Warning: Yaoi(boyxboy), Lemon, swearage, and attempted rape.
And this is what happens when I take my depression out on my writing… anything can happen!
;) Enjoy you yaoi lovers!
Don't like, don't read!NUMB
This nobody of mine… he somehow had a big impact on me. He was more than just my other half; my dark side…
He's perfect, that permanent look of enmity in his eyes, that haunting aura he gives off, that emotionless expression he always has; the way he stares off into eternity, numb, far off and out of reach.
He really doesn't have a heart.
It's as if he doesn't care about the way he is; that's why I'm obsessed with him.
Was that it? Have I fallen for my other half?
I crave his voice, his body, all the nothingness he is.
He belongs to me because he's my other half. Without him I'd only be half of what I'm suppose to be. That's when it hit me…
I'm infatuated, yearning, and love-struck, I want to smother him, make him bleed with my emotions. He's naturally depressed, sad, lost confused, alone…. Numb. His whole nothing-of-a-being is what gets me; turns me on.
He really is a nobody and I want to make his numbness go away.
The pain of knowing you have nothing to live for in this world, so why go on living? Because he's already non-existent. He's nothing that resides in darkness.
The jealousy of seeing someone else talk to him; look at him; touch him… I want him all to myself even more.
His dark ways get to me like a needle that penetrates the skin. His stares are as cold as a winter blizzard; dark, numb, ice cold and beautiful. How the wind swirls it around and even then the most feared of temperatures makes you- wants you to give it pity for dying before even seeing the beauty and brilliance of the sun.
That's Roxas… his skin is so pale and soft and his eyes are the same shade of magnificent blue, but his… oh his are duller, mystic, numb, a sea of dark abyss… a sea of endless blue eternity.
Fuck it, I'm not holding back any longer. I've shadowed myself in the corner long enough. I'm not going to let the world go by anymore.
He doesn't have a heart.
Fuck it. I still want him, love him, and taint his excuse of a being that he is.
He's different; he's unique; he's special; he's mysterious; he's numb…
"I love you."
His cold gaze lands on me and I fall harder. He frowns and rises from the carpet floor. The setting sun shines through the patio doors of the balcony and onto his beautiful face. He must have been watching the sun set.
He's serious, I can tell.
"-I want you."
"Listen to yourself! I'm a nobody! I don't have a heart! I can't love you in return." He spats at me but my expression stays the same. He looks away, emotionless.
He glares at me again. "Lies."
I shake my head no.
"What makes you think you know what love is?" He spats again.
"And what makes you think you do?" I say sharply. He stays quiet a moment before flinging his arms up.
"This is whack! I'm out of here." He says coldly, turning and walking away from me. I watch his numb being walk… leaving me behind. No. I will not be ignored.
I follow him into the bedroom and tackle him onto the bed. He gasps in surprise as I wrap my arms around his waist. He attempts to pry me off and get away but I hold him down. I turn him around so he is on his back and I quickly wrap my legs around his and I pin his arms down as I hover over him.
"You listen to me Roxas," he squirms under me and the sight is so arousing. He doesn't listen to me so I show him I'm serious by sighing out of frustration, leaning my head down and nibbling on his ear. He struggles continuously and gasps again feeling my teeth on his ear. His pale, weak arms are no match for mine. I then begin to kiss his neck, smelling the lingering aroma of his AXE body spray. I grunt and whisper in his ear.
"I'm not asking you to love me in return." I say and his numb being freezes. Goosebumps trail down his arm and he shivers, letting out a long breath.
"Just let me love you."
His mind pops back into reality and he struggles again. His dull, numb blue eyes show no emotion.
I sighed again, impatient, holding his hands down with my own; I bring my knee up to his crotch and push it. Hard.
He gasps and shudders again. A rush of adrenalin courses through me and I never intend to stop. Not until I'm satisfied with his nothingness that is going to surround me.
I let go of his arms, leaving it to chance, and he surprisingly leaves them where I left them. I undo both our pants and I slid into him.
He screams in pain and clings to me, as if I was his last chance of survival. He feels so tight and so warm; almost like a hot spring; warm and wet.
I slid back out, looking at his flushed face. His groans and pleas have died down into moans and what seem to be gasps of pleasure. I hear his breathing become hard and quick…
Or is it mine?
The blond beauty was no longer struggling, but wrapping his legs around my hips and pushing me in further.
Maybe he wanted me to do this.
Maybe he let me do this to him.
Does he feel the same?
No… nobody's can't love or even have emotions for that matter.
Whatever the answers were did not matter at the time.
I push the questions aside and move on to more important things.
He suddenly reaches his arm up and as if in a trance, grabbed my shirt and pulled me down into a rough kiss, and his eyes flutter closed.
Is he enjoying this?
Now that I think about it, this is kind of like masturbation.
Forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest.
Speaking of taste, this nobody of mine tastes like peppermint.
Peppermint is my favourite and I think he knew that. He was delicious; hot; tingly; numb.
No numb taste in this at all. His very essence was all the above.
I wanted so much more of this taste. I forcefully out my tongue into his mouth with out any consent from him. Apparently he didn't seem to mind because he willingly opened his mouth wider for my pink muscle.
This is so fucking amazing! It's like I died and went to heaven or something; whatever the case I did not want to go back. I wanted to stay here forever with this—with my nobody.
But… was I begin selfish?
Am I narcissist… or content?
Am I here because I'm lonely?
I felt myself brush against his prostate and he broke our somewhat-of-a-sloppy kiss to moan erotically and very loudly.
God what a sight before my lust driven eyes. His cheeks were painted with the deepest red, reminding me of a rose (a black one in his case) and his mouth dripped with saliva and was open enough to let hot, heavy pants out and his eyes… those dull orbs clouded with…
He was… half lidded and starring… starring at… me with….
Can I say love?
Is it belonging?
His mouth moved but no words came out. What did he mean?
Looks like he's saying—
"Squander me." He whispers as if to asking me to fill him with poison; victimise his being and take him to a different dimension.
And that's exactly what I plan on doing.
He entangled hid fingers into my hair while I still thrusted into him and aimed right into his sweet spot over and over.
Making love was so magical, especially the noises Roxas would make. His moans were just so… musical; like a singer without the music. The resonance was just astounding.
If ears could cum mine would have a long time ago.
Speaking of I was really close and my nobody was helping by clenching his muscle around my length inside him which added to both of our bliss.
I have never heard Roxas swear so many times in a row like that; but no matter, it's still a turn on. Those words are like a mantra of moans or subliminal messages telling me not to stop; or mantras for 'Harder', 'faster', 'more.'
That's what I hear coming out of those lustrous numb lips of his.
Roxas was digging his nails into my shoulder blades leaving crescent indents, shaped like quarter moons. It was a painful pleasure that sent a tingling through my body all the way to my manhood.
The outside world was numb and naught to us both in our time of love making.
Though I started to think that I was the only one making it while the empty shell under me just endured it until my lust was satisfied. It hurt me to think about it and it caused my actions to cease.
I starred ahead at the headboard, my mind lost in a sea of questions.
A hand slithered from my back and lay rest on my cheek, wiping away newly fallen tears. I looked at this emotionless being, moving my head down and snuggling my face into the warm hand occupying my right cheek.
Roxas looked at me with questioning eyes. I sighed and closed my eyes, enjoying the moment before placing my right hand on his and saying
"Roxas, what am I to you?" My voice was calm and soft.
I felt his numb body freeze after the words left my questioning mouth. Both panting, we stay there for a few seconds before piercing the silence with naught words.
"-Answer me!" I cried feeling wet, hot tears sting my still lust glazed eyes. His dull, numb eyes go wide and fill with emptiness.
'Why has it come down to this?' I mentally say, slowly starting to sit up and came out of Roxas a tad. I'm about to turn away from my nobody when a hand grabs my arm.
"Wait!" Roxas calls to me pulling me back down, pushing me into him again. He gasps and his grip on my arm tightens slightly.
I glare down at him and sigh, feeling somewhat unemotional myself "If you're going to shut me down again you'll just be wasting your breath." I sneer, attempting to pull away but my body did not listen. Nor did my eyes want to leave the empty, dark blue sea of the dirty blond in front of me. I saw a tear fall from the blue abyss and rolled down his cheek like a rain drop on a window, falling down until there was nowhere else to go, and then disperses.
"Listen to me... Sora..." he said desperately; his voice gnawing at the surface of wanting to be heard and having the urge to stay silent. My eyes remained on his, waiting desperately for an answer.
"I... don't have a heart so I can't... feel like you do."
/Ya, I knew that/I mentally noted, looking away and down at the floor.
"But..." He stated, "You're... you're my... my somebody."
My head snapped up at his words and I searched his pale face.
"Sora," He sounded more enthusiastic that time, "Without you, I'd be only half of what I'm supposed to be. You're my other half, Sora... we have an unbreakable connection to each other and without you, I'd be nothing. You're my light... when I se your goofy smile or when you're around me I don't feel so numb. I feel like I have a heart. Sora, you make me feel like there is something there-" he tells me and puts his other hand over his chest and balls it into a fist, as if trying to feel something that does not exist.
There's nothing there...
His shirt wrinkles as he holds the spot tighter. It pains me to see him like this.
My own heart feels for him...
While he's lost in a world of naught, I'm the one with all the emotions and feelings.
"-Don't Sora." He cuts me off. His voice sharp and dead. "I don't want your pity." He removed his hand from my bicep and slithered it down my arm and put his hand on mine.
I was in his clutches again.
His cold hand sent a certain feeling through my body and goosebumps rose on my tanned skin.
We stared into mirrored eyes and I never wanted to look away from the hypnotising abyss.
"I just want to know... that I'm not alone." He said softly making my heart flutter.
"Why do you think I'm here?" I whispered and leaned over him again, forcing my hips forward. He blushed and moaned, lolling his head back in ecstasy. His own hips jerked searching for something so much more. His skinny, pale legs wrapped around my hips forcing me further yet.
Fuck, why is he so hot and tight? He feels so wonderful!
Bringing us back to our high I started biting his neck, marking him. He unemotionally moans my name breathlessly.
"Ha-...Harder Ng, Sora." He whispers, increasing the warm pooling feeling in my lower abdomen. With no seconds to spare I rock into him my hardest and he screams at the top of his lungs, clinging to me helplessly.
Hey, he asked for it.
His insides are spasming and twitching around my throbbing muscle inside, telling me he is close to peaking.
I start to wonder if he feels anything... emotion wise.
I'm guessing probably not.
A little bit of disappointment drifts against my mind and I start to think i should stop until Roxas' ass jerks and hid head whips back as his orgasm hits.
He moans my name in the process "SorAH!" as his tight ass extorts around my pulsing dick which adds to my euphoria making the bliss deep inside my own being explode into the nobody under me.
I collapsed on top of him, squishing the hot, sticky cum of this blond angel between us, gluing us together. I cloaked my arms around his thin waist, never wanting to let go of this empty, porcelain doll whom I cherished greatly.
I was almost asleep when I heard my nobody speak up.
"Sora...?" he called with a gentle, unfeeling tone.
"What?" I answered.
"I'm sorry." His voice cracked when I realized he was shaking slightly. I angled my head and lifted myself up a bit so I could get a better look at his face.
My body went numb when I saw his empty, distant eyes start so swell with tears.
I looked at him lovingly "why are you sorry?" I asked lifting my hand up and caressing his cheek, like he did for me not so long ago.
"I can't... love you like you love me." He said, his voice never faltering. It's like he wasn't even crying.
"Oh Roxas..." I wiped away more tears and leaned forward, pressing our soft lips together in a passionate kiss; well, as passionate as I could get it to be.
I broke out lip lock and looked at him and smiles sweetly.
"I don't want to pretend Sora, I want it to be real." He tells me, looking elsewhere.
I sighed and whispered into his ear "Was this real enough?" I asked, meaning if the sex felt real.
Roxas caught on and blushed, still avoiding looking into my eyes. I chuckled a bit, taking the look on his face as a 'yes'.
"Roxas, I love you," this time his head turned to meet my gaze, his blank eyes searching mine ", for who you are. Not for what you wish to be." His angelic face softened at my meaningful words.
"I promise to be there with you." I said my words full of love and passion towards my nobody. I knew inside it was tough commitment but I meant everything.
Roxas held me close to him, my brown locks of hair tickling his face. As he turned off the lamp next to the bed, he kissed my head and ran his fingers up and down my back lightly.
I sighed happily whilst we both closed our eyes and drifted into a peaceful slumber.
This nobody of mine... he somehow had a big on me. He is more than just my other half; my dark side