Author's Note: Sorry for not updating recently. First, In Argo demanded much of my attention, since a lot of stuff happened, then I got writers' block on all of my fics but this one.
I know this chapter was supposed to be a Rad Bromance chapter, but I promise it will be the next chapter. I saw the movie Snowpiercer last night, and it was so epic, I had to do a parody of it.
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Snowpiercer.
It was the year 3000, and the world ended because of that Jonas Brothers song of the same name. Because of it, the survivors of the apocalypse were forced onto a huge-ass train that travelled around the world. The rich people were in the front cars, the middle-class people were in the middle cars, and the poor people were in the back cars, like any other dystopian fiction piece.
One fine day, one of the poor people, Donquixote Doflamingo, decided to start a rebellion against the rich.
"I like trains," Doflamingo said derpily. His fellow peasants – the Libras, Maeve, Aldwin, Law, Bonney, Sabo, Koala, the Straw Hats, Cima, Ludovic, Makino, Yasopp, Isabella, Ace, Marco, and Dellinger – sweatdropped. True to their poverty, everyone was dressed in hipster clothing (save for the Libras, since hipster clothing was their street clothing).
"Fact: The creators of Adidas and Puma shoes were brothers," Cube said.
"So, who here likes the Jonas Brothers?" Doflamingo asked. "Because I want to win the revolution with the Jonas Brothers."
"They're all dead. It's a dystopia," Cima pointed out. Doflamingo covered his ears.
"I've been to the year 3000! Not much has changed, but they lived underwater! And your –" Doflamingo sang before he was cut off.
The rich people – the Capricorns, Sengoku, Aokiji, Kizaru, Akainu, Baroque Works, CP9, and Hancock – entered the room. True to their wealth, the rich were dressed in extravagant, designer, formal wear.
"Who's been eating cookies from the cookie jar?!" Akainu asked everyone.
"We can't even afford cookies! Just off-brand Oreos!" Edmund yelled. Yuki-Rin then bitch-slapped Doflamingo.
"Donquixote Doflamingo, you are going to be executed for starting a revolution, because rich people don't like revolutions," Yuki-Rin explained. "You will be executed by being locked into a room and being forced to watch Frozen on repeat."
"No! I don't want to build a snowman!" Doflamingo yelled as he was dragged away. Everyone sweatdropped as Zoro turned to the group.
"Oi! Which one of you plebeians want to start a Communist takeover of the train?!" Zoro yelled. Everyone grew silent as Yuki-Rin re-entered the car.
"Oh, by the way, your outfits are hideous. If you want to at least be allowed in the rich people's train cars, get yourself some better clothing," Yuki-Rin said before she left.
"But, shit, it was only ninety-nine cents," Yasopp said, tugging at his hipster coat. Everybody grew silent.
"Hey, Macklemore, can we go thrift shopping?" Luffy asked everyone.
A few minutes later, Zoro began leading his revolution crew through the train cars.
"Fact: 154 languages are spoken in the city of Los Angeles," Cube said.
"Are we there yet?" Luffy asked.
"No," Zoro answered.
"Are we there yet?" Luffy asked again.
"No, Luffy," Zoro answered.
"Are we there yet?" Luffy asked. Zoro then bitch-slapped Luffy.
"Luffy, I swear to Anime Jesus, WE AREN'T THERE YET!" Zoro yelled. "We're still in the peasant sections of the train!"
"Is this the part where we start kicking?" Jin-Mao asked.
"No, Jin-Mao. That's a chorus line," Miller answered.
"Kicking?! I want to do some kicking!" Maeve yelled before she kicked Aldwin in the crotch.
"Maeve, stop! I'm one of the peasants!" Aldwin pleaded.
"Snitches get stitches!" Maeve yelled as she continued to kick Aldwin in the crotch. Everyone else slowly began to walk away.
"Fact: Chipotle buys some of their avocados from singer Jason Mraz," Cube said.
A few minutes later, the group arrived in the room where the water is stored. To celebrate, they all decided to recreate various scenes in anime that took place in hot springs.
"This is too mainstream! I want to recreate scenes from The Office!" Law whined.
"The Office isn't even that funny," Nami pointed out. Law then left the train car before things got too risqué to show.
After washing up, Zoro and his party of merry peasants continued to push on towards the front of the train.
"You know, none of this would have happened if the Jonas Brothers didn't make that one song," Cima pointed out.
"Shut the hell up! The Jonas Brothers are too mainstream!" Law yelled.
"You know, Law, Cima does have a point. The world ended because it's the year 3000, like the Jonas Brothers song of the same name," Koala explained.
"I swear to God, if I hear the Jonas Brothers mentioned again, I will fucking cut a bitch!" Law yelled. Everybody grew silent.
"Fact: Joe Jonas starred in the music video for the Vampire Weekend song Giving Up the Gun," Cube said. Law then screamed as he pulled out his sword.
"Why doesn't anybody listen to good music?!" Law yelled.
"We do," The Libras answered.
"We catfished some of the rich people for tickets to see The Libertines," Kazura explained. "In fact, we have an extra ticket. Want to come with us?"
"Hell yeah, I do. The Libertines, Carl Barat, Pete Doherty, and all associated parties are dope as shit," Law said unironically.
"What does some hipster band have to do with the revolution we are starting?" Makino asked everyone.
"Is this some sort of punchline?" Nigel asked Makino.
"No, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night," Makino answered.
Several cars later, the group finally made it to the middle-class train cars.
CP9 and Baroque Works then dropped down from the ceiling. Nami screamed.
"Distract them!" Nami yelled before she ran to the other side of the train car.
"I'm pregnant, everybody!" Marco announced. Everyone in the train car grew silent.
"Hi, Pregnant. I'm dad," Kaku introduced himself. Ace punched Kaku in the face in response.
"And I'm the father of Marco's fake, M-preg baby!" Ace yelled before he ran out of the train car. Everyone else followed suit a few seconds later.
"Hi, The Father of Marco's Fake, M-Preg Baby! I'm dad!" Kaku said before he passed out.
Several scenes of running through the train cars later, Zoro's resistance arrived at the front car, where the Capricorns were waiting for them.
"Dad, first off, let me just tell you how much I hate you for making us live on this train," Kazura explained. "Second off, why didn't you help the people in the back cars out? And, third, I HATE THE JONAS BROTHERS, DAD! Why did you buy me the latest Jonas Brothers CD for my birthday? I asked for Bon Iver on vinyl records!"
"First off, how dare you," Kazuma said to his son from the future. "Second off, I was having too much fun drinking, clubbing, and having sex to help all of you out. Third, it's the year 3000 like the Jonas Brothers song of the same name."
"Anyway, you're going to be a Communist now. No more clubbing for you, since clubbing is not very Marxist of you," Zoro explained to the Capricorns.
"Karl Max was Socialism, not Communism, you uncultured swine!" Edmund yelled to Zoro.
"How do you know that?!" Zoro yelled back.
"I at least paid attention in my history classes!" Edmund retorted.
"At least we survived the Jonas Brothers apocalypse with all of our riches!" Yuki-Rin yelled.
"Then how come you didn't give us some money?!" Yukari asked Yuki-Rin.
"Attention, all passengers. We are arriving in New York City. Please remain seated until the train comes to a complete stop."
Everyone grew silent.
"We were on a train to New York this whole time and nothing happened?!" Everyone asked.
"Ayyy! Did I miss anything?!"
Shanks then entered the room, carrying a drink from Starbucks.
"Well, you're fifteen minutes late to the revolution, among other things," Cima pointed out.
Ending Note: Review if you finally want to see that Rad Bromance chapter.