Author's Note: I'm a bit on a writing binge from the season 6 finale. I'm crossing my fingers for season 7 and hoping the writers don't let us down since I'm a huge Castiel fan. But I'm holding off judgement until I actually see the season 7 premier and then I'll bitch or rejoice. No point doing it now.
Story notes are at the end. Also, for the best burger in America, I just googled it since I don't live in the States.
Burgers, Rum, and Tea
By: Sailor Moonac
Chuck wasn't surprised at all when he got up from his computer and went to the kitchen to get more rum and instead saw Death sitting at his kitchen table. Death raised an eyebrow at Chuck and resumed eating, admittedly, a very tasty looking burger. After taking a bite, Death waved a hand, inviting Chuck to the other warm burger opposite him. Chuck gave a half grin before setting his empty glass by his burger and went to his liquor cabinet to pull out a new bottle of rum.
Death thoughtfully chewed his burger before answering. "No thank you. I prefer Tea."
"Any type in particular?" asked Chuck as he pulled out a chipped mug and an old box of PG teabags.
"Darjeeling is always delightful."
Chuck frowned and set the old teabags and chipped mug back into the cabinet before grabbing his rum bottle and setting it by the matching tea set that appeared before Death. Death set down his burger, carefully wiping his hand on a pristine white cloth napkin, before pouring milk from the creamer into his teacup. Meticulously, Death placed the tea strainer over his teacup before pouring the tea in and then plopping two cubes of sugar. Finally, Death took his teaspoon and stirred the tea, from 6 o'clock to 12 o'clock in a repeating half circle before setting it on the right side of his saucer.
Chuck snorted. "Prude."
"Immoralist," returned Death, sipping his tea before returning to his burger. "Eat."
Chuck grinned and set his rum aside as he scooped up his burger and took a bite. Swallowing loudly, Chuck commented, "It's pretty good."
"The DuMont Burger. I picked it up from Brooklyn. Supposed to be best burger in the United States. I'm not so certain about that." Death returned his attention to eating his burger and Chuck copied him.
"You don't consider them your children, do you?"
Death shot Chuck a mildly exasperated look and set down his burger again. "You really must speak in complete sentences if you want to make your questions clear. I may be able to read minds, but I still can't read yours."
Chuck chuckled. "Not if I let you." Chuck took another bite of his burger, savouring its taste and swallowing before speaking again. Death was always a stickler for manners. "I mean your Reapers. You don't consider them your children?"
"No, I don't." Death cleaned his hand on his napkin, pressing it the side of his lips to catch the evidence of ketchup. "Reapers are the natural order of an unnatural order. You're the creator. I'm the destroyer, and yet I created the Reapers to destroy. It really is quite unnatural."
"But do you value them?"
"Oh yes," answered Death after taking a sip of tea. "I was most vexed when that demon had the nerve to kill one of my Reapers for your bratty child's seal. Reapers exist to ensure the neutrality and the continuance of the natural order of life and death."
"By that argument, then Reapers should also die. You do give them life." Chuck took a sip of his rum to wash down the burger. But mostly to use the glass to hide his smirk at Death's annoyed gaze.
"That's like arguing which one of us is older. Pointless and with no end. As I said, Reapers are unnatural. I don't believe that puts them above the natural order, but they are necessary regardless."
Chuck set his glass back on the table and took another bite of his burger. With his mouth full, Chuck retorted, "I'm obviously older."
"And your manners haven't improved one bit in these aeons. I'm not arguing this point again. Considering I don't even know what will become of me once I reap you."
Chuck grinned, taking the small delight in deliberately annoying the being sitting across from him. "Getting back to my point. You don't consider your Reapers to be your children. But I consider all of my creations to be my children. And children need to grow and learn on their own by making mistakes without their father correcting them along the way."
Death took another sip of tea, before setting down the teacup on its saucer with a loud clink. "You're referring to Castiel."
"Let it out, I know you want to."
But Death's composure didn't break. Death merely cast Chuck an exasperated glance before taking another sip of tea. "If he continues with his 'I am God' mentality, it will be extremely difficult for me."
Chuck grinned. "I thought it was supposed to be difficult for me."
"I was referring to the amount of work I would have to do. Even as I speak, the number of people on my 'To Die List' is growing at an exponential rate."
"But it's only the 'To Die List,' not the 'To Reap List.'"
"Not yet. Individuals must be on my 'To Die List' before they can go to my 'To Reap List.' Once they are on the 'To Reap List,' then I reap them to continue the natural order." Death took a hold of his burger and continued eating. Chuck copied him and polished off his burger, washing the rest of it down with rum. As usual, Death appeared irritated by Chuck's eating habits.
"They won't get on the 'To Reap List.'"
Death finished his burger and cleaned his hands with his napkin. "Even you can't be certain of that now that you decided to give your angels free reign."
Chuck raised his glass of rum in a toast. "I'm confident in Castiel."
"Really? Is that why you didn't give him a sign when he asked?" Death finished his cup of tea and made himself another. Another cup appeared beside his and he made another cup of tea for Chuck before sliding it across the table.
"I like mine's with extra sugar." Death plopped in an extra few cubes of sugar into Chuck's tea. Chuck smiled as he mixed the tea vigorously, swirling the tea into a small vortex and splashing tea into the saucer, much to Death's chagrin. Chuck sipped his tea noisily. "Actually, I did give Castiel a sign."
Death paused, the teacup half way to his mouth before he set it down again on its saucer. "You're referring to Dean Winchester and his continuing insistence to stop?"
"Yes and no. Dean, Sam, Bobby, Balthazar. They all told Cas to stop."
"But he didn't, and now all of Purgatory's souls are in him."
"I know." Chuck slurped his tea noisily.
Death took a sip of tea before setting it back onto its saucer and reaching for Chuck's rum. Chuck passed it over to Death, who poured a finger of rum into his tea. "See, this is why I don't consider my Reapers to be my children. It's far too troublesome."
Chuck flashed Death a cheeky smirk. "But then you'll never know the joys of parenthood."
"I'll pass. Dealing with you is far childish enough. You're far too whimsical. For starters, you pose as one of your own prophets, going far enough to sear his name into the grace of all of your angels."
Chuck shrugged. "It gets boring. You should try it sometimes. I imagine you must be really bored having spent millenniums in that hole."
"No thanks to you. But millenniums are a relatively short amount of time." Death took another sip of his rum-laced tea. "Your parenting skills are awful."
"Not if I decreed it's not."
"Even you aren't that conceited."
Chuck gave a low chuckle and grabbed his bottle of rum and like Death, poured a finger into his tea. He added another cube of sugar to top it off. "Why that almost sounds like a compliment."
Death didn't comment but instead finished his tea. "What will you do if I have to reap every single person on the 'To Die List?'"
Chuck set the bottle of rum on the table with a loud thud. Chuck gripped the neck of the bottle briefly before releasing it. "Nothing."
Death gave a half smile. "Good answer. I might have reaped you now if you said anything else."
Chuck cast Death an amused glance. "You couldn't even if you tried. I'm not on your 'To Die List.'"
"Yet," conceded Chuck. "But that was the resolve I came to after Lucifer fell. And I'm going to stick to my resolve. But, that of course doesn't mean I can't give nudges when I need to."
Death stood up, picked up his cane and draped his coat over an arm. "Well, I think Castiel needs a larger nudge, seeing that your small ones haven't helped."
"You actually sound concerned."
"I am considered a natural catastrophe that reaps on large scales. And you are supposed to be the one that defines creation. Not your favourite child."
Chuck nodded. "I know. But if you decide to start considering your Reapers your children, then maybe you'll understand."
"That sometimes you just have to let your child's hand go for him to walk on his own. And when they fall, like a good parent, you offer your hand and help them back up. But you can't walk for them."
Death remained silent for a few moments as Chuck finished his rum and tea. "I see. This was pleasant, we should do this more often, God."
Chuck nodded. "We should, Death."
Chuck stood up and left the empty kitchen to return to his computer with his glass and bottle of rum. Cracking his fingers Chuck went back to typing the story of Supernatural.
This one was interesting to write and was kind of a result of the question, who are the three people you would have at your dinner table? And I thought, what would a sit down between these two most powerful beings in Supernatural be like? Death, I tried to characterise as he had been shown on the show, but Chuck as God was never really confirmed and as a result, we don't know how God!Chuck's characterisation would be. So, I just characterised Chuck as we've seen as the drunken prophet who calls up hookers, just without all of that nervousness.
I just wanted to clarify the difference between the 'To Die List' versus the 'To Reap List.' I consider the 'To Die List' the list of people with the potential to die if they continue on the same path as they are on or if some other outside event continues. The 'To Reap List' is the list of people that are basically dead no matter what changes. In other words, they are a 100% going to die. The people on the 'To Die List' is not going to die with 100% certainty, well at least not at that time since everybody dies.
Some more notes, mostly about tea. PG is a popular brand of tea in the UK, pretty cheap but tastes okay for a teabag. Darjeeling is generally considered a more refined type of black tea and I thought it would be more suited for Death's personality.
Brewing tea is sometimes considered an art, especially with English tea and Japanese tea [ceremonies]. Although I'm sure most people would rather just throw in a teabag since it's way easier. But for English tea, which was what Death was having, you're supposed to pour milk in first, and then the tea to prevent the milk from curdling as it would if the tea went in first (Although I personally don't notice anything different). Proper tea etiquette, which no one ever really practises anyway, requires that you stir in repeating half circles from 6 o'clock to 12 o'clock and hold the tea saucer in your left hand and always in your lap or table. There are more rules (who comes up with this stuff?), so just imagine Death doing all of those stickler rules. Except for the rum in the tea (:p). Chuck of course doesn't follow any of those rules.