I'm new to this website and this is my first story so please bear with me, I wrote this simply for fun, and to the people reading this I assume you have a similar mindset, especially about the ending. Anyway, reviews and comments would be totally appreciated, I just want to know how this story is. Thank you to anybody who reads this and I hope you enjoy it =D
-Chapter 1: Breakdown
I've come to realized that life won't slow down. That I will never truly get a chance to stop and think and breathe and sort through my emotions, no, not without losing every other function necessary for my survival.
I've come to realize that life is not for the weak, the world is just much too cruel, and my sadness is replaced by something deeper, it collects in a pit somewhere in my body, and all that precipitates is anger. And I am angry; I have every right to be. This world has taken everything from me. It took my father before I ever experience anything substantial, it took my mother twice from me, it took my sister, my Prim, the one I sacrificed everything for. Prim.
I have to stop.
These thoughts are just too much, I have to stop before I lose myself and plummet into insanity.
But I don't, not at this hour, not with this insomnia, not with this rage that is building inside me. Instead I allow the thoughts to consume, and recount, one by one, every single thing that this world has taken from me. It took my family, it took Gale, it took Finnick, it took my home, my town, my neighbors, it has taken friends and enemies alike, and left me to deal with the guilt and sorrow, Rue, Mags, Cato, Foxface, Wiress.
I can't stop, the deluge of loss cannot be stopped. This world has taken ABSOLUTELY everything, EVERYTHING.
I'm out of bed, thrashing around the room knocking over everything I can, lamps, chairs, the bedding. I open the closet and start to punish the faultless clothing. Surely even they have taken from me somehow. This world and everything in it has done nothing but hurt me, it has taken my joy, my sadness, my ability to choose. This world has taken everyone from my side and left me to pick up the pieces. Even Peeta, who is so close, has been taken from me.
Suddenly I stop; I look at the room, the aftermath of my rage, and decide to shower. In the bathroom I am enveloped in a cocoon of warm water, but the clarity and peace was only temporary, my mind begins to spiral once more into the chaos.
In an attempt to regain control I begin to recite:
"My name is Katniss Everdeen…" but it's not enough, I am too deep into the madness, and so my mind continues, "My name is Katniss Everdeen, I have lost everything, I lost laughter and gained tears, and pain has completely replaced pleasure."
At that moment it all stops, and I know exactly what to do.
I step out of the shower and hastily dry my body, I run past my room, down the stairs, and grab my hunting coat before walking out the door.
There is no doubt in my mind, I'm going to take something from this world, and nothing can stop me.
As I pound on the door, a slight breeze overtakes me, the night is cold, too cold for spring, but I only grip my jacket tighter for comfort.
The door opens cautiously, and as always, I am greeted with a pair of piercing blue eyes through the crack before the door is fully opened.
"Katniss?" says Peeta slowly. But quickly realizes that something is wrong, since I am wearing only my hunting coat.
"Katniss, whats wrong. Are you alri—" before he can finish his sentence I release my grip on the jacket and reveal myself to Peeta. His face registers only alarm as he grabs my coat shut and drags me into his house. He sticks his head outside and quickly and assures himself that no one else saw, even at this late hour, before closing the door and turning to me.
"Katniss what the hell are you doing!" finally the realization of what has occurred must have set in because his face is redder then I ever imagine possible for a healthy individual. "What happened? Why are you dressed like that?"
I ignore his questions, and slowly walk towards the kitchen, analyzing every inch of the room.
"Katniss!" he shouts as I prop myself on his kitchen counter, and cross my legs casually. But as he storms into the kitchen and walks towards me I once and gain release my grip on the jacket, and uncross my legs slightly. He stops in shock, dead in his tracks. His face becomes as red as before and he can't seem to find a safe place to rest his eyes on so he stares at the floor and continues to walk towards me, cautiously.
"Katniss, I don't know what's happened but you need to get a grip. What is going on, why are you here… like this." I jump off the counter and rid myself of the jacket. And as I approach him I say "Because it's my turn."
His sight breaks from the floor and his eyes meet mine, face red as ever. "Your turn for what Katniss?"
"My turn to take something back from the world."
He is confused but still reacts defensively to my touch, and as I slide my hand under his shirt, slowly travelling upwards, and place my other arm around his neck, he jerks back with the same elevated agility that he used to pull me into his home.
"Why are you doing this" his breathing sharp, and staggered.
"I told you, I'm going to take something back from the world. Something it took from me." I say with a sheepish smile, before closing the gap with a kiss.
His hands cannot find a place to settle on my body, but slowly, as he struggles to break free from my embrace, I can feel his movements settle. He can no longer fight it, as his last shreds of will power disappear. Knowing this I grab the waist of his pants and drag him across the kitchen, up the stairs and into his room, where I throw him onto his bed, and he lays in wait, staring obediently but prepared to devour every aspect of me.
Slowly I settle my naked body onto his and watch his eyes travel across the contours of my figure. And he sees all of me, my face, neck, shoulders, my breasts, abdomen and hips, but his eyes dare not travel lower, he sees all of me, scars, and discoloration, but still will not travel lower than my hips. So instead I begin to undress him, shirt pulled over his head, pants pulled gently but hastily off his body, and when he can no longer hide his excitement his face returns to the unnatural red.
I place his hands on my breasts and as he sighs as I softly moan, I pull his underwear off with my feet, making sure I brush my legs against him as much as possible. And I am rewarded with a soft medley of slight gasps and groans. But before continuing he props himself upwards, grasping my shoulders tightly and locking his intense blue eyes on mine. His face barely registers anything other than desire, but I know what he means, "are you sure?". I respond simply with a smile, and as releases his grasp I know for certain that any inhibitions are gone from his mind, the Peeta that is in front of me is a creature of lust and desire, of passion and pleasure.
Swiftly he flips me over and takes control of the situation, as he lies on top of me I am met with a barrage of kisses, intimate, heavy, and traveling, slowly but surely. On my neck, shoulders, breasts, abdomen, navel, and finally a strong sensation overtakes my entire body.
I shut my thighs on his head in shock, but this does not diminish his determination. He grabs my hips roughly and presses forward until resistance is impossible, the sensation overtakes my legs, and I release, he laughs triumphantly before inserting his index inside me. And in that moment, I lose myself completely, he can and may do as he wishes with my body, and I have no power, or desire to prevent him from taking me over. I lie back and relish every light thrust from his hands and every contact of his lips and tongue. My breathing quickens my abdomen contracts lightly and repetitively and I can feel my legs moving without my consent. I can't control myself. "Pe-" I struggle with the words, but the gasps, and moans overtake my throat, "P—Peet-" I struggle once more but he will not cease. I can feel his lips smiling as they meet my flesh, his fingers exploring and claiming me as his, faster, and faster, until my body is not mine, from head to toe I am nothing more but a reaction to his touch, enveloped in bliss. I reach down and grab his hair aggressively, as a dominant moan escapes my throat.
He stops, climbs on top of me, and as the moonlight hits his face I see his eyes, sharp and focused, piercing me to my core. Sweat trickles from his forehead, down his neck towards his body, his blonde locks sticking to his skin. I extend my hands and place one behind his neck, pulling him in for a kiss, and place another on his lower back, inviting him to take all of me for once and for all, my hips, thrusting with longing and anticipation.
I am met with a brief discomfort, and he withdraws slightly as he sees my reaction, but thrusts forward as pleasure takes over his body. All I can do is stare at his face, as his back curves and his hips become one with mine. Soft leathery strokes and sharp explosive thrusts send me deeper and deeper into euphoria. This Peeta is a person I never knew, lewd, and conquering. An animal that has the capability of destroying me with sensations I didn't know I could have. His hands have changed, from the gentle hands of a baker which could not find a home on my body to those of a master, commanding the landscapes of my body as he fastens my legs to chest with one arm and locks my hands over my head with the other. I feel powerless, defenseless and vulnerable, and he knows it, but this side of Peeta is enjoying it, the knowledge that at this moment he controls all of me with only a simple jerk of his hips. And he uses his new found power, thrusting deeper and more intensely every passing second. Once again stripping me of my ability to speak, rendering me into a vessel, being filled quickly, dangerously past the brim. And as I'm dangerously close to overflowing with pleasure, I lose control of my mouth once again, "P—Peeta-" dragging on the last syllable "Pe—I ca— I'm—". He thrusts deeper and harder than before and wraps my legs around his waist, the sensations travel deeper in to me.
"Pe-Peeta—I'm—I" he grabs my wrists and again pins me against the bed, he places his mouth against my ear and tells me "N-NO, Not yet, you're mine so not yet." I lose control.
He pulls me up placing my arms around his neck. And with his hands on my waist he pulls himself to a half sitting position, thrusting aggressively and jerking my body, up and down, his pace hastens and I can't hold on any longer, he can command me all he wants but my body cannot hold this feeling, waves of pleasure wrack my body, intense and piercing. I lock my fingers in his hair and pull his head back. I kiss him passionately and bite his lips, drawing blood. Moaning, panting, gasping, unable to hide anything from him this has become the only form of communication that my body can create, and his body reacts the same, but he doesn't stop, even as we fall back into the bed he won't stop, his body completely overtaken, and so I scream, and moan and groan, louder and louder until he joins me and our bodies give out, consumed by bliss, pure and powerful. I stare at his face as he settles next to me. Breathing erratic, mouth open, eyes triumphant, his arms surround me and for the first time, I feel happy, far from madness and sadness, emptiness and rage. I sleep in his arms exhausted, safe and satisfied. I took something back from the world, and I couldn't be happier.
The next morning I awake to a sleeping Peeta, and I realize what has happened as I see his naked body. I move slightly and see as his eyes part open.
"So, did you get back what the world stole from you?" he says smiling.
I look at his face and place my hands on his chest and navel, and say bluntly "Yes I took back raw pleasure!"
He stops for a moment and pulls my hands away. "Katniss, why did you come here? What is it you were trying to get back?" He pauses and with a fearful look in his eyes he asks "Katniss was it me you were trying to regain? Did this mean something? What are you trying to tell me?"
His questions drag me back to a harsh reality, and I have no way to answer, "Peeta I j-" he releases my hands, and all color drains from his face, his expression numb. I try to reach for him but he pulls away, covers himself, and turns towards the wall.
I don't know what to do. I rise from the mess of sheets, and grab a pair of pants from the floor, I slip it on and race out of the room, find my jacket in the kitchen and grabbing on the all the loose articles of clothing run faster than I ever have, I reach my house, hopefully unnoticed and run straight for the bathroom, turn on the shower and cry.
I begin to recite for my sanity.
"My name is Katniss Everdeen. " I can't produce anything else, I'm not sure what just happened.