Summary: 1-shot. Sam suffers brutal nightmares after recovering from the wall in his mind falling and the aftereffects of what happened when Purgatory was opened. Now he deals with the results and copes with the fear of being alone. Angsty/Worried/Sad!Sam / Injured!Dean
Warnings: Minor language
Spoilers/Tags: There are mentions of previous events from earlier seasons, episodes but this is tagged to the Finale 6-22 The Man Who Knew Too Much so if you haven't seen the episode be wary even though I try to avoid obvious spoilers and of course the ending may have been altered.
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys or anything to do with the show. Just a form of entertainment.
Author Note: This is a 1st person POV one…not sure if it was the right view choice but that's how it came out. I rarely do Sam POV's so I thank everyone who reads this.
SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN SPN
" 'You're not God, Cas and you're about to go nuclear if we don't unplug you from all those souls.'"
" 'We were friends. You said I was like a brother to you and now you seek to pacify and reconnect that friendship since I won but I have plans, Dean. All will bow to me or…'"
"Dean! Noooo!" the brutal images snap into my mind a second before I snap awake and like it has been nearly every morning for the past two months I hit the bathroom before I throw up.
Ever since waking up with a soul again, that still sounds so weird even for me to say it, I've often wished to have some memories back. Now, I wish I could forget these.
Not the ones that I got back when all the parts of my mind were reconnected…yeah, I am so screwed up it ain't funny, but the last ones I have of my brother. I rarely go a full night without nightmares of one kind or another. I mean, I knew when I accepted both the memories of having no soul and the memories of what happened to me in the Cage with Lucifer and Michael back as I pieced my mind back together when Castiel kicked the wall down that Death had put up that I'd have bad dreams. I just wasn't expecting these to be the ones that get to me.
Wiping my face after cleaning up the bathroom, I step into the bedroom at Bobby's house that I've always remembered sleeping in and feel my stomach twist again. Starting to pull a clean shirt on I grab for my old hoodie instead since for some reason today I feel like wearing it. My fingers also touch something else that I won't wear but that I've been carrying around since salvaging it from the trunk of the Impala…a battered leather jacket that's seen more than any jacket ever has and one that I haven't seen since I was forced to watch Lucifer, in my body, try to kill my brother.
I hear noise from the kitchen which means Bobby's up and probably has been for awhile since he's always been up before dawn…these days he probably doesn't get much sleep since I know he wakes up every time I wake up screaming.
Bobby's been great these past few months. Dealing with me has never been easy and now it's worse since I'm fighting injuries, nightmares and other stuff that even I'm surprised that I haven't gone crazy by now and I know he's worried about me. I'm worried about me too.
Looking over at the perfectly made bed next to mine makes me wince since so long as I can recall when I slept in this room my big brother has always had the bed next to mine. Only once, right after Jo and Ellen died, did Dean not stay in this room but I couldn't blame him for that…I guess I don't blame him for not being in the bed now…since he's also not in the house and that once again brings me to near tears because ever since leaving Stanford with him that night I can count on one hand the number of times that Dean's left me alone.
When he went to Hell for me after making a damn Crossroads deal, when Ruby was causing a rift between us, when he let me go off alone to hunt and when I chose to confront Lucifer and ended up in the Cage for however long before Cas decided to bring me out…without a soul. This time…this time hurts the most because I know that I probably won't ever see my big brother again.
Touching the empty bed caused memories to rush back of when we were kids and Dad would leave us with Bobby or we'd stay here after being hurt. I still see Dean staying awake at night when I'd be sick or scared and I know I need out of the room.
I hardly stay in the bedroom unless it's to sleep because it's too much like Dean and when my nightmares are of that night in the house in Kansas, of when Castiel went nuclear with power gotten from the souls of Purgatory…of when I was forced to watch Cas, someone we thought was a friend up until recently, turn that power on my brother…I can't stand this room or the house.
"Sam?" Bobby shouts for me from the kitchen but even the thought of food makes me nauseous so I run into the junkyard and head for the one other thing I still have that will connect me to Dean.
The Impala. It had been dad's car when I was little and basically home to me and Dean since the night of the fire but it's been Dean's car since he was eighteen and no matter what it always will be his car.
When he went to Hell and I drove it, it was still Dean's car and it took me weeks before I could stand to drive it. This time…God, this time has been pure torture because I had to fix it.
When the Impala was crashed the last time, Dean rebuilt her pretty much from scratch since that semi really did a number on her. This time it had been flipped over and wrecked by a massive wave of demon mist. After having it towed back to Bobby's, I listened to what he said was wrong with her and took in his offer to pay for having her fixed but I refused.
This car is as much my home as any other place I've ever stayed. It has pieces of me and my brother in it that no one else could possibly understand, like the legos in the heater, or the little Army man in the ashtray or our initials…or Dean's collection of mullet rock. I couldn't let anyone else touch the car so while it's taken me a hell of a lot longer than it probably would've Dean I've finally gotten the major work done so she'll run safely again. There's just a couple little things I still need to do.
Running a hand over the roof of the car before reaching for the back door handle I remember how sick I felt upon seeing the car on its top that night after I woke up and made my way to where Dean and Bobby were. The terror at the thought that my brother might be inside nearly brought me to my knees faster than still coping with memories of Hell resurfacing. Though, what I'd deal with moments later was worse.
Wincing as pain went through my head, I can't help but shake as fiery images come to the surface and I still feel the pain I felt in the time I was down there. Bobby hasn't asked what I remember but I know he's worried and I know I could talk to him but it's not Bobby I want to talk to. I want to share these memories with the one person I've always been able to share my nightmares and fears with…Dean and I can't do that, thanks to Castiel.
Thanks to Cas I may never be able to say anything to my brother ever again and the thought of being alone, really alone since I know that even when I was at college I wasn't alone, scares me more than nearly anything else I've faced in the past six years.
Sitting in the back seat behind the drivers seat, I slowly touch the leather on the door and the seat and I'm taken back to being a baby in this car. I can recall blurry images of my early childhood when Dad would be driving to some new place and Dean would be in the back seat with me. I was never afraid so long as I knew my big brother was near me. Even when we began hunting again and I was so devastated at Jess's death that I hardly slept. I'd eventually fall asleep in the Impala and Dean was always there when I woke up. Dean was always there for me even when he shouldn't have been.
Now it's basically me since I try to avoid bothering Bobby. Taking something from my pocket I stare at it before carefully reinserting the plastic Army man back into the very ashtray that I'd put it in as a child. Fixing the Impala so it looked perfect again and ran good was one thing but the Army man in the ashtray was one thing that was vital to this car and to us.
I remember the day I put it in and I also recall my Dad's temper upon seeing it and the initials we'd carved in the leather. Dean took the blame and the beating for that. Just another one of the many thousand things I wish I could apologize to him now for.
Seeing that this little plastic toy had come loose in the wreck again broke my heart nearly as much as the fear of losing Dean was because it had been this toy that allowed me to snap back into control when Lucifer was beating Dean to death. I'd been forced to watch what Lucifer was doing while in control of my body and had been helpless to stop it even as he beat my brother and Dean never lifted a hand back but it was finally when I caught sight of the soldier in the ashtray that memories of my life…memories of my time with my big brother resurfaced and I fought for control. Control that I won and I thought it would be fine. I was willing to die or suffer Hell so long as my brother was safe. These days I think Hell was less painful.
Making certain the soldier would stay put, it took me longer to move to the front seat and when I finally did I stayed on what had been my side. Since working on the car, I only sat in Dean's seat when I had to do something to the steering or something else but I refused to stay long. It was almost as if both the Impala and I were waiting for Dean's familiar voice to make some typical snarky comment.
Sitting on the passenger side I carefully drop each lego piece back where my brother had put them originally and where he'd replaced them when he had rebuilt her. I'll have to turn the engine over to be sure they rattle correctly when the heat is turned on but…I have time for that. It had taken Dad weeks to find out what had made that rattle and by then he'd just come to accept it so he'd left them alone. I often think he left them because he knew Dean would just have replaced them if he had removed the toys.
The sound of those legos rattling had lulled me to sleep as a kid and even now when Dean and I had been driving they'd put me to sleep because that sound was so natural to me…just like the sound of AC/DC was to me.
"Damn." I'd avoided this for the past week. One of Bobby's friends, a normal junkman, had been by a few weeks back when I'd been finishing up checking the electronics and the stereo system. He'd made the mistake of saying that he knew where he could find a better more modern system I could put in to replace that battered old cassette crap.
It normally takes a lot to make me snap but just the thought of that, of losing the cassette player that my brother loved tormenting me with did that. I really do need to apologize to Bobby for what I did to his friend. I know that I could rehook up an I-Pod jack to the stereo but even that hurts because I still recall the way Dean looked at me after he returned from Hell and saw my I-Pod hooked to the car. To be honest, I rarely used it but I never told him that. I never told him that I normally listened to the same three damn tapes that he did…tapes that I pray survived the crash.
Bobby had cleaned the car out once it got back here just in case anyone else got too curious about it so I know where the box of tapes are sitting on the workbench but for now I open the glovebox to make sure all the papers are still inside when I find a picture that I'd never seen before.
It was a photo of me at Stanford at what must have been sometime my Freshman year because I still had that scared look at being on my own but I don't remember having it taken when it hits me that it was taken with a long distance lens. I flip it over to recognize Dean's writing when he wrote 'Geek boy in college' and I feel my eyes begin to burn again.
I'd dreamed of going to school, of being normal for so long that when it happened I'd almost been too scared to go…until Dad took that option away by finding out and forbidding me. Dad…I won't say I didn't love him because he was my Dad but I didn't like him most of the time. When he flipped on me about school and the whole fight happened I was out of choices. I left without understanding how much that hurt Dean but I believed he was on Dad's side. I didn't know he'd been close to me or that he'd even want to be…until now.
I put the photo back in the glovebox where Dean had obviously kept it before grabbing the box of worn out tapes from the worktable to put them back in the car when I touch one that brings back too many memories. Memories of sitting outside a rundown gas station on the way to Jericho and telling my brother that he seriously needed to update his cassette tape collection…
" 'For one, they're cassette tapes and second…Black Sabbath? Motorhead? Metellica? It's the greatest hits of mullet rock.'"
" 'House rules, Sammy. Driver picks the music. Shotgun shuts his cakehole.'"
Swallowing hard, I still remember Dean's grin when he intentionally turns up the stereo and despite the fact that I hadn't wanted to go find Dad I couldn't deny the joy at being with my brother again. Something that he never knew I felt because while Dean accused me of being overly emotional and wearing my heart on my sleeve I still never told him half of what I should have. I never told Dean that I looked up to him. I never told him that I respected him or that I only had the courage to go away to school because of what he taught me. I never told my brother enough that I loved him and I don't know if I'll ever be able to.
"He knows it, Sam."
Expecting Bobby's voice, the thinner more quiet voice had me pushing out of the Impala and grabbing for the shotgun that I kept handy when working by the car since I still didn't trust things when I stop dead. "Chuck?"
"Hey, Sam. It's been a long time."
Chuck Shirley had been a writer who we found out later was actually a Prophet and could write things about me and Dean. I hadn't seen Chuck since well before I made the choice to face Lucifer and Dean told me later that he hadn't seen or heard from Chuck since he talked to him before coming to Stull. Seeing him now in the back of Bobby's junkyard dressed in better clothes than I was used to was…well a shock.
Lowering the shotgun a little, I don't move but just watch the guy who had probably more to do with us surviving the Apocalypse than anything else. "You…know what's been happening?"
"Yeah, I know," Chuck nods before coming closer to me but stops just at the rear of the car to gaze at it with a small smile. "Dean knows you love him, Sam. He's always known it. That's why he went to Stull, that's why he's done everything he has for you all your life and that's why he took that blast in Kansas from Castiel…because he loved you."
Now that isn't going to make me feel worse? Knowing that Dean actually knew what he was doing when he stepped in between Cas and me a second before I watched my brother get blasted across a room and have his body nearly broken in two by a friend.
"Dean knew that Castiel was going to turn on you, Sam. He knew it and he wasn't going to risk losing you not after you'd fought so hard to survive having that wall in your head shattered," Chuck's always been annoying as a Prophet but he's not normally this sure of himself or this outspoken so I'm beginning to wonder if something more was up when he smiles at me. "You and your brother survived something that no one thought you would. You guys have fought for one another for as long as you've been alive. This time isn't any different."
"Except this time Cas broke every damn bone in Dean's body and crushed his skull with that blast. The doctors aren't sure if he'll heal much less wake up," I've avoided saying the last two words ever since Bobby and our friend Missouri made me leave my brother in a hospital in Kansas two months ago. Hearing them spoken now brought back all the fears, the pain and loss he'd felt the night it had happened. "The doctors told Bobby that eventually we'd have to consider the option of removing the support and I can't make that choice, Chuck. I will not lose my brother like that. I'll find Cas and make him fix it or die trying."
I see the surprise in Chuck's eyes and figure I'll be dealing with Bobby soon once he hears my plan but it's all I have left to do since I won't make the final choice. I know if our roles were reversed that Dean wouldn't make that call either because…
"Because you're brothers," Chuck finished simply, nodding. "I know, Sam and I know it's not easy on you dealing with this on top of the nightmares of Hell and what else has been done to you but if I say that you won't have to make that final choice will you at least try to sleep?"
I've believed Chuck's dreams from the moment I read a script sitting in a Laundromat about us sitting in a Laundromat reading about ourselves so normally I do but this time…this time it's hard to see past recent events. I could probably get past the memories I have back and coping with what I did without a soul…though I still don't see why Bobby let me back in the house after that one thing but losing Dean… I won't be able to deal with that but Chuck's been good to us so I at least try to humor him.
"I'll try later," I tell him, knowing I want to finish repacking the car before I even try to go back near the house. Today has me emotional and missing Dean more and I'm not sure why. "Chuck, why're you here?"
"Just wanted to pop in and tell you that it'll be alright and not give up on him," Chuck's looking back at the house and I'm still expecting Bobby any moment by the way I ran out of the house. "Castiel isn't evil, Sam. He tried to do what he could but he's just not capable of handling that power. I'm not sure if he left your soul behind on purpose or not but the important thing is Dean got it back and that you never forget what you're fighting for."
Right now I could tell Chuck that I don't give a damn if the so-called new 'God' is evil or not. He hurt my brother and I won't forget that but another part remembers the Cas that gave up everything to help us when he didn't have to so that leaves me more confused on what to do about him. "I just want my brother back, Chuck," I finally say, fighting to hold back the tears that are always threatening to come these days when I feel his hand touch my wrist and I swear that it felt warm but I'm too tired to care by that point.
"He'll be back, Sam," Chuck tells me easily and then all the work and crap recently must zone me out because I don't remember falling asleep in the Impala but I wake up with a low buzzing in my ears and the remnants of a dream in my mind.
Blinking to see that I had fallen asleep in the back seat of the Impala much like I had as a kid I quickly remember why sleeping in the backseat wasn't easy since I'm 6'4" now but I ignore that to focus on something else…I focus on the dream I'd woken up from and fight to bury the hurt.
Normally when I sleep I wake up every few minutes with screaming nightmares. This hadn't been a nightmare…or not like I'm used to. I dreamed Dean and I were just sitting in a field on the hood of the Impala like we often would when not fighting or in a hurry to get somewhere. We'd often just sit and watch the stars and normally that's when Dean could get me to talk if something was bothering me. This time was…different.
" 'I need you to let go, Sammy,'" Dean says to me but he's not looking at me and I guess I know why when he adds. " 'I need you to let me go now, little brother. Let go, go on with your life and take care of my car.'"
" 'Nope, can't do that, Dean,'" I remember saying back to him. " 'I'm going to get you back because I can't handle the memories alone this time. You said we were brothers and would always face stuff together. I'll find a way to make this right.'"
I can't recall many times that I've come right out and refused my brother but this time, in this dream, I did and I'm not sure who was more shocked, him or me but he did smile at me and it wasn't the usual cocky smile he'd give normally but the full one I'd only see on Dean in those rare times when he didn't know I was watching him.
The rest of the dream is blurry except for the end when I felt something go cold and can still hear Dean shouting for me almost as if in fear except this is my brother and he'd never let me know he was scared.
"Ouch!" not expecting Bobby to be that close when he shouts my name again. I jump and slam my head into the roof of the car and see more than stars from that blow. "Yeah, Bobby?"
Bobby Singer's been hunting longer than I've been alive probably. He's been mentor and father figure to us for as long as I can remember and these last few months haven't been easy on him either. He's lost his friend when Rufus was killed now his former lady friend…who I so do not want to think about what else she was, was killed by Crowley and Cas and Dean…
"I've been shouting for you for the past hour, boy!" Bobby's pissed and upset and I wonder which of those are at me or if both of those were when I see the cordless phone in his hand and feel my heart skip a few beats as he looks at me. "Sam…"
"I…must've fallen asleep while Chuck was here," I tell him, trying to avoid asking about who called because only very few people would call Bobby that he'd be looking for me for. "I thought he'd go back to the house or…"
He looks at me like I'm crazy and I just assume that Chuck figured it would be better to avoid Bobby when he finally motions to the phone. "Missouri called, Sam. The hospital called her…Sam, Dean's…"
I don't remember hearing the rest or even if I did. I heard Missouri's name, the word hospital and my brother and dread went straight to panic on top of my dream. I know Bobby's shouting for me to wait but I'm tearing out of the lot in the Impala with one destination in mind and praying I'm not too late.
The distance between Bobby's house in South Dakota and the hospital in Lawrence, Kansas wasn't short but I never stopped to consider if the car was fixed well enough to handle the strain or if I was mentally or physically prepared either but neither was an option. I'd fight the hospital from pulling the plug if I had to because I was not losing Dean this way.
Halfway there I realized I was praying which was something I hadn't done since I realized that most Angels were dicks and that I was probably the last person that any God would listen to. Right then I didn't care. I'd pray for my brother because other than Bobby he was the only family I had left and if I was losing that then I really didn't have much else to live for.
I can't remember much of Lawrence except for the time that Dean and I came back to help that family living in our old house and after this if I never see it again it'll be too soon. I lost my Mom in Lawrence and now I'll lose my brother.
"Sam, you just hold on a second," I barely hear Missouri Mosley yelling at me after I'd parked the car and made a mad dash into the hospital only to have her yank me to a stop…y'know, for a small lady she's strong. "Boy, you settle yourself down right now or I'll whack you with that spoon I always threatened your brother with!"
I didn't want to settle down. I just wanted to be with Dean and maybe throw a doctor or four out of the hospital if they even make that damn suggestion to me again when I feel a not so gentle slap to my head and remember quickly that Missouri's a psychic.
"Your damn thoughts are so loud you could wake a deaf psychic, Sam Winchester," she snapped, pushing a button on the elevator. "Bobby said you'd taken off without waiting for him, Sam."
"I can't let them take him off the machines," I'm panicking more at that thought than the one that it could be too late. "Dean'll get better. I know he will, Missouri but I can't let them take him off…" I stop when she just stares at me and it's like a hard punch to my stomach. "No, no, no…"
I'm numb, cold, hot and sick at the same time and feel myself dropping to my knees as the elevator rode up to a floor that was different than what I recall but the idea that I was too late and that my brother was…the word dead made me want to throw up…if I'd eaten anything recently when the next slap I feel is harder.
"Sam, your brother's not dead," she's trying to tell me but I only lock onto her next two words. "He's awake."
Awake. Dean awake? Not possible when the doctors here had said his skull had been crushed but then I suppose it was possible for him to wake up and not be…Dean. I couldn't ask Missouri about brain damage. I didn't give a damn so long as my brother was awake. I'd take the rest as it came.
The elevator stopped on a floor that wasn't ICU which gave me another reason to guess brain damage since they'd probably have moved Dean to another floor if he was awake but they…God if I manage to do this without passing out I'd be lucky when I hear a nurse say something about visitors and Missouri quickly telling the girl to shush herself or she'd whack her with a spoon.
I think I hear someone, either Missouri or the nurse, tell me a room number and by the time I run down the hall my nerves are more frayed and I feel myself start to hyperventilate when I make myself calm down. It's been two months since I'd been forced to leave my brother in his damn place, two months since I'd seen him and all I want now is that. All I want is to see Dean, to talk to him…even if he didn't know me.
Pausing one more time before knocking softly out of long ago learned habits, I open the door to find a normal sized room with a single bed, which at least meant we'd have some privacy for when I probably lost it when I finally notice the form in the bed.
The last time I'd seen my brother he'd looked so small and broken laying in that damn ICU bed surrounded by wires, tubes and monitors. Now he reminded of when Alastair hurt him which was still bad but at least he seemed to be breathing on his own and the utter relief of that I guess is what made the first break to come and even as I was turning to step back into the hall to settle down again since I refused to let even a brain damaged Dean see me cry in front of him I heard something that stopped me faster than anything.
Twisting back around at my name, I'm shocked to see tired green eyes watching me intently and I'm not really aware that I'm moving toward the bed until I see his hand moving to reach for me and that was it. Every damn wall that I'd managed to keep up for the past two months, every ounce of fear and the tears I'd been hiding since I last sat with my comatose brother came crashing down and I lose it the moment I feel his fingers grip my hand.
"Dean…" the words I want to say choke off in tears that I really don't want to let him see me shed but I can't stop them now so I go to move away, to try to turn when Dean surprises me by having more strength than I was expecting him to have yet and pulling me to him.
Half of me is certain this is probably another dream that I'll wake up from but for the moment, after the months that I've had, I'll take what I can get and return the hug fully, still trying to stop the emotions since I know he'll bitch about over emotional chick-flick moments at the first chance he gets when I feel him move one hand up to grip my neck like he always did but it was what I hear him whisper that freezes me.
"Thought I…told you to let…me go, Sam."
The very words Dean had said to me in my last dream came back with a thud only a second before I feel something pressing into my chest that he's wearing. Easing back enough to look, I see the gold amulet that I'd given Dean years ago…the very amulet that he'd tossed in a trashcan after losing faith in us.
He must have seen where I was looking because he let me go enough to lay back on the pillows that were propped up way more than I liked considering he'd just woken up after two months in a coma. "The nurse said some short bearded guy in white dropped it off about an hour before I came to," he says, still looking pale and I could still see some of the bruises but compared to what I was expecting… "I know, I look awesome, right?"
Dean throwing a line like that at me right now just served to break me again only this time I was prepared for it and started to move again when his hand caught my arm to keep me sitting next to him and I know it's his way of asking me to stay.
"I thought when they called that you were…" I still couldn't say that word but Dean must have understood because I saw him nod then I noticed that he was still watching me as if waiting. "I wouldn't have let you go, Dean. I couldn't. You're my big brother and I wouldn't quit on you that easy. You never quit on me."
"I know, Sammy," he's flexing the fingers of the hand that he wasn't using to keep me still and I still don't understand how he's healed like he is except… "I saw Chuck in a dream, Sam. He told me that you were planning something stupid so I had to get off my ass and settle you down. You know this wasn't your fault, right?"
I'm strongly ignoring how much Chuck is figuring into this since I'm also guessing that was who returned the amulet and ignoring how he even got it when I feel fingers dig into my arm. "You were hurt…Dean, you shouldn't have gotten between me and Cas."
"Right and let him slam you into the next galaxy," Dean scoffs but also shifts more on the bed as if in pain and I'm about to reach for the button to call for a nurse when he knocks my hand away from the box. "Don't need little Miss Nurse yet, Sam. When'd you sleep last cause I'll tell ya, Sammy, you look like hell."
I want to laugh at that but I know Dean will see through it so I just shrug, reaching for the chair that was by the bed so I'd still be close to him. "Just rest, Dean. I'll be here," I promise him like he has me so many times but I don't hear him reply so I figure he's already asleep and I can rest my eyes a second to stop the burning.
"Go to sleep, Sammy. We'll be fine now," I think I hear Dean's voice a moment before I feel familiar fingers go through my hair in the same soothing way he would when I was small and I knew I should wake up since I didn't want the nightmares to upset my brother when I hear him whisper. "No nightmares, little brother. I'll be with you now and it'll be better."
Dean believes it so I believe it and that's all it's ever taken to shield me from my nightmares…just having Dean believe in me and be with me. I fall to sleep and miss anything else my brother might say but do hope I'm awake when Bobby hits the hospital since he'll blab about a couple things I did that Dean might not be too happy with.
Burning pain is what I slipped under to. Well, that and the fear in Sammy's voice. I knew when I got between him and Cas what would come next but I didn't care. I'd be damned if I saw Sam hurt again so I was prepared to die…I wasn't prepared for what did happen and I will never tell Sam how close I was to death or what drew me back.
I woke up to a hot nurse and some doctor's looking at me like I was their next lab experiment since I gather no one expected me to wake up, much less be able to think or move again. I don't plan to tell them either what I dreamed or they would lock me up cause I am so thinking Chuck is a hell of a lot more than we gave the nerd credit for but that's later.
Now I've been awake for two days and Sam's still sleeping. Missouri, damn that woman will threaten me any chance she gets, managed to get a cot brought in for Sam since the kid wasn't sleeping in that chair if I had anything to say about it.
Bobby's been by grumbling about pesky little brothers which tells me that Sam's been up to no good while I was out but I'll get that out of them soon. Right now I just want to make sure my little brother is safe since Bobby said all Sam does when he sleeps is scream.
Twice now he's twisted and groaned but all it takes is a touch form me to calm him down. He's paler than I like but then Bobby said the kid won't eat right or sleep so I guess I need to get the hell outta here, find out how bad my baby is screwed up and fix both her and Sammy.
"Dean?" Sam's not awake and I know it by his voice but he's more awake than sleeping so I guess I can't ignore him.
"Yeah?" I'm waiting and like I expected he flipped on the cot, making me worry if the damn thing would hold or not.
Sammy's so far under it's not funny when he looks at me and I see that his hair has gone all back into his eyes like he used to wear it. "Promise me somethin'?"
"Tell me what it is and I'll go from there, kid," I'd learned a long time ago to watch Sam's promises since they tended to get me into trouble.
"Promise me that you won't scare me like this again?" it's the tone that pulls at me since if Sam was awake he'd never ask that in that way…of course if he was awake he'd be able to use puppy eye power to the Nth degree too. "Scared me, De'n. Didn't want you to die and leave me alone."
Yeah, I will so have to give him a chick flick moment when we're both awake but right now he wouldn't remember it which is why I'm able to let myself card my fingers back through his hair before gripping his hand. "I promise, Sammy. I promise I won't scare you again and I…I won't leave you alone, little brother," I know technically I can't keep that promise since no one knows how this mess will go from one day to another but it's Sam and I'll give him whatever he wants if it'll help him get over this and take those shadows out of his eyes. "Sammy, you know that I…well…I…"
"Love you too, De'n," Sam's mumbling but he still got what I was saying as I look down at the amulet again.
I remember in the dream that Chuck had put it in my hand with some Chuck-line about finding it at Prophets-R-Us and that it was on the nightstand when I woke up so maybe there was some truth to that. If so I hope he was also right about what else he said because I will not risk Sam…assuming Bobby lets us out of the house out of this.
Feeling Sam grip my hand tighter I roll more toward him in case he does need me tonight and so I can keep a hand on his arm. "I'm alright, Sammy and I'll be with you but I swear if you hurt my car I will so beat your ass back to Bobby's."
I'm mostly asleep when I think I feel something close to us but before I can wake up fully, the feelings gone, Sam's relaxed and I fall back to sleep with the hope that it's just evil sons of bitches that we have to face now…until I find a way to depower Cas that is.The End
A/N: Thanks for reading. This one flipped-flopped on me since I wasn't certain if I wanted 1st or 3rd person POV. I think I have a little plotlet planned in this vein but we'll see since I'm writing as they come.
For those patiently waiting for the next chapter of Mirror Images, it's coming. I got distracted by Finale plot bunnies.