I won't seem to let myself take on any AU or cross overs until the half-finished ones on my desktop are complete. Finish what you start right? I started this one 2-3 months ago and it too was lost to FF purgatory. (I have a very cluttered desktop) Anyone else tend to write out of order? *Here's a scene I like! Oh wait, I have to have a story to go with it? DAMN!* Psh... Not sure if I like it either, as it's kinda uneven IMO, but here it is. Anyway, the ramble train has been derailed. I'll shut up now.

Chapter One

Oh, they'd really fucked up. It wasn't intentional and they felt SO bad but it didn't change the fact that it had happened all the same and now their beloved tech analyst and friend wasn't speaking to either of them.

Spencer, Emily and JJ looked over as they heard yelling followed by a slamming door. They observed as a crestfallen Derek walked reluctantly back to the bullpen.

"Give her time Morgan. It was pretty bad." JJ said.

"I realize that! But we didn't know this would happen! She won't even hear me out!"

"She wouldn't listen to me either. And I even used what she referred to as my best 'kitten face'." Spencer pouted.

"See? How can you say no to that?" Morgan asked, gesturing to the adorably pathetic look on Reid's face.

The girls gave mock gasps.

"She can't take it out on him right now without ending up under investigation so you two are the next best thing." Prentiss explained.

"Hey, we knew he was drunk and tried to get him to leave but he refused. Then he just disappeared while Reid was getting the car and I was paying the tab. By the time we found him stumbling out of the restroom, zipping it up with that chick slinking out behind him it was too late." Morgan defended.

"Well, you did push him to go out." JJ interjected.

"Us. He pushed US into going out." Reid clarified.

"Look, I just figured that I should get to know the guy for the purpose of avoiding this very thing. Messing up their relationship. And Reid, you needed a night out with the boys."

"Says you. I was fine just staying in. Which I suggested by the way."

"Oh, so this is all my fault? How was I supposed to know Kevin was a douche bag?"

"Well you certainly didn't help matters any when you threatened his life and drug him to Garcia's to confess at one am."

"What the hell was I supposed to do? Keep it a secret? She should at least give me credit for that much! Besides, Kevin's a big boy, he should be held accountable for his own actions."

"If you guys had forced Will out for a boy's night and that had happened I'd be pissed at you too." JJ admitted.

"Thanks JJ. That really helps." Morgan huffed.

"I'm not trying to help. Just telling you that it is what it is and you have to see her side of it and give her time."

"I just don't see why I fall into the 'friends she's not speaking to' category. It wasn't even my idea and I wasn't the one that ran to the restroom to get my Jack-in-the-box sprung by some random hussy…" Reid grumbled.

They all stared at him with raised brows.

"What…" He balked

"Sorry Reid. It doesn't matter. Guilt by association. You're both in the dog house." Prentiss shrugged.

"I just wish she would listen…"

"She will. Someday. My advice, do whatever it takes when she does." JJ admonished.

"Wh-what do you mean by 'DO'…or for that matter 'WHATEVER'?" Reid asked warily.

"What, you really think you're getting out of this without jumping through some hoops? This is Penelope we're talking about." Prentiss laughed.

Morgan and Reid looked at each other for a long moment with matching grimaces, minds running with the possibilities of what their potential forgiveness would entail.

"Well, I'd do anything about now. I feel horrible. And if I feel this horrible I can't imagine how horrible she must feel…which makes me feel even more horrible." Morgan said shaking his head.

"You should feel horrible. I feel horrible and I didn't even do anything." Reid griped.

"Reid, I swear to God…"

"You said, and I quote, 'Hey Pretty Boy, get that skinny butt of yours ready cuz you and me are takin' Kevin out for a guy's night'." Spencer said in an amusing attempt at a Morgan impersonation. "To which I replied, 'I'm not really in the mood to sit with Kevin while you prowl for your latest conquest.' To which you said, and I quote, 'No ladies tonight. Just us boys. I need you as a buffer. Come on, we owe it to Garcia to get to know the man she's sharing bath time with.' To which I said…"

"I remember the conversation Reid! Alright, so you didn't want to go out initially, but you were having a good time for a while there. You even bought a round. So stop acting all innocent."

"You're the one that left Kevin at that woman's mercy."


"She was hitting on me first when I went up to settle the tab. Then you came stomping up and very rudely told her to, what was it, 'Flap her fly trap' elsewhere? Then you told me you had it covered and that I should get the car."

"So what, you wanted to go get it on with the human petri dish in that cesspool of a bathroom?"

"No. I didn't say that. But if you had left it alone and just stayed with Kevin until I paid, none of this would have happened."

"Gee, I'm sorry for saving you from a trip to the free clinic man."

"You didn't save me! I wasn't going to do anything with her! And I think I could handle politely rejecting a woman without insulting her."

"Well maybe we didn't have all night for you to pry her off you at a snail's pace. God, you probably need to get a penicillin shot just for the contact you did have."

"Ha! Pot meet kettle! Morgan, for as much crap as I get for not trying to pick up ladies, you sure are being an ass about this. Unlike some people I actually think with my brain and I don't sleep around with every scantily dressed woman that paws at me. Despite what you may think I actually have standards."

"And I don't?"

"Yeah. Two. Attractive and willing. And some nights the first one is even negotiable."

"That's really what you think of me?"

"Since when does what I think matter to you? If it did we never would have been there in the first place."

"Alright! I get it! It's my fault! I'm an asshole! Happy? Maybe I should just…"

"Fuck Reid and get it over with? Jesus you guys, Pen is in there devastated, a two year relationship down the tubes and you're having the equivalency of a bitch fight over…what?"

Reid glared at her and Morgan went to say something he'd most likely regret when his phone buzzed. It was a text from Garcia.

"She wants to talk to us." He relayed to Reid.


"Shut up and come on." Morgan spat, grabbing him by the front of his shirt and pulling him toward her office.


The boys slinked quietly to her door and waited patiently to be allowed into the tech mistress's domain.

"Hey Baby Girl, we're so glad you're willing to…"

"Shush. I have zero interest in any excuses or sniveling. I've been moping around the last few days going through the grieving process and do you know what I've realized?"

Both men stood in silence for fear of what would happen if they dared to speak.

"I realized that as hurt and betrayed and foolish as I feel that the worst part of it all, the part that keeps me from finding any kind of peace or solace amidst this nightmare, is the complete and utter humiliation. The fact that everyone seems to know that my boyfriend, my sleazy, evil, two-faced, pervert of an ex, went out with two of my best friends and cheated on me with some floozy in the bathroom of a hole in the wall bar they drug him to."

Derek flashed a warning glance at Spencer who had opened his mouth to correct her, snapping it shut a moment later for fear of life and limb.

"Kevin Lynch will get his. I've seen to that. But you two, well, that's a whole other matter. I did weigh the facts and I realize that you did force him to come clean about said betrayal, but I still can't get over the part you played in the destruction of my life as I knew it. However, we do have to work together, so I asked myself: Self? What could we possibly do to give my boys the chance to redeem themselves? What could they do to make things right again? And I decided that humiliation in itself is the answer."

The two men looked at one another sharing a mutual *gulp* before turning their attention back toward the one woman firing squad.

"I don't fancy myself a vengeful or hateful person, but I figure an eye for an eye in this case would be sufficient enough. So, I've devised a little plan. Are you game?"

"W-what's the plan?" Reid asked nervously.

"Agree first and I'll tell you."

"To be honest Garcia, the 'plan'…scares me."

"Oh, believe me Boy-Wonder, the alternative is much more terrifying."

"Fine Baby Girl. Whatever it takes. We'll do it." Morgan said quickly.

"Hey! I didn't agree…"

If looks could kill Spencer would have been vapor.

" Fine. Agreed." He mumbled.

"Good." Garcia said, leaning back in her chair like some deranged mob boss having just received confirmation on a hit. "Here's how it's gonna go…"

Okay, so, there's the first chapter. Um…chapter two has pie… And more sassy Reid. Who doesn't love sassy Reid pie? It's a flavor I'd savor! Yum! I think I'm way overdue for a darker fic. But I just can't seem to go there on purpose lately. Survival maybe? IDK. Sorry. Just not good at serious these days. I appreciate your time, and your thoughts even more. Thank you. :)