"Why? I'll tell you why. Here we are. All of us are basically alone, separate creatures just circling each other. All searching for that slightest hint of a real connection. Some look in the wrong places, some, they just give up hope because in their mind they're thinking, 'Oh, there's nobody out there for me.' But all of us, we keep trying over and over again. Why? Because every once in a while, every once in a while, two people meet, and there's that spark. And yes Bones, he's handsome. And she's beautiful. And maybe that's all they see at first... But making love? Making. Love. That's when two people become one. "
I. A Night
Three minutes, three minutes that would decide her fate. Not that she believed in fate. Taking a deep breath, Brennan regarded the little white stripe in her hands. It was so tiny, so nondescript but held so much power over her life.
Closing her eyes, the scientist in her piped up, throwing in that the result didn't depend on those one hundred eighty seconds but rather on some other minutes, life-changing moments which had taken place four weeks ago to a night when her whole world had been shaken and she had found hold alone in her partner's arms.
A night when he had touched her.
Casting a glance at her watch, she tried to calm her revolting stomach. This wasn't planned, wasn't planned at all. For years they had danced around each other, so close that it had almost burned them more than once. And then, then it had actually burned them, and it had hurt so much.
The scars had been painful, had healed slowly, and then they had ripped them open all over again. But they had set a date, had been back on track. The center had held again and healing, real healing had started. This outcome could endanger everything, change the careful path they had been on...
Temperance Brennan was nowhere near stupid, but in that night nothing but feeling him had been meaningful. How could such an important thing like birth control have slipped her mind? How could she have been so weak?
A baby! Was she ready for a baby? Were they ready? Everything was still so new, so fragile. She felt as if she had just learned how to walk, and now somebody wanted to send her on a race.
A baby... Something inside of her shifted, a feeling which told her that if it had to happen, she was glad that it had at least happened with him. There had been times when she had longed for a child, and truth be told, it had always been his child. But now? Now just didn't seem right...
One quick glance told her that she had another minute to wait, and, closing her eyes, she wrapped her arms around herself, and her mind traveled back in time...
Four weeks earlier...
The alarm was wrong. In that innocent moment between sleep and wake, Temperance Brennan did not know why, but she knew that the alarm didn't sound right.
Then something next to her moved, the mattress shifted, the disturbing noise stopped... and everything came back. Out of the oblivion of sleep she fell into reality, fell into a life that had been taken, a line that had been crossed. A shocked gasp escaped her lips, and suddenly warm hands were on her shoulders, shaking her gently.
"No reason to panic. Just breathe, Bones, breathe. Please..."
His voice, so familiar and so raspy new at the same time soothed her somehow, and clear air filled her lungs as she inhaled deeply.
"That's my girl," he murmured, "just breathe."
The shaking had stopped, and now Booth was drawing slow patterns over the uncovered skin of her arms.
"Oh my God," she whispered, and with eyes still firmly shut, she heard his low chuckle.
"Just 'Booth' would have been enough."
Rolling her eyes with closed lids was kind of hard, she realized, and finally Brennan dared to lift her eyelids. The face she knew so well filled her vision, except that... she had never seen it that close, not in the early morning after a shared night. Not like this.
Blinking against the heaviness of sleep, Brennan let her gaze roam over his face. His brown orbs looked warm, but she could find a hunch of insecurity in them. His cheeks were shadowed with dark stubble, his lips kiss-swollen.
Something inside of her clenched and softened at the realization, and she lifted a tentative hand to cup his cheek. Closing his eyes, he leaned into her palm, letting go of a relieved sigh.
"Hi Booth," she finally said, and he rubbed his rough cheek against the softness of her skin.
"Good morning, Bones."
His fingers slipped from her shoulder down her body, grazing her skin, and stopped right at her lower back, as if he was unsure about his right to touch her, and truth be told... she didn't know either.
Right in front of her she could see his bare chest, strong and muscular, and the moment was full of intimacy they hadn't known so far. It was... almost awkward.
She remembered sucking those nipples, licking that same skin, and her stomach fluttered at the vivid images in her mind. Unable to resist the strong pull, she gravitated towards his body, and just like last night his arms opened for her without resistance, enveloping her in his very own kind of warmth. His chin rested on top of her head, and when he nuzzled his nose in her hair, she had to smile.
Last night, between tears and kisses, he had said something about her scent, how it called out to him, how he would recognize it among hundreds of others. He had said more, and she hadn't been able to memorize it, but it had touched her in its sweet perfection.
Cradled by his strong arms, her cheek pressed to his chest in this morning that was so new, she understood what he had been talking about because it was just the same for her. It was a feeling of belonging, stronger than everything she had ever experienced in her whole life.
Once the universe had spoken to her, had caused her to stop mid-track, forced her to reevaluate her path. It had been world-shattering, but even those days of upside-down hadn't prepared her for what she was feeling right now. They were way past the crossroads, had changed tracks with the speed of light...
"It's okay," he tried to calm her, unsure if calming was necessary, and she stayed with her face burrowed in the safety of his strong body for a few more heartbeats.
"Bones, last night..."
He tried to muster his courage, but she cut him off.
"Don't say it has been a mistake."
The words tumbled out of her mouth as a plea before she could think, and Brennan was surprised how much she wanted it to be not a mistake. He could crush her with his words, and the epiphany made her dizzy for a moment. Had it been just like this for him, back then on the steps of the Hoover Building?
His arms around her tightened, rocking her gently.
"No mistake, Baby, no. You don't think it was a mistake, then?"
What did she think?
Squeezing her eyes shut, she pressed her forehead to his shoulder.
"Let me think for a moment."
He chuckled again, his hands resuming their caress on her back.
"You used to be quicker."
"That was before something blew my mind," she uttered, and he felt a strange tingle in his insides.
After a few more moments she opened her eyes again, lifting her head.
"It has been unexpected, but not a mistake. The moment might have been... not so wisely chosen, but I find that no part of me could possibly rue being with you like this."
Tapping her chin, he held her gaze.
"You liked it?" he asked on a whisper, and she answered equally seriously.
"Last night... I think you saved me, Booth."
She saw something in his brown depths crumbling at her words, and her eyes widened as she noticed a curtain of moisture clouding his vision.
Shaking his head, he swallowed hard against the lump in his throat.
"I didn't save you more than you saved me."
"Come here," she offered, pulling him closer into her embrace, and then her lips fluttered over his as soft as a butterfly's wing.
He nodded, struggling with emotions.
"That should be my line."
"I'm sad," she admitted with her typical child-like honesty, "but I'm here."
"Step by step. We will get up, have a shower, eat breakfast, find a killer, survive the day."
"Survive the day..."
"I promise, Bones. I will not let him hurt us again. I won't let him do any harm to you."
"It's not me I'm worried about, Booth."
Her pale blue eyes bore into his, as she let him read her. Lifting a slow hand, he traced the contours of her rosy lips with his fingers.
"I will be fine, Bones."
One more fierce hug, and then they had to leave the cocoon of his bed, had to end their very first night. Had to find a killer. Because time... it had only stopped for one of them...
The skull was white.
It was a ridiculous statement, but holding the cranium in her gloved hands, Brennan couldn't really bring herself to think past "white".
It was dead as well, but that realization even topped the ridiculousness of the first one.
She was the best forensic anthropologist in the world, and if it hadn't been so damn unfunny, Brennan would have laughed at the two tiny words dancing in her head. Dead. White.
She had left Booth's bed naked this morning. Alone in his bathroom, she had studied her own reflection in the mirror. On the wings of a nightingale everything had changed, and even though she knew perfectly well that there would be no trace of change palpable in her appearance, she had to look for it.
A tiny sensation had ripped her out of her contemplation, the slight discomfort of damp thighs, moisture dripping out of her. 'Oh my God,' she had thought, her knuckles white where her fists had been holding his sink in a vice-like grip, as one more thing she hadn't considered overwhelmed her.
Forcing her attention back to the skull in her hands, Brennan tried not to dwell on the fact that they hadn't used any protection, that somewhere inside of her body Booth's seed had mingled with her own fluids. Compartmentalize... she had always been so good at it. After all, it was highly unlikely that something had happened. The skull was white... There were fractures she should examine microscopically.
Shifting her weight, she was greeted by a strange ache in her lower belly. The soreness was as expected; it had been a long time since she had been with a man. Before Booth. 'Oh my God, I have slept with Booth.' The magnitude of what they had done hit her with a sudden rush, and then she was back in his bed, back under his impressive frame. So solid but so warm.
He had been gentle, careful not to hurt her, but his sheer physical strength had mesmerized her. His body moving inside of her... it had been the biggest thing she had ever experienced, and she had felt so fragile but so utterly whole with him. He hadn't only slept with her; he had worshipped her like no other man had ever done before, all the time holding her gaze, and she had known it with every part of her being, known that he was touching so much more than just her body alone.
And when her contractions had begun, when she had trembled and cried in his arms, she hadn't been afraid to fall because all the time he had been holding her, lifting and grounding her at the same time. Then his own world had splintered, and the pure devotion on his face had her weeping all over again.
It had been so beautiful. They had been...
He had held her in his arms afterwards, his racing heartbeat close to her ear, a loud kind of silence covering them. It had felt as if he had been trying very hard not to speak, and if she hadn't been so damn drained, she would have told him that there was no need to hold back, that she could take it. She hadn't said it, though, and he had stayed silent.
Holding the dead – alternating the two adjectives she could come up with was at least something – skull in her hand, Brennan wondered if she would have been strong enough to take it. It felt impossible that there were words that could articulate the things his eyes and his kisses had whispered about. But if there were any words... how big would their impact be?
The skull was white.
Angela waddling into the room tore her out of her reverie, and Brennan tried to hide her feelings. Unfortunately, Angela had never been very good at being fooled, and then the scientist disappeared for real, and she was just a woman talking to her best friend.
"I got into bed with Booth last night."
Angela's mouth opened, but no words came out, and Brennan fidgeted anxiously.
"Why aren't you saying anything?"
"Because I don't want to yell 'Hallelujah' so close to losing Vincent."
"I think I did it because of Vincent."
"Well, whoa, what exactly happened after you... after you crawled into bed with Booth?"
Friendly comfort. And... tender kisses, throaty moans, low sighs, desperate need... There were so many things to say, and as her mind tried to put the possible answers in order, her face lit up in a grin that told so much more than any word ever could. It was only a little bit smug, but the smugness increased, as her best friend looked as if she had won the lottery.
Brennan almost missed Hodgins entering the scene, but Angela's voice brought her back to reality.
"Honey, no! Not right now. I'm sorry. I love you, but go tell Cam. Go! Away!"
Feeling kind of sorry for the curly-haired scientist, Brennan gave him an apologetic glance with just a hint of shame in it, but Angela knew no mercy.
"Away!" she yelled one last time, and her distraught husband had finally vanished.
"Tell me, Brennan, now. I want it short, I want it quick, I want it juicy. This baby could come every day now, and if my water breaks before you finish your story, I'll blame you forever for my child's trauma to be born next to a rotten skeleton."
"It's white," Brennan tried, but Angela looked at her as if she had lost her mind.
Short. Quick. Juicy. Juicy?
"I do not understand the juicy part, but last night I had sex with Booth."
Brennan flinched at the loud squeal her friend released.
"That cannot be good for the baby."
"Sweetie, me dancing on the table right now wouldn't be good for the baby, I'm already compromising. How? Why? How are you feeling?"
"How?" Brennan arched an eyebrow at her friend, and Angela gave her an incredulous glance.
"I stayed at his apartment last night. I cried, and he held me. I," Brennan shrugged almost helplessly, "I cannot even tell you how exactly it happened, but suddenly kissing Booth seemed so very right. And after I had kissed him once..."
Her voice trailed off, and Angela had to sigh at the dreamy shimmer in her friend's eyes.
"He rocked your world?"
"Yes," Brennan whispered almost reverently, an adorable blush covering her cheeks. "I have never felt like this before. It has been... just amazing. I understand the term 'mind-blowing' now."
Chuckling, Angela rounded the table and tried to hug Brennan despite the enormous belly between them.
"I'm so glad. How are you feeling now?"
"Confused, but full somehow."
Wrinkling her nose, Brennan tried to think about a better word.
"I feel as if I belong to him."
"Oh, Sweetie, I've told you for years that you belong to Booth."
"I know. Maybe you have been right."
Once again, Angela had lost her ability to speak.
"I have to mark that day in my calendar," she finally uttered. "What now? Are you a real couple?"
Insecurity washed over Brennan's face, and she stepped backwards, gaining a few inches of space.
"We haven't really talked about it."
Closing her eyes, Angela took a deep breath.
"Promise me you won't backpedal again."
Remembering the perfect rightness of being in his arms, Brennan gave her worried friend a warm smile.
"I won't. I don't want to have any regrets, Angela. This is my chance."
The artist seemed to be choked with emotion.
"I love you, Brenn, you know that, right? You just made me very happy."
Laughing out loud, Brennan accepted one more hug.
"I love you, too, Angela. And I want to thank you for both your persistence and your faith."
Her best friend's words were soft and sweet in her hair.
"You're so welcome. Sweetie, you will be very happy. Just let him love you. Let him open your car door every once in a while, and rub his feet while he watches a game on TV."
"That's it? The big secret to make a relationship work?"
"Did I mention awesome sex?"
Angela could feel the giggles that rippled through Brennan's body.
"I doubt that the latter will be a problem."
"It is really true? You had sex with Booth."
"Yes," Brennan whispered, and once again the truth dazed her.
Angela sniffled, and her voice was huskier than usual.
"You wanna go back to staring at your skull now?"
"It is white," Brennan answered equally touched, and then both women were shedding a few happy tears. One of them could blame it on pregnancy hormones, the other one... on plain hormones.
Temperance Brennan and Seeley Booth had had sex. Engaged in sexual intercourse. Made love. Rocked each other's world – there were a lot of ways to declare it, but none of them changed the simple truth.
They had done it.
To be continued...
Is anybody able to say something besides "Oh my God"? *taking a deep breath* So, this is my hiatus story. Part of it feels as if I've already written it a hundred times, and the other part is one thing I am so not ready to write. I've never been pregnant, what can I tell you about the amazing feeling of little life growing inside of you? So far I'm just operating on faith here, and all I can ask for is: Trust me that I won't ruin this story. Bring on the hiatus...