question. "Yeah, we…" he stressed the word 'we', "…will get through this like everything else."
Dean had the joy of watching Sam's face light up, eyes and all. Sam couldn't help but again, reach out and pat the pendant to his older brother's chest.
"He was wrong. Final piece…." He murmured.
"Say what?" Dean asked.
"Final piece", Sam repeated so that Dean could hear.
Dean frowned in confusion, "What do you mean?"
Sam said slowly and almost shyly, "HellMe was wrong. He wasn't the true final piece. For me, this was a final piece of me that I need. And now that it's back where it belongs, I feel a lot better." He reached up and rubbed his forehead with a grimace. "Hell, again." Only a few seconds later before Dean had any time to truly react, his hand was back at his side.
Dean looked worriedly questioning as Sam seemed to relax faster than any of the other times that the hell memories hit him.
Sam gave him a grin, "It didn't hurt as bad." His hand patted the pendant to Dean's chest in earnest emphasis as if trying to say much without saying anything, "You know?"
Dean studied his little brother and even felt the press of Sam's hand on his chest with the pendant underneath and slowly comprehension seeped into his eyes. And a grin slowly cracked the worried edges of Dean's expression.
"Yeah, I do and I'm glad, Sammy. I'm glad."
Fin. (for real)
A.N: That's it! The end for good, for this little saga here! Hope you all enjoyed!
Okay, reason being this is considered a bonus story or another one-shot in my book rather than an 2nd chapter is because unless Eric was bluffing, the chances of seeing that pendant is slim to none. Though I'm hoping against hope like everyone else. But this kept going on in my head and I had to get this down. So I guess in a way the previous story could be consider more canon cause I think it could happened but this one is more AU but tied to the previous.
Well regardless, I hope you enjoy both stories! Personally, I think this one turned out to be closer to what I imagined than the other one. (Though honestly the other one was just to get to this part, which to me was the good stuff)
Thanks for reading!
(Now to continue with the other fanfics ideas I have to upload-I'm telling you the finale gave me several convos in my head to make into fanfics, not to mention MVs ideas and a fanart... Anyway, I'll shut up now, I've done enough talking/typing. lol)