I think I have a thing about writing the Glee Club drunk. It's just endlessly amusing for me, especially this fic where basically everyone is off their face. Hilarious.
Anyway, reviews would be peachy. Even though I still can't answer. But whatever.
And, obviously, I don't own Glee. That would just be irresponsible.
One Too Many
Rachel had the house to herself for the weekend and, after a lot of convincing from Puck, she threw another alcohol-fuelled party in her basement for the Glee Club. Just as a way of letting off steam before Nationals, of course. Thanks to Puck's fake ID and uncanny ability to break into locked liqueur cabinets, the booze was flowing and in no time at all everyone was falling into their drunken archetypes.
Santana was sobbing into her plastic cup in the corner, watching mournfully as Brittany danced on the table, stripping in time to the Flo Rida song that was playing on full blast. Lauren was slurring insults at Puck, who was too busy trying to make out with her to notice. Quinn was bitterly refilling her cup, throwing some serious death-glares at Finn, who was trying as nicely as possible to get Rachel to stop draping herself over him and going on about how great they were together. Tina and Mercedes were laughing so hard they could barely breathe, as Mike, Sam and Artie cracked jokes and made fun of each other. And Blaine was doing some truly awful dancing.
Before they'd all gotten to that state they had been pondering out loud exactly what kind of drunk Kurt was, since none of them had had the privilege of seeing him wasted during the last party. Kurt decided to drink along with everyone else – except Finn, the designated driver again – purely to shut them all up. And it wasn't as if he needed to impress Blaine this time, so he may as well. It turned out that when Kurt Hummel had one too many he was brutally honest, had no filter between his brain and his mouth and was surprisingly... slutty. In other words, Kurt was a hilarious drunk.
As Rachel stumbled off to the stage to sing some karaoke, Kurt threw himself down in the vacant seat next to Finn. He rested his head on Finn's shoulder with a dazed smile on his face.
"I can't believe you're not drinking again, Finn," he said. His speak was impressively clear considering how drunk he was. And he really was wasted.
"I didn't really feel like it," Finn sighed. "And someone's got to be the designated driver."
"You're such an awesome brother, do you know that?" Kurt said airily. "You are the best brother I ever could have asked for."
"Thanks, Kurt," he said with an awkward smile.
Rachel was singing 'Tainted Love' into her bedazzled microphone, swaying around the stage and occasionally pointing in the vague direction of Finn. Santana was crying even harder, mumbling someone about how her life was a 'big fat lie', although it was hard to tell through all the weeping.
"It's funny," Kurt said. "I only set our parents up as a kind of messed up way of getting into your pants last year when I was obsessed with you, but this is better. This... you being my brother and stuff... this is way better than you being my boyfriend. That would just be weird now, you know, because we're like... brothers and stuff. That would be like incest."
Finn laughed, shaking his head.
Kurt continued to ramble. "It wouldn't be as incest-y as when Quinn and Sam were together though. They totally looked like brother and sister. It was weird. But there's another straight guy I had a dumb crush on, although I'm still sure he isn't 100% hetero. Maybe like, bi-curious or something. I had sucky taste in guys before Blaine came along. No offence."
"None taken," Finn chuckled.
Kurt sat up and looked over at Blaine, who was dancing badly to Rachel's song and using his beer bottle as a microphone to sing along. His usually immaculate hair was now a curly black mess, and his clothes – a simple white t-shirt and jeans – were a lot more dishevelled looking than earlier. Kurt watched him with slightly unfocused eyes for a while and smiled.
"I still can't believe Blaine is even into me," he said. "He's so perfect and handsome and talented and... handsome. After you insisted on being straight and Sam decided to sing with Quinn instead, I figured there wasn't any guy out there for me that would actually like me back and everything. And then there was Blaine. I mean, it took him about a million years to realise it and I've been in this relationship several months longer than he has, but it doesn't matter now because he loves me and I love him and everything's perfect."
"Well, I'm happy for you," said Finn, patting Kurt on the shoulder
"I'm happy for me too," he said, still staring at Blaine. "He's so cute when he's wasted, and he looks so hot tonight. I can't wait to get him alone so I can ravish him because he really is an incredible lay."
"Whoa, dude!" Finn exclaimed, looking at Kurt with his eyebrows raised. "That was kind of an over-share."
But Kurt wasn't listening. "I may have to take him upstairs later, find us a nice empty room to fuck in, because I am crazy horny right now. I think it may be the alcohol's fault. Or maybe it's just his ass in those jeans."
"Oh my God..."
"You wouldn't think to look at him because he's such a cute little hobbit, but my Blaine is hung like a horse."
"I totally didn't need to know that."
"I hope I remembered to bring some lube... wait, Rachel has two gay dads, there's obviously going to be some lube in the house somewhere."
"Okay, please stop talking, Kurt. It was funny listening to you rambling before, but now it's just weird."
Finn sighed with relief when Kurt got up and walked in something close to a straight line towards his boyfriend. Kurt placed his hands on Blaine's hips, holding him close until they were grinding along to the music.
"Honey, you look so hot tonight," he said, smirking.
Blaine smiled and wrapped his arms around Kurt neck. "So do you, baby... you're so beautiful... I love you so much..."
Kurt suddenly pulled him into a hard, sloppy kiss, all tongues and teeth and desperation, moaning into each other's mouths. They were grabbing at each other's clothes and hair, grinding even harder into each other.
Blaine turned his head towards Puck, who was watching in awe from his seat beside Lauren. Kurt continued to attack Blaine's jaw and neck, biting and sucking his earlobes.
"What?" he said. "I'm just making out with my boyfriend."
"Yeah, I know," Puck slurred, still staring. "It's just... it's Hummel. It's weird seeing him all over you like that. He's so... innocent and stuff. I thought he was a virgin."
Blaine burst out laughing and Kurt stopping kissing his neck and joined in.
"Oh, Kurt is so not a virgin!"
"I am so not a virgin."
"No way," said Puck, actually looking quite impressed.
Kurt smirked flirtatiously at him, holding Blaine even closer.
"I can prove it to you if you like, Noah," he said, his voice suddenly sounding quite husky. "Blaine's always wanted to have a threesome. You don't mind do you, Lauren?"
"It's cool as long as I get to watch," she laughed.
Puck was blushing furiously. "As much as I enjoy a good threesome, there's gotta be at least one chick involved to make it okay. No offense, guys, but I'm not making out with any dudes tonight."
"Spoil sport," Blaine sulked.
"You never know, Noah," said Kurt. "You might like it. Apparently I'm a very good kisser."
"He is," Blaine nodded.
"And," Kurt went on. "Apparently I'm also very good at blowjobs."
"He is," Blaine said with a huge, dorky grin.
Puck and Lauren both laughed. Rachel was now singing 'Bad Romance' – once again aimed in the vague direction of Finn – and Blaine was swaying along to it as Kurt still held him.
"Just one little kiss, Noah," Kurt insisted. "You know you want to."
"No!" Puck cried. "God, you are one fucking slutty drunk, Hummel."
"You know it," he said.
"Come on," said Blaine. "Think of it as a way of proving that you're so comfortable with your sexuality that you can kiss another guy without freaking out over it."
"Wait," said Puck, holding up his hand. "Dude, are you actually encouraging me to make out with your boyfriend?"
"Yes," Blaine replied. "Yes, I am. I think everyone should get the privilege of making out with Kurt at least once in their lives. It really is a wonderful experience."
"Yeah, it is!" shouted Brittany from up on the table.
"Quit being such a pussy, Puckerman," said Lauren sternly. "Kiss him. I fucking dare you."
Puck groaned in defeat. "Fine, if it'll shut you all up!"
Kurt quickly rushed over to Puck, straddling him and crashing their lips together before Puck even knew what was going on. After the initial shock having Hummel jump on him, Puck couldn't really help but kiss the tipsy little singer back, until their tongues were battling and Kurt was letting out some surprisingly sexy noises. He was vaguely aware of Lauren and Blaine giggling and someone from the other side of the room yelling "What the fuck?" – but only vaguely, since Kurt was now grinding his hips down into the jock's crotch and pulling at his mohawk.
"Holy shit..." he gasped when they finally separated.
"Just so you know, that was totally hot," said Lauren said after a sip of her drink.
"You're really not very good at that, Noah," Kurt said thoughtfully. "I was expecting a lot more from someone that calls himself a stud."
"I know right," Lauren agreed.
"...thanks," said Puck. "Can you get off me now? This is turning me on way more than it should."
Kurt smirked, his hands travelling down Puck's chest.
"I'm turning you on, am I?" he purred. "Well maybe I can help you out with that... you know, finish you off. Blaine won't mind. He likes to watch."
He slid his hand right down to Puck's crotch, palming his semi-erect cock through his jeans and laughing when Puck did a kind of half gasp, half moan thing.
"St-stop!" he cried, whimpering in pleasure as Kurt's hand made him even harder. "Dude, seriously, this is weird!"
"Then why are you enjoying it so much?" said Kurt innocently.
"I don't know, but it's confusing the hell out of me!"
Kurt laughed and stopped what he was doing, practically falling off of Puck's lap and lapsing into a fit of giggles on the floor.
"Okay, y'all are seriously gonna have to explain what the fuck just happened," said Artie, in full-on drunken gangster mode. "'Cause that was some random shit."
"It was just a dare, man," said Puck, after finding a pillow to hide the bulge in his pants. He refused to admit to himself that it was a guy that made that happen – it was just the alcohol's fault.
"Would anyone else like to make out with Kurt?" Blaine said loudly. "It really is awesome, I highly recommend it."
"Ooh, I would!" said Brittany excitedly, getting ungracefully off of the table in just her bra and mini skirt.
"Everybody's welcome," said Kurt, still lying on the floor. "The more, the merrier. For one night only, people. Don't miss out."
Brittany happy climbed on top of Kurt and kissed him hard, and he responded with a surprising amount of gusto – considering he was kissing a girl – running his fingers through her hair as their tongues caressed, and making her moan into his mouth. She grinned when their lips finally parted.
"Yeah, still amazing," she said as she rolled off him and tried to stand up. "I made that!"
Santana, who had only just managed to calm down, was crying all over again. Tina and Mercedes were laughing even harder, holding onto each other so they didn't fall out of their seats. Rachel wasn't paying any attention whatsoever, as she was far too busy singing 'All By Myself' to care about what everyone else was doing. Finn just looked really, really uncomfortable, and wished that he's decided to drink tonight just so he wouldn't have to remember all this tomorrow. Blaine offered his hand to a still giggling Kurt to help him to his feet, but they were both laughing so much – and both so wasted – that Kurt ended up pulling him onto the floor instead.
"You really are an awful drunk, Kurt," said Quinn bitterly.
Kurt looked up at her, his eyebrows furrowed. "What – why?"
"You're acting like a total slut," she said, her haughty speech sounding slurred. "Inviting everyone to come and make out with you... it's awful."
"Well, at least I can't get knocked up, huh, Quinnie?" Kurt said with an innocent smile.
She just frowned at him and shook her head.
"Oh, would you lighten up, Frabray!" Kurt cried from the floor. "God, you'd think a little booze would make you more fun, but if anything it's just made you even more stuck up and holier-than-thou."
"You are such a bitch, Kurt!" Quinn said angrily.
"Takes one to know one," he said in a sing-song voice.
"I have every right to be mad!" Quinn yelled. "My life is a sham! And you – you stole my crown!"
Kurt scoffed. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Prom, of course!" she said, looking as if she was about to cry or hit someone. "I was born to be the Prom Queen. I campaigned for months. I made myself beautiful so I could get that crown, and you stole it from me!"
Kurt burst out laughing. "Are you kidding? I didn't steal anything. I didn't even campaign, for fuck sake. The only reason I'm the Prom Queen is because our school is full of homophobic assholes who thought it would be hilarious to publically humiliate me. Not everything is about you, sweetie. And I look way better in that crown than you ever would anyway, so..."
Quinn just huffed and poured herself yet another drink. Kurt sat up and looked around the room.
"So is anybody else going to kiss me or what?" he said.
"I will," said Mike, raising his hand as if asking a question in class.
"You know won't!" said Tina, smacking his hand down.
"Oh come on, Tina," said Kurt as he somehow managed to stand up. "It won't mean anything. It's just one little kiss."
She huffed and rolled her eyes, smiling in spite of herself. "Fine. But none of that stuff you did to Puckerman. Just one kiss."
"Deal," said Kurt, dragging Mike to his feet.
He wrapped his arms around the Asian dancer's neck and got up on his tip-toes to kiss him. It was slow and sweet, a lot less messy and passionate than the way he's kissed anyone else. They both smiled when they separated.
"Not so terrible now, was it?" Kurt said to Tina.
"I guess not..." she said. "Kind of hot actually."
"That was awesome," said Mike, sounding a little dazed. After the look Tina gave him, he hastily added "But not as awesome as your Asian kisses, babe!"
"Damn, baby, you really are a slutty drunk," Mercedes laughed.
"Yes, I suppose I am," Kurt said casually, pouring himself another drink and taking a large, undignified gulp. "But isn't it nice?"
Mercedes laughed, leaning on Sam, who draped his arm around her and laughed too. Kurt smiled at them both as he drank the rest of his drink.
"This is cute," he said, gesturing towards them. "You two... it's adorable. I totally approve of this. Sam, you should kiss her."
"Wait... what?" said Sam.
"Kiss Mercedes," Kurt ordered. "Kiss her. Go on. Do it."
"...okay," Sam said slowly, as Mercedes started giggling again.
He pulled Mercedes close to him and kissed her softly on the lips. When they separated they both looked shell-shocked, as if they'd never seen each other before.
"Wow," Sam sighed. "That was... that was so cool."
"Yeah," said Mercedes with a grin. "Your trouty mouth is fun to kiss."
"Can we do that again, please?"
"Yeah... yeah, that'll be awesome."
Soon they were full on making out, moaning and sighing happily. Kurt finished his drink, feeling very pleased with himself.
"You're welcome!" he said over his shoulder as he stumbled over to the table to put his cup down.
Rachel was searching through her karaoke machine for another song to sing, and Kurt made his way over to her.
"Hey, Rachel," he said pleasantly. "No offense or anything, do you mind maybe singing something a little more cheerful? I mean, all the songs you've been singing at Finn have been great and everything, but it's getting kind of depressing."
"Well, what do you suggest?" Rachel slurred. "I'm just expressing my inner pain through my music, Kurt!"
"Do that in your own time, Berry!" said Kurt. "This is a party, sing something fun!"
"Fine..." she huffed.
She went through her karaoke machine until she found the right song, and then stood in the middle of the stage and started belting out 'Rude Boy', complete with dance moves.
"That's more like it!" said Kurt, as everyone else cheered.
Tina and Mike got up and starting dancing together. Brittany dragged Santana up on her feet and started to dance with her, even though Santana did nothing more than sob onto her shoulder ("I... I love you s-s-so much, Britt-Britt! I wish... I wish I c-could tell everyone, b-but everyone will... will call me a... a big dykey lesbo rug-muncher loser, and I d-don't want to join the golf team!"). Lauren danced in her seat as Puck went over to talk to Artie. Sam and Mercedes were still too busy making out to pay attention to anything else. Blaine was still lying on the floor, but before he could try and get up Kurt came over and straddled him.
"Hmm, I love this song," he said, rolling his hips along to the music.
"You're so fucking hot, baby," Blaine practically growled, holding onto Kurt hips. "You know when you said you didn't know how to be sexy? Well that totally doesn't even apply anymore, baby, because you are fucking sexy."
"Am I really?" Kurt said innocently, grinding his hips down into Blaine crotch.
"Oh God, Kurt, you are," Blaine said a little desperately, thrusting upwards. "You are so damn sexy."
Kurt chuckled, before Blaine sat up and kissed him hard, tangling his fingers in his boyfriend's hair. They moaned into each other's mouths, still grinding in time to the music, the bulges in their pants rubbing together. Blaine lay back down, taking Kurt with him and grabbing his ass as their messy, passionate kiss got even deeper. Kurt's hands roamed all over Blaine's chest, pushing up his t-shirt until his toned, tanned, slightly hairy chest was exposed. They stopped kissing and Kurt's lips moved lower, down Blaine's jaw and his neck before he lowered his head and started sucking on his nipple, making Blaine cry out in pleasure. That was around the time that something hard hit the side of Kurt's head.
"Ow, what the hell?" he said angrily. "Who threw a cup at my head?"
"I did," said Finn. "Can you guys please get a room? I don't want to watch you two doing it on the floor."
"Ooh, getting a room sounds like a good idea," said Blaine happily.
Kurt pouted and glared at Finn. "You could've just said, you know. You didn't need to injure me."
Finn just shook his head. Blaine whimpered impatiently.
"Kuuuuurt," he whined. "Can we please go upstairs and find a nice, comfy bed so I can fuck your brains out?"
"Of course we can, honey. I can't say no to those puppy dog eyes," Kurt said, standing up and dragging Blaine to his feet too.
Kurt led Blaine up the stairs by the hand, using his other hand to steady himself against the wall so he wouldn't fall over. Once they were on the top floor, he pushed open the first door he came to, which turned out to be Rachel's bedroom – he could tell, even in the semi-darkness, because of the Broadway posters on the walls.
Kurt pushed Blaine onto the bed and crawled on top of him, pushing a stuffed animal out of the way as they quickly undressed each other, chucking clothes across the room. Once they were completely naked, Kurt covered as much of Blaine as possible in bites and kisses, making his way down until he reached his boyfriend's hard, leaking erection. He wrapped his hand around the base and licked up and down Blaine's length, kissing it, nuzzling it and lapping up the pre-come. Blaine threw his head back in pleasure once Kurt finally took all of his cock at once, swirling his tongue and sucking hard. Kurt moaned around Blaine's thick, impressive length, bobbing his head faster and faster, and Blaine tangled his finger in Kurt's hair, bucking his hips upwards.
"Oh God... oh, Kurt, don't stop... ahh, that's so fucking good... ohhh, Kurt... oh – hey, why'd you stop?"
Kurt scrambled off the bed and started searching around the room.
"I need to find something to use as lube, because if you don't fuck me right this second I'm going to die."
He searched through Rachel's vanity table, knocking things over without even realising, until he found a bottle.
"Hey, I found some baby oil," he said happily. "Although I don't understand why Rachel has baby oil..."
"That'll work," said Blaine impatiently. "Come on, come on!"
Kurt crawled back onto the bed and Blaine flipped them over so he was on top, taking the bottle of baby oil. He covered his fingers with some of the oil, spilling some on the bed sheets, as Kurt spread his legs. Kurt scrunched his face up, hissing in pain as Blaine pushed one slicked up finger inside his opening.
"Are you okay?" Blaine said nervously. "Am I hurting you?"
Kurt shook his head. "Its fine, keep going... you know I love it when you make it hurt..."
Blaine chuckled and added another finger, moving them quickly and scissoring them, encouraged by the way Kurt cried out and arched his back in pleasure. Just when neither could stand it anymore, Blaine removed his fingers, slicked his aching cock up with some more baby oil and pushed his entire length inside Kurt in one swift movement, making them both groan. Blaine hooked his hands around Kurt's thighs, spreading his legs wider and fucking him hard and fast, not even bothering to be gentle like he probably would have done if they were sober.
"Oh Blaine, fuck me!" Kurt screamed, thrusting upwards and scratching at his boyfriend's back. "Ahh, harder! Harder! Don't you dare fucking stop!"
The bed was moving with them, banging against the wall and making the whole bedroom shake – stuff was actually falling off the bedside cabinets – as they both moaned louder and louder and fucked like their lives depended on it.
Meanwhile, back in the basement the party was calming down a little bit and Rachel had finally stopped singing. Everyone was just sitting around and laughing, when Quinn frowned up at the ceiling.
"What is that sound?" she said to no one in particular.
Everybody was looking up at the ceiling now.
"It kind of sounds like... banging," said Mike.
"Hold up," said Artie. "Where did Kurt and Blaine go?"
Finn rolled his eyes. "Oh God..."
Tina and Mercedes started laughing.
"Oh, I've gotta hear this!" said Puck, getting up and rushing up the stairs.
Lauren, Tina, Rachel, Mike and a reluctant Finn all followed, while Quinn shook her head disapprovingly, swaying where she sat. Sam and Mercedes were still too busy making out to get up, and Brittany and Santana were having a quiet cuddle in the corner.
"Y'all better spill everything when you get back!" Artie called after everyone.
Once out of the basement the banging noise was crystal clear, but it was now joined by some very loud moaning.
"Oh my God," Tina giggled, holding onto Mike to keep herself steady.
"My little step-brother, everyone," said Finn sarcastically. "The picture of innocence."
"Damn, get some, Hummel," said Puck, standing at the bottom of the stairs to get a good hear. "Never took him to be a screamer."
"Who do you reckon is on the bottom?" asked Lauren.
"Sounds like Kurt," said Puck. "He's saying 'fuck me' a lot."
"Makes sense," she replied thoughtfully. "Can't really imagine it the other way around."
"Yeah, me neither," said Puck, as if they were talking about something perfectly normal.
"I always though Kurt and Blaine's relationship would be way more... romantic than this," Rachel added, her speech even more slurred than before.
"And what's more romantic than loud, rough, drunken fucking in someone else's house?" said Puck with a smirk.
"They better not be doing that in my room!" she cried. "Or my Dads' room, that would be so weird. Oh, please be in the guest bedroom, please be in the guest bedroom, please..."
"I bet they're not," Lauren smirked.
"Oh yeah," Puck chuckled. "They're totally going at it like porn stars on your bed right now, Rachel."
Tina and Mike nodded and laughed in agreement.
"Shut up!" Rachel whined.
"Make sure you put those bed sheets in the laundry tomorrow, Berry," Puck continued mockingly. "They'll be covered jizz stains."
Lauren, Tina and Mike all laughed as Rachel covered her ears and rushed back down to the basement.
"Are you guys seriously going to stand here and listen to Kurt and Blaine having sex?" Finn asked incredulously, about to make his way back to the basement too.
Puck and Lauren looked at him as if that was the stupidest question anybody had ever asked in the History of Ever. "Yes!"
Kurt was clinging onto the headboard, throwing his head back in absolute ecstasy as Blaine managed to hit that sweet spot inside him with every hard thrust. Blaine hooked Kurt's leg over his shoulder – he loved that his boyfriend was so bendy – and fucked him even faster and deeper and stroked his cock at the same time, willing him to come.
"Oh God, Blaine, I'm so close... I'm so fucking close!"
"Ahh... come for me... come for me, baby..."
Finally their orgasms crashed over them. They screamed each other's names as they erupted all over each other, riding it out until they were completely spent before they collapsed in a sweaty heap. Blaine rolled off Kurt, the both of them trying to catch their breath, before the combination of their orgasms and the alcohol really kicked in and they both passed out with blissful smile on their faces.
Kurt strolled into the choir room on Monday morning, still wearing his sunglasses even though the hideous hangover he'd suffered through the day before had finally subsided – he was just wearing them because they looked great with his outfit. Mr. Schuester wasn't there yet, and Kurt was listening to Lady Gaga on his iPod and answering an adorable text from Blaine, meaning that it took him a while to realise that the entire Glee Club had stopped talking amongst themselves and were staring at him.
"What?" he said, taking a seat near the back and putting his phone back in his pocket.
"So are we gonna talk about what happened on Saturday?" said Lauren with an arched eyebrow.
There were some stifled giggles in the room as Kurt looked kind of confused.
"To be honest, I don't really remember a lot of it," he said, taking off his sunglasses.
Rachel huffed, folding her arms and crossing her legs.
"Well, surely you remember yesterday morning," she said sternly. "I know I won't be forgetting it in a hurry, however much I want to – walking into my bedroom to find the place trashed, my Egyptian cotton bed sheets completely soiled and you and boyfriend naked under the covers."
"Oh yeah," said Kurt, blushing quite violently as everyone laughed. "Sorry again about that. Although, I have to say, your room really wasn't the best place to wake up in after all that drinking. It felt like I was being stabbed in the eye with primary colours. But Blaine is really sorry too."
Rachel just rolled her eyes and frowned.
"Do you want me to remind you of everything you did the other night?" said Finn. "I was unlucky enough to be sober the whole time, so I remember everything."
"I'm not sure I want to hear this," said Kurt nervously.
"I'm telling you anyway," said Finn, smirking. "First you started rambling to me, telling me stuff that I totally didn't need to know, like the size of Blaine's junk and stuff"
"Oh God..." Kurt groaned.
"And then," Finn continued. "You were making out with Blaine. And then, randomly, you were making out with Puck."
"You also gave him a boner, if I remember correctly," said Lauren.
"No, he didn't!" said Puck defensively.
"Yeah, he did," said Lauren. "I was sitting right next you and I was way less drunk than you. He nearly gave you handjob until you pushed him away."
"Oh my God..." he and Kurt said in unison.
Finn continued. "And then you and Quinn were yelling at each other about Prom Queen stuff, and then Blaine was telling everyone to make out with you, and then Brittany was making out with you."
"Oh yeah..." Brittany said with a wistful smile, as Santana frowned.
"And then you were making out with Mike," said Finn.
"Oh yeah..." said Mike, whose smile fell when he noticed the look on Tina's face.
"And then," said Finn. "You said something to Sam and Mercedes and they starting making out."
Sam and Mercedes looked at each other, blushed and looked away.
"And then you and Blaine were practically doing it on the floor, until I told you both to get a room, which you did, and then we didn't see you again for the rest of the night. Although we did hear you. From all the way down in the basement."
"You guys were loud," said Puck with a smirk. "It was actually kind of impressive."
"What I'm getting from this," said Santana. "Is that Kurt is a slutty drunk."
"What I'm getting from this," said Puck. "Is that Kurt is an awesome drunk."
"You're just saying that because he got you hard," said Lauren, making Puck splutter.
"Can we please, please, please talk about something else?" Kurt begged, his face insanely red.
"Not yet," said Tina. "It's literally all we've been able to talk about. You're going to be front page news until something more scandalous happens."
"I wish you were drunk all the time, Kurt," said Brittany, smiling.
Kurt groaned and put his sunglasses back on as Mr. Schue finally turned up and started talking about Nationals. He was never going to drink again.
Hope you enjoyed the drunken fun, Humble Readers :)
Drink responsibly everybody!