A/N: Sorry it's been a while, hope I have not lost anybody. This chapters short but the next one will be up in a few days barring any complications. Thank you for the reviews and alerts, they make my day. Enjoy!
Disclaimer: Still nothing owned.
There would be no coming back for them. Not this time. Kate had messed up and made a terrible mistake. One that she knew nothing in the world would be able to rectify, because the damage that had been done was too severe. The line that normally kept them apart becoming undone and blurring to the point of non-existence.
And all for what?
Absolutely nothing had been achieved from her visit, whilst she left only a trail of devastation and broken hearts in her departure. The hate for herself and her actions increasing with every step she took towards the elevator. She felt sick.
It was all her fault, and the knowledge was causing tears to well behind her eyes, blurring her vision slightly. Everything about this mess was laying on her shoulders and her shoulders alone. All because in a moment of weakness, she had allowed the questions that normally surfaced following her dream to frighten her. To force her from the apartment she owned and into his arms.
Where she broke them. Where she broke him.
This was how it ended. All of the things they had been through, together. All of the confessions and near death experiences. All of the feelings that they never talked about. Everything, over. Because she knew, with a certainty, that after the events of tonight he wouldn't be there at the station come Monday morning.
He wouldn't be there ever again, a voice inside her mind screamed. She wouldn't if it was the other way around. Why should he come back? When had she ever given him a reason to stay? She was simply intent on pushing him back behind that ridiculous line that had been set.
And all because she had rules. Set guidelines that she stuck to and lived her life by. At least had until he'd come along, refusing to be fit inside the carefully constructed mould she had created. Constantly, time and time again he crossed the line, but if she was truthful with herself she was exhausted with keeping him on his side.
She wanted him. She knew that much. That she craved him and cared more then she should, more then she had ever expected to.
But every time she let herself go, something held her back. Locking a set of invisible chains around her and pulling her away from him. She was tired of fighting it, and earlier she had been so close to letting go. To letting him in and having everything she craved, yet at the last minute she had panicked.
And it was all because deep down she knew he was too good for her. That he deserved more than this, more then a broken detective who was fracturing with every passing moment. She was destructive, and nothing but devastation followed her, sucking in those she surrounded herself with and causing them to fall with her.
She was on a slippery slope heading downwards so it was better for him this way, because she knew he wouldn't let her go once she let him in. And she would eventually lose him, causing her to lose herself.
So she'd fled. Pushed him away before he could see just how damaged she really was. Only now as she pressed a hand to her aching chest, she realised that maybe it was too late. Her heart was already involved. It seemed he'd taken it when she hadn't been looking.
"Dammit," she cried in frustration. Pounding her palm against the wall beside the elevator.
She was so confused. She knew this was how it had to be, but there was something inside of her willing her to turn around and go back. Gnawing her bottom lip, she stared at the elevators call button. It was so simple. All she had to was press it and then she would be gone. Out of the building and out of his life.
He would be safe.
But she couldn't do it. Leaning heavily on the wall she lowered her head to feel the cool brick and closed her eyes. What should she do? If she got on the lift then everything about them would be over, but if she stayed, she could fix things. She just wasn't sure she could give him everything he wanted.
Maybe she should go.
"He loves me," she whispered, feeling a tear fall from her eye and roll gently down her check.
Pulling away from the wall sharply she wiped her face with a hand and turned, confused. How had she not heard him? "What?" She managed, her eyes flitting over his form as if she couldn't believe he was here.
He was looking at so intently that she had trouble with keeping her gaze on his. But it was as he moved a hand up to wipe away the tear track she had missed on her cheek that she realised what he had done.
If there was one thing she knew about Richard Castle it was this... he never chased after people, content with letting them come to him. But he had come after her. He had changed the rules and his own guidelines... for her, the broken detective.
So call her selfish, she didn't care but as a surge of strength flowed through her, she took his hand from her cheek and made her decision.
It was time she told him the truth.