The ride home was brutal. All I could think about was how it felt to be bound and gagged. I put on a nice little show for Jax making him think I am ok but in reality I'm not. I love him, I really do. I don't know if I can love him and accept he's SAMCRO. I could have been killed. I heard those Mexicans talking and what they were planning for me wasn't good. I shake myself out of my reverie, I have to. I promised him I'd stick for at least a semester of college so I will. What happens then though I can't really say right now. The trip home seems like it takes forever. I really just want to go home and have my mom and dad eating dinner at the table waiting for me. I want to go home, to the home it used to be. The one I knew I was safe in. I can't. That home no longer exists. As I sit here and watch the miles go by I have no clue where home is anymore. I know I'm not going to go home to get beat on by my drunk grieving father that's for sure.
Jax reaches his hand over and rubs his thumb over my fingers. "We're almost back to Charming. Do you want us to drop you off at home?" I quickly shake my head no. "I can't go back there Jax. I can't deal with him right now." Jax nods his head in understanding. "I guess we head to the clubhouse then until we figure out what to do." I grab his hand and squeeze. "Thanks for understanding."
When we pull into the clubhouse everyone is waiting outside for us. We climb out of the van and Gemma rushes over wrapping Jax and I into a huge hug. "Glad you're both back in one piece." Jax holds up his cast and says "two pieces." Her eyes widen, "what happened baby?" Jax shrugs "it's alright Ma. I punched the table when I heard about Tara. Stupid move on my part." She rubs his back, shaking her head and walks away to find Clay.
Donna walks up. "So umm, Opie and I were talking and we thought maybe you and Jax might want to move in with us. We have the two extra rooms and, well, I heard you talking and I don't blame you if you don't want to go home. You've been through a lot. Not to mention, we could use the help with rent." I shake my head no. "We can't Donna. You just got married, that would be an intrusion." I barely get the words out when Opie storms up. "We are not taking no for an answer. We are your family. Even if Jax doesn't want to live there you can. Please Tara say yes." I look over at Jax and he shrugs. "Would be kind of cool" and then the grin spreads across his face. "Just think, our room, our bed, and no parents." I punch him in the shoulder. "Is that all you think of Teller?" He shakes his head yes "you're beautiful and I love you. Of course it is." Laughing, I turn back to Opie and Donna. "You're sure?" They both nod. I smile and tell them that we accept their offer. Opie slaps Jax on the back "let's take our old ladies home." I smile. It sounds good to me.
I wake up and look around. It takes me a second to realize that I'm in my new room on an air mattress. I lay still for a minute listening to the soft sound of Jax's breathing. I slowly turn over to watch him sleep. When I see him like this it's hard to believe he's anything more than an 18 year old kid who is my boyfriend. Sleeping like this he doesn't seem like someone who carries a glock strapped to him at all times under his cut. Will I be able to leave him if I have to? I don't know. I reach my hand out and twirl my fingers through his hair. I love him. I uncurl my fingers and run my thumb down his cheek. This wakes him up. He smiles sleepily "morning." I lay my head down on his chest and he runs his fingers through my hair. "First morning in our new place. Gotta say I'm liking it so far." I nod and smile. "It does have its perks." Then the peaceful moment is broken by the shrill ring of Jax's burner. Real life interrupts. He reaches for the phone flipping it open "hello?" I turn over throwing back the covers. Guess it's time to get up and head to my dad's to break the news to him. I'm not sure how it's going to go. I'm thinking not so well but whatever, I'm no one's punching bag. Jax finishes up his conversation and lays back down running his hands through his hair. "That was Clay. I've got to get to the clubhouse. We need to discuss retaliation for your kidnapping." I nod and continue rolling out of bed. Jax reaches over stopping me. "Come here for just a second." I lay back down, our faces almost touching. "Tar, I love you. I'm sorry about what happened in Vegas. I really am. I promise it will never happen again. Please tell me you're ok. We're ok." I don't answer immediately. Finally I say "we're ok." He kisses my forehead and gets up. While he's getting dressed he asks me if I'm breaking the news to my dad today. I tell him I am. Throwing on his cut and strapping in his knife he asks if I want him to go with me. I shake my head no. "I think it will go better if I go alone or take Donna with me. My dad doesn't need to know your living here too. As far as he's concerned I'm living with Donna." He laughs. I tell him I will let him know when he can come help move my stuff though. "I see how it is. Good enough to be a work horse but not good enough to live with." He lunges at me spearing me into the mattress and starts tickling me. "Let me up, let me up! I'm gonna pee my pants!" This makes Jax laugh really hard. He throws his hands up in defeat. "Alright, alright. I gotta go. Love ya babe." He gives me a kiss and walks out the door.
I lay there a few minutes more and finally make myself climb out of bed. Donna is still asleep so I decide to shower and make breakfast. I'm just finishing up the eggs when Donna walks out yawning. "I knew there was a reason I wanted you to live here." I laugh taking a bite of the bacon. "I'm buttering you up to help me move." She laughs. "Give me that damn plate." So we sit down and I outline my lie to her. She listens intently. "So, you and I got a house. That's the story?" I nod. "Ok. Let me get dressed and let's get this shit over with." I quickly clean the kitchen trying to keep down my anxiety. I don't even know what condition my dad will be in when I get there. Donna walks out and I can't push the confrontation back any longer. I grab my keys from the counter and walk out into another beautiful Cali day.
We pull in the driveway. The house is quiet. The grass hasn't been mowed in weeks and the papers are piled up on the front porch. This isn't looking so good. I grab the weeks' worth of mail out of the box and unlock the front door. Donna following closely behind. I put my finger to my lips motioning for her to be quiet. I push the door open to a trashed house. What I had picked up a few weeks ago has been thrown around and broken all over again. I shake my head. This pisses me off. I lost my mom too. You don't see me going around trashing everything in my path. I walk through the living room to the kitchen. There are dishes piled high in the sink and empty alcohol bottles everywhere. I throw the mail on the only clear counter space and turn to Donna. "How can he do this to her memory? How?" I'm barely holding back tears. I'm so angry I'm shaking. "Fuck this. I'm getting what stuff I can right now. I'm leaving him a note that I'm moving out. If he cares he can figure out where to find me." She nods. Her eyes wide. "I'm so sorry Tara. It shouldn't be like this." I turn and walk upstairs to my room. Thankfully it hasn't been touched. Guess he has some sense of decency left after all. I start throwing my clothes into a big duffle bag. Donna is folding up my blankets on my bed and getting my pillows. A shadow crosses in front of my door and there stands my father. "What do you think you're doing?" I don't answer and keep on packing. He takes a few steps into my room. "I said, what do you think you're doing?" I glare at him. "I'm packing. I'm moving in with Donna. I can't live like this. I won't live like this. Look at yourself. You reek of alcohol. When's the last time you've showered? Moms gone. You're not. Wake up. Join the living. I might have helped but when you hit me that was it for me. Over. Done." He lets out a sob and backs out of the room. I hear a door slam. I have a moment where I want to go after him and comfort him but that moment passes. He's beyond my help. My mom would be rolling over in her grave if she saw this. I feel bad. I need to get out of here. I turn to walk out motioning for Donna to follow. She hasn't said anything this whole time. I think this is as much as a shock to her as it is to me. I didn't have a bad childhood. I had a great one. Now all I'm left with is memories. I grab my car keys off the counter and take one last look around. Shaking my head I walk out the door leaving the only home I've ever known behind. I pile my things in the car, Donna throwing my pillows on top and we get in and drive off. Tomorrow I think to myself, tomorrow I will look for a job.