AN: So this is an idea that's been running around my head for a long time. I've finally put it to paper, though I doubt I'll ever get over how funny I find the whole idea of it. Hopefully you'll think so as well.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of the characters.
"Konohagakure Hiden: Taijutsu no Ōgi: Sennen Goroshi!" Kakashi shouted, his fingers digging in to Naruto's butt, sending him flying into the nearby river.
Naruto was furious and embarrassed, having been violated by his new teacher. "I'll show him!" Naruto muttered angrily, flinging himself onto the bank and rushing back toward his sensei. "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" the blond yelled, grinning evilly as no less than a hundred clones appeared beside him.
Kakashi sighed and counselled, "It didn't work the first time, and it won't work the second."
"You don't even know what I'm going to do!" Naruto snarled, getting more riled up as Kakashi-sensei appeared to ignore him. He made the sign for Henge and yelled once more, making his final move, "Ooiroke no Jutsu!"
"Hmm?" Kakashi wondered, eyes peaking out over the orange book in his hand to see a field full of naked Naruko's. His eye widened, but if there was blood, no one could see it behind his black mask. "Blondes aren't my type," he admitted weakly.
"Ooiroke no Jutsu: Konoha Kunoichi Style!" the Naruko's shouted before becoming encased in a cloud of smoke.
When the smoke cleared, it revealed the faces and bodies of every single kunoichi in the village, ANBU included. Kakashi's mask began to sag as he stared with starry eyes at the women of Konoha who were in compromising positions: some bent over, some kissing each other, others touching themselves and moaning Kakashi's name. "Kakashi-sama," one of the ANBU kunoichi moaned, grabbing her breasts obscenely, "Why have you only penetrated Naruto-kun? We'd like to have you inside us as well."
Kakashi's jaw dropped and his mask sagged down his chin, revealing his face. "Y-Yuugao?"
"Mm, Kakashi-sama, ANBU misses you. No captain can fill us like you can," the body of Yuugao murmured, glancing at Kakashi through her lashes and trailing her hand down her stomach until her fingers stopped to slip inside of herself. "Kakashi-sama, please!"
"Guh," said Kakashi.
Blood spurted out his nose like a waterfall and he flew backwards, head slamming into a tree and incapacitating him. Naruto cackled merrily, ending his technique. He rushed forward, stole the twin bells, and dragged his new sensei to one of the training posts, tying him up tightly.
"NARUTO!" Sakura shrieked angrily. "YOU PERVERT!"
"Ne, Sakura-chan, take a look at Sasuke," Naruto sniggered, pointing at his rival.
Sasuke quickly tried to wipe his nose, but Sakura had already seen the evidence of his arousal. If he'd been just a little older, Naruto knew, he would have been as dead to the world as Kakashi. Pervert. "Sasuke isn't – he isn't like that!" Sakura tried to defend weakly.
"Hn," grunted Sasuke, glaring at Naruto, the only one of the trio to hold the bells.
"Look," Naruto said sheepishly, rubbing his neck, "I'll give you two the bells and that way we each had them at some point. He HAS to pass us!"
Sasuke yanked one of the bells out of Naruto's hands and Sakura gently took hers, frowning slightly. The three of them jumped when Kakashi groaned and his eye fluttered open. For a moment he was disoriented, wondering where Yuugao went, but then he spotted his group of genin holding the bells and smirking at him. "You're so pretty Kakashi-sensei," Naruto teased, "it's no wonder the village women want you so badly."
"Eh?" their sensei asked, but then his eyes widened as he felt a breeze on his chin. "Naru-to," he growled dangerously.
"We each got a bell, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura whispered, terrified.
"So you did," murmured Kakashi. "You pass."
"Hn," smirked Sasuke.
"Love prevails!" shrieked Sakura.
"I'm gonna be Hokage!" Naruto yelled in triumph.
"You can't be Hokage if you're dead," the jounin snarled.
There was a loud screech, like the sound of a thousand birds. The ropes holding Kakashi captive fell from around him and he stood up, lightening in his hand, and lunged for Naruto. "I'm going to kill you," he said, hand flying toward the orange-toting genin.
Naruto yelped and took off running, laughing heartily as his fearsome sensei chased him – though only as fearsome as such a pretty man with blood dribbling down his nose could be.