For the sake of avoiding confusion I will refer to the characters by their original names in the series instead of making up mumbo jumbo random names :3
So this is the first episode. The chapters that follow will be according to the episodes and what REALLY happened behind the scenes. It's not bloopers (but to an extent!) but I can promise that they will be HILARIOUS! ^^
P.S trying to work on writing shorter chapters. I guess that sucks but it's easier for me to put them up faster and more in number
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. If I did, Grimmjow would walk around topless all the time in jeans like in a Gap AD *drool* and we'd get to see mansex too…..
Warnings: none that you should watch out for except maybe swearing. I don't get these so called 'warnings' about blood and swearing. Dude, have you never gotten a papercut or something? And honestly against swearing? What cookies and rainbows world do you live in?
'We have no form, therefore we fear it, and because we are formless, we revere it. Thus we are slain,' Rukia uttered monotonously. She looks down and taking a deep breath, jumps down. But before she does, her hakama slips under her foot, causing her to get off balance and yelp in panic as she hangs suspended in midair by cable wires.
'URAHARAAA!' she shrieks and struggles to untangle herself. Urahara sighs as he slouches in the director's chair.
'Cut!' Urahara says tersely over a megaphone and hops of his chair to approach Rukia. 'How many times do we have to tell you to fix your outfit before you get on set?'
'Hey it's not my fault you made this too damn big for me! I told you I'm a size 4!' Rukia barks and continues to struggle as a crane came close to help her out.
'Making samurai outfits ain't cheap, Ruks! You could cost me a fortune there!'
'I almost fucking died when I fell off and all you care about is this fucking outfit?'
'Well, aren't you glad you're playing the dead girl, huh?'
'Okay, now remember, Ichigo, You have to walk into the scene and start arguing with those guys about why they upset the-Ichigo, get off the phone!'
'Oh yeah? Well, you know what? I don't want to see your fucked up face near me ever again!' Ichigo yells over the phone and slams it shut. He gives Urahara a seething glare who starts to feel uneasy now.
'Ummm, you ready, Ichi?' he says meekly. Ichigo rolls his eyes and crosses his arms as Urahara slinks away. One of the bully actors next to him sniggers.
'Dude, he is such a stuck-up brat,' he whispers to his co-actors. They nod in agreement.
'I heard his condo's got a freaking hot tub!' one of them hisses.
'Hot tub? I heard he got a swimming pool!'
'Whatever, man! He's just a snob who can't even act to save his life! I mean, he probably got picked 'cuz of his hair! It can poke an eye out!'
They hear someone cough behind them and turn out to see Ichigo with a raised eyebrow.
'What was that about my hair?' he glowers at them. They can literally see the fire in his eyes and they start sweating profusely.
'Uh…uh…nothing! Nothing out of the ordinary!' one of them squeaks and fumbles to speak proper sentences. A muscle tics in the corner of Ichigo's temple.
'Did you just say 'orange'?' he utters in an emotionless voice. The three look at each other in fear.
'N-n-no! I didn't say-!'
Ichigo delivers a kick right across his face. The others start screaming but get cut off as Ichigo pummels them brutally.
'Okay! Are we ready to-what the hell?' Urahara shrieks as he sees the star of his show beating the extras. He quickly turns to the cameraman. 'Is the camera rolling?'
'Uh…yeah, should I turn it off?' the cameraman says confusedly.
'Are you crazy? This is good stuff! Keep rolling!' Pause. 'Do you think we can get a close-up of Ichigo pounding that guy's face?'
Rukia surveys Ichigo's room suspiciously.
'It's near,' she murmurs and reaches for her sword.
'Who are you and what do you want!' Ichigo yells as he punches Rukia to the ground.
'CUT!' Urahara calls over his megaphone. 'Ichigo you weren't supposed to punch her you were supposed to kick her!'
'Ichigo's Room: Meeting Rukia take 2!'
'It's near…' Rukia whispers to herself.
'Who are you and what do you want?' Ichigo hollers as he slams his foot into Rukia's behind.
'CUT! Sorry you guys but the camera ran a glitch! Let's do it again!'
'What do you want and who are you!'
'CUT! Ichigo! Stop messing up your lines!'
Rukia picks her nose and then suddenly looks into the camera.
'Oops! Sorry! I didn't know-!' she starts to stutter when Ichigo kicks her into the floor while screaming his lines out.
'CUT! Rukia, stop picking your nose!'
'Who are you and what do you want!'
'Perfect! Now let's move onto the next scene and-wait. Oh shit the camera wasn't rolling! Okay, let's do this one more time-!'
'Can you guys please get this fucking scene right? I swear I can feel Ichigo's foot imprinted on my ass by now!' Rukia screeches.
'I am…Ichigo Kurosaki,' Ichigo murmurs and grabs Rukia's sword to pierce himself. It bounces across his chest and rebounds so that the hilt strikes Rukia forcefully on her forehead. She groans and collapses in a heap on the floor.
'CUT! Ichigo, what the fuck did you do?' Urahara screams as he abandons his megaphone to check on Rukia.
'Sorry! I guess I used too much force!' Ichigo blabbers and checks Rukia's pulse. 'Well, at least she's still alive! And as long as she's not bleeding she's-what's that red stuff on her forehead?'
Urahara groans and covers his face with his hands. He'd be lucky if he even gets to finish shooting this pilot run!