Rating: T for now, will probably go up to M in chapter two (since this chapter is already pushing it haha)

Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara, or any of the characters involved. Thanks for reminding me.

"Yo yo yo! You be speakin' ta Shizuo's bow tie, homie! Wut chu lookin' at? Never seen a talkin' bow tie before? I got chu! Welcome to a slice of the high life, cheese wiz!"

"Hey, uhm, Bow Tie…"

"OH MA GAWD, BITCH! You did not just interrupt the main dawg in this here joint!"


Hello. I see you've already met Shizuo's bow tie. He thinks he's the shit.

"Why you be huffin' Specs? You be jealous of ma rappin?"

"For the hundredth time, don't call me that!" I snap, slipping slightly on Shizuo's nose. The human barely notices, pushing me back into place with his index finger. "My name is Spectacles. S-P-E-C-T-A-C-L-E-S," I add, spelling it out for him.

"Youz be pimpin', Specs!"

I sigh again. What causes a neck garment to think it's a gangsta, I'll never know.

"WHAT? WHO HAS A PIMPLE?" two voices shout in unison. I look down, catching a glimpse of Right Shoe before he disappears and is replaced by Left Shoe.

"Sup, shoes? Forgot you two waz here, brothas!" calls out Bow Tie.


I guess it's kinda hard to hear from all the way down there. And the constant crunching of gravel doesn't help, either.

Shizuo stops walking, and I faintly hear the shoes squeaking out complaints. Suddenly, Bow Tie stops rapping and shouts, "We gotta rookie! Wazzup, G?"

I look down when a wisp of smoke slides against me, and sure enough, a cigarette is poking out from Shizuo's mouth.

"Hahahahahahaha! Oh my gawd! Haha- that- HAHA! TICKLES!" the cigarette gasps. Shizuo continues to take long drags, causing the cigarette to squeal.

Sigh. You know that myth that says a bit of your soul dies every time you sigh? I really hope that's not true. I'm pretty sure it's not, though, since I probably would have lost my soul a long time ago if it were.

Wait. Do sunglasses have souls?


I snap out of my reverie when the cigarette lands on the ground, already bent in the middle.

"OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!" yells Right Shoe, coming down to grind on the cigarette.

"NOTHING PERSONAL!" shouts Left Shoe as he passes by.

I brace myself. This can only mean one thing.

"Well if it isn't the fancy-pants ensemble."


Goodbye, soul.

"Aw, what's wrong, Testicles?" mewls Jacket, swaying slightly as her human walks toward Shizuo.

"My name is Spectacles," I correct her. "And get lost."

"No can do," she sings. "Come on, I just wanna play!"

"Youz be getting' on ma nerves, yo! Don't be messin' with us, shortie! We be pimpin'! We da G-Spot!"

"Do you even know what that means?" scoffs Jacket. Her fur bristles slightly when she leans closer.

"AH!" I become disoriented when Shizuo pulls me off his face, sticking me down by Bow Tie. I hang on for dear life, and Bow Tie shouts out a welcome.

"Hiya!" someone screams, almost nicking my blue glass.

Oh, great.

"Yo, Switchblade! Watch where chu stickin' yo mug!" defends Bow Tie. My grasp on Shizuo's shirt tightens.

"Too fast for you! Swish! Can't touch this!" Switchblade screeches, but he's farther away now.

Jacket laughs, fluttering wildly as her human hops a few meters away. "Catch me if you can, boys!"

Shizuo growls, a deep sounds that rumbles against Bow Tie and I. We brace ourselves as the wind around us whooshes past.

"WEEEEEH! FASTER!" yell the shoes, and Shizuo picks up speed. They scream in delight, while Bow Tie and I scream in horror.

"Yo, yo, mang! Slow down homie! This dawg aint lovin' the speed!"

"Can't even see me! Quick as lightning!" shrieks Switchblade. That guy really needs to calm down.

Shizuo lets out a yell of frustration when he loses sight of the other human. I wish I could understand what humans say. It would explain a lot of things.

For instance, maybe it would explain why Shizuo wears what he does. Not that we're complaining.

Maybe it would explain why he's so nice to some people, while he throws other people in front of moving trucks.

And maybe it would help me understand why Shizuo gets so emotional when he sees that scrawny human. How come, when he sees those red eyes, his whole attitude changes?

Maybe I'm thinking too hard about this.

After all, his heartbeat might only seem different because I'm not normally this close to it.

But are hearts really supposed to skip a beat when certain humans are nearby?

"Visit ma pad anytime, dawg!" says Bow Tie as Shizuo lifts me up. I rest clumsily on his nose, and it's slippery with sweat.

As we make our way past a dark alleyway, Shizuo halts. Quiet sobs emit from the darkness, and I peer down at what Shizuo is gawking at.

The shoes whisper something as we get close to the noise, but I can't make out what they're saying.

It's Jacket. She's crumpled and dirty on the alleyway floor, her fur quivering in the breeze.

"Izaya?" she asks hopefully when Shizuo bends down to grab her. The expression on the human's face is unreadable. It's scary.

Jacket quickly realizes who it is and gets angry. "No! Don't touch me, you filthy human! I'd rather rot forgotten in an alley than be handled by you!"

"Christ, Jacket. Calm down!" I snap, though I'm not too happy about this either.

"Ha! Looks like yo pimp dropped yo sorry ass," cheers Bow Tie. The shoes snicker in agreement, causing Jacket's fur to bristle.

"It was an accident," she snaps, but her voice breaks.

I can't help but feel a little bad.

We soon find ourselves back at Shizuo's apartment. He kicks the shoes off by the door ("AW COME ON! YOU NEVER WEAR US IN THE HOUSE!"), before setting Jacket in the middle of the table. He plops down in a chair, loosens Bow Tie, and then stares at Jacket.

And stares.

And stares.

And…. stares some more.

"Erm," says Jacket awkwardly.

Shizuo continues to stare.

"Hey, uh, Testacles?"

"Spectacles," I state simply.

"Same thing."

"No, it's not."

"Whatever. Do you know what's going on?"

I don't respond. I pretend to ignore her because I'm mad, but really, I have no idea either.

Bow Tie clears his throat. "Imma fess up and say dis haz gotz ta be da most awkward sitiation eva," he says.

Shizuo shifts a bit, reaching out his hand. We all hold our breath (well, we would be if we had breath). We all know that this is the moment we've been waiting for: Shizuo is going to rip Jacket apart.

I wish I could close my eyes, because I really don't want to see this. Even though we have our differences, watching a fellow article of clothing get destroyed by human hands is not okay. It's terrifying, really. And so, when Shizuo's hand grabs a tuff of Jacket's fur and drags her closer, I can't help but feel awful. I feel like I should say something, anything that will make her feel better. But I can't seem to think. I just sit on his nose, watching. A sharp sob escapes from Jacket when she reaches the edge of the table, right in front of Shizuo. His expression transforms from serious contemplation to something I can't read. He looks scary again.

Oh no! Here it comes!


This is interesting.

Jacket turns eerily quiet as Shizuo begins to stroke her fur. His fingers move through it hesitantly at first, and his lips purse in what can only be described as a scowl. Jacket remains silent, just like the rest of us, lost for words.

Shizuo's face turns from a scowl to an expression of curiosity. His fingers move back and forth across the fur. His eyes turn worrisome, obviously confused.

Ha. Not nearly as confused as we are.

Jacket begins to purr when his hands begin to lazily smooth the fur down. His fingers rake through her tangles, pulling out a crunchy leaf. He smiles.

I slip down his nose, startled. That was the most gentle smile I have ever seen!

"Whut da hellz?" asks Bow Tie. Well, that pretty much sums up my thoughts.

I try not to let it bother me, though. I mean, Shizuo never looks at me like that. So what? I mean, I'm not going to get jealous over something as stupid as- oh my god.

He's putting her in the washing machine.

Let me explain why this infuriates me to no end:

Shizuo does not do the laundry. He has so many of the same outfits, so he doesn't bother washing anything. He just throws away his dirty clothes and opens up a new pack. I think this explains why Bow Tie, the shoes, and me are the only things that have personalities. We've been around for so long that we acquired souls, while his other clothes are simply there for a day, maybe three days tops. The only time something challenged this theory was when Shizuo wore a vest that kept insisting its previous owner was King George III. The same day, the vest got sweaty and Shizuo threw him out. It kept ordering its nonexistent British military to attack from inside the dumpster, until the garbage truck came and took him away.

So yeah. Shizuo never does the laundry.

He never cleans me with anything but his fingers, which usually makes the smudges worse. And the only time he even attempted cleaning Bow Tie was when he received a sample pack of Febreeze in the mail.

Stupid Jacket.

Shizuo hangs her up to dry before heading to bed. Jacket teases me. She knows I'm jealous.

… Even though I'm not!

It's the next day, and nothing important happens.


Okay, Right Shoe stepped in some gum. But it's not going to kill him.

Shizuo's was acting weird. He was distracted, and he kept looking around. The human he works with seemed concerned, too, especially when Shizuo threw a vending machine at a tree.

He probably thought it was that scrawny human. I mean, the tree was pretty thin.

We arrive at the apartment earlier than usual. Jacket is waiting for us, resting on the back of the computer chair. She shouts happily when she sees us.

It's funny how much she changed after her appointment with the washing machine. I think that thing is magic. It cleans all the way down to the soul.

Shizuo starts undressing, setting me down on the desk next to Bow Tie. The human glances at Jacket, sighing and running a hand through his hair.

"I wish he would do that to me again," hums Jacket, watching Shizuo walk to the bathroom and close the door.

"Wow. Youz a whore," says Bow Tie. I giggle.

"You two are just jealous," accuses Jacket haughtily. "He likes me better. He thinks I'm beautiful."

"You know," I snort, "you sure are acting big after your human left you to decompose in some alleyway."

"I told you, it was an accident!" she snaps. "He was running away and I slipped off and fell!"

"Uh, wudn't he, like, notice dat yo waz gone?" asks Bow Tie.

Jacket hesitates. "O-Of course not!" she stutters. "He… he was r-running for his life!"

I know that she's lying. I feel a pang of guilt for bringing it up. I can hear the shower turn off, and I think of the possibility of Shizuo intentionally leaving me behind.

No, it's too awful. I can't even think about it.

Shizuo soon comes out of the shower, dressed in boxers and a t-shirt. It's still daylight, but he slips into bed, exausted. I watch him fall asleep (there's nothing better to do, alright?) as the light from behind the blinds slowly dims.

I look at the clock. It's been five hours since Shizuo went to bed. The room is dark, but the red glow from the clock outlines the objects in the room. Jacket hangs silently from the chair, and Bow Tie is quietly practicing a new rap. I sigh (I've really got to stop doing that), when a noise causes me to perk up. It sounds like the front door being unlocked.

"INTRUDER! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" I hear the shoes yell together.

A moment later, the bedroom door slowly creaks open. A head pops in, surveying the scene, before red eyes zero in on Jacket.

"IZAYA!" screams Jacket. "I KNEW YOU WOULD COME FOR ME!"

I don't know why she bothers, since humans can't hear us. Her human doesn't really move from his spot in the doorway. He simply stands there and frowns, moving his gaze from Jacket over to where Shizuo is sleeping. He turns back to Jacket.

"Yes! Yes, take me home! Oh, how I've missed you," sings Jacket as her human approaches her. He lifts her off the chair and she purrs. The human frowns again, bringing Jacket to his face and breathing in.

"Hm," he grunts, sniffing again.

"Yes, don't I smell beautiful?" coos Jacket. "Shizuo washed me, because I was filthy after you threw me in that alleyway!"

He… threw Jacket? Does that mean he placed her there intentionally? That doesn't make any sense, unless he wanted Shizuo to find Jacket.

The scrawny human is smirking now, beginning to rub Jacket all over him.

"Wha-Hey! But I don't want to smell like sweat! I just got washed!" complains Jacket.

"Dude, humans can't get chu, get ma drift?" interjects Bow Tie.

"Well excuse me for trying," huffs Jacket. "Sometimes I feel like Izaya understands me."

Her human (Izaya, right?) stops rubbing himself and smells Jacket again. Satisfied, he tiptoes over to Shizuo's bed.

"Wut he doin', Specs?" Bow Tie hisses.

We watch as Izaya leans over, peeling the covers off Shizuo. The blonde grunts against the cold, groping around him for any sign of warmth. Izaya snickers- which sounds way too much like Jacket- and places Jacket in Shizuo's grasp.

The blonde hums, turning over and burying his face in Jacket's fur. She squeaks, probably wondering what the hell is going on. Breathing in, Shizuo must realize something's different, because his eyebrows furrow.

Izaya leans over again, whispering something in Shizuo's ear. The blonde tenses considerably, rolling in his sleep to face the scrawny human. Izaya chuckles, and Shizuo clutches Jacket desperately. I don't like this. Shizuo's clearly upset, even if he is unconscious.

The scrawny human stops whispering things, choosing instead to stand up and watch Shizuo sleep. I don't understand this at all.

Well, at least he's not here to murder Shizuo.

But still, whatever he's doing to him, I don't like it. Even though Izaya stopped talking to him, Shizuo is now trembling slightly in his sleep. I try calling out to Jacket, but she's quiet (she probably fainted from fright).

Izaya continues to watch, seemingly waiting for something. Shizuo bites down his lip and murmurs something, causing Izaya to smirk. Apparently, whatever he had been waiting for just happened.

Bow Tie and I watch in helpless horror from the desk as Izaya leans down, trailing his fingers lightly across Shizuo's exposed stomach. The blonde mumbles something, and Izaya smirks again. I wish I had hands to slap him with.

"Uh, Spec, ma man… Why's dat snitch gettin' on da bed?"

I can't speak. My voice is lost, because I finally realize what's going on. Izaya leans close to Shizuo, blowing into his ear before voicing a breathing moan.

The bulge in Shizuo's boxers is obvious.

Izaya kneels next to my poor, vulnerable human and carefully pushes his shirt up, pressing gently against taught nipples. Shizuo subconsciously arches into the touch, groaning and twisting in a way that mortifies us all.

Izaya licks the shell of his ear before sitting back, nodding at his job well done. He crawls off the bed and composes himself, heading to the bedroom door.

"Wait!" Jacket calls desperately. "Don't leave me!"

The scrawny human slips out of the room, and I hear the apartment door click shut softly.

"HE LEFT!" shout the shoes. Gee, thanks. I hadn't noticed. "EVERYONE STILL ALIVE IN THERE?"

"I'm not sure," I respond, my voice shaking. I look over at Bow Tie, who is currently whispering some gangsta words over and over. This time, however, it sounds more like a panicked mantra than a rap song.

Jacket is trying to calm herself down by humming The Sun'll Come Out Tomorrow, and Shizuo is panting heavily. Izaya left him in a state of unconscious arousal, the blonde twisting himself around in the sheets and clinging onto Jacket for dear life.

I try to ignore the moans and grunts coming from the bed, praying the sun will rise early today.

A/N: Continue? I'm a sucker for comments :p