A/N: Well I'm not sure what lead me to write this story; I just hope that I wrote it well. I've never seen any episode above 39, but I have read plenty of spoilers up to the end of Tamers. This story takes place after the destruction of D-Reaper and is semi AU, based upon the ending of Tamers, (which I do not wish to spoil for those who have not seen it). I hope that I kept everyone in character and as for the title, well; I'm feeling a bit melodramatic. But other than that, please enjoy my story!
Disclaimer: The characters in Digimon belong to Toei Animation and to Bandai. Dr. Yukito Ishumuri belongs to me.
Tears of Blood and Glass
By Frozen Phoenix
"Now Juri, we've been seeing each other for a couple of weeks now, and although we have made some progress, I still believe that you may be holding something back. Now I don't think that you're doing so purposely, I believe what's happening is more of a subconscious reaction than anything else. And I believe that if you truly wish to be rehabilitated, then this issue must be resolved. I am willing to help you in any way that I can and if you work with me, than I know that together we can get through this."
Juri Katou walked silently through the park located in Tokyo's West Shinjuku area. The words of her therapist Dr. Yukito Ishumuri replayed within her mind. She had begun seeing him at the Shinjuku Clinic for Psychological Study ever since her rescue from within D-Reaper. Her father had taken her to the center days after her rescue after noticing the depression she had begun slipping into.
Dr. Ishumuri had been remarkably professional, after given the reasons for his patient's depression and had been frank on assessing her when they first met. Juri had been awkward during their first session, especially with her father present throughout, but he had questioned her carefully, and didn't patronize her for her answers or treat her like some fragile doll that could shatter at any moment. He had treated her…normally. And after her ordeal with D-Reaper it was something she had been grateful for.
D-Reaper. That name made Juri shudder and rub the sides of her arms as if a cold blast had hit her. She still had terrible nightmares of being trapped within the Kernel Sphere, unable to escape and with no one, not even Culumon to help her. She remembered feeling the tentacles of D-Reaper covering and trapping her and shuddered once again.
Thank goodness Takato rescued me, Juri thought. If he hadn't come…No I promised Dr. Ishumuri, my father and even myself that I wouldn't think like that anymore. I have to think about getting better and the only way that I can do that is if I think positively.
But it was hard to do so after everything that had happened. Large parts of downtown Shinjuku were being rebuilt and many people were still without homes. And it wasn't only Tokyo that had been affected; places all over the world had been victims of D-Reaper's mass destruction. Even the Digital World had been affected, leaving large parts of it desolate and bleak.
And it's all because of me. Juri stopped walking and clenched her hand. No matter how many times Takato and the other Tamers, Yamaki, her parents and even Dr. Ishumuri had told her that what had happened was not her fault, she couldn't help feeling responsible.
Maybe if she hadn't allowed D-Reaper to first capture her, or had let Beelzebumon rescue her or had snapped out her depression, thus keeping D-Reaper from feeding on her pain and growing larger, maybe…
"Juri something that I noticed immediately from our first session was your habit of taking upon burdens that you not only do not deserve, but are not in any way responsible for. You also see the need to blame and "punish" yourself for these burdens, even though you know that they are out of your control."
She had shaken her head quickly. "But it was my fault! If I had listened to Culumon and Takato and let Beelzebumon help me then D-Reaper wouldn't have spread to the rest of the world!"
Dr. Ishumuri had raised an eyebrow as he looked up from the pad where he was writing. "You said that after the failed rescue attempt that Beelzebumon was mortally injured."
"That's what the others told me, after Takato saved me. My dad didn't want them to, but I had to know what had really happened when I was inside D-Reaper." She lowered her eyes.
"Yes well, if he was seriously injured and you had been with him, you could have been hurt as well." Dr. Ishumuri said slowly. Juri opened her mouth to protest. "I know that you believed your life was not nearly as important as stopping D-Reaper, but your father also told me that it was you who to helped stop it after you realized what it had been doing to you and what it was planning upon doing to the rest of the world."
"All I did was stop it from feeding on me. Dukemon, SaintGalgomon, Sakuyamon, Justimon. Guardromon, MarineAngemon and Antiramon were the ones that really defeated it. Juri responded.
"But you still played an integral part in its destruction. And I hope, that in time you come to understand that it was not your fault that D-Reaper fed on you to begin with."
~*~"Juri you can't blame yourself for this. It could have picked any one of us. Takato said firmly after saving her. "But it didn't pick any of us, it picked me! It knew that I was weak and that it could use me. She had replied monotonously. Lee had stood in front of her. "Juri I know you may not believe it but Takato's right. D-Reaper could have easily taken Shuichon or…" "Or even me!" Hirokazu had jumped in. "Me too!" Kenta responded as well.
Ruki looked at them with annoyance. "The only reason that D-Reaper took Juri was because she didn't have a digimon to protect her, so the only other people that were really in danger were Shuichon because Lopmon couldn't evolve and Kenta, who didn't have a digimon either."
"It wasn't just that and you know it Ruki. Leomon was gone and I was so upset that I let it take me. I didn't care what happened, I just wanted the pain to end." Juri felt her eyes begin to well. "I'm sorry, I don't want to make everyone else upset, I just…" She had stopped speaking.
Takato had drawn her into a hug as the tears had spilled over onto her face. And for the first time in a long time, she had felt safe.
Juri smiled remembering the feeling. Things had been chaotic after the destruction of D-Reaper, what with people needing places to stay and food to eat. But after a few months, things were more becoming more organized. After the monthly hiatus the rest of the Tamers had returned to school.
"We saved the world, and they still send us back to school? I was expecting parades, our names in lights, anything but school!" Hirokazu had complained.
Juri's father hadn't sent her back to school. He believed that after what she had been through, she needed some time to heal. But not wanting her behind in her studies, he had requested that Ms. Asagi prepare work for her and Takato had been kind enough to bring it over, along with a supply of the Guilmon bread, which was quickly becoming a hit.
"Class isn't the same without you. Everyone really misses you. I really miss seeing you too." Takato had said the last sentence with slight embarrassment.
I miss you too Takato. Takato continued to visit her whenever he could. Sometimes he brought Guilmon with him. They would sometimes go to the park or sit in her house and Takato would catch her up on things that happened in school. Hearing about how Hirokazu and Kenta had received detention after school for "noise pollution" made her feel a little better about her situation.
But it wasn't only Takato that visited her. Ruki and Renamon had visited her numerous times, and Ruki sometimes showed her the clothes her mother had bought for her and made a point to ask her opinion on them. Juri was happy to help and glad that Ruki and her mother were getting along better. Of course her better relationship didn't stop Ruki from threatening to shove Kenta's camera down Hirokazu's throat when he tried to take a picture of her in one of her mother's chosen dresses.
And when Lee, Terriermon, Shuichon and Lopmon visited her she always felt happier. Terriermon would brag about his "incredible heroism" in defeating D-Reaper, until Lee would half jokingly threaten to let Shuichon play "Prince and Princess Prettypants" with him and Lopmon. That usually caused a squeal of glee from Shuichon, and made Terriermon quiet down, at least for a couple of seconds.
Juri continued walking.
"You shouldn't feel guilty about being happy Juri. After everything you've experienced, you are more than entitled to happiness. There is no reason that you shouldn't be."
Except for the fact that I helped to nearly destroy the world. Jeri thought bitterly. But that's not why she was there. She stopped walking a few centimeters from a small bench. She had come to the park searching, and now she had found who she was looking for.
Earlier that day:
Juri Katou was not the only unusual person in the park that afternoon. A small purple creature resembling a demon with a pointed tail, red bandana on his neck and demonic smiley face on his chest stuck out among the green foliage and flora of the park. The demon waited as a young couple lazily meandered through the park until finally sitting on a small bench.
Impmon watched the humans with a mixture of disgust and amusement. Disgust because the humans had begun doing that gross sucking thing with their mouths and amusement because he had a plan to scare them so badly that they wouldn't soon forget it.
He crept closer to the pair, as silent as a predator stalking his prey. He jumped onto the top of the bench, nearly losing his balance and falling. The humans were so intent upon each other that they didn't even notice him. This is perfect. Impmon thought grinning like the demonic digimon he was. Sometimes, I even amaze myself.
He leaned over the two humans and called out "Night of Fire" loudly. A small purple/pink fireball appeared over his outstretched hand. The humans made a strangled yelp and jumped up. The male made a garbled noise that sounded something like "You bit my tongue!" The woman simply screamed.
"Didn't your parents ever teach you not to put things in your mouth, especially if you don't know where it's been?" Impmon yelled as he flung the small fireball at the woman's feet.
She responded by screaming even more and this time the man joined her. The both scrambled out of the park at rapid speed.
Impmon watched them leave but instead of the feelings of smugness and malicious glee that usually accompanied a good scare, he felt surprisingly empty.
I had the perfect plan and pulled it off beautifully. Impmon thought angrily. Still… the whole scaring the humans thing is gettin' kinda old.
He remembered a time when scaring humans had been the highlight of his day. That had been before he found his Tamers Ai and Makoto once again. Before doing so, he had simply existed. Whatever he needed he stole and anything else he took. He had been surviving on his own just the way he wanted to.
He had shown the Tamers and their digimon tons of contempt. There he was free as could be and yet their digimon relied on humans. He couldn't understand what they saw in the humans.
He certainly didn't need humans, he didn't need anyone. He was strong by himself. Or so he had thought.
And then that horse faced Deva Indaramon had showed up. And I really thought I could take him. Instead that freak ended up beating the tar outta me! Impmon remembered the physical pain Indaramon had inflicted upon him, but it was the emotional pain that had hurt him the most.
He said that I was pathetic, a weakling who couldn't even evolve. He even made me remember that I already had Tamers-two little brats that argued over me and thought I was some kinda pull toy. In the end, Renamon had rescued him, and saved him from certain deletion.
But that had infuriated and frustrated him even more. Indaramon was wrong. He was Impmon, not some weakling and if he could only evolve, he would show the Tamers, he would show everyone the damage he could really do.
And while he was waiting for the wounds that he had sustained from Indaramon to finally do him in, he'd heard a voice and suddenly was dropped into the Digital World, where it seemed as though his wishes had been answered.
The voice had revealed himself to be the Deva Chatsuramon, who had told him that for the price of loyalty to the Sovereign, he would be given the power to evolve. But when he heard that this loyalty entailed him to actually kill the Tamers and their digimon, he had begun to have second thoughts.
Despite being humans, whom he hated, they weren't really that bad. They did ignore him at times, but also tried to become his friends as well. The gogglehead Takato had even invited him to go swimming with him, Jenrya, Terriermon and Guilmon while they were camping. Thinking of Guilmon made Impmon smirk. The reptilian digimon was so simple and trusting and Impmon had taken advantage of him whenever he could. Many nights he had a full stomach from the amount of bread he had conned from Guilmon. And Renamon had saved him from Indaramon.
But in the end, it hadn't mattered. Impmon had wanted power, and the Sovereign was willing to give it to him. Friendship with the Tamers was meaningless. He didn't want to be weak anymore. And when Chatsuramon had returned him to his twin Tamers Ai and Makoto, only to have them ignore him in favor of a teddy bear, he finally gave in.
Impmon cringed when he remember his first time evolving. But then again he had been fallen into a lava pit, so that had probably had been part of the pain. But he also remembered the raw power he had felt. It was like nothing he had ever experienced before.
When he had finally come out of the pit he hadn't been alone either. As if by fate he had found a powerful black motorcycle that he had named Behemoth. And his appearance had been changed as well.
He was no longer the short demon digimon called Impmom, now he was the Ultimate Demon Lord Beelzebumon. He was clad in leather, and his razor sharp claws and three red eyes only increased his intimidation factor. His two Berenjenas, his guns, one strapped to his leg, the other on his back made him truly a force to be reckoned with.
But it was sheer power that coursed through him, and that was what he craved. He had tested his newfound gifts on several Adult Chrsysalimon and even an Infermon on Perfect level, and absorbed their data to become even stronger.
Before he had even found the Tamers, he had torn through whole villages of digimon, destroying them and absorbing them like they were nothing. And to him, they were. He had sometimes heard humans talk about the "law of the jungle" where only the strong survived, well now he was strong and anyone who got in his way was looking for a one way ticket to deletion.
He had been annoyed when he had found the Tamers for the first time, they had entered the Digital World in search of the small bodied, but big-stomached digimon Culumon, that Kyuubimon had recognized him. She referred to him as Impmon, which only added to his irritation. And when they met again, despite him saying that Impmon no longer existed, she had continued to identify him that way.
During their second meeting, he had completely crushed Rapidmon and Growmon before starting to attack her, but after thrashing her around, she still had the strength to blast him off Behemoth. He was about to finish her off when…when I made the biggest mistake of my life. Impmon thought with shame.
Leomon, partner to the human Juri Katou, had grabbed his arm and proceeded to tell him that he was being controlled, that this power would end up destroying him. At the time he had been furious. What does some pathetic Adult know about power? Who does he think he is saying that it will destroy me? I'm the strong one, practically invincible. No one can destroy me or control me. Not now and not ever again!
As Beelzebumon, he had swung around trying to force the Beast Man digimon to release him and inadvertently rammed his clawed hand into Leomon's chest.
Everything seemed to freeze. He had moved his hand slightly within Leomon, and then pulled it out. Leomon fell to the ground, his body already beginning to delete. Then, a scream, piercing and full of horror came from behind him. He knew immediately who it was…Juri.
And full of twisted glee, he began to laugh like a lunatic. He didn't feel guilty about what he had done, he felt…happy. Deep within him he was glad that he could make her feel the way he had felt for so long. He enjoyed knowing that she felt useless and helpless to prevent what had occurred.
The fool Leomon was still lying on the ground, with most of his body nothing but loose data and mumbling about it being his destiny to die. The other Tamers, Jenrya, Ruki and their friends were horrified. But it was the usually sensitive gogglehead Takato who was furious. And when he finally absorbed Leomon, he saw that he had finally pushed Takato over the edge…
Impmon snapped out of his train of thought. Just how long had he been standing there thinking? Ai and Makoto have to be done with their naps by now. That was the reason he had come to the park. Ever since D-Reaper's destruction he had been living with the two of them and their parents. Although it had taken a lot of fast-talking on his part and pleading on theirs, he had managed to become part of the family once again. He had missed Ai and Makoto and returning to them was something he had deeply wanted, though he would never admit that aloud.
I get a roof over my head, plus three square meals a day. They just happen to be part of the deal. Impmon thought trying to cover the feelings of gladness he felt about returning home to them. Home. I never thought I'd ever have one of those. Maybe I'm goin' soft. That thought did not make him happy.
He began walking steadily, his bright green eyes focused on the ground and not on what was in front of him. After only a few steps, he bumped into something so hard that it knocked both of them down.
Impmon jumped up, a fireball already within his hand. "Why don't ya watch where you're going!" He snapped letting his short temper show.
He looked up at the object of his irritation and saw Juri Katou staring right back at him.
For a moment, neither of them spoke. The silence between them was uncomfortable and tense. Then, Juri stood slowly and brushed herself off.
Impmon jumped and yelped as the fireball fizzled out in his hand, only adding to his annoyance. He shook his injured hand and glanced at Juri. "If you're looking for the gogglehead and the dinosaur, they're not here." He said sourly.
Juri looked up at him, slight distraction in her eyes. "Oh, I wasn't looking for Takato and Guilmon, I was actually…looking for you." She stated nervously.
Impmon was stunned. "Why the heck were you looking for me?"
Juri walked past him and sat on the bench that had been occupied minutes before and stared down at her hands. Impmon followed her, more out of curiosity than anything else. He hopped onto the bench, making sure he was as far from her as possible.
"When I saw my therapist a few days ago," Juri began, her face coloring slightly. "He told me that he thought I was holding something back, hiding something." She took a breath. "And I've been thinking about it a lot and realize that he was right." Juri quickly glanced at Impmon and found him listening intently. But when he saw her looking at him, he tried to appear nonchalant.
Well here I go. Juri thought with apprehension. "Ever since you destroyed Leomon I've felt like I hated you. I stopped Takato from destroying you because I didn't want him or you to get hurt, because it would make me feel even sadder. And also because I know Takato, he was really mad at you, but he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself if he really had destroyed you. And when I was captured by D-Reaper I was still so sad and angry that you had taken Leomon away from me." Juri bowed her head feeling ashamed.
Great, the kid comes looking for me to give me a guilt trip. But it's not like I don't deserve it. As Beelzebumon, he had begun to feel guilty after his battle with Dukemon, after his life was spared. He left the Tamers and then felt so terrible that he had lost his will to fight and willingly let a swarm of Chrysalimon overwhelm him. He even de-evolved back to Impmon, to make it easier for them to finish him off.
And when they suddenly had evolved into three Diablomon, he had believed his time was up. The Diablomon had given him a beating and when it seemed that they would deliver the final blow, he was rescued by Renamon and Ruki.
"When you came to rescue me," Juri continued. "For a minute I thought you were Leomon and that he had come back."
Impmon could understand why she had thought that. When he had been trying to rescue her from D-Reaper by going inside its "brain" also known as the Kernel Sphere, he had used Leomon's Fist of the Beast King attack to break through the area surrounding her and Culumon.
"And when I saw that it was you, everything seemed to happen all over again. Leomon wasn't there and you were. And even when you tried to take my hand and told me that I had to leave, I didn't care. All that mattered was that Leomon was gone and you had destroyed him." At this point Juri's voice had begun to shake.
Impmon watched her, feeling depressed. If I hadn't deleted Leomon would she be like this? Would D-Reaper have caught her and made her into some kinda human battery?
Juri was having trouble keeping her voice steady. "And what I wanted to tell you is, that I'm sorry."
Impmon nearly fell off the bench. "What?" He was completely confused.
"You tried to help me and because I was so selfish and upset, you ended up getting hurt. And if I hadn't let D-Reaper get stronger by using me, then maybe it wouldn't have almost covered the world. If I hadn't-"
"You think that it was all your fault?" Impmon interrupted incredulously. And here I was sure she was planning on laying the whole guilt thing on me. I mean I deserve it after all. She was just the victim in all this. He shook his head. Humans. I'll never understand 'em. "Listen kid, I appreciate the whole apology thing, but really you don't owe me anything. Besides although I hate to admit it, if you hadn't been all noble with Dukemon, right now I would probably be nothin' more than loose data.
Now it was Juri's turn to be surprised. "But if I had just went with you when you came, then you wouldn't have almost died!"
"Almost died? Who told you that? It would have taken a lot more than some sneak attack from an ugly ADR to kill me." Impmon said arrogantly trying to make her feel better.
"But you're not mad at me?" Juri asked timidly.
"I got more important things to do than waste my time being mad for no reason. Especially when I got two humans of my own to deal with."
"Two humans? Oh, you mean your Tamers. I remember seeing them after the battle." Juri smiled slightly. "There were so cute!"
"Yeah, well watch them argue over me sometime, then try saying they're cute. " Impmon remembered the letter that he had found from them after returning to the Real World. If it weren't for them I never would have evolved into Beelzebumon Blast Mode. And it had been Makoto who had given him a toy laser that had later became the large gun that covered his arm. He had used that gun to make the yellow star that was his Chaos Flare and combined it with his Death Slinger attack when he was trying to free Juri. But then that ADR destroyed it. Ai hadn't provided him with a weapon, but she had given him a kiss on the cheek to show that she cared about him.
Impmon began to blush. He jumped off the bench and stood in front of Juri. " Listen kid, it's been fun but I'm a busy mon, with places to go and people to see. So unless you want me to convince you that you didn't start world hunger or something I better get going." After his Tamers were waiting for him. Though he had a feeling that, that afternoon he'd be forced to choose between playing dolls with Ai or video games with Makoto.
Juri nodded. "My dad is probably home waiting for me." She stood up from the bench. "And Impmon?" The little demon looked at her "Yeah?" Juri smiled. "Thank you,"
He rolled his bright green eyes. "No problem. As long as you don't make with the waterworks, then I'd say we're even." Impmon began walking away from her. "See ya'."
Juri waved to him. "Bye!" She watched as Impmon walked into the distance. Juri felt as though some weight had been lifted off her shoulders. I feel a little better now, but I know I'm not out of the woods yet. And with that thought, Juri turned and began to walk home.