A/N: Just a thought that I had. It's so Lance.
Disclaimer: I don't own Sym-Bionic Titan, but I am fighting to get it back on the air!
Nothing to Lose
Before, I had nothing to sincerely care about. Life was just about me getting by and living. I wouldn't enjoy anything. I wouldn't learn to care. Just live. That was the goal. Live life. Not to the fullest. Just live.
That detached mindset let me turn into a machine. The Manus armor wasn't just my protection and defense: it was what gave me the outer core that could match my emotions. Detached. Inhuman. I wasn't capable of feeling, only of living. Live, don't die. Live because that was what my father would want me to do. That was the goal.
I wasn't going to be a waste of a body or a waste of resources, I had made that a rule from the start. I had made a whole set of rules from the start. From the moment I knew I had nothing to lose, I had my rules. No wasting resources. No being useless. No dying without good cause. And don't disappoint anyone. I was put on Galaluna for a reason, and I wasn't going to be a waste of a life. Not when I had so much more to do yet. Not when I knew I could do more.
It was the fact that I was capable of doing more that kept pushing me. I was a warm body that could still do things to benefit the people. There were a lot of people out there who couldn't always do things for themselves, and I wasn't about to waste myself when there were people who wished they could be me. When I was useless, then it was all over. That was when I knew I'd be able to give into the pain and suffering and just let go of this reality.
The only thing I was really capable of doing was being in the military and fighting. It was all I was able to enjoy since I didn't feel anything. I could compare myself to a rock. Strong, still, there, but never doing anything other than what's needed. A rock can be thrown, used to diverge rivers, protection as a wall. I was a rock; I was detached just enough to be one of the most dangerous fighters in the world.
I was pleased with myself for that. I wasn't useless. I was no waste of space. The respect and honor just came with that strength and power, but I didn't mind it. It wasn't something I wanted, but it wasn't something that bothered me an awful lot either.
But I had to partially thank my father's death for what happened to me. Losing him made me an orphan. As an orphan, I was taken in by the king and put under military command. Under that command was how I grew to fight, but it was my reckless manner that let me truly throw myself into things. Literally.
There was nothing to live for outside of my little realm. Nothing. I had no friends after Arthur ditched me because I was Baron's walking punching bag. He didn't want to be associated with me. I was fine with that. Less people I had to deal with. If I could survive on my own, I knew I wouldn't need anyone. I would never need anyone. Never. Nothing to lose, nothing to live for. And I was good with that. I didn't need to live for anything. I could live independently of others. No one would be relying on me to come home from battle. No one would want to see me again if I were gone.
I could throw myself into the line of fire and know that I was only trying to help my people. I wasn't wasting myself. I was able to go in without a care, but I wasn't going to die without a good reason. Protecting the people. Fighting the enemy. That was who I was. I wasn't going to be useless. I'd put myself to work. I'd trained myself to be a warrior. And that was who I'd become. I was a warrior. I was a fighter. It was who I was.
With nothing to lose, I was going to risk it all, put the ultimate sacrifice to the test. I was ready to die for the people. Maybe I'd go see my dad. Maybe I wouldn't. But no matter what, I wasn't afraid to die.
I was never afraid to die. Not after I lost my dad. Not after I lost myself. Not after I was done with people. I wasn't afraid to sacrifice myself.
Because what was death? Something to fear or something to embrace? The end of all suffering. The end of all pain. The end of all fear. The end of everything that was torturous to people. The end of a life. The beginning of something great. I wasn't afraid. I had nothing to lose. No one would miss me. I wouldn't need a funeral. I could just go. In peace.
A/N: Well, meant to be longer, but I'm pleased. Review?