Fandom: Prince of Tennis

Pairing: Sanada/Yukimura

Rating: T

Word Count: 2576

Warnings: Niou scheming, Marui stealing peanuts, Sanada being publicly molested

Disclaimer: Dear Konomi-sensei, won't you adopt two smart, beautiful, fujoushi-crazed young ladies who write PoT shonen-ai fanfictions but don't make any profit off of it?

A/N: (X-Juliett) Aaaaand… they are back! Those smart beautiful fujoushi-crazed young ladies have returned! (oh, and did I mention that they are modes too? :o)) Anyway, we've been crazy busy with school and stuff, so it's taking us forever. Especially Juli-chan who started new school (Japanese Major! Yay for her!) So on the off chance that someone was actually waiting for this, hontoni gomen nasai! (Come on, Mana-chan bow your head now!). We'll work hard from now on.

P.S.: The reader who finds the place where the actual cocktail is hinted, gets a virtual peanut.

Vodka Martini

(vodka, dry vermouth, green olive)

-xoxoxo-

The Rikkai Dai tennis club's afternoon practice was nearing it's end but the flock of first years was still running laps for their life as the yell 'tarundoru' echoed across the courts.

"Damn, Sanada looks pissed again." Bunta licked the remains of the strawberry cake off his fingers, watching their vice-captain slam another ball past red-eyed sweating Kirihara.

"He was so mean to me today, Jackal," he whined, "I wonder what crawled up his ass."

"Shut up, he'll hear you!" Jackal dropped his towel on the read sweaty head. "Don't expect me to keep you company if he makes you run fifty laps."

Bunta pouted.

Yagyuu pushed the glasses up his nose and mentally agreed with Marui. Whatever it was, this something was succeeding in making Sanada even more irritable and crankier than usual.

"Sanada! That's enough for today's practice."

Yukimura stood up from the sideline bench, the black and yellow folds of his jacket flapping on his shoulders like a giant bee.

"You two," he pointed his racket at his fuku-buchou and the half-fainted Akaya, "go cool your heads off."

Sanada growled something unintelligible and stalked past Yukimura into the club showers.

Niou plopped down next to Marui stealing his water bottle.

"Be-beep! Wrong answer, Marui, thanks for playing anyway. It's not 'what crawled up his ass', it's what didn't crawl in there," he winked at Yagyuu who carefully ignored him. "Or even better: what he didn't worm up someone else's ass."

Yagyuu pushed the glasses up again, but otherwise decided not to intervene. For now.

"Huuuh?" Marui snatched his bottle back staring at Niou like he was speaking in Kyrgyz.

"There is a 97% chance Niou is suggesting that Genichirou is deprived of his basic physical needs." Yanagi offered helpfully.

"Japanese, please? Anyone?"

Yagyuu watched Marui twisting his neck (and brain) from one teammate to another and gave up on the idea of sitting this one out.

"What Niou-kun is implying, is that our fuku-buchou is sexually frustrated. Or to put it simply, it's been a while since Sanada has gotten laid. Am I correct, Niou-kun?"

"Puri."

That took a moment to sink in. When it did, Bunta's jaw hit the pavement.

"Whaaaat? What the…what?" the redhead exploded, "Sanada and SEX? You mean that Sanada?"

"There is a 99%, no, I would even say 99.9% chance that the target of his...hm...affections is Yukimura. And a 84% chance that these feelings are reciprocated."

"S-Seriously?"

"Quite."

"Wait…" Jackal scratched his shaved head, "does that mean they are actually…well...you know..." he looked at Yanagi pleadingly, cheeks pink.

"Oh? Well, no. Apparently neither of them knows about the other. I haven't calculated the exact percentage yet, but the chances are high."

"Ho?" Niou, who had been listening quietly until now, bared his teeth in an evil grin. "You all know what that means, right?"

A few of the regulars took a cautious step back. Yagyuu fixed his glasses.

"You don't mean..."

"You can't possibly..."

"The probability is 100%..."

"Niou-kun!"

"Piyo."

-xoxoxo-

How Niou managed to trick both Sanada and Yukimura into going to the nearby night club in record fifteen minutes Bunta didn't know and didn't think he wanted to. He had a deem suspicion, though, it might have had something to do with a black-haired wig and a cap Niou had stolen from the showering Sanada before following Yukimura into the locker room.

Marui squirmed on the small seat of a bar stool willing himself to disappear before Niou's 'ultimate Rikkai Dai monsters setup' plan went into action.

Beside him sulking Akaya was downing one disturbingly green drink after another, glaring bloody daggers somewhere in the direction of Sanada's stern ass.

"Hey," Bunta kicked Jackal, who was clutching to his oolong tea on his other side, "What's he staring at? I can't see from here… Do they have to have those stupid bottles all over the counter?"

Jackal shrugged.

"This is a bar, you know. And leave the poor kid alone, you know he's been hung up on Sanada since he joined the club. Here, have a peanut."

"Screw that," Bunta hissed, but still grabbed the nut, "his eyes are getting like all red again. I'm scared, he's gonna snap and kill me!"

"Then do something about Niou. Yukimura's been groping Sanada's behind for a while now."

Marui cursed.

A groping Yukimura, huh? As far as he knew, their buchou was still back in the clubroom, finishing their newest Spartan training menu. Damn, was Niou working hard! And what the hell was Yagyuu doing, letting his little bitch run loose like this?

Kirihara suddenly growled, almost knocking over his drink and Marui in the process.

"Shit! Now what?"

"This is bad," Jackal inconspicuously moved his chair a few good inches away (the traitor!), "I think Yukimura's hand just slipped in his pants."

-xoxoxo-

Niou watched with satisfaction as Sanada's face turned a color of a ripe beetroot.

Hook, line and sinker!

With a custom-made wig (purchased specifically for golden opportunities like this), fake eyelashes and a little make-up to cover up his mole, there was no way this tarundoru tight-ass would be able to see through Niou's perfect disguise. That, and Sanada seemed to be just in too much of a shock from being publicly molested by his secret crush.

Niou smirked to himself at the prospect of further frying Sanada's virgin brain. This was too easy.

Unlike with Yukimura.

Damn, that guy was sharp! It gave Niou the creeps all over again just remembering that suspicious glare Yukimura had awarded him when Niou had pushed him up against the lockers in his Sanada get-up. If Niou had any less practice with Yagyuu's usual cold-hearted brush offs, he would've turned to run laps right there and then.

And speaking of Yagyuu... Niou wrapped himself around Sanada to glance over at the entrance checking for the signal.

A purple-haired bouncer at the door shook his head no. Great, looks like he's still got some time. Niou undraped himself from Sanada a little, just to feel the other boy squirm and whisper a faint 'tarundoru'. Oh, sweet victory!

Time to take this play to the next stage.

Niou squeezed.

The accomplishment he felt when he heard a startled moan put all of the 'puri's and 'piyo's of the world to shame.

A hasty movement caught his eye and Niou cast another glance at the door, where the bouncer was now making suspicious gestures. Great! The stage was set. The real showtime was now.

"I'll be right back, Genichirou," Niou purred into Sanada's ear, "and when I am, I expect a fitting payback. Don't think you can just laze through this. I'm not that generous."

Honestly, it was a shame to go so soon, what with Sanada flinching visibly at his words, but Yagyuu frantically waving his hands in the air meant Niou had to get a move on now.

-xoxoxo-

"What the hell'd you think you're doing?" Marui hissed when Niou slid onto the leather-draped stool at the barpult next to him, a blue wig sticking out of his jersey pocket.

"Do I have to explain it to you again, thick-head? I'm doing the whole of Rikkai a favour by securing that slave driver a permanent lay."

Niou grabbed a handful of peanuts Marui had stolen from Jackal and popped one into his mouth smirking.

"H-Hey! That's mine!"

"Puri."

"Bastard!"

"Oh, no need to be so thankful, Bunta. It's my pleasure, really."

"What thankful! If Akaya goes off the rocket, I hope he kills you first. And you're still wearing those fake eyelashes things. Gross!"

"Oh," Niou traced a thick layer of artificial lashes along his eyelid, removing it with great care. "Like you've never used those to bat them at Jackal in the showers before."

"Shut up! I'm not a drag queen like you. Geez, why is it every time you open your mouth, you gotta spout this shit?"

"You mean, the truth? And what do you mean 'drag'? This is a Yukimura disguise. He is a guy, you know?" Niou chewed on a mouthful of nuts thoughtfully, "though, he doesn't much look the part. What with the doll face and that round ass."

"It's rare to hear you give someone's behind so much praise, is the lucky owner?"

"Gah!"

Yagyuu's glasses gleamed threateningly.

Bunta stuffed a fist in his mouth and bit down, hard. Seeing Niou choke on his peanuts and mumble 'puri' almost made up for him being such an annoying fuck. The way Yagyuu remained unfazed, suggested the trickster was getting his own ass whipped in the very near future, tricks or no tricks. Served him right too.

To his credit Niou recovered rather quickly.

"Wh...uh...what are you doing here? Yagyuuuuu-kuuun?"

"That should be my question. I went along with your silly schemes and got Yukimura in place. But what exactly are you doing sitting around chit-chatting?"

"Oh? Oh, right!"

Sometime between the fake eyelashes and stolen peanuts it appeared that Yukimura had made his way to where Sanada was staring off into space at his table. Now he was sitting in Sanada's close proximity one leg hooked over the knee, sipping slowly from the cone-shaped glass and occasionally licking his lips.

"Oooh, it's perfect, it's perfect. This is so gonna be a blast!"

"You idiot! Is that your plan? Now that they actually close enough to talk to each other they're gonna crack your little crap trick in under five minutes," Marui huffed.

Niou heaved a dramatic sigh. "It's hard when your genious is so misunderstood." He popped another peanut into his mouth, licking the salt from the tips of his fingers. Then said as if it was explaining something: "I threatened Sanada into some steamy action once I come back."

"So? I don't get it..."

"I do! Only this time the one who returns is the real Yukimura, right? That's pretty foul."

"Exactly! See, Bunta-kun, your Brazilian sweetheart is rightfully impressed, so don't sweat it."

Bunta cheeks turned pink and he promptly kicked Niou's ankle.

"Sh-shut up! And don't touch my nuts!"

"Wouldn't dream of it. I'm sure you hold a deep attachment to them, tiny as they are."

"You bastard!"

"Niou-kun!" Yagyuu raised his finger in warning. "You might want to watch tongue from now on. Don't make me perfect my new Laser Beam on you."

Niou grinned up at him twirling his rat-tail. "I'd let you laser-beam me any time of the day, Yagyuuuuu-kuuun."

-xoxoxo-

Yukimura watched the barpult scene from the corner of his eyes with great amusement.

His team apparently decided he needed to get together with Sanada right here right now, and was now bending over backwards to secretly pull it off.

He appreciated the sentiment, really. And Niou was certainly getting extra points for creativity this time. Yukimura had the time of his life watching the kid try to keep a straight face when he cornered him in the locker room. On the other thought, if those blockheads had enough free time on their hands to play cupids, they might as well spend it on something at least remotely useful. The captain of Rikkai Dai smiled with satisfaction thinking back to the new training menu he'd just spent two good hours crafting. Oh yes, that would keep Niou occupied. And no, he wasn't a sadist, just bit too fond of the carrot and stick policy. But all in due time. Right now a little motivation was in order. His innocent little kittens had been trying so hard for his sake, Yukimura had a feeling he needed to reward them for all of their efforts.

Slowly, making sure the angle was just right, he inched towards Sanada, one arm sliding inconspicuously up the slightly stiff, broad shoulder. Through his lowered eye-lashes he could clearly see the backs of his team straightened and taut like the strings of a bow.

Sanada leaned forward too.

Niou almost fell of the chair.

Their lips brushed slightly, then drew back in a dramatic moment of anticipation. Then finally came together closer and closer and…

-xoxoxo-

Niou barely held back the victorious scream. Finally! Finally a success! No more Sanada's sadistic sprees and Yagyuu's remarks about his tactics, and Bunta can just go stuff himself now.

Next to him Marui's were slowly falling out of his wide open mouth.

The glint in Yagyuu's glasses was hiding his eyes and Yanagi was scribbling frantically into his notebook.

Kirihara, turned red and with hair burned white from anger, looked ready to kill.

Niou mentally patted himself on the back. Good job!

"See?" He spun on his stool sticking his tongue out at Marui's stupefied expression. "Told you so. Me and my genius will be accepting congratulations all night long starting now. And for the thick-heads who can't recognize a brilliant plan when they bump into one - "

"How interesting! And what plan would that be Niou-kun?"

Niou froze in the middle of pulling on Marui's cheek. He couldn't see behind him, but from the way the redhead's eyes were reflecting naked horror, he figured this was pretty bad. As bad as it could get, actually.

No...no freaking way...

"Yu…Yukimura…"

What the hell? He was supposed to be sucking Sanada's brain out through his mouth right now.

Yukimura gave them all an innocent smile that made Niou's blood freeze over and as if Niou's thoughts were as easily readable to him as actual words, he replied, all sweet smile and white teeth: "While Genichirou is a very skilled kisser, after so many years of being together we've learnt to control ourselves somehow. Isn't that right, Genichirou?"

Sanada grunted something unintelligible that probably only Yukimura could understand.

Niou didn't really care. He could literally see his jaw hang open right about his waist. His brain was screaming at him 'what. the. fuck. is. that...?' But all he managed to squeeze out of himself was a feeble: "T-together?.."

"Why yes, me and Genichirou have been dating for two years now."

"N-No way.." Marui breathed out.

Yanagi mumbled something along the lines of it being illogical. Akaya sank to the floor.

"Oh and Niou-kun…"

"Ye…Yeah?"

"You kissed and molested my boyfriend. You do know what that means, right?"

Niou couldn't even manage a single 'puri' in his defense.

Yukimura eyed him without a hint of mercy, then turned around flicking the shock of purple hair with his hand. "Everyone is expected at practice tomorrow at 5 a.m. sharp, we have a new training menu to go over. Sanada, I leave Niou to you."

Not even a 'piyo' would help here, Niou noted dully.

-xoxoxo-

A week later Niou was still feeling the consequences of molesting and groping Yukimura Seiichi's boyfriend. And to add it, Yagyuu seemed intent on perfecting the 'Neon-Laser Beam'on Niou, more than ever. Yukimura's spartan training menu and Sanada's newly developed sadistic humor were making the Rikkai tennis club members' lives currently a living hell, so it was free to assume that, all in all, everything was back to normal. Mostly. If you considered a heartbroken Kirihara normal. Sometimes things got blown up, or something caught fire, but...

"Niou! Stop daydreaming! Tarundoru! You still have 150 laps to run!"

"The probability that he'll make it 200 laps, if you don't move soon, Niou-kun, is very high, so I would really advise - "

"Genichirouuu..."

"I'll crush you all!"

Niou sighed and ressumed his laps.

...But they have been through worse times, so... Puri.

-xoxoxo-x-xoxoxo-o-xoxoxo-x-xoxoxo-

A/N (manaika) Finally! Final-fucking-ly, we're done! This took us forever, I know, and this time I actually obey my seme and bow my head to those that have perhaps been waiting for the madness to continue. But you see, life caught up with us. You know: Life. That thing that fanfiction writers don't really have, but still is there to annoy us, with his fucked up sister named reality in tow. Yes I am completely honest with you. Anyway,- I'm never writing Rikkai again! We just kinda...didn't have the inspiration for them. Even though we really like Rikkai (I mean, they've got Niou), we were completely stuck with the shot. Though, we were planning a SanaKiri shot (to tame the shrew, I mean devil, so to say - he's been after us ever since we finished this, going all "Tsubusuyo" and "Zettai buttomasu")... We'll see.

R&R! (we really like it)