Author's note: don't own anything; based on a true story (which might explain why it's so senseless); could be taken as slashy/fluffy, don't like don't read.
Vyv stared sadly at the packet of "sublime permanent hair dye - blonde" and let out a disgusted sigh. He hated what he had to do and he hated even more the one he wanted to do it. But nobody would trust a medicine-student looking like… well, like this and it only made sense letting someone dye his hair he hated anyway. "POOF!," he shouted out and Rick, feeling called, jumped. "What do you want, fascist?" Vyv dropped the packet of dye in Rick's lap. "I want that!" Rick smirked like someone facing a complete retard. "I harwdly believe so, Vyv. I don't let anything neawr my haiwr apawrt fwrom water and stwrawbewrry-shampoo." The answer came in form of a rolling of Vyv's eyes and a slap on Rick's head. "Not you, you bastard!" It took Rick a few seconds to understand what his housemate wanted from him. But then, finally, a large exclamation mark appeared over his head, accompanied by a 'boing'-sound. "Oh, Vyv, you can't dye youwr haiwr blonde, it'll go yellow!" Vyv sat down net to him. "That's why I won't do it. You'll do." Another exclamation mark joined the first one. "Why me?"
"Because nobody'll miss you if I have to kill you."
"And I guess if I wrefuse you'll kill me anyway."
"Great idea, thanks, poof."
Rick mentally kicked his arse for getting that idea to Vyv. But on the other hand… when would be his next chance for disfiguring the punk? So he shrugged. "Alwright. Half an hour, in the bathroom."
Anxiously pacing up and down in the bathroom, Vyv waited for the arrival of his housemate/hair dresser/ complete bastard Rick. Finally, about fifteen minutes too late, he came in. "Sowrry, I'm a bit late…, " he grinned, knowing prefectly well how his delay would drive Vyv mad. "You bloody… lovely poofter," Vyv said with a forced smile. "Sit down alwready!," Rick ordered, trying desperately to sound professional and – much to his delight – Vyv obeyed. "No! Wait. I guess you'wre supposed to wash youwr haiwr fiwrst." Still obediently Vyv got up again, bowed over the sink and splashed some icy water all over his head. For a second Rick thought about asking Vyv to sing some Cliff Richards song to see if how far his allegiance would go, but decided that he would have time to do so when he had a better chance to flee. "Okay…" Rick took a deep breath, put the plastic gloves included in the box on and applied a large pile of dye on Vyv's head. "Ugh…" Then he started massaging the goop into the hair. "Does that feel wright?" "Having you messing around my hair couldn't feel any worse, even if you were wearing a girl's school uniform," Vyv responded grumpily. Rick thought that it was probably better not to respond if he wanted to survive that day with all his bones in his favourite state: unbroken; and so he continued colouring until… "Uh-oh." "WHAT?," Vyv screamed, his voice trembling with fear. "I DON'T LIKE PEOPLE SAYING 'UH-OH' WHILST FUCKING AROUND WITH MY HAIR!" Rick swallowed fearfully. "I… I don't know how to tell you, but I'm afwraid we've wrun out of dye…"
"WHAT? But we're only halfway through!"
"M-maybe there's some left in the cap…" Rick started fumbling around all the stuff they'd used. "HA! I found some bleach left in the cap!" Rick applied what he had found to Vyv's hair, but of course it still wasn't enough. The hair was thicker than he'd thought and was literally soaking in the dye as soon as it touched the surface. "It's not enough!," Rick whined. Vyv yelped like a beaten puppy. "And now?," he asked with an expression that only showed one thing: Horror. "Is… is there a shop around here?," Rick tried. "Yeah, I think I saw one around here, when I was drunk and couldn't find the right house at first," Vyv responded, clutching to that last straw. "Alwright, then we'wre going thewre," Rick said like it was the best idea of his life. All he got back was a blank look from Vyv. "Have you got a mouse in your pocket or why did you say 'we'?"
"You'll have to come with me."
"Because I don't know whewre the wruddy shop is!"
"And how do you suggest I'll go on the street? I got a reputation to loose!"
Rick tried really hard not to loose his nerves. "You could put on a hoodie or something. And then we need something to keep the dye off youwr clothes."
"And what? I never needed to 'keep the dye off my clothes'. " Rick had to think about that question for a while. "If I remember that correctly my mum always used aluminium foil." Vyv shook his head, causing little splashs of bleach to fly everywhere. "We got no aluminium foil left. I used it to turn Neil into a radio antenna." "Well, have we got transparent foil?"
"I must look like a complete mug," Vyv complained. "No," Rick responded. "You look like back then, when you drank that blue stuff that made youwr haiwr fall out." Vyv whished that the word 'hair' didn't have an 'r' in it. Rick's speech defect was bothering him more and more. "Bloody hell is that the shop?," Rick asked shocked. "Yeah, guess so." They were standing there for a few seconds longer, then Rick warned Vyv: "Don't you dare taking off your hood in there." "But when they ask I will."
"I don't know what's your problem," Rick mumbled with his mouth full of chocolate he also buyed in the shop. "My problem is that on side of my head is blonde and one side isn't!" Rick shrugged and took another piece of chocolate. "Chocolate?," he asked in a desperate attempt to cheer Vyv up a little. "Oh, yes, sweets will solve all my problems!"
"Does that mean no?"
"For heaven's sake, give me that!" A short, but rancorous fight over the chocolate bar broke out, Vyv won. "Y'know, if the dying doesn't work out that well…," he said, munching what was left of the bar. "…it could also look quite fashionable half-and-half."
"You can call yourself lucky if you hair doesn't fall out after all," Rick responded sulking. Vyv just wanted to give a snappy response, when a wind gust suddenly blew the smell of strawberry shampoo in his nose and he couldn't help but smiling. "Rick…," he smirked. "If you don't stop using that shampoo you shouldn't be surprised if I took a bite of you for sometime."