None of the characters, settings etc belong to me...I wish they did, though...I love them all!
Why do I repeat the same mistake, over and over again?
I thought once again, as I looked at Mayama who was standing at a distance. He was staring at me, a furious expression on his face—I think a mixture of fear and indignity. I don't think it made any difference to me because I knew that he was only being protective like an older brother. Boy, who was I kidding; deep inside my heart a tiny bubble of happiness was suggesting that he might just be a teeny bit jealous. But I knew very well that it was not the case. And try as I might, I wasn't able to get rid of that little bit of sickening optimism which was trying to subdue my rational thoughts.
Trying to distract myself, I glanced at my right hand which was tightly clasped by a bigger hand, which was surprisingly warm.
"Come back to earth, have you?" the owner of the warm hand said with an equally cold voice. The effect was frightening.
I looked at Nomiya, but had to turn away immediately as I couldn't meet his eyes. I didn't even know what was more pathetic—my persistent love for Mayama or its helpless expression in front of Nomiya. All those moments when I had broken down in front of him flashed in front of my eyes and I was surprised at the depth of the mess I had fallen into. I pictured Nomiya's handsome and mature countenance, how he arranged it into a sympathetic expression whenever I cried in front of him. One could only expect so much patience from a guy like him.
Nomiya sighed when I didn't reply. Something told me that his anger had evaporated. I almost felt like laughing at myself—I was this pitiable.
"Yamada..." he said softly, shaking his head.
"I'm sorry..." I murmured so softly, that he had to lean towards me to hear it.
He didn't say anything. I couldn't even begin to describe how I was feeling. Needless to say, I'd never had this kind of a relationship with any guy before. Whatever the others might say, I wasn't all that naive; I knew what kind of a guy Nomiya was. And I also knew that such a guy would have abandoned his efforts a long time ago, had the girl been in a wretched condition like mine. I couldn't even recall the number of times I'd collapsed in his apartment after my long drunken ramblings. Not once had he tried to take advantage of me in those times. I would wonder why, once Mayama had left my thoughts, which meant never.
I turned to look at Nomiya. His long hair was slightly swaying due to the breeze. His eyes were vacant, staring at the sunset which had cast a golden glow over us. Despite his anger and disappointment, his face was calm and composed, unlike my own which was convulsed in distress.
Why, why couldn't I get over that stupid Mayama? I should consider myself lucky, to have a person like Nomiya beside me. But all I could think of was Mayama, his brown hair, his deep voice, his lovely scent—a mixture of his cigarettes and his shampoo, what it would be like to hold his hand instead...
For the umpteenth time, I could feel the constriction in my throat and tears sliding down my cheeks. I felt disgusted at myself, as Nomiya turned to face me. I couldn't fathom his expression, it was a mixture of pity and exasperation maybe, I—
And then suddenly, as though someone had swept away all the thoughts from my mind into the trash, I stopped thinking. I just concentrated on the feeling on my lips.
He gently placed his lips on mine and kissed me ever so tenderly—I'd never thought he was capable of such a thing. I kissed him back, trying to ignore an aching sadness in myself, as my mind had already started imagining a scene like this where Mayama had replaced Nomiya. I felt sick and I wrapped my arms around Nomiya, running my fingers through his fine hair, trying to concentrate only on him. He seemed to be taken aback as he staggered for a moment but then he put his arms around my waist and started kissing me with more passion. I could still feel tears continuously streaming over my face and I just couldn't stop them. Fuck you, Mayama!
I pulled away from Nomiya and turned to look at Mayama who was rushing towards us. I was instantly flooded with guilt.
"What do you think you are doing?" yelled Mayama.
"Shut up! It's none of your fucking business!" Nomiya fired back.
I looked at him, horrified. He was screaming—I'd never seen him angry like this before. But now those patient eyes were filled with rage. He held on to my hand tightly and continued speaking to Mayama, who was equally shocked like me.
"Who the hell d'you think you are, you..." He seemed lost for words as he clenched his jaws together. "As if you've not done enough..."
"Nomiya san," I stuttered, frightened.
"Yes?" He barked at me. When I couldn't say a thing he continued, "Yes? What do you have to say now? Do you want to defend him?"
"N-no...it's not that..."
"Then what?" Nomiya stormed. I recoiled. I'd never I thought I would ever see him like this. I squeezed his hand tightly. It seemed to calm him down a bit. He turned to Mayama and said sternly, "Leave."
Mayama, who was standing still, all this while, looked at me. I could feel guilt rushing inside me again but I held on to Nomiya's hand for support. It didn't work very well but at least I could look away from Mayama.
"Yamada?" he whispered.
It took every ounce of my self control not to instantly leave Nomiya's hand and start giving excuses and explanations to Mayama. I felt my eyes watering again as I said, "I'm fine..."
Nomiya and Mayama stared at each other for a few seconds with hard, stony expressions before Mayama turned slowly and walked away from us, slowly. I wanted to run and stop him, to tell him that it was him I loved, it was him that I wanted to kiss but I stood beside Nomiya and stared after the figure I adored as he walked away from me—I felt that something between us just snapped and disappeared forever. I realised that Mayama would never stop Nomiya and me from getting together again and that almost seemed like physical pain.
"Go Yamada..." I heard a distant voice.
I looked up at Nomiya whose expression was strained. For the first time, I felt something different. What was that, now?
"Don't torture yourself," he sighed and said, "Go after him..." he tried to free his hand from mine, but I gripped his hand tightly. He looked at me with surprise.
"No," I said softly, "I—I don't want to..." Which wasn't a complete lie, for I'd just realised that that pained expression on Nomiya's face was hurting me too. I didn't want to treat him like that—how I'd been treated.
"Eh?" he managed to say, completely befuddled.
For the first time that day, a hint of a smile appeared on my face and that was enough to make me realise that this wasn't a mistake I was making. I was taking the correct decision for once. I took a deep breath and said, "Let's go, Nomiya san."
After blinking a few times, he started walking slowly. I managed not to look back, as I repeatedly told myself to give this a chance, for my own good.
"Okay, let's give this a shot..." I muttered.
Nomiya smiled and both of us walked away together, each with a little more hope than before.
A/N: This idea just popped into my head one day and I had left it unfinished...But I finally finished it yesterday...:):)
I hope you guys enjoyed this...reviews please?:3
Thanks a lot for reading :D