105 - An Education


"Kirby learned who was spreading the lesbian rumors."

KIRBY: Chelsea told YOU... and possibly other people... that I... Kirbiline Reed... like to eat girls out?
NILEY: (rethinks all of the info in her head) Yes.

"But left an open ended joke to Niley."

KIRBY: Huh... I wonder how she knew.

"And she confronted Chelsea and got a reason why."

CHELSEA: I know someone that likes you. They came to me for advice. I couldn't think of any sure-fire way to keep you single so - - I started telling people that you're a lesbian so guys wouldn't try to hit on you.
KIRBY: Chelsea, if a guy likes me, just tell me and I'll figure out how to deal with it.
CHELSEA: Normally I would but this is someone in our circle.

"Jill and Cory became official."

CORY: What do you say, Jill? Go out with me.
JILL:... I'd love to be your girlfriend.

"But Olivia's news..."

OLIVIA: Last relationship he was in didn't last too long because - - well, he can't keep his eyes or his hands to himself even when "committed."

"Threw Jill in a frenzy."

Jill PUNCHES the mirror - - CRACKING IT. She looks into the shattered mirror - - her reflection being cast a hundred times. SHE LETS OUT ONE LAST SCREAM.

"And Robbie decided to make a move."

NILEY: Sorry, it's my favorite quote of all - -



Jill sits in her chair pressed up against the window, waiting patiently - - bandages across her knuckles. The door is cracked open and she can hear talking... it's her mother, KATE ROBERTS.

KATE: (whispering) It's the second time this month, I just don't know what to do anymore.

DR. PRYCE: I'll handle it.

DR. PRYCE enters the room - - mid 50s and a well established psychiatrist in Woodsboro. He sits down, looking at a clipboard in front of them, he goes through the pages. Jill watches intentively.

DR. PRYCE: So Jill, I heard you had another - - episode?

JILL: It - - it was nothing.

DR. PRYCE: Nothing? You call smashing a mirror in your bathroom, nothing?

JILL: (sighs) I just got a little rattled, is all. Stress-related. Not an emotional outburst, I promise.

DR. PRYCE: Jill, have you been taking your medication?

JILL: (beat) No.

DR. PRYCE: And why not?

JILL: Because when I do... I feel completely void of me. Of the essence of who I am. I become this person that's not - - there. I don't feel anything, I don't even wanna go anywhere or talk to anyone. I just become this ghost. I don't want to feel that way.

DR. PRYCE: Then we should've talked, that's why I'm here - - to fix your dosage.

JILL: I don't want any of it, Dr. Pryce, that' s what I'm telling you.

DR. PRYCE: Your mother thinks otherwise and quite frankly, you're the one terrorizing her house so - -

JILL: Terrorizing? That's what she said?

DR. PRYCE: Look... you're a teenager, I understand, I was one once too. But the things you feel can be allieved. We can lower your dosage or try something else so you feel more like yourself.

JILL: I'm not taking that stuff again. I just wanna be normal. I can control my anger and my emotions - - I honestly think it's because of the withdrawls of the drugs YOU put me on.

DR. PRYCE: I know the symptoms and an increased, relapse behavior is not one of them.

JILL: How would you know? Each human body is different and reacts to things in a completely different way, there's no way of telling - -

DR. PRYCE: Jill - -

JILL: No! I looked it up, I know what I'm talking about!

DR. PRYCE: And I'm a professional psychiatrist who's been doing this for 25 years. So who you gonna listen to, the internet or me?

JILL: ... I just don't wanna disappear.



Kate drives, Jill leaning her head against the window and watching the scenery pass by. Kate's concerned but not sure of how to talk to her daughter. Jill wants nothing to do with her in this moment.

KATE: You can turn on the radio if you want.

JILL: I'm fine.

KATE: Jill, I know it's tough to be in high school - -

JILL: I don't want the speech, please.

KATE: I'm just saying, there's people who have gone through more than you. You should feel grateful that you have a roof over your head, clothes on your back, a mother that loves you - -

JILL: It's not about what I'm going through, it's about how I feel on the inside. It's abnormal and I KNOW but I just wanna be able to control it myself instead of drugs to keep me at bay.

KATE: All I know is that your cousin Sidney - - she's a fighter, Jill. Maybe you should try to talk to her, see if you two can level.

JILL: And say what? There's a Ghostface in my mind that's attacking my conscience? Our situations are completely different. I wouldn't know what to say to her anyway and she's not exactly easy to find on MySpace.

KATE: Maybe we can arrange something?

JILL: No, it's okay. I don't wanna bug her.

KATE: It's not bugging if it's family.

Kate pulls the car into the drive way and parks. She turns to the side, trying to connect more.

KATE: (strokes Jill's hair) My baby.

JILL: (pushes her hand away) Mom!

KATE: I love you... is that wrong? I can't love my own daughter?

JILL: I'm not a baby.

Jill exits the car, slamming the door shut and leaving Kate behind.



Niley runs to her door and opens - - Roy stands there with a small bag. He enters, he's familiar here and he sits down at the couch. Niley sits down with them - - regular FRIEND space between them.

NILEY: So whatchu bring?

ROY: Well I thought we could change things up from what you and Robbie were doing and so I decided to go with ANIME!

NILEY: Cartoons?

ROY: Technically but it's like a different genre, it's hard to explain.

NILEY: Oh, hey Roy, um, thanks for taking over. Things got a little weird with Robbie.

ROY: Yeah, I've been noticing you guys were a little distant yesterday and today at school. Everything okay?

NILEY: Yeah... it's fine.

ROY: (sighs) Did he try the "oops, wrong movie" and it's porn thing on you?

NILEY:... no. He does that?

ROY: ... of course not. So what is it than?

NILEY: Promise not to say anything?

ROY: Sure.

NILEY: Okay... he kissed me.

ROY: Robbie did that?

NILEY: Why do people act so surprised? There's a whole lot of man in him!

ROY:... Robbie Mercer? Robbie we know?


ROY: He kissed youuuuuuu on the cheek?


ROY: Nooooooooo. Noooooooooo. That's not even like, "oh, that's plausible."

NILEY: Well fine, don't believe but hey, I got some bad news for you.

ROY: What?

NILEY: Kirby's a lesbian.

ROY: She's a hobbity, whobity, whaty?

NILEY: A lesbian! She told me yesterday...

ROY:... are you sure? She's a little tomboyish but - -

NILEY: I heard her say it, Roy. Chelsea was saying she was and she admitted it.

ROY: Wait, I think I know what's going on. Chelsea was probably just saying that because - - well I don't know, let me get in the mind frame of how stupid people think, hmmmm - - oh, probably because I told her I liked her and so she wanted other people to think Kirby was a lesbian so they wouldn't hit on her so I could get the move on her.

NILEY:... I don't know, Kirby seemed serious.

ROY: She's sarcastic! You know how she is! I'll ask Chelsea tomorrow if she was dumb enough to do that.

NILEY: Okay, so my next question - - why haven't you made your move yet?

ROY: (sighs) I don't know. I'm starting to get the feeling that Charlie likes her these days, I don't really wanna - - steal her from him or anything.

NILEY: That's confident.

ROY: No but even if I told Kirby something and if Charlie figured out and then he'd be mad that I tried something.

NILEY: But he can't be mad unless he tells YOU.

ROY: True... I guess. I'll stop pussyfooting around and ... do something.

NILEY: You put your foot into - -

ROY: No, it's a term for playing around, Niley. Jesus, c'mon now. Do you think I should ask Charlie first though? Just to be fair?

NILEY: I guess. That's what I would want.

ROY: (sighs) Okay.



Prichard PICKS UP a stapler from a box and walks over to the table near the front of the room where there's a designed banner laid out on top of it. Charlie and Robbie work hard on the design and Roy enters, putting his backpack down by the door.

PRICHARD: Oh there you are, Roy. Too good to show up on time?

ROY:... yup.

Roy joins in, trying to help out anyway possible.

PRICHARD: Look, you guys finish it up. I got stuff to do.

ROBBIE: Prichard, you're the president, you should be helping!

PRICHARD: Yeaaaah but you're VP and I think you gotta hang of it.

CHARLIE: Dude, we need all the help we can get to get members in tomorrow during Club Rush. Because of you and the whole Baby Geniuses debacle, we went from 37 to 13 members.

PRICHARD: They loved Baby Geniuses! I specifically remember Niley clapping at the end.

ROY: Niley likes anything.

PRICHARD: Hey! Look, FAGGOTS. I told YOU to do it so DO IT.

Prichard grabs his backpack and exits.

ROBBIE: (exasperated) Such a dick.

Roy sits down in the first row and watches them continue their work.

CHARLIE: Help us, man.

ROY: Nooooo, I think we need to think of a strategy here.

CHARLIE: What do you mean?

ROY: We gotta get Prichard out of the top spot. It's killing the club I created.

ROBBIE: You didn't create it, we all did.

ROY: Yeah but it was like, my idea.

ROBBIE: It was a collective idea.

ROY:... not really.

CHARLIE: Who cares who idea it was? Let's just finish this banner so we have something to show for our shitty club that we all created tomorrow.

ROY: Think about it though... Prichard's popular. People KNOW he's the president. So tomorrow, during Club Rush - - nobody is going to bother coming over if they know he's running things. I mean, a few jock heads, sure, but we don't want them around.

ROBBIE: So what do you suggest?

ROY: We keep him occupied tomorrow during lunch. That way, we can promote that one of us - - preferably me - - is the president instead of him.

CHARLIE: You're a freshman, it's not gonna work.

ROY: (blows up) Why do people keep saying that? ! That's prejudice!

ROBBIE: Charlie, do you wanna do it?

CHARLIE: No man, you're VP. It's all you. And it is a good idea.

ROY: Yeah, I'm getting credit for THAT, right?

ROBBIE: Whatever. So let's think about this - - how do we occupy him?

ROY: Well, I was thinking of using Jill but she has a boyfriend now so no dice.

CHARLIE: You're thinking of using a woman?

ROY:... yeah? What else? Twinkies? No. Tits. Ass. Works every time.

CHARLIE: So than Niley?

ROY: No because he will know that sure she's cute but she's also too young.

ROBBIE: Which leaves us with - - not Jenny? Chelsea?

ROY: Chelsea's too easy, it won't be a challenge.

CHARLIE: I hope you're not thinking of using Kirby.

ROY: Bingo! God, Charlie, you read my mind.

ROBBIE: But Kirby's a tomboy. He's not gonna go for her.

ROY: NOT if she's a tomboy though...

CHARLIE: So you wanna doll Kirby up beyond the point of recognition and flaunt her around Prichard? He's not gonna fall for it, I'm sure he's seen her in here at every meeting. Even if she is wearing a pound of make up.

ROY: If you were Prichard and you could have mostly any girl you want, your focus is going to be on the top of the line snatch, am I right? And like you said, Kirby is a tomboy and he wouldn't go for her. Therefore, he probably never noticed her before. I mean, why would he? He could have a full on conversation with the girl and forget about her the next day if he doesn't see her as potential ass. So, that's why she's perfect. She'll become potential ass, something new that he hasn't seen before and he'll fall in our trap for what, 57 minutes is all we need? Have her lead him on, tease him, blah blah blah and we scoop up all the new members.

CHARLIE: She would never go for that though.

ROY: You're just not thinking creatively, Charlie. If we could play Prichard in that way, we can play her in that way, too. She doesn't have to know she's even doing it.

ROBBIE: This sounds impossible.

ROY: It's not! And if worst comes to worst, we can just - - I don't know, bribe her or something!

ROBBIE: You're insane, you know that?

ROY: Yes, I do! And that's why it's gonna work! Because I'm confident in my insanity!

CHARLIE: I guess he's right.

ROY: Plus she's a lesbian, not like she's going to mind or anything.

CHARLIE: Wait, what? That's just a rumor, Roy, c'mon you know better than that.

ROY: Noooo... at first I thought the same but... then Niley told me and then... I saw her today with another girl...

CHARLIE: I don't fucking believe you.

ROY: I wouldn't lie!

ROBBIE: What was she doing with this "girl?"

ROY: Well, it all started when - -



Roy continues narrating, following him through the events that occur. He comes down the hallway and is about to turn around the corner.

ROY (O.V.): I was gonna go talk to Olivia because apparently she started the rumor and on my way, I saw Kirby. I thought I'd go say hi but then...

He turns the corner and stops, ducking back behind and then pokes his head out.

ROY (O.V.): There she was with Stephie Chan. You know, the asian transfer student - slash - soccer prodigy?

We get a look at STEPHIE CHAN - - a poppy and bubbly asian girl who speaks broken English in her soccer clothes but her shorts are modified to be much smaller up almost like booty-shorts. We see these acts play out as Roy says them...

ROY (O.V.): And Kirby was RUBBING HER legs with lotion ALL the way up and down, slow and sensual like.

ROBBIE (O.V.): So? Girls put lotion on each other all the time.

ROY (O.V.): I'm not finished! And then, once Kirby was done with that, I was ready to walk over again but something else happened that looked peculiar! Stephie starts poking Kirby in the stomach, almost like if she were teasing her about something. And then Kirby smiles, let's out a sigh and says - -

KIRBY: Fine, I'll show you.

ROY (O.V.): And she pulls out her thong strap, showing it to Stephie! And they giggle about it and then Stephie pulls on it her self, and snaps it back on to Kirby's hip!

ROBBIE (O.V.): Girls do that all the time too. Remember, they actually LIKE getting half naked together.

ROY (O.V.): I'M NOT FINISHED! And then they hug but it was one of those LONG hugs, not a friendly hug at all. And I saw Stephie rub Kirby's back and then GRAB, I mean a full GRASP and handful, GRAB her ass. And what did Kirby do? NIBBLE ON Stephie's neck! Like a playful, "you'll get more later" sexy nibble. They giggle, Stephie kisses her on the cheek and they part ways.


Charlie and Robbie look at Roy in complete disbelief. Robbie nearly drooling.

ROY: And that took place over the amount of about 3 minutes. The way I told it probably seemed like a quick thirty seconds or something but nope, that goes to show you how long and drawn out that was.

ROBBIE: So that was in front of everybody?

ROY: Kind of, it was a bit before school so not everybody was around.

CHARLIE: Wow... shocking.

ROY: I know. Very educating experience for me.

CHARLIE: (sighs) I can't believe it. There goes that.

ROY: What do you mean?

CHARLIE:... well I... I liked her. I liked Jill too but now she has a boyfriend so what does that leave me? Nothing.

ROBBIE: Hey... we have each other.


ROY: Actually, Robbie, you have Niley.

ROBBIE: She told you? !

ROY: I said I wouldn't say anything but she seemed like she liked that kiss.

CHARLIE: You guys kissed?

ROBBIE: Well - well - once.

CHARLIE: And you didn't tell me, man? That hurts. Roy knew before I did.

ROBBIE: Well we both promised not to tell anyone.

ROY: Robbie, if I were you, I'd make another move before it's too late. You just got her by surprise last time is all.

ROBBIE: You sure?

ROY: I spend a lot of time with Niley, I'm pretty sure. And Charlie, no worries, man, plenty of girls in this school. You'll find one easily.

CHARLIE: You're right.

ROY: (sighs) But I'ma get out of here. I gotta think of a plan for tomorrow to get Kirby in on this. You guys are doing great by the way. Just awesome.

Roy exits before they can try to convince him to stay. Robbie looks at Charlie, they're all alone now.

CHARLIE: I'm pissed at you. You can do it yourself.

Charlie grabs his backpack and leaves as well.

ROBBIE: Whaaaaaaat? Man...



Cory's car drives up, Jill in the passenger seat. Cory turns off the car and jumps out, running over to Jill's side, letting her out. He grabs her hand and walks her towards her front door.

JILL: I had a good time tonight.

CORY: Me too.

Olivia looks down from her balcony, watching the scene as it plays out.

CORY: So I'll... see you tomorrow in the morning?

JILL: (smiles) Yeah.

There's that awkward air between them. Jill looks Cory in the eyes - - he tries to weight the situation. He leans forward. She closes her eyes. She puckers her lips - - his lips connect with her forehead. Her eyes immediately open. He smiles and pats her on the shoulder.

CORY: Goodnight.

Cory walks off before another word can be said, leaving Jill there in complete shock. Olivia laughs quietly to herself, trying not to be seen. Cory jumps in the car, starting the car. Jill still watches... this has to be a joke... he drives off.

JILL: What the fuck just happened?

Roy, Robbie and Charlie's plan for Club Rush goes into full effect.
Olivia has her own club to promote
Robbie and Niley have another "moment."
Jill confronts Cory about the "goodnight kiss."