Alright people this story is a bit different. I wrote it hoping to insert it in my current : I almost lost you" story but i figured it was too dark
Don't hate me, I don't like hurting Maura, I love her . I just feel comfortable writing about those kinds of subject(for those who read my "my heart is bleeding story)
This will probably be a 5 chapter story, with relatively long chapters.
Chapter one :
Every woman's worst nightmare :
That morning as part as her morning routine, Maura Isles woke up around 6 am, worked out for about an hour, fed Bass and then took a shower.
Taking a hot shower was almost her favorite part of the day. She usually spends about 15 minutes letting the hot water stream on her naked body.
It would help her to get in the mood of going to work and cutting up dead bodies.
At Maura was gently spreading soap on her naked body she felt that something was different, she could feel it under her finger tips.
"Maura, are you finished soon?" Jane screamed banging at the door.
"Just use the other bathroom." Maura answer annoyed that Jane would disturbed her morning shower .
"I like this one better, if you want to take your time I could join you."
Already disturbed in her morning ritual Maura knew there was no other choice for her but to give up .
"You can use it now." Maura groaned as she came out of the bathroom , hair wet and a towel on.
"Hey, come here, I 'm sorry I didn't want to chase you out of there, I wanted to join you, but you locked the door." Jane pouted wrapping herself around her.
"Well if the door was locked it meant I didn't want any company, Detective." Maura rasped escaping Jane's embrace.
"Alright, I'm sorry." Jane apologized moving towards the shower.
She knew Maura well enough to know that when she was angry at her, it was best to give her space for a little while.
The two women went to work in silence. Jane could see that something was bothering her. Usually when they fought Maura couldn't resist talking to her first.
As Maura was about to get of the car she felt Jane's hand on her arm:
"Hey, I love you, you know that right?"
"I'm sorry about this morning I know that I shouldn't disturbed your morning shower after you worked out. I know it's the one moment of the day you got to be alone and enjoy yourself for while, I should have respected that. It won't happen again."
That was so typical of Jane, apologizing for something she wasn't responsible for, or blaming herself.
It wasn't that Maura was hard to live with, but she was very stubborn and usually refused to change her position. Jane quickly learned to just accept it and apologize even when she knew she didn't do anything. It was easier then confront and fight with Maura, and besides Maura would usually come to her senses and apologize later.
"No, I'm the one who should be apologizing, I'm a bit tensed, I don't know why, work is quite slow…And things are great with you…"
"Well we should talk about it at home tonight, in the mean time would you have lunch with me?" Jane pouted trying to seduce her.
"Why, not. I will see you at 1pm." Maura said getting off the car.
At that moment Jane knew something was wrong with Maura.
She seemed a bit off . Of course Maura always looked like she was in her own little world, but she rarely seemed so concerned.
Jane was determined to find out what was wrong with her girlfriend.
Around noon she received a text.
"I'm sorry, I won't be able to make it for lunch, something came up. Love, Maura."
Jane didn't really pay attention and figured she would joined Maura down at the morgue and they could grab a quick bite anyway.
So around 1 pm she took the elevator, with Maura's favorite tuna salad in one hand, and a box of chocolate in the other.
When she arrived at the morgue, Maura was nowhere to be seen.
"Hey Emily, do you know where Maura is?" Jane asked.
"She just went out, she had some kind of an appointment." The young intern replied.
"Alright, thank you, please don't tell her I came down."
"Don't worry I wont."
Jane didn't see Maura at all that day, when she came down again to take her home that night her assistant told her she was already home.
Jane drove home, trying not to be offended. She knew Maura was everything but rude and that if she was acting like that because something was going on.
So Jane went, home, put her gun and badge away in the kitchen, played with Bass and Joe Friday for a few minutes and finally decided to join Maura upstairs.
When she came into their bedroom Maura was crawled in bed in fetal position.
"Hey, sweetheart I missed you. How was your day?" Jane whispered as she joined Maura in bed wrapping herself around her.
"Just get your hands off me." Maura hollered jumping out of bed.
"Alright, babe, you have to calm down. Tell me what's going on." Jane murmured trying to stay as far as she could, knowing that trying to take her in her arms wasn't the wiser choice.
"I just don't want you to touch me." Maura hollered defensively.
"Alright, I won't , just calm down. Would you feel more comfortable if I slept in the guest room tonight? "Jane offered as a peace offering.
"Of course not, it's just sometimes I feel like all you think about is sex."
"You know that's not true , I love you."Jane mumbled unable to find a better answer.
"Really, It didn't seem like it this morning, and just now, you have this frenetic or even pathological need of touching me, my breasts especially."
"I'm not obsessed with your body or your breasts alright?I admit this morning I was in a kinky mood and you never complained about our morning sex before. "
"Today was different."
"How was it different? Please tell me, look I just want to help you, that's why I tried to cuddle you just now. Not because I wanted to have sex but to show you my love and support."
"I know, but you do appreciate my body right?"
"Of course, you're the most beautiful woman I met in my life. But I love what's inside of you, in your heart and your brain. I love the entire you not just your body. "
"That's what you say now, but what if I didn't have that body or those breasts?"
"Alright now you're scaring me, I love you, I want to spend the rest of my life with you no matter what happens for better or worse until death do us part." Jane whispered sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Was that a proposal?" Maura teased getting closer to Jane.
"More like a promise. When I ask you to marry me it's going to be romantic and spectacular." Jane said holding her girlfriend's hands.
"I know, I have something to tell you." Maura confessed.
"Alright, I'm listening."
"This morning when I was showering I felt a small mass on my left breast."
"Oh God, that's why you freaked out when I tried to come in?"
"Yes, I went to my Doctor, and she examined me and I had a mammogram and it turns out that I have a lump on my left breast." Maura explain sitting next to Jane.
"Is it benign or…"
"We don't know yet, she needs to do a biopsy and then if it's benign she will need to remove the lump which considering its size shouldn't be too problematic or if its' can…"
"Don't even say it. I'm sure it's nothing alright. We shouldn't use the C word before we have the result of the biopsy. When have you scheduled it?"
"Tomorrow morning at 9 Am."
"Alright, we are going to take this one step at the time and what ever the results are we will face it and we're going to win alright." Jane promised pulling Maura on the bed,
"I know you want to be positive, but what if it's cancer and it's spread and that I need a mastectomy?"
"I'm sure it's begign, but if it's not I will help you, we're gonna get through this, I promise." Jane swore holding her as close to her as she possibly could wishing she could just melt their 2 bodies into one.
"Would you still love me if I only had one breast?"
"Oh baby, of course I would still love you, I love you for a millions different reasons, don't worry about it."
"Would you still be attracted to me ? I mean we did make tremendous progress in reconstructive surgeries, and implants and skin grafts are more and more successfully used to replace a removed breast. But even if everything is done to make things natural, it's not trust me, I have examined women who had reconstructive breast surgeries. Most of the time there is a substantial lost of sensitivity and it doesn't feel natural."
"Just stop thinking about it, I 'm sorry if sometimes I appear obsess with your breasts. I love you and I'm attracted no matter what happens nothing will ever change that. Come here." Jane whimpered combing her girlfriend's hair with her finger.
Neither women slept that night, they couldn't help but worrying about it.
Maura was scared that the lump might turn out to be cancer. She knew that Jane loved her and would support her, but she was scared to death. She was a Doctor, a very educated and informed one and as a woman she was well documented about breast cancer. She knew what could happen, the best like the worse. Knowing was somehow worse than not knowing because she could clearly picture herself with only one breast.
Breasts are the most feminine part of a woman's body and she always liked her and so did Jane. She could spend hours, caressing them, wandering her tongue between then. Just like any woman facing the same issue Maura was scared for her sex life. She was scared of loosing sensitivity in her nipples if she had to had a mastectomy. She was also scared that Jane wouldn't be attracted to her or look at her differently.
The next morning Jane took Maura to the Doctor and hold her hand through the procedure.
"I'm going this needle is for the local anesthesia, you might feel a small pinch." The Doctor explained.
"I know . Thank you." Maura politely replied holding Jane's hand tight.
"You're doing great baby, I love you." Jane mumbled kissing the top of her hand.
"Now I'm going to insert the needle and take out a piece of the lump and send it to the lab."
Seeing Maura's fear in her eyes and her discomfort Jane did everything she could to reassure her.
"What do you think about some holidays?When all this is over I'm taking you anywhere you want."
"Even to Paris?" Maura said biting her lips and she felt the middle penetrating her flesh.
"Yeah, absolutely … We could go to the Louvre or where ever you want to go. We need holidays."
"But you hate everything that's french…" Maura added squeezing Jane's hand.
"That's because I don't understand them, but I love when you speak french, it's so sexy and besides it's important to open ourselves to knew experiences." Jane joked.
"Alright Maura, you're all done. Please try to stay still and to relax the results should be back in a couple of hours. And please consider the south of France, it's gorgeous."
"Thank you Doctor." Maura smiled, knowing that the only thing they could do was wait.
So Jane and Maura waited until the Doctor came back with the result,. Jane never let go of Maura's hand even for her second.
"You better keep your promise." Maura joked trying to relieve the atmosphere of the obvious tension.
"Of course, while we're here, you can ask me anything you want." Jane replied playing along.
"Well, I wouldn't mind redecorating our house, to make it more like ours not just mine." Maura pouted.
"Alright, you got it. " Jane smiled.
The two women tried their best not to talk or think about the worse case scenario.
Jane wanted to be as positive and supportive s possible, but she was scared.
Maura and her as any other couple went through some hard stuff but never anything like that.
She was scared that as much as she loved and supported her girlfriend that she wouldn't be able to find the right words.
She had no idea what were the approbate words, or behavior in case the lump turned out to be tumor.
Jane was a cop, her job was to protect people and more than anything her job was to protect Maura. She would literally cut one of her arms, give her a kidney or even give up her life for her. But this time she had not idea what to do, and feeling powerless to help the woman she loved was unacceptable for her.
About 2 hours later the Doctor finally came back:
"So I have your lab results." The Doctor said taking a deep breath.
Don't hate me… But I figured a cliffhanger would be appropriate.
So the next chapter will be more than intense. This story is going to be deep, very deep into their minds and psychology. I hope to do this right….
Review for more!