Thank you to Allthingsmagical for the wonderful idea...thank you to my beta TrippingOverYou for proofreading...Kissies to both of you!
"Alright everyone...everyone...QUIET! Thank you all for coming to this impromptu meeting of The Weasley Brothers Club plus Harry and Draco. As you may have heard, The Daily Prophet has outed the pregnancy of our dear Harry. As you may not have heard, they are now running a betting pool on who the other father is." Fred Weasley looked around as noises of outrage spewed out of the other members of the club. "I know, I know...but, there is a plus side to this." At the sounds of abject disbelief he held up his hands in a placating manner. "Please, everyone, please! Let me continue. The plus side to this little betting pool is that fifty percent will go to the winner and the other fifty percent will go to Harry, so that he can buy all of those little fripperies that babies deserve. Yes, I know he's one of the two wealthiest wizards in England, and the other wealthiest wizard is also sitting in this room," Draco stood and made a bow, "but this is the decree that The Prophet has handed down. What we need to do is decide how to handle this." Fred sat down and listened as his brothers and their respective partners decided that they needed to blow up the offices of The Daily Prophet.
"As much as I like the idea because they are a pain in my arse, I don't think blowing up The Prophet is a feasible option. I think that our resident pranksters can come up with a much better plan to have fun at The Prophet's expense." Harry sat back against his husband and looked inquiringly at said pranksters. "Well?"
George grinned a little as he thought, then the grin morphed into a full-blown smile, complete with teeth. "I think..." he paused for effect. "I think we ought to up the stakes on the pool. It shouldn't be that hard to do...who are the lucky guesses so far?"
Fred grinned at everyone. "Get ready for this one, guys. So far, the number one guess is our ickle Ronniekins." Ron made a disgusted face which ended when Hermione, his wife of three months, elbowed him in the ribs. "Number two goes equally to me and George and number three...get this...is Draco Malfoy."
Draco's eyes widened comically as he looked at Fred in disbelief. "You have got to be joking!" He turned to Harry. "Not that you're ugly or anything Harry, but I have my own Weasley."
Harry laughed. "It's alright Draco, I understand. I wouldn't trade my Weasley for anything."
Harry's husband chuckled lightly before turning to his brother. "Oi! They talk about us like we're Famous Wizard Cards or something. So how do we sabotage the betting pool?"
George smiled again. "Well, brother mine, I have an idea...but we'll need more men here to get it to work properly." He looked at Draco. "Who amongst the Slytherins that are still alive would you trust to be around Harry, basically unsupervised?"
Both Harry and Draco spoke at the same time. "Blaise Zabini."
George nodded. "Get him here...use the floo in the sitting room." Draco got up and walked into the next room. "Hermione, can you get Neville Longbottom?" She nodded and stood to use the floo at the end of the kitchen. Now he looked directly at Harry. "Can you get Remus and Snape here?"
Harry's smile threatened to overtake his face. "If you're planning what I think you are, Remy will agree, but I'm not too sure about Sev." He thought for a moment. "Then again, he might...he does have a twisted sense of humour." He stood and went up the stairs to Molly and Arthur's room to use their floo.
Hermione returned to the group first, followed by Neville Longbottom and his wife Luna. Chairs were conjured so that they could all sit. Neville helped Luna lower her very pregnant body onto her chair and took the one next to her. "What's going on? I thought these little meetings were for Weasleys only."
Ron snickered. "Oh they are usually, but this one's different. We'll explain when the rest get here."
Draco came back in the room, followed by a laughing Blaise Zabini. "A betting pool? Who thought that one up? And doesn't Potter own the paper? Why didn't he stop them from doing this?"
"I didn't want to spoil the fun." Harry answered as he walked back into the room. "I knew about this a few days ago, but the editor begged me to let it run." He looked steadily at Luna Longbottom who shrugged.
"I thought it would be interesting, seeing how I already know the answer. The bets have been running wild in the office ever since we ran the story about your pregnancy."
A few moments later the floo in the kitchen flared up and out stepped Remus Lupin and his husband, Severus Snape. "Potter, this had better be worth my time, I had to put a stasis spell on the potion I was brewing for Poppy."
"Oh it will be, Sev. Alright, we're all here now, please continue George."
He looked around the room, his bright blue gaze stopping on various men before he continued speaking. "What my plan involves is for all of us, straight, bisexual and gay alike, to escort Harry around. One man per week, a different man each week. We have gathered some of the most unlikely people in this room; the only person I could think of who would be more unlikely is Lucius Malfoy."
"Hell No! He hates me! I'd be dead before the first hour was up."
"I know, that's why I didn't suggest that Draco get him."
"It doesn't help that he won't speak to me anymore, since I decided that I wanted to marry for love." Draco looked at his husband-to-be and blew him a kiss. The man blushed deeply and blew a kiss back.
"Ooh! I didn't know you could blush like that!" Hermione picked on the hapless man.
"People...let's get going on this. I think that the most likely person, in everyone else's opinion, should go first...that's you Ron."
He nodded and smiled at his best mate. "Looks like you're stuck with me first Harry."
Harry nodded. "Alright...next?"
George looked around at the men seated in the room, most of them cringed under the weight of those blue eyes. "Percy."
The third oldest Weasley child looked at his younger brother and sighed. "If I must. I'll tell Penelope, just so that she doesn't try to hex me when she sees the paper...and tell her that she should keep the papers away from the children."
"Followed by..." George continued looking at each man in turn. "Bill."
The curse breaker smiled and nodded.
"Next will be...Blaise."
The dark skinned Slytherin laughed. "Guess I finally get to show you a good time, eh Potter?"
Harry smiled as his husband's arms tightened around him. "Yes, but just remember, Pansy will kill you if you try anything." The dark skinned man flinched and nodded, drawing laughter from the other men. The last thing Blaise wanted to do was piss off his very loving but very trigger happy wife; he had been on the receiving end of too many of her hexes to want to risk it again.
"Alright, moving on...Neville."
The herbologist blushed and nodded. Luna patted his arm, "You'll enjoy yourself...you just said the other day that you don't get to see Harry as much as you used to."
"It'll be alright Nev." Harry reassured the shy man. "Once it's all over, then you'll have all the time in the world to prove to wizarding England that you're not really gay." The room broke into laughter again as Neville blushed a vibrant red that was definitely Weasley-worthy.
"I'll be next, after Neville."
"Actually, my great and wonderful twin," said Fred, "I think, just to confuse the hell out of everyone, we should go together."
Harry's eyes widened. "Oh Gods! The two of you at the same time? Kill me now!" Everyone agreed with the twins, though, so Harry was going to get to experience alone time with Fred and George.
"Don't worry, Harry. We like you..."
"And we want our niece or nephew to come out unscathed..."
"So we'll take it easy on you..."
"Just this one time."
Dead silence from Harry greeted this statement, delivered in the rapid fire alternations that the twins were famous for. He had paled a little, but nodded anyway. His husband tightened his arms around him again and kissed his neck. "It'll be alright, Love. They know what I'll do to them if they harm you."
George smiled broadly as his eyes came to rest on the most unlikely person in the group. Severus groaned slightly but nodded. "Might I hope that you would settle for a belated session of potions tutoring?" Harry shook his head. "Reading quietly?" Again, Harry shook his head. "What then?"
Harry smirked at his godfather's husband. "Clothes shopping. You need a new wardrobe anyway and most of my things won't fit by that time. We're going shopping." The older man groaned again and dropped his head to the table with a loud thud.
Remus spoke up. "I'd like to suggest that I go last."
Harry looked at him curiously. "Why Remy?"
The last Marauder smiled wickedly. "Because by that time, I'll be showing and it'll really make them wonder." Harry and his husband had known that his godfather was expecting, but no one else had. Exclamations and congratulations made the rounds of the room.
"So, Charlie, that means you go after Severus."
"And I go after Charlie?" Draco thought that it was a fairly good plan. It would definitely make everyone wonder just who the other father of Harry's baby was, and just what Harry was doing with all of these men.
Ideas began to flow around the table, spurred on by comments from Remus and the twins. Harry sat back against his husband's broad chest and sighed happily. This was going to be FUN!