Disclaimer: We don't own Twilight. Nor do we want to. We don't own the songs either-but we wouldn't mind claiming those if we had the chance.

Sarah: I wouldn't say no to owning Twilight. Do you know how much money that bitch makes?

*Crickets chirp*

SCENES AND MUSICAL NUMBERS

CAST OF CHARACTERS

(In order of appearance)

Carlisle Cullen…Carlisle Cullen

Aro…Aro

Marcus…Marcus

Caius…Caius

Edward Cullen…Edward Cullen

Esme Cullen…Esme Cullen

Rosalie Hale…Rosalie Hale

Emmett Cullen…Emmett Cullen

Jasper Hale…Jasper Hale

Alice Cullen…Alice Cullen

Mike Newton…Mike Newton

Jessica Stanley…Jessica Stanley

Charlie Swan…Charlie Swan

Jacob Black…Jacob Black

Bella Swan…Bella Swan

(If you don't get it now, you're never going to)

UNDERSTUDIES

Understudies for Edward Cullen—Mike Newton, Jacob Black

Understudies for Bella Swan—Angela Webber, Jane, Tanya

Understudy for Carlisle Cullen—Dmitri

For Esme Cullen—Siobhan, Victoria

For Emmett Cullen—Eric Yorkie, Garrett

For Alice Cullen—Kate, Renesmee

For Rosalie HaleJessica Stanley

For Jasper HaleJames

For Jacob BlackSam Uley, Seth Clearwater, Paul, Embry Call, Quil Ateara

For AroAlec, Marcus

For Caius-Charlie

For MarcusSound Guy #4

ENSEMBLES

The Cullens:

Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Rosalie Hale, Jasper Hale and Alice Cullen

The Volturi:

Aro, Marcus, Caius, Jane and Alec

The Forks Folks:

Mike Newton, Jessica Stanley, Angela Webber, Eric Yorkie, Ben Cheney, Tyler Crowley and Charlie Swann

The Wolf Pack:

Jacob Black, Sam Uley, Seth Clearwater, Leah Clearwater, Paul, Embry Call and Quil Ateara

The Bad Vamps:

Laurent, Victoria and James

The Irish Coven:

Liam, Maggie, Siobhan

The Egyptian Coven:

Amun, Benjamin, Kebi, Tia

The Denali Coven:

Carmen, Eleazar, Kate, Tanya, Vasilii

The Amazon Coven:

Kachiri, Senna, Zafrina

The Romanian Coven:

Stefan, Vladimir

The Vampire Chorus:

The Irish Coven, The Egyptian Coven, The Denali Coven, The Amazon Coven, The Romanian Coven, Peter, Charlotte, and Garrett

WHO'S WHO in the CAST

ALEC (Alec) is no stranger to the theatre, having previously starred as Toby in Sweeney Todd and Gavroche in Les Miserables. He's thrilled to claim those roles typically assigned to pre-pubescent boys, despite the fact that he is 300 years old. Good thing he changed before his voice did!

AMUN (The Egyptian Coven) is quietly pleased to be involved in this production. His deep and sexy voice has been heard on Broadway as Mufasa in The Lion King and you might recognize him from his most recent role in the Old Spice commercials. Swan dive!

QUIL ATEARA (The Wolf Pack) wants the audience to know that his imprint situation is not as creepy as Stephanie Meyer portrays it to be. He has previously guest starred in Law and Order SVU and Criminal Minds, and he is thrilled to finally bring his talent to the stage. Shout out to his honey on her fifth birthday!

ARO (Aro) has had the great honor of playing the King in The King and I six times! Six—count 'em—six times! He credits this streak to his knack for ruling and his kingly air, which comes naturally, of course. He'd like to thank the little people.

BENJAMIN (The Egyptian Coven) promises clear skies and sunny days for the duration of this production, with a slight chance of spring wind coming out of the northwest. No, really…he'll make sure of it. His passion for the theatre has led him to star in multiple productions of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat as Reuben, Simeon, Levi, Naphtali, Issachar, Asher, Dan, Zebulun, Gad, Benjamin, Judah, Joseph, and the Pharaoh. This is his first time playing in a production other than Joseph, and he's not sure how he feels about it yet. Go go go Joe!

JACOB BLACK (Jacob Black) was introduced to the theatre at the tender age of five when he played Tam in Miss Saigon. He has since played in West Side Story (Jet #1) and Gypsy (Newsboy #1). He is always looking for further roles in the dramatic arts, so should you ever need an ethnically ambiguous actor, give him a call!

CAIUS (Caius) has previously starred in the original production of Sweeney Todd (Anthony). In case he gets a little heated during the performance, he wishes to apologize in advance to the person sitting in seat A13; it's closest to the stage, although it is your fault—you bought the ticket.

ELEAZAR (The Denali Coven) has the most pointless power ever.

EMBRY CALL (The Wolf Pack) is making his theatrical debut. As in his real life, he is a virgin to the theatre, and he would like to thank his buddies in the wolf pack for forcing him into this endeavor.

CARMEN (The Denali Coven) was the inspiration for the opera Carmen and for the character Carmen San Diego. She is pleased as punch to be here, don't ya know?

CHARLOTTE (Charlotte) is returning to the theatre after a seventy-year hiatus from film, when she played Scarlett O'Hara in the original Gone With the Wind.

BEN CHENEY (The Fork Folks) is the perpetual nice guy, with previous roles as Princeton in Avenue Q, Christian in Moulin Rouge, and Rusty in Starlight Express.

LEAH CLEARWATER (The Wolf Pack) states that she took part in this production to take a break from the tragic roles that she's so well known for—Eponine in Les Miserables, Kim in Miss Saigon, Natalie in Next to Normal, Rapunzel in Into the Woods, and Mimi in RENT.

SETH CLEARWATER (The Wolf Pack) is notorious for tripping over his own feet—a rare talent that earned him the role of Tumblebrutus in the off-Broadway production of Cats. He has most recently been seen as Dracula in Dracula Jr., but is pleased to be returning to his werewolfy roots with this role.

TYLER CROWLEY (The Fork Folks) is relatively new to the stage, having only played in one previous production as Ron Weasley in Riddle-De-Dee: The Voldemort Musical. He wishes he were getting paid for this role, as his van still requires extensive repairs after its encounter with one Bella Swan.

ALICE CULLEN (Alice Cullen) joined this production after leaving the farewell tour of Cats (Victoria). She has also starred as Laurie in the off-Broadway production of Oklahoma! In addition to her role as Alice Cullen, Alice was happy to lend her talents as choreographer for this show as well.

CARLISLE CULLEN (Carlisle Cullen) has previously starred as Dr. Jekyll in Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Clauss Barbie in Springtime for Hitler. Though his busy schedule at the hospital has made it difficult for Carlisle to attend rehearsals, he is happy that he was able to see this production through to the end.

EDWARD CULLEN (Edward Cullen) quite enjoyed his roles in Legally Blonde (Warner), Starlight Express (Electra), Mamma Mia (Skye), and the original production of Rodgers and Hammerstein's Cinderella (Prince Christopher). His most recent venture was as Adam in the Forks Community Players production of Children of Eden. In his spare time, Edward serves as the resident hair stylist for the woodland creatures of the forest. He particularly enjoys giving perms to possums.

EMMETT CULLEN (Emmett Cullen) has been seen in Grease (Danny) and Beauty and the Beast (Gaston). He hopes that his appearance in this performance will grant luck to his favorite football team this season. Go Grizzlies!

ESME CULLEN (Esme Cullen) is making her theatrical debut. Kissy-kissy, smooch-smooch to my hubby, Carlisle, for giving me the push I needed to get involved!

GARRETT (Garrett) is glad to make a small appearance in this show after his stint as Berger in Hair, particularly since his last role gave him the munchies. He would like to take this opportunity to ask Kate if she would be his mate for life. I'll follow you anywhere, woman.

ROSALIE HALE (Rosalie Hale) is surprised she didn't get a larger role, considering she has such a strong repertoire of theatre experience. She has previously starred in Legally Blonde (Elle), Wicked (Glinda), Mamma Mia (Sophie), The Phantom of the Opera (Carlotta), and Beauty and the Beast (Blonde Triplet #3).

JASPER HALE (Jasper Hale) is thrilled to be making the transition from film to stage following his appearance in the original Star Wars trilogy as Jedi Knight #4 and his more current adaptation of M. Night Shaymalan's The Last Airbender in the role of Sokka (pronounced SOCK-AHH, not SOAK-AH).

IRINA (Irina) was not available for comment at this time.

JAMES (James) is an expert at Operatic theatre and has previously been seen in such productions as La Boheme, Aida, The Magic Flute, Carmen and Don Giovanni. James is an adamant do-gooder, volunteering at soup kitchens and homeless shelters across the country…places where people won't be missed.

JANE (Jane) is not quite pleased to be playing yet another child's role after her seasonal run as Electra in Cats, Baby June in Gypsy and Annie in Annie. She also appeared as Dakota Fanning on Oprah. Her internal bitterness is due to her inability to break out of the child star mold seeing as she is forever young.

KACHIRI (The Amazon Coven) is barely in this production, and likes it that way.

KATE (The Denali Coven) is glad to make a small appearance in this production after working as an electrical engineer on The Sound of Music, Hello Dolly, Cabaret, and Fiddler on the Roof. She would like to take this opportunity to say yes to Garrett's proposal, as it was a long time in coming.

KEBI (The Egyptian Coven) has hidden for years the fact that she starred in Dreamgirls and The Wiz, as she always believed that Amun would disapprove of her stealing his spotlight. Yet she won't complain if she happens to get more applause than her hubby. Love you Munkey!

LAURENT (Laurent) has previously starred in Into the Woods as Cinderella's Prince/The Wolf. During the decade he was known as 'Laura'—the decade Laurent fondly refers to as his 'college years'—he appeared as Rafiki in the Broadway production of The Lion King.

LIAM (The Irish Coven) was the first choice for the voice of Aslan in the Chronicles of Narnia movies, but turned it down to devote his time to family and this musical. We don't get it either.

MAGGIE (The Irish Coven) has previously starred as Ariel in the Broadway production of The Little Mermaid. Immediately following this production, she is scheduled to begin filming for the new hit web series Monster Squad as the leprechaun, Paddy, which is due to premiere this coming August.

MARCUS (Marcus) is the strong, silent type. He likes long moonlit walks down the streets of Volterra, holding hands and sharing blood sundaes heated to a mouth-watering 98.6 degrees.

NAHUEL (Nahuel) has been brought out of his comfort zone for the sole purpose of starring in this production and plans to return to the jungle AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!

MIKE NEWTON (Mike Newton) has previously been in nothing starring as nobody. He is a douche. 'Nuff said.

PAUL (The Wolf Pack) is currently in Anger Management and was not available for comment.

PETER (Peter) began his career as a model, hitting the catwalks in Paris, Milan and Tokyo. He has since retired his high heels and is looking for a career that is not quite so superficial. He states that he will begin looking in earnest after this show.

SENNA (The Amazon Coven) is part of this production after playing Arwen in Lord of the Rings: The Musical. She is particularly excited to participate in the final battle scene…ooh, wait, what battle? Burn.

SIOBHAN (The Irish Coven) is well-known for her roles in musicals based on books, though most of those musicals were more…literary…than her current role. She has previously starred in Jane Eyre (Blanche Ingrim), Little Women (Meg), Lord of the Rings (Galadriel), Pride and Prejudice (Jane), and Phantom of the Opera (Christine).

JESSICA STANLEY (Jessica Stanley) is a normal example of what a regular teenage girl should be. And yet everyone hates her. Why?

STEFAN (The Romanian Coven) flatly refused to provide a bio…but the production team is sure that he's glad to be here.

BELLA SWAN (Bella Swan) is most proud of her recent role of Eve in the Forks Community Players production of Children of Eden. She recently took part in the Miss Washington contest at the urgings of every red-blooded teenage boy at Forks High School (yeah, we don't understand it either), and was named second runner-up (second loser). She also received the title of Miss Banality.

CHARLIE SWAN (Charlie Swan) is utterly relieved to be taking part in this production, as he wishes to banish all memories of his role as Father in the Forks Community Players production of Children of Eden, which no one seems to realize was a complete train wreck and utter debauchery of musical theatre.

TANYA (The Denali Coven) wishes that Bella were a more worthy adversary for Edward's affections.

TIA (The Egyptian Coven) is in her debut role in this performance, seeing as how she's never left Egypt. However, talent scouts have already snapped her up, and she is slated for an upcoming Broadway production of The Princess and the Frog (Tiana).

SAM ULEY (The Wolf Pack) has only been seen in the movie Dances With Wolves with Kevin Costner, where he played the lone wolf Two-Socks. He is excited to appear in his first stage production as a human.

VASILII (The Denali Coven) is thinking of changing his name after being teased mercilessly by Tanya and Kate, who repeatedly call him 'Vaseline'.

VICTORIA (Victoria) has previously been seen in Moulin Rouge (Satine) and Riddle-de-dee: The Voldemort Musical as Ginny, for which she won a Tony Award for Most Fiery Redhead in a Musical Comedy Based on an Award-Winning Best-Selling Book Series.

VLADIMIR (The Romanian Coven) has been in everything. No, really—he has starred in such productions as Our Town, Death of a Salesman, Cat on a Hot Tin Roof, Raisin in the Sun, A Streetcar Named Desire, The Glass Menagerie, Zoo Story, Romeo and Juliet, Volpone, King Lear, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail as King Arthur.

ANGELA WEBBER (The Fork Folks) made her acting debut as Jasmine in the Forks Community Players production of Aladdin Jr. when she was 12. She has since had the honor of playing Annie in Annie, Get Your Gun and Liesel in The Sound of Music. Her favorite and most recent role was as Amneris in the off-Broadway production of Aida.

ERIC YORKIE (The Fork Folks) has previously been seen in Peter Pan as Nana/The Crocodile. His most recent role as the Duck in Pippin was so poignant that many audience members cried when he died. Nevertheless, he is quite willing to put aside his beak for a few weeks and tackle a human role.

ZAFRINA (The Amazon Coven) is prepared to provide a hallucination should you find yourself hating this show.

ACT I

Scene 1: Carlisle

"Vampire Hunt"…Carlisle Cullen

"Transformation"…Carlisle Cullen

"Volturi" …Carlisle Cullen and The Volturi

Scene 2: Edward

"The New World"…Carlisle Cullen and Edward Cullen

"Bachelor Pad"…Carlisle Cullen and Edward Cullen

Scene 3: Esme

"Heartbeat"…Carlisle Cullen and Esme Cullen

Scene 4: Rosalie

"Beauty" …Rosalie Hale

"I Think You've Lost Your Mind" …Carlisle Cullen, Edward Cullen, Esme Cullen and Rosalie Hale

Scene 5: Emmett

"Man vs. Beast" …Emmett Cullen

"Repressing the Urge" …Rosalie Hale

Scene 6: Alice and Jasper

"Sudden Appearance…Carlisle Cullen, Esme Cullen, Edward Cullen, Emmett Cullen, Rosalie Hale and Jasper Hale

"Here We Are" …The Cullens

ACT II

Scene 1: Twilight

"The Cullen Family" …The Fork Folks

"Repressing the Urge (Reprise)" …Edward Cullen

"He is a Vampire" …Jacob Black

Scene 2: Midnight Sun

"The Lion and the Lamb" …Edward Cullen and Bella Swan

"The Vampires Who Don't Drink Human Blood" …The Cullens

"Bad Vamps"…The Bad Vamps

Scene 3: New Moon

"Protecting Bella" …Edward Cullen

"'Noble Cause" …The Volturi

Scene 4: Eclipse

"Never Going to Work" …Edward Cullen, Jacob Black and Alice Cullen

"Bad Vamp (Reprise)" …Victoria

Scene 5: Bella

"The Wedding" …Edward Cullen and Bella Swan

"New Life" …Bella Cullen and Rosalie Hale

"Imprint" …Jacob Black

"Nessie" …Bella Swan

Scene 6: Breaking Dawn

"Worldwide Vamps" …The Vampire Chorus

"Final Showdown" …The Volturi, The Cullens, The Vampire Chorus, The Wolf Pack, Bella Cullen, and Nahuel

"So Now We've Won" …The Vampire Chorus, The Cullens, Bella Cullen and The Wolf Pack

THERE WILL BE ONE 15 MINUTE INTERMISSION

All should note that the use of electronic devices such as cell phones, beepers and video cameras is strictly prohibited while the production is in progress. If anyone is found using said device, they will be escorted out of the theatre…by Jane. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.