A/N: Hi guys. Here's another story from your favorite author, PurplePrincess77. This one's humor, as you've obviously seen, and it's a one-shot.
Oh, I just realized something: this is my third story! I feel like a proud mother *looks lovingly at Microsoft Word document, then realizes this is weird*.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer's wonderful world of vampires (and not-so-wonderful world of werewolves) are by no means mine. Neither is John the Magic Leprechaun. I love John the Magic Leprechaun, and I wish he were mine, but he's not: he's the property of the-cereal-killer22. She's an amazing author, you should check her out. (I mean her stories! Not her! That sounded really wrong!)
"Bye Mommy, bye Daddy!" chorused the five Cullen kids as they headed to kindergarten.
"I'm not good enough to live," muttered Edward.
"Who's the macho man?" yelled Emmett.
"Blood…" moaned Jasper.
"Omigod shoes. Shoes. OMG shoes! Omigod Edward. Your. Clothes. Are. Hideous!" screamed Alice.
"Don't hate me cuz I'm beautiful," sang Rosalie.
"Don't sing the Pretty Girl Rock, Rosie," chided Carlisle.
"Would you like some pie?" asked Esme kindly.
"I'm a monster," groaned Edward. "I don't eat pie."
"Aye, mate, I like pie!" yelled John the Magic Leprechaun, popping out from behind a bush.
"Of course dear," said Esme kindly.
They trudged along to Beautiful Rainbow School (picture on profile). At once three girls assaulted Edward.
"Eddie!" squealed Tanya, Jessica, and Lauren.
Suddenly Edward had donned sunglasses. He strutted through the crowd, singing, "I look fly, I look cool."
He crossed the room to Bella. She was on the ground. Immediately Edward started crying.
"Omigod Bella you're hurt! It's all my fault. Let me unnecessarily rush you to the hospital. I never should've brought you here," he fretted.
Bella got up. "I'm fine, Edward," she said exasperatedly.
"NO YOU'RE NOT!" he yelled. "IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"
Suddenly John the Magic Leprechaun appeared and whacked Edward upside the head with a blunt axe.
"Is that a leprechaun?" asked Lauren.
"OMG," said Jessica.
"Omigod," said Tanya. "Vampires are like, so out. Leprechauns are like, totally in!"
"You're a vampire," remarked Bella.
"IT'S ALL MY FAULT," said Edward.
"No, I'm not," said Tanya, ignoring Edward for the first time in her life. She started morphing into a leprechaun. She grinned insanely, her strawberry blonde curls now tucked neatly into a green top hat.
John the Magic Leprechaun screamed and ran away, yelling, "No! She ain't my soulmate, mate!"
Tanya ran after him, crooning, "Oh, Johnny! I'm waiting for you!"
Edward came to and muttered, "Oh God, Bella. It's all my fault."
"That's it," said Bella. "We are not BFFs anymore!"
Edward started crying again.
"Gather around," called Mr. Banner. Suddenly, he tripped on something green.
"You're squashing me!" yelled John the Magic Leprechaun.
"OMG you are my new BFF!" shouted Bella running up to Mr. Banner and tripping on something in the process.
Edward kept crying.
"Okay, it's time for awards!" announced Mr. Banner.
Edward stopped crying.
"The first award is Clumsiest. And the award goes to…Bella!"
Bella blushed and ran up to Mr. Banner, only to trip on the way there. She blushed again.
"I'm gonna win the Sparkliest award," whispered Emmett fiercely.
"No, me!" said Rosalie, and they all started fighting.
"Settle down!" said Mr. Banner. "Okay, the second award is Most Reckless Shopper. And the award goes to…Alice!"
Alice gracefully loped up to Mr. Banner and said happily, "Shoes."
"Next is Bloodthirstiest. And the award goes to Jasper!"
Jasper ran up to Mr. Banner, pausing to whisper, "Blood," to the class before running back to sit next to Alice.
"The fourth award is Prettiest. And it goes to – "
"I know it's me, you don't need to say it," said Rosalie arrogantly, strutting up to Mr. Banner and striking a pose.
"Next is Strongest. Emmett, come up!"
He flashed a brilliant smile and flexed his muscles.
"All right, this is the last award. The award for Sparkliest goes to…"
"Me," whispered all the Cullens.
"Me," whispered John the Magic Leprechaun.
"It's a tie!" announced Mr. Banner. He brought out two ties covered in sparkles and draped them over John the Magic Leprechaun and Edward.
"It's on!" yelled John the Magic Leprechaun, and tackled Edward. He managed to take Edward's tie, and then started singing "We Are the Champions" in a loud leprechaun voice.
"Cheer for John the Magic Leprechaun!" yelled Bella, and from that point on, she and John were best friends forever, leaving Edward in the dust.
A/N: So? How'd you like it? Should I never write humor/parody again? Review and tell me what you think! :)