It's immoral, her love for him, because she's not supposed to love him, she shouldn't have fallen for him, especially after finding out that he already loved a woman named Shannon, who is, or rather was his wife, after the sacrifice that he's done to become one of them, she should've walked away, the minute he told her he was a father; But she didn't. And that is how her immoral love for him began…


~Rewind~

It starts when she hears the rumors, when she sees his defeated look as he arrives there, he's the outcast, she feels her heart twinge in sympathy for him, and as she walks closer to him, she holds out her hand, and unknowingly sighs softly as relief floods her, when he takes it and they're introduced.

After being pulled away from her family, all she had was God, and when she met him, all that was left was him & God, as the memory of her past life faded away. Her mother's kind smile forced away as she keeps trying to lock away her past, push it all away, so that she could focus on her duty, her mission as one of God's many warriors, to protect human life without going against any of the sacred vows.

The awkward-nervous smile he gave her, melted away every icy barrier she had placed to keep everyone away from her. She ignored his steely and anger-filled eyes and told him with sweet smile "Illessa is the name my mother gave me, but since we're all priests, and I'm probably the only female priestess around here so far, they call me Priestess".

A shadowed look filled his eyes, and his smile was replaced with a grim one as he murmured with a far-away look in his eyes "I know, they've already told me" before rubbing his head and replying "My given name is Ivan." and suddenly a small smile was on his thin beige lips, as a guilty look filled his eyes, while she appeared startled by his reactions. She brushed away her uneasiness and placed a bright smile on and told him kindly "Well then, I hope we can become great comrades, and if you'll allow it Ivan, maybe even friends" before introducing him to the rest of their district.


~Forward~

As she gazed at him from the back of her vehicle, she felt her heart clench painfully, and wondered why her mother raised a fool like her, she should have had better control over her emotions, as the thoughts of Ivan filled her eyes with tears, and her heart with agony. She couldn't bear it anymore, thinking she had a chance with him, it was her fault from the beginning, she should have known, his heart only belonged to Shannon, her throat burned and her eyes stung with the unshed tears that filled her eyes.

She was glad that he was in front of her, so that he couldn't see the tears that were now flowing freely across her cheeks, she shook her head and tried to regain some sense back into her mind, because she didn't want to reveal her emotions to him, nor appear weak. She was a Priestess, she is supposed to be a sign of hope, and strength, not pity.

She held her breath, as she slowed down the speed of her vehicle so she could brush away the tears, and fix her appearance before he noticed, before he could ever notice her tears.


~Rewind~

She had already turned 22, and that only reminded her of her past, her kind strong mother, and the father she never got to, and would probably never meet. She had known Ivan for about 5 years, and still she could not help how she behaved around him. She acted like a lovesick fool, and frowned inwardly while she pushed away the negative feelings that were rising from inside of her.

She fixed her loose strands of dark brown hair and tied her hair up into a simple ponytail, before dressing up in one of her long sleeved gowns, she chose the shade of emerald and placed a black hooded robe over it and headed to the gathering they had later on that evening.

She smiled as she applied a soft shade of rouge on her lips, before taking it off with some tissue, and settling with some lip moisturizer. She felt free and more relaxed, before beginning to attach all her weapons to her rope and under her dress, because she was always overcautious, since being prepared could save a life.

But little did she know that she would actually save her own, and a few more lives by not being careless that evening.

Later on….

She stood over Jeremiah's dead body with tears cascading down her cheeks like a waterfall, she couldn't stop her sobs, as the blood stains on her gown reminded her that Jeremiah was dead, bitten by a vampire who wanted them all dead, so she killed him before he could even transform into one of those hideous bloodthirsty monsters.

Jeremiah was one of the older Priests, but was less experienced to her by a year-and-a-half, and he died by her weapon, because she killed him, because she didn't want his memory tarnished. He was one of her close friends, an older brother, and a companion that made most of their battles worthwhile, and now, he lay dead, because of her.

His soft curls of brown hair were tinged with a bit of blood on the front side, and his eyes had already turned back to grey, before they could fully turn a bright silver which held flecks of green in the irises, she held back a sob as she closed his eyes and murmured a soft prayer. His nose looked broken, and on his left cheek were claw marks, while on the right was a slash made from her weapon. And around his neck lay the cross she bought for his 23rd birthday, years ago.

She fell to the floor hugging her knees, as the sobs kept resounding throughout her body, this wasn't supposed to happen, it was only a simple gathering to congratulate them for destroying the 2 hives that had been occupying the Southern areas, and destroying whatever remained of the villages that had already been infected. Even Ivan's warm hand on her shoulder could not shake her from the nightmare that she had thrown herself in, because in the end, no matter how they all tried to comfort her, the fact that she killed her fellow priest would not leave her mind, and that fact had marked her soul from this day onwards as a Martyr somehow.

The Next Day...

Fear overcame her, because she didn't want to lose Ivan too, nor the friends she had grown to love in this district, so the next day, she asked the Bishop of her district if he could transfer her to another district, anywhere as long as she didn't have to stay in this one.

Bishop John looked at her with sad wrinkled eyes that held disappointment in them, and asked her "Are you sure of your choice? You may regret this decision later on my dear child". She shook her head and murmured softly, hoping terribly that her voice wouldn't crack, and that he wouldn't hear how broken she really felt "No, I won't. It's better this way Father John, this way, everyone is safer".

He looked at her and told her gravely "Then so be it; deal with your choice Priestess Illessa, and make sure you don't regret it". She gave him a weak tired smile and awaited his reply.

"The only available district is District 13, the nomad's land around the North-Western area, are you sure you really want this?" he asked, as his eyes seemed to fill with dread. She nodded, and asked out of curiosity "What's wrong with District 13?" A bitter laugh left Bishop John's lips and he replied with sad eyes and a broken smile, "Everything my dear, everything, they say that place is cursed, and the rate of deaths is 30% more than the average rate of deaths, most priests don't make it. Once again I ask you this, are you sure?"

She bit her lower lip and remained silent before replying after a long moment "Well maybe then I can help decrease that rate Father John" with a forced smile on her face as she tried to be positive about her decision, whether it be a fool's choice or not.

He murmured softly before hugging her close to him, wishing he didn't have to let go "You are a fool then Illessa, go, I've already signed the paper. Godspeed my dear, Godspeed, and I pray that you'll come back to us alive".

She gave him a small smile that didn't reach her eyes, and walked away, never knowing when she'll see the man who grew to become a father figure to her.

In that evening….

"You can't do this Illessa! It wasn't your fault he died." as his eyes blazed with such anguish that she looked away, though she had to hand it to him for keeping his temper in check all these years, because when they first met, he was a bit quite hot-headed. "I know" she replied quietly, and then he asked weakly "then why are you leaving, I'm not stopping you, but give me a reason why, why are you leaving us?"

She held her breath and let it out before turning to face him as she replied "Because I want to." figuring out that in this way, she wasn't lying, nor was she telling him the truth, but in the end she wasn't lying, and that's all she wanted, not to lie to him, because it would only fill her with guilt, and shame, since a priestess isn't supposed to lie, there was also the fact that she was an honest woman, and wanted to remain that way.

He froze stiff in shock, not knowing what to say because Illessa would never lie, which could only meant that she really wanted to leave them.

She gave him a plastered-on smile and told him "And this way I get to improve myself as a priestess Ivan, so it's really not a bad choice for me". He wanted to say something, but the sad pleading look in her eyes forced him to walk away and only tell her "Fine, but I expect you to at least say farewell to all of us, before you leave that is" and she nodded slowly, and turned away, hiding her eyes from him, because the tears had already formed and it took all her resolve to make sure that he wouldn't see them.

She didn't want to tell him that she felt like a murderer, she didn't want to tell him that she was relieved he didn't die, she also didn't want to remember how she killed the man who was like a brother to her, she wanted to forget, like she did with her past life before she became a priestess. She didn't want him to know that she loved him, she just wanted to let go of it all…


~Forward~

She hoped that he didn't notice her decreasing speed, and somehow she remembered how it felt like when she hoped that he would love her, and how the hope got crushed by the harsh reality that is life.

She sighed, and realized that the sun was setting, she called out to Ivan and told him "Ivan! The sun's setting, shouldn't we stop and make camp before we suddenly get attacked by the vampires?"

When she heard the motor of his vehicle get louder, she stopped hers, and got off as she heard him reply "okay", and wondered if he remembered any of their past, and shook her head as she thought 'The past is the past, I must forget it all, even if it tears me apart. He does not need to suffer along with me, and my agony. He never needed any of what we -Illessa & the church- had put him through for 15 years, he has suffered enough, and lost more than I will ever imagine, so I should try to ease his burdens, not increase them, right?'.

...To Be Continued...


Author's Note: I hope everyone enjoys this so far, I've re-edited the most noticeable flaws of this chapter, and I'm leaving the rest, until I finish the whole story. I've already began working on chapter 2, hope you guys enjoy it, its in Ivan's P.O.V {Point of View}.