a/n: i guess this can be sasodei if you want it to, and if you're against sasodei, it's not. squint and make it however you want it.

Art was created to kill the monotonous average day. In the fleeting moment that art destroys the monotony, it's beautiful. I suppose that is what everyone wants: the one moment in the spotlight, the ten minutes of fame. I mean, I certainly want it and will achieve it through art. There has to be balance though. If everyone tried going through the world, trying to be artistic and shit, analyzing everything, and trying to disrupt the natural order of everything, there would just be chaos, right?

So basically, day and night, black and white, really, the world needs balance. The entire Yin and Yang thing, right? I would also suppose it's something like that. We'd all die of boredom if not, I would imagine. Statistics say about 100 people a year choke on ballpoint pens a year. Dulled at work, absentmindely sucking on the end of that ballpoint pen, deciding whether or not to get another cup of coffee. And wham! the next moment they're choking on their ballpoint pen and then dead.

Perhaps it was just the monotony of my life that needed the chaos, though, even if just for a short while. You know that you can lead horses and cows upstairs, but not down the very same stairs? I needed something like that, something to disrupt my life. And they got it right, they stuck me with the other artist. You think that the whole Yin and Yang thing would be great, artistic forces balancing out and shit like that, but it was too chaotic.

You could scream, yell, put up any kind of fuss with Sasori, and he could look at you with one glare that would tear up your argument and leave you stupid. If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee. I could have heated up as many coffee cups as I wanted, but I could never shake Sasori.

But it's like, how was I supposed to know that his death would leave me reeling? At a certain point, you just accept someone. Once you get past his entire "I'm going to live forever and it's going to be art" thing, you can respect the man and his art. Even though his ideas were pretty obscure, he was still a fellow artist. I mean, he couldn't understand my art, so I can't be too tough, yeah? And once all these feelings start to form in the chaos, it's really easy to see what you had when they're lost.

I've heard something along the lines that order comes from chaos. But I've also heard shit like banging your head against a wall causes you to burn 150 calories or something, bull shit. After Sasori's death, I've found in the chaos of our relationship that we weren't that bad for each other. We had similar goals, were both artists, fought well together, and held similar ideas. Maybe that's just bullshit too though.

Every night since his death, I had found substitutes to waste the time that I used to spend with him. Humans, bonobo monkeys, and dolphins are the only species that have sex for self-pleasure. But can you really blame me? I'm only human. The human species is so flawed, wouldn't you agree? Maybe that's what Sasori saw. It could be understandable, trying to get away from this world, a world where over 120 million sessions of intercourse occur among the population of Homo sapiens.

Did you know that smell is a great way to recall memories? Your other senses such as sight, hearing, touch and taste go to the cerebrum and various places but your sense of smell reaches other different places of your brain; hence, why a strong smell might recall stronger memories. So one day, I'm out in a small town, walking, and a scent that smelled like Sasori's fucking processing chemicals for his puppets emits from an apothecary shop. My mind reels and I'm reminded about everything all over again.

And it made me wonder in the end, what the fuck am I going on about?