Edited with separation points (numbers) now. Hopefully it's easy to read.

I will assume you have at least a basic knowledge about Homestuck. It frustrates people having to waste time reading the explanations of things they already know.

This is also not a self-insert fic. -_- Although several aspects of characters may be taken from my friends and family, also maybe people I hate.


GUH. There's so much I want to say, but I always forget about it! Um, for starters, this all starts on the same day John starts Sburb. There's really no way it could be after, the Earth being blown up and all, and if it was before that wouldn't make any sense because if my characters had started Sburb before then they would have sent the meteors to Earth before John and co started their games and then they would be dead and I would be destroying canon but oh god that's what Im doing right now isn't it?

Um, also, you might notice some similarities between my OCs' sessions, the humans' sessions, and the trolls'. Either these are intentional, to create the same kind of parallels Andrew Hussie does, or that's just how the story works out. :/ Hm… Well anyaway:





A girl with long hair stands in a room. There are two beds laid out in the floor. One is a queen size and made, baby blue comforter pristine. The other is a twin, the blankets bunched at one end and the pillows at the other, a lone laptop in the middle.


The walls are bare except for a lone poster board. It displays pictures of an older girl with various people. On the ground around the beds is an assortment of shirts, pants, and skirts. A dresser is off to the side, completely forgotten. In a corner is a peeling pink-painted computer desk. A computer and monitor rest on it. To the right of the computer desk is expansive window that is about half the size of the wall it is on.


The girl is still standing in the middle of the room. She wears a gray hoodie, black baggy jeans, and purple flop-flips. She has smatters of freckles across her face. Her messy hair is a distinct shade of white that could be dirty blonde (if it were colored). On the right side of her head a white pigeon is perched.
Apparently this is normal.


What do you think this girl's name is?
{ Messy McBird-Brain [X] }

WRONG! The girl looks offended.


Your name is KYLIE KING. However, you tend to go by the nickname your friends gave you, Kirie.
Your friends are such weaboos.
Today is April 13, which is 2 months before your birthday of June 13.


You will be turning 15, and as such your parents have promised to buy you a new, not shitty, cell phone. Hopefully an iPhone, maybe a Blackberry.


But for now, you have a mysterious Asian phone that spits back Engrish and god-knows-what at you. The only pluses to the phone is that it has Internet connection and is a touch screen that allows you to draw with a stylus, prompting several crappy pictures to be born and distributed via picture text.

Kirie: Send friends a drawing.

You take out your shitty?-phone and connect to the mobile version of Pesterchum.


Your chumhandle is adroitRoyalty. A very pretentious name, but you ARE a King, am I right?


Bad puns aside, You type in a 'noble' way; with proper punctuation, perfect spelling, and the correct forms of words (YEAH, RIGHT). Tho, sumtimes wen u get mad u jus shorthand evryting, misspelling words and leaving letters out. Your text is a deep purple, purple being your favorite color. Oh, and emoticons are your bitch. :)

Kirie: Check Pesterchum.

You have mobile Pesterchum 7.0, and your mood is set to Rancorous.
[ ] adorablePunk
[ ] partyAddict
[ ] rejectedArtist
[X] reclusivePro

It seems only Niko is online.

Kirie: Pester Niko.

- adroitRoyalty [AR] began pestering reclusivePro [RP] at 17:07 -

AR: Niiiiko?
RP: wat
AR: What is up with my favorite cousin? :)
RP: Nothing
AR: Ah... Cool.
RP: I played Mr Brightside on the drums today, have you heard that song
AR: Cool, and yes, yes I have. BV u askd me dat last sunday nd i sed yes den, 2! B(
RP: Oh sorry lol
RP: …

RP: Hey, did you ever try out that ROM you downloaded yesterday
AR: Huh? Do you mean the Sburb one?

RP: Sure

AR: I'm thinking about it. I'm scared it'll give me a virus. OTL
RP: ...wait. It could give you a virus?
RP: Why did you send me a link, my dad will get so mad if I get the computer infected!
AR: chil da fuck out! u culd ony get a virus if u dwnloadd it! Wich, i no 4 a fac u didn. :p
RP: Well... I could have….
RA: Sorry
AR: S'all rite.
AR: I'm gonna try to install the ROM now. Hopefully my comp don't esplode! D8
RP: lol
RP: bye
AR: Bye. :3

- adroitRoyalty [AR] ceased pestering reclusivePro [RP] at 17:11-
- adroitRoyalty [AR] began pestering reclusivePro [RP] at 17:11 -

AR: Almost forgot!
AR: (insert picture text here)
RP: lol. Is that supposed to be me, its pretty good
AR: Yes. :) Thank you~ Gotta go.

- adroitRoyalty [AR] ceased pestering reclusivePro [RP] at 17:12 -

Kirie: Laptop get!

You turn Pesterchum off and walk over to your bed to retrieve your laptop.

Kirie: Turn laptop on.

After booting your laptop up you go through your files. You click on the one called 'ROMs'. Other games are in the folder, but you open up the weird one called Sburb.

Kirie: Explain.

It's strange; you found the game while browsing for a Super Mario Bros. ROM. On this one website was an archive of downloadable ROMs. You had gone to the 'S' section when you spotted the title 'Sburb'. Feeling oddly compelled towards the nonsense word, you had clicked the download link before you realized it. You didn't want to delete the ROM for no reason, so you checked out the uploader's profile. The uploader was panaceaReptile. Pretty legit, he had several other games uploaded, like Phoenix Wright, Final Fantasy, and all the Pokemon games.

After digging around a bit you found a few clues as to what the game was about; something about servers and clients with a set up oddly close to that of the Sims. It was all rather confusing stuff, and there wasn't much helpful facts about the actual gameplay or the purpose. Still, the aura of mystery pulled you towards it.


Your ?-phone pops up a message compiled of unintelligible foreign characters. You were startled at the noise but quickly recover. You turn back to the project at hand and start installing Sburb.

Kirie: Wait.

The installation screen starts its slow trek as the percentage bar fills INCREDIBLY slowly. This will not do, you will find something else to do in the meantime.

Kirie: Go downstairs.

There's not much else to do upstairs. Besides you and your sisters' shared room, there's only a bathroom and your parents room. You have no use for the bathroom, and while the prospect of sneaking into your parents' room is thought of, you realize there's nothing to do in there. Well, there is TV and two computers, but there is a TV downstairs and a laptop AND computer in your room. Besides, your mom locks the door and gets pissed if she finds evidence of you trying to break in.


You quickly glance into your grandmother's room as you walk past it, it being directly to the side of the base of the stairs. The lights are turned off, a sign she's not there. You already know this; she went to a craft fair with your older sister and younger sister.

Kirie: Grouch.

Craft fairs are for pussies. You sure hadn't wanted to go, nuh uh. You were perfectly fine with staying at home...

Your mother and father both had work today, and are still at their jobs. The rest of your immediate family, grandma and sisters, went to that totally stupid craft fair.

Kirie: Go into living room.

The living room is spacious; it also doubles as a dining room. There is a large table with six mismatched chairs surrounding it. On the other end of the room is the 72 inch TV that you spend hours in front of each day. Guarding the TV is a floral print couch with a matching loveseat that is pressed up against the wall.


Amongst the school bags on the couch you can see a sparkly pink hairbrush. You gleefully snatch the so not-girly brush up.
Before you start getting the tangles out of your hair you decide to retrieve your glasses. You hoist the purple and black backpack into a vertical position and start rummaging around.

Kirie: Get frustrated.

After a bit of intense searching you give up and dump the contents if your bag on the floor. A collection of folders, notebooks, and binders falls out. At the top of the pile lays a very beat up glasses case.
Correction, /your/ very beat up glasses case.

Kirie: Put glasses on.

With the skill and finesse of generations of nerds before you you slip the glasses up to bridge of your nose. It was so cool.
Unfortunately there's no one around to see it.

Kirie: Take glasses off.

You toss the glasses case back into your bag and using a maneuver there is no name you tuck one of the temple arms into your shirt to suspend your glasses for easy access. You only need the specs for seeing far away, anyway.

Kirie: Pet Piggen.

You had almost forgotten about your pigeon. It is actually surprisingly easy to forget about a bird nestled in your hair. When you reach up to stroke your feathery friend he lets out a soft coo and nuzzles your fingers.


Kirie: Brush hair.

You carefully remove Piggen from your head and let him perch on the first two fingers of your left hand. Then, you plop down onto the loveseat to commence hair-brushing.


At least, you tried to. As soon as the force of you falling onto the loveseat reached the shelves above, the precariously arranged items rattle, but they didn't fall.
All except one.

Kirie: Rub head.

You rub the now sore spot on your scalp as Piggen flutters around, trying to help. Glancing to the side you spot the cause of your pain, a purple boomerang. A flush of rage crosses your eyes, you had been searching for that stupid boomerang for FOREVER, and when you finally 'find' it it literally falls into your lap. GOD.

You loved the boomerang, it had been a present your cousin had gotten you last year for your birthday. It had taken a while, about a month or two, to finally master throwing it around, but once you got the hang of it you loved your boomerang and couldn't stop throwing it around. Of course, you only practiced throwing it around in your living room, so you didn't exactly know how to do long distances.

Kirie: Captchalogue Boomerang.

You're not letting this thing out of your sight again EVER. You captchalogue it and it goes straight into your sylladex. You have the Wheel Modus, a frustrating system that you have to spin in order to retrieve your items. It has six slots, and even when you fill in only one spot you still can land on a blank one, which emits nothing.

Kirie: Captchalogue ?-Phone and Hairbrush.

Your ?-phone is just sitting in your pocket, making an uncomfortable rectangular bulge in your jeans. You captchalogue it along with the hairbrush. You can always brush your hair later, your enthusiasm for it has now been stifled.

Kirie: Go into kitchen.

You start feeling a wee bit peckish, so you head into your kitchen. Only half of the 'kitchen' is an actual kitchen, the other half is sort of an indoor garden in which your mother has an array of ivy and flowers. You walk over to the food-preparation side of the kitchen and start a search for a meal. You have a lot of food in the kitchen, but since you are a picky eater it always takes you a while to scrounge something up. This will take at least a few minutes.

Be the boy.

You are now the boy. You are sitting at your computer, staring at it melancholic. You feel depressed and want to talk to someone, but all your family is either at work or school. You stayed home from school today because you are sick. …Heartsick. Your soul is shattered, completely broken by the betrayal you have recently gone through.

Well, that's what everyone else thinks. Sure, you had been crushed when you found out these last few months had all been a lie, but you moved through the stages of depression, denial, anger, and jealousy in a short amount of time. Once you had some time to calm down and think about it, you quickly realized you could do better than her, anyways. She might have dumped you, but you weren't going to mourn over HER loss.

Let her be a lesbian, she's better off that way.

Kirie: Captchalogue food.

Yummy, delicious food. It's been a while since you last ate, so you are eager to find something easy to make. After a bit of poking around you find a Tupperware with leftover pasta in it. You greedily consume the whole thing, leaving no trace of the noodles behind. You then get a handful of sunflowers seeds and let Piggen eat out of your hands. Afterwards you captchalogue some various snack items you found in the pantry; a 2 liter bottle of Pepsi, a bag of pretzels, and a jar of peanut butter (with a spoon).

Yes you have strange tastes, but they are all mofo-in' delicious.


An annoying beep from your Wheel Modus informs you that with the addition of these three food items you have reached the holding limit of 6 items. Your modus has as follows: your ?-phone, the boomerang, your hairbrush, and the Pepsi, pretzels, and peanut butter.

Your ?-phone starts beeping and vibrating like crazy, indicating you have a message of some sort.

Kirie: Check ?-phone.

After the tedious process of spinning your Wheel Modus 3 times before you get your ?-phone out and then re-captchaloguing all the things that fell out (the boomerang and the bag of pretzels), you check your ?-phone screen and discover Niko has started pestering you.

Kirie: Answer Niko.

- reclusivePro [RP] began pestering adroitRoyalty [AR] at 17:29 –

RP: ky?

AR: Hey. :p

RP: O haii

AR: Fancy meeting you here.

RP: Ikr

AR: :3 You guys still coming over tomorrow?

RP: 4 sure, you still aggraphobic

AR: ?

AR: Oh, do you mean agoraphobic?

RP: if that means fear of leaving your house, yes

AR: :V I am not scared of leaving my house!

RP: suuure

AR: well, iz not lik u leev ur hose muc eider!

RP: im going to your house tomorrow aren't I, when did you last leave yours

AR: it dun matter

AR: geez

- adroitRoyalty [AR] ceased pestering reclusivePro [RP] at 17:33 -

Kirie: Go upstairs.

You're not scared to leave the house! You just… don't. There's nothing wrong with not going outside for a week… Or two… Or three months….

You gripe to yourself as you stomp up the stairs. It's not like you don't EVER go outside; you go to school and all that shiz. It's just you don't leave your home after school or on the weekends.


Once in your room you shuffle over to your bed and flop onto it. You lift your head to gaze at the laptop screen, which is showing your screensaver, a slideshow of pictures of you and Piggen. You raise your arm and give his wing an absentminded stroke before moving into a sitting position and tapping the laptop's touch pad.

Kirie: Check on installation progress.

After the screen saver fades away you discover the Sburb installer is at 95 percent. You cuss the laptop out, it's been around 20 minutes since you started the installation process and it STILL isn't finished. Ah well, you can find something else to do in the meantime.

Kirie: Clean room.

By 'cleaning the room' you mean pushing all the clothes around with your feet into a pile. Such taxing work, but someone's got to do it. You manage to get rid of five minutes doing this and check back to see to see the installation is at 98 percent. UGH.


You decide to try to kill the rest of the time by pestering your cousin. Sure, just a few minutes ago you had been pissed at him, but you were over that now. And you were very bored.

Kirie: Pester Niko.

- adroitRoyalty [AR] began pestering reclusivePro [RP] at 17:39 -

AR: Niko! Whatcha doin? :D

RP: heyy why'd you stop talking last time

AR: It's a girl thing. You wouldn't understand. :P

RP: girls are way too complex for me…

AR: :c Sorry Niko… And, I'm sorry Mallory dumped you.

RP: for a cheerleader named Jessica
AR: ^^' I'm so sorry… I thought when I introduced you two she wouldn't ever do something like this… She's usually so nice..

RP: shes a dirtbag, we dated for a year and a half and only this weekend I figure out shes been cheating on me for a month

AR: In my defense I tried to tell you… Everyone did, you just were too loyal to her to believe us. :(

RP: see where that got me….

AR: :C I had no idea she was even bi. She never seemed interested in girls before.

RP: ya well its a huge blow to my ego

RP: dating a girl to find out she's attracted to girls

RP: :/

AR: XD You're a pretty boy!

RP: nuh uh im handsome :)

AR: You're a beautiful man.

RP: you know it

RP: lol


RP: sooo did you download that thing?

RP: ?

AR: Yep! It's downloading right now! 99%! o

RP: oh kk

RP: hey I have to check on something

RP: be back later

- reclusivePro [RP] ceased pestering adroitRoyalty [AR] at 17:44 -

- reclusivePro has signed off -

AR: Wait what?


Well, that was a deep conversation. You flip back to the Sburb window and are delighted to see it says 100 percent.

Kirie: Start Sburb.

Your eyes flicker over the screen. It reads as follows:


SBURB version 0.0.1


SBURB client is running.

Press [ENTER] when ready.

You stretch your fingers out and eagerly press the enter button.



A box pops out and informs you:

[ERROR! You are in need of a SERVER PLAYER or a PLAYER to be a SERVER of.

Search for:

[[Server Player]] or [[Client Player]] ]


After screaming obscenities at the laptop you calm down and think carefully about your choice. It would be fun to control someone, but you wouldn't know what to do and you would probably cause more harm than good. So, after a bit of hesitation you hit the [Search for a Server Player] button.

Kirie: Search for a server player.

The window changes and a blue screen with swirls displays a pulsing message:

{Searching for a Server Player: Please wait}

Cadeus: Wake up.

And, that's Chapter 1! :D ….Day-um. Over 3,000 words long. *whistle*

Hope you liked it, as you can see I took several liberties with Sburb. Hopefully nothing too destructive… The whole not being able to use arrows on FF really bums me out. I can't really do Homestuck format without them…

Also, after the next chapter I will ask for your opinion on whose POV I should have the next chapter in. I have 3 OCs and like in Homestuck all their timelines overlap. I could write about a certain time in 3 different chapters, one over each character.
Review, ask questions, flame, I don't care. As long as I know I didn't spend over a week researching and writing rough drafts so that no one would read it.