a.n: Hey everybody! Look I know that it's been a while since I've updated but I have my reasons that I'd rather not talk about right now. But if you're really curious... I guess you could PM me and I'll see if I feel comfortable enough. But no more sad talk! Here's the 14th chapter of 'Sticks and Stones'. As much as I hate to admit it this is the second last chapter of this story. . The last chapter will probably be more of an epilogue.
Thanks to: out-of-reach, honeymunchkinz, Hikari No Kasai, Anonymous Skrtle, DrowningInTheRainbow, bluestring, chocolate-colombo, Carla, and NoctePluvia for reviewing. You guys are the bestest people in the entire world and I LOOOOOOVVVVVEEEE you.
Disclaimer: I STILL don't own BTR or anything else that you may recognize.
Chapter 14: Mr. Lonely
My mom told me that when I was younger I hated to see people use glass cups. Wine glasses, shot glasses... everything. She said it was because before my dad left he would come home drunk and angry and throw around glasses and they'd break. Whenever we went to restaurants and I saw that the other people there had glass cups I'd get upset and mad, and sometimes I'd even throw mini temper tantrums. She also said that it was some kind of psychological thing. I hated seeing people hurt and I guess in a way "broken". I supposed that made sense when I thought about my previous primarily caring attitude.
This was the first thing that I thought about when I woke up this morning. It'd been about 2 weeks since James befriended Carlos again. That meant that it was about 2 weeks since I was left alone. I usually don't mind being alone. Most of the time I'm quite independent anyway, but this kind of alone was something that I had never experienced. When I was off doing my own thing I knew that no matter what I'd always have my friends behind me when I came back. But this kind of alone... I didn't like it. Because I could do whatever I wanted but no one would be there to support me, back me up, or help me get out of a difficult situation. I let out a deep sigh, knowing that today was about to get even worse.
I swung my long legs over the bed, the limbs feeling as though they had lead running through them as opposed to blood. In fact, my whole body felt this way. I groaned but gradually stood up; making my way to the bathroom that Carlos and I shared.
I know that I should have apologized for what I did. Though everyone at the Palm Woods may think so, I'm not a heartless person. I know full well that what I did was wrong, but how can I apologize now? I mean, it's a miracle that he forgave James. But me? I don't stand a chance. There's no way on Earth he'd let me talk to him. There's an even smaller chance that Stephanie would let me be of speaking range. But if I forget about that and pretend that I'm allowed to talk to him I have no idea what I'd say. There nothing I cansay. Because I'm pretty sure that 'sorry for being the crappiest friend that ever graced the Earth and tearing out your heart but I hope that you can forgive me' probably just won't cut it. I shook my head, doing my best to clear my head of these thoughts. This was the last thing that I wanted to think about right now.
After brushing my teeth, showering, and getting dressed, I slipped on my grey beanie and a pair of matching grey Converse. I exited my room, not at all surprised to see the whole apartment empty and isolated. If tumbleweed had passed through while a gust of wind blew I honestly wouldn't have been surprised. Striding through to the kitchen I just grabbed an apple for my breakfast, taking a large bite out of it. Deciding that I wasn't up for eating an apple alone in a deserted home, I left the apartment and headed for the pool.
The elevator doors opened and I stepped inside, pressing the 'L' button. I took another bite out the apple as I was transported to the lobby. The doors had opened again and I exited the lift. I threw my apple core into a nearby garbage and sauntered further into the lobby.
Stares. Angry, hateful, and disgusted stares were all I was aware of as I made my way through the popular gathering place. It's been happening for weeks now. Before it used to be just Stephanie, but ever since Carlos' birthday it's been the entire Palm Woods. Even Bitters gave me a death glare as I passed his desk. I didn't acknowledge any of it though. I pretended as if I didn't notice that anyone else was there. Because I knew that if I did people would think that it affected me. It did; but they don't need to know that. So I ignored the harsh glares as I paraded through the lobby.
Right before I entered the pool area I slipped on the sunglasses that I had quickly grabbed before I left the apartment. I inwardly sighed in relief as the Californian sun shone down upon me. The looks by the pool were even worse than the ones in the lobby, but once again I failed to show them that I cared. It was weird. Before I would always be greeted with smiles and welcoming glances, the occasional flirtatious ones coming toward me from some girls as well. But it seemed as though someone and flicked a switch and the happy, loving looks turned into hateful, angry ones. Even the Jennifers were sending me glares like this, and not because I was trying to flirt with them. By now I had somewhat gotten used to the upsetting facial expressions. Does that mean that it doesn't hurt me anymore? Of course not. It really hurts, knowing that people that used to care about you now hate you and are determined to make you know that. But it's something that I'm going to have to get used to while I'm here in L.A at the Palm Woods. There's no avoiding it.
I walked to a sun lounger, sprawling myself onto it. I crossed my legs at the ankles, my arms crossing as well. I sat there in the sun, watching as some of the other hotel occupants passed by. I lay there for a solid twenty minutes before I heard the sun lounger on my left creaking slightly. I glanced over, my green eyes widening in surprise. Beside me was the person that I least expected to be next to me.
"Carlos?" I questioned in astonishment. I quickly realized my mistake, straightening up and doing my best to look and sound nonchalant. "What are you doing here?" I asked, staring directly in front of me once again.
I heard him scoff. "To sit and enjoy the sun. Is that okay with you, or will you dump fruit punch all over me again for it?" He asked sarcastically. I rolled my eyes in a silent response. "Sit wherever you want," I replied monotonously. "I honestly don't care." So he did. He sat there, texting on his phone for about ten minutes before he spoke up again.
"How does it feel?" He inquired randomly. It took all the will in my body not to turn and give him a quizzical look. "How does what feel?" I asked, once again making my voice emotionless and uncaring. What he said next caught me totally off guard. "Being lonely and upset all the time." This time I did turn my head to the side, giving him angry and questioning look. "Excuse me?" He shrugged. "Being lonely and sad. I mean, I know how it feels too. When I was forced to be alone and stuff all the time... it didn't feel too good. And I know that you're going through the same stuff so-" This is where I decided to cut him off. "Okay first off, I'm not sad or lonely or whatever. I'm doing just fine without you or Logan or James. Just because you were sad and lonely, doesn't mean that everyone else is too." I stared ahead of me once again, a scowl tattooed onto my face. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Carlos narrowing his eyes, giving me a disbelieving look.
"Y'know Kendall," he began. I let out a large, audible sigh rubbing my temples with each of my index fingers. "I'm not as stupid as you and the other people at the Palm Woods think I am. You may be able to fool the others with this whole 'I-don't-care-about-anything'act but you can't fool me. In case you've seem to forgotten, we used to be best friends. Even if we aren't anymore that doesn't mean that I don't remember how you act." I still wasn't looking at him but I did have an ear open. I hate to admit it, but a part of me wanted to know what he was going to say. "I'm not as oblivious as everyone likes to think I am. I know that the only reason that you treat people the way that you've treated me lately is if they did something that you felt threatened you, your friends, or your family. You'd never treat anyone like that Kendall. You'd greet everyone with a warm smile, even those seen as unpopular or uncool. It was your nature. So I know that you wouldn't treat me like that just because you wanted to."
"You know what you did," I interrupted, his hands now by my sides and in clenched in fists. "Yeah well people have done much worse and you never them as badly as you treated me," he growled angrily. "So I must've done something else that was really wrong. Or maybe someone else had and you decided that it would be the perfect opportunity to take it out on me. So if I did something wrong please just tell me
so that I can apologize! And if someone else did something wrong then tell me so I can help. Just please anything Kendall!" His voice had gone from accusatory and angry to desperate and upset.
"No one did anything," I replied stonily.
"Don't lie to me Kendall," he warned harshly. "Because even though most people can't, I can see exactly when you lie. Especially when you lie to me."
"It was my Dad." Oh no. I hadn't meant to say that- not at all. I had meant to say 'I'm not lying to anyone. Now leave me alone so I can relax here in peace.' I hadn't meant to tell him the root of all my problems! But now that it had slipped out, there was no way that Carlos would let me off of the hook now.
When I looked over at him out of the corner of my eye I saw him give me look that said 'continue'. So reluctantly, I did.
It was the Friday night before all of the series of events occurred. It was late at night, on the brink of midnight and only one person in all of the Palm Woods was awake. Kendall Knight sat on the vibrant orange couch that was placed in the apartment of 2J. He sat forward on the piece of furniture, his butt barely on the cushions. His hands were clasped tightly together and his elbows lay upon his knees. His beautiful green eyes were locked onto the large screen of the plasma T.V that was playing, the volume low as to not awake any of the other occupants of the apartment. Kendall had stayed up so he could watch the highlights of the Minnesota Wild game that had shown a few hours before, when he was still at the studio. He tried to persuade his friends to watch it with him, but they complained of sore muscles and being tired. 'Silly stuff,' Kendall thought to himself. He was so focused on the sports reporter in front of him that he didn't hear the shrill ring of the telephone until it had rang twice already. He jumped off of the couch and sped to the phone, knowing that all of the other residents could be very cranky when they didn't receive at least eight hours of their sleep. He picked up the phone from off of the charger, answering it in a slightly hushed voice.
"Hello?" He answered, just loud enough for the person on the other end to hear him but not loud enough to disturb his family and friends.
"Kendall! Just the person I wanted to talk to!"
The blond froze. Even though it's been 8 years since he heard it last, Kendall recognized the voice instantly.
"Dad?" He choked out, uttering the one word leaving a bitter taste in his mouth.
"Kenny boy! How has my favourite son been doing?" The man asked in an over excited voice. "How did you get this number?" Kendall replied instead. His free hand was clenched in a fist and the thumb on the hand that was holding the phone was twitching, eager to press the 'end call' button. "I have my ways. Now, I have a proposition for ya," his father claimed. "And what would that be?" Kendall asked although he really didn't give a crap as to what it was. "How would you and your sister Katie," Kendall fisted the phone harder as the man that he once considered a hero mentioned his sister. "... Like to live with me?"
And that's when Kendall snapped.
It took all of his willpower not to yell into the phone.
"Live with you?" He questioned angrily. "After all of the crap that you made my sister, mom and I go through? Since I was 3 there wasn't a night where you didn't come back home either drunk, or high! When I was 5 you started... you started to
hit me. You hit me and my mom and you would yell, and scream, and-and throw stuff around... and it was so scary. You made me go through the scariest time of my life and now you're asking to just take my sister and I away from our REALfamily?"
Kendall was seething now. He was struggling to keep his composure and struggling even more to stay quiet for the sake of the others. He could feel himself physically shaking in fury, not remembering a time where he was so upset at someone.
"... Kendall... I've changed," his dad said calmly. Kendall could've scoffed at the statement but decided to keep his mouth shut for the time being. "I know that you must think that I'm an awful human being but I'm not anymore; I promise! I went to rehab and I've been sober for almost two years now! I live in a condo and I have a steady job as a security guard. And I work at a bar some days too."
Kendall snorted at this. "So you tell me that you've been sober for almost two years... and then you tell me that you work at a bar? In case you're too drunk most of the time to notice, bars have alcohol! So don't you dare lie to me and tell me that you've been sober for two years!"
"Kendall," Kevin Knight called calmly. "I work as a bouncer at the bar. I do my best not to get near the alcohol." Kendall's grip on the phone lessened, but not by much. He realized that he had never heard his father speak with such a genuine and honest tone. He also came to the conclusion that maybe, just maybe, his father might be telling the truth. "I'm sorry for everything that I've done to you and your mother and your sister as well. I know that calling and apologizing over the phone can't make up for what I've caused but I want you to know that I'm sorry. I'm sincerely sorry for
everything. It was a time in my life that I should've made the best of but instead I made it the worst. When I got laid off it just... made me angry. Believe it or not the first thing that passed through my mind when they told me I was fired was: 'how am I going support my family?' I knew that you're mom only worked three days a week and I knew that it wouldn't be enough to pay bills and for food and take care of the three of us. And when I couldn't get another job I got frustrated and just drank my problems away. Then that led to the
drugs and... Oh God it was the worst decision I ever made in my life. But those things... they're addicting. I couldn't bring myself to stop and then I came home drunk and high and I would hurt you." He let out a shuddering sigh. "It was something that I tried to let go of but I didn't. I couldn't. I should've tried harder but I didn't and you and your mother suffered because of that. She tried to get me to go into rehab but I didn't. It would mean saying goodbye to my drugs and alcohol and that was the hardest thing that I ever could have done at that stage in my life. I'm sorry, okay? For everything. For the drugs, the alcohol, the abuse, for being a dead-beat dad. Everything. I just hope that you can forgive me."
Kendall was dumbfounded. He absolutely couldn't believe what he had just heard. It was heartbreaking and overwhelming and he didn't know what to do. His father sounded truthful. More truthful than he can remember ever hearing him sound.
"Dad.. just because you say that you have a steady job, and have a house and that you're sober doesn't excuse the fact that you left us. You were yelling and screaming and throwing things around... I watched as you pushed my mom around like she was nothing. You didn't care that she was pleading for you to stop. You didn't care that she was crying so hard that she could hardly breathe... You barely noticed when I came downstairs to try to get you to stop; you just pushed me to the side. Then you just left. You grabbed your suitcase and you were shouting all these things that I couldn't even understand. Before I even got the chance to understand what was going on you left. After that there were no phonecalls, no e-mails, no texts, NOTHING. The emotional and mental damage was far worse than the physical damage Dad. And trust me; that was bad. Mom broke 2 ribs and sprained her wrist. You left a woman who hardly had a job to fend for two kids all on her own. We barely survived. The electricity would cut out randomly and there'd be nights were we'd get little or no food. Did you know that Dad? Did you know that you're nine-year-old son and three-year-old daughter almost STARVED to death? Course not. You've never cared about us. Not since you spiraled out of control anyway. I had to grow up way to fast because of you Dad. I became the man of the house. I took your place. I got a job when I was 12 and pretended to be 14 just so that we would have a little more money. Mom already worked 3 jobs. That meant that I'd have to pick Katie up from her daycare and drop her off and take care of her after school. Don't you think that's a lot for some kids to go through? Not that you care. After all, you are the reason why that happened.
"Dad... I can't forgive you. You may have changed or whatever but that doesn't CHANGE the fact that you left! That doesn't mean that you didn't hit me or come home drunk or high every night! That doesn't mean that you neglected your only son and almost killed your only daughter before she was even born! I don't care if you changed or apologized because that doesn't excuse anything. I can't- just- don't call here anymore. We don't want you in our lives anymore. We're just fine without you now. Leave us alone. You had your chance and you blew it. That's your own fault."
Kendall's free hand was now violently clutching the countertop, the limb so white that it matched the fresh snow that fell in Minnesota back when Kendall was a child. Kendall listened as he heard a sigh and
a crackle from the other end of the phone.
"Alright Big Man," Kevin answered. Kendal cringed as his father used the nickname that he had received when he was only 2. "I understand where you're coming from. Just... please tell your Mom that I called? And that I've been trying to reach her e-mail?"
"No promises," Kendall responded stubbornly. "Alright. Just know that even though I didn't show it before... I love you. I love you and your sister and your mother very much and I wish that I got the chance to show you that before it was too late. I see you on billboards. I can't believe that I helped create such a successful and handsome young man. I can only imagine what Katie looks like. I love you Kendall, okay? Just try to remember that."
Kendall leant over the counter, breathing heavily.
"Bye Dad." And with that, he pressed the 'end call' button.
Kendall let the phone slip from his hands and fall onto the counter with a loud clatter. The noise was masked by the sobs coming from the tall, blond boy. Kendall himself slid onto the ground, folding himself into a ball. After years of keeping his true emotions pent up, the dam he built had broke and there was no stopping the waterworks that came. Clear, salty tears escaped the boys beautiful green eyes and cascaded down his face. They poured faster and faster each second, each tear larger than the last. Kendall lay there weeping silently for just over an hour before he forced his tears to stop. He wiped his face and stood up, composing himself. He returned the cordless phone to its rightful place and slowly entered the living room and turned off the T.V, the hockey game recap long forgotten.
He made his way to his room and silently closed the door behind him. He dragged himself over to his bed and lay down, emotionally drained.
There was no way that his Dad was going to get near his family.
Not if he could help it.
By now I had tears in my eyes and I hastily wiped them away with the back of my hand. "I guess that I was so upset with my Dad that I took it out on you. I don't really know why I didn't stop treating you like that after I realized it... Look I'm not good at this apologizing, mushy stuff but... Carlos what I did was just me being an idiot and not thinking before I acted. I'm mad at my Dad, okay? Not you. God, is it even possible to be mad at you? I know that I probably did a perfect job at seeming like I was but I'm not. I'm mad at my Dad and made it seem as though I was upset at you. I just hope that after all of this we can
maybe be friends. And I reallyhope that you don't hate me... too much."
I sat there, my hands in my lap and my thumbs twiddling. My hidden eyes darted side to side, waiting for his response.
"Y'know," he began suddenly, making me jump. "I tried really hard to hate you Kendall. I tried hard to hate James and Logan too but you more so. With every muscle, cell, bone and every fiber of my body, I tried to bring myself to hate you. But I couldn't. I don't think that there is a hating bone in my body. Kendall you're my best friend. We've been through a lot together; whether it be just you and I or all four of us. And I'm not willing to throw all of that out yet." I gave a huge sigh of relief and I let my tense shoulders slump. "Besides," he smirked. "It's not the same without our trouble-making leader." I lightly punched his shoulder as we both chuckled.
"And before you ask," he included quickly. "Yes, we're friends again."
"Who said that I wanted to be your friend?" I asked. Carlos looked at me in disbelief before he caught on. "Oh, you are SO dead," he threatened. "You gotta catch me first, shortie." I stuck my tongue out at him and got up quickly, running as I saw him do the same.
"You're gonna get it Kendork!"
I laughed a true, genuine laugh, the first in a long time. Finally, I'm not lonely anymore.
a.n: So now Carlos is friends with all three boys now! Yay! I liked that chapter. What do you guys think? AND WHAT DID YOU THINK OF BIG TIME MOVIE? I loved it. I was admittedly kinda unsure but I really enjoyed it. Carlos looked so sexy! I swear I almost died.
I hope that you guys enjoyed this chapter. Tell me what'cha think by pressing the 'review' button and leaving me one. And tell me what you think of Kendall and his Dad. Love you guys! Oh and by the way, I'm considering changing my Author name or whatever it's called. I want your opinon since your my readers. I'm fine whether or not I change it but I know how confused I am when someone changes their name so I wanna know what you think. Thanks!