A/N: I watched the season finale last night, and then I had no choice but to write it. Because this.. this right here… is what I thought was going on as I watched it. Sorry if it doesn't make much sense.
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to the SPN series.
Dedications: To Roh, who did not give me the idea for this fic, but another one I will be writing soon. She put things into perspective for me.
The Consequences of Distrust
"… I am your new God… a better one. Bow down before me or be destroyed…"
Dean never would have thought that Castiel had any sense of humor at all.
Right now… he really wants to beat the hell out of the dude (or fling himself at him and hug him tight, yelling at the stupid, God damn angel to never, ever scare him like that again, and fuck, isn't that a chick flick moment to end all moments?) and tell him that it was a fucking awful sense of humor and a cruel joke as well.
"You should have trusted me," Cas tells him again, as if it should have been that simple, that obvious, though this time, he sounds less… serene (pumped up with more than just typical angle juice and fucking terrifying with it) and more…. worn out… yet still, somehow, amused. These are the first words that he has spoken since he stepped back and discarded his holier-than-thou stance for his usual awkward stiffness, tilted his head, and murmured a quiet "Gotcha," deadpan and almost uncaring (or so it seemed) as Dean, Sam, and Bobby all remained paralyzed with fear and disappointed heartache.
"So what…" Dean finally manages to asks, his voice coming out as a threatening growl. Bobby and Sam step back, knowing that danger is approaching as they do. They are still too stunned to even back Dean up in this argument, astonished into silence. "This was all some… what man? Some fucking joke to you?"
"Of course not," Castiel tells him, dropping the angel sword that he had previously been holding so that it clatters to the ground, hunching his shoulders a bit. "Do you truly think that I am that cruel Dean? I am not, contrary to how you have seemed to view me as of late. But… it wasn't a joke. Not truly. It was merely…" He pauses, before continuing once more, with more emotion now. "You had given up hope on me!" Cas says, and he's not shouting, because Castiel never shouts. He's too dignified to. But... This is the loudest octave that Dean has ever heard the angel's voice rise to, and it's startling in its intensity, especially with the pain in it so upfront and overwhelmingly apparent. Castiel continues, sounding more broken then the Cas of 2014 that Dean had met ever had.
"You, my closest friend, my family, a man who I would go through great lengths to do anything for, had turned your back on me. You thought the worse of me. And you stood there, just now, and even as you tried to talk me out of my plan of action, I could tell that part of you still believed that I would choose the wrong path… the selfish one. You treated me as if I was some dangerous beast that you needed to be careful with. You did not treat me as if I was a friend you were afraid to lose."
"So you decided to screw with me and torment me by making me think that I was right?" Dean doesn't know how to feel about that. Part of him feels hurt, another part confused. Mostly though… he is still trying to figure out what the fuck just happened here (which basically falls under the confused category).
"Nothing less than you deserve," Cas tells him honestly, a sad, broken look in his eyes. "As you once told me…. When humans want something, they lie."
"You aren't human," is Dean's automatic response.
Castiel gives him a disinterested look. "Yes. That much I am thankful for."
"What did you want then," Dean asks, wary of the response. His heart is beating rapidly though, pounding against his ribs in a fast tempo that is almost painful in its intensity. He wants to know. He has to know.
"To know whether you knew me as well as I know you," Castiel says, before turning away from Dean. And that… that right there... the cold shoulder… that fucking hurts. But Dean knows, deep down, that he deserves it. Because he failed Cas… again.
Castiel steps forward, and around Dean, not even looking at him as he does so, and moves until he is standing before Sam.
"I am sorry Sam," Castiel tells Dean's mammoth of a little brother, looking up at him sorrowfully. "I should not have done what I did to you. It was cruel, and uncalled for. You are… or perhaps… you were… my friend, and I should not have treated you the way that I did." He reaches up, and lays a hand on Sammy's forehead and over the slope of his nose. Sammy, shocked into stillness, with his mouth hanging open and his eyes wide, doesn't back away from the touch. Castiel's hand rests upon Sam's forehead, his long fingers brushing against Sam's eyebrows, and seconds later, Sam slumps forward, leaning against Cas for support.
"What the fuck did you just do to him!" Dean shouts, at the same time that Bobby curses and leaps forward in surprise. Cas merely looks at them both sadly, shifting the now unconscious Sam so that the tall man is leaning against him yet standing upright, his young face looking peaceful now.
"You both have such little faith in me, still." He says, shoulders hunching. "I merely put him to sleep. He won't remember any of this, come morning. He also will not remember anything from hell. The wall is back up, and stronger than ever. It should not be possible for anyone to tear it down."
Dean looks at Castiel, his mouth thinned in distrust. "Why should I believe a word that comes out of your fucking mouth?"
"Because not believing in me has gotten us to the point that we are at now," Cas replies matter-of-factly, sounding wise and otherworldly, which Dean had somehow forgotten that Castiel is. "I did not harm your brother Dean; at least not any more than I had before, and I have already apologized for that. You will just have to see for yourself when he awakens, if you do not feel as if you do not feel as if you can take my word for it."
Castiel turned to face Bobby before Dean could come up with some smart ass response to those words. "I am sorry for the role I played in killing your friend," he says, his voice sincere as he faces the older (in appearance) man. "I never wanted her dead. I had every intention of returning her home safely. I should have stopped Crowley from doing as he did, and because I did not, I am sorry."
"It…" Bobby opened and closed his mouth a few times, seemingly alarmed. "It's not that simple." He says, his voice gruff.
"I am aware of this." Castiel replies. "I do not expect for you to forgive me; not any time soon, or perhaps, not ever. I just want you to know that I am repentant for the role I played in causing you heartache."
"Damn, you're making me sound like some weeping little sissy girl," Bobby growls, but it's obvious that he's less angry and more embarrassed at this point.
Cas quirks a sad kind of smile, one that does nothing more than turn the corner of his lips upward, before he turns around to face Dean once more.
"Goodbye Dean," Cas tells him, after long moments of merely staring at him, since Dean refuses to meet the angels eyes. Dean feels his heart lurch in his chest. Because… Cas is awful at saying goodbye. He never says goodbye, not ever. And Dean has come to understand that that fact is because Castiel always plans on coming back, even if it seems to take him fucking forever to get around to visiting. But now, with the way that Castiel is looking at him, with eyes filled with sorrow so intense that it looks as if it'd make a mere person keel over, Dean knows that this is it. He really has lost Castiel, and it's his own fault; not Cas', "I am sorry that I disappointed you so greatly. Do not fear though… all these souls that are within me… they are going back where I got them. I never had any intention of keeping them. I merely have to fix one more great error of mine before returning them," he states, looking thoughtful. He doesn't elaborate of what he has to do, and frankly, Dean doesn't give a fuck about that right now. He's a bit too preoccupied with the fear of really losing Castiel now.
"Cas," Dean finally choke out. Bobby remains silent, as if this conversation does not pertain to him, as if it is not his place to say anything, so it is up to Dean.
Castiel does not give him the chance though. "I hope you have a good life Dean. You deserve it. I am sorry that I have caused you such sorrow in the course of our relationship. Perhaps, one day, you can forgive me."
"Cas," Dean says again, his voice rising with his panic.
"Good bye Dean," Cas says again, lifting up his hand as if he wants to touch Dean. He drops it back to his side though, thinking better of the action. "If you ever are in need of anything, just call me."
He leaves in a flutter of wings.
"Well I'll be damned," Bobby bursts out, while Dean just stands there, trying to take everything in.
Was that it? Were things really over, just like that?
A/N: Well… tell me what you think of this. It may demand a sequel at some point.