A/N: Hey, guys! I'm on tumblr now, since apparently the internet hasn't been wasting enough of my time, pfffft. I'm MaverikLoki on there, so look me up and say hi! :D
Loki looked out of place in a dive like this, all long, elegant lines and immaculate clothing. Even the way he held his glass hinted at a sense of superiority. The air was still thick with smoke, but it was late enough that the background chatter had dulled to a murmur.
"You had fun today, didn't you?" Tony tried not to smile too widely as he asked.
"Oh yes," Loki replied. "Babysitting the Avengers is always my idea of a good time." The sarcasm was thick enough to stand on.
Loki gave him a sideways look and frowned at Tony's smirk.
"You could join us, you know."
There. He'd said it. All off-handed and nonchalant like he hadn't been obsessing about bringing it up.
He held his breath.
Loki's hand stilled for a moment before bringing the glass to his lips. Without looking up, Loki said, "I'm going to act like you didn't just say that. And, if you value your life, you won't bring it up again." He spoke calmly, but his jaw muscles were clenched.
Considering the lack of anticipated destruction, Tony considered it a step in the right direction.
"If you say so," he said. What he meant was, We'll see.
Tony didn't see Loki for a week after that. The god seemed to have (finally) moved out of the Avenger mansion, much to everyone's combined relief and concern. Tony wondered why he felt so disappointed.
And then Jarvis started talking like Chiquita Banana, and Tony couldn't stop laughing.
"...and that's why Swiss cheese has holes." Tony finished his lecture on dairy products with a bow and flourish, but when he turned, his one-man audience had his attention focused elsewhere. "Steve?" he prompted mid-flourish.
Tony had to backtrack to meet up with his friend, who was standing by a magazine stand with a flimsy magazine in hand and a vaguely horrified look on his face.
"Hey!" Tony laughed, punching Steve's arm. "Don't tell me you read that stuff! What is it? Another article on Brangelina?"
"No," Steve answered slowly, looking bemused. "It's about you. And Loki."
The grin evaporated from Tony's face. "Let me see that!" Steve let him snatch the magazine from his hand. Tony scanned the article, crumpling the pages under his white-knuckled grip.
Without a word, Tony placed the magazine back on the stand and pulled out his phone. He dialed a number he now knew by heart.
Dude, he texted, thumbs flying over the keys. Not cool.
He closed his phone, waited, and Steve watched his expression curiously. Half a minute later, the phone vibrated.
Whatever do you mean, Anthony darling? read Loki's reply.
Telling the tabloids you're pregnant with my child?
Oh that. Are you sure I'm not?
We've never had sex!
He couldn't hear it, but Tony was fairly certain that Loki was laughing at him wherever he was.
Wouldn't be the first time, Loki replied, and Tony fought the urge to twitch. A minute passed and then, That would be your worst nightmare, would it not? Impregnating someone without even getting laid first? lol
Tony would never get used to imagining the God of Mischief saying "lol".
Sounds like a raw deal, yes. So if you are preggers, we should rectify that by having super kinky sex. For justice. After a minute of fidgeting, Tony added, You're not actually pregnant, are you? Because this was Loki, after all.
There was a longer pause than usual before Loki's reply. Tony suspected it was done on purpose, just to torture him. Steve was reading over his shoulder now, looking halfway between fascinated and horrified, as he usually did around Loki and Tony and their shenanigans.
Tony almost sobbed in relief. Steve patted him on the shoulder.
Just part of an April Fool's Day prank, Loki elaborated.
Steve and Tony exchanged glances. "It's March tenth," Steve said. Tony relayed the observation via text.
Very good. You can read dates.
Tony rolled his eyes.
I'm the God of Mischief, Anthony. One day of mayhem is not adequate for me. I have to work my way up.
I'm suddenly very, very scared for my sanity.
Sanity is overrated, my dear. Still up for that kinky sex? Tell Steven he's welcome to join us. I have a thing for muscly blondes.
Tony felt as much as saw Steve's full-body shudder. He made a sound in the back of his throat that sounded like "nnng" and backed away.
I think he says "no". And the muscly blond thing is disturbing on so many levels.
But yeah, I'm still up for the kinky sex.
Lol, too bad. You're not a muscly blonde!
I hate you.
That's a horrible thing to say to the mother of your child.
I will smack you.
Tony chuckled and shook his head, pocketing his phone. He plucked another magazine from the stand and found another article dealing with him and Loki.
Steve was watching him with his brow all wrinkly in concern.
"Yes?" Tony prompted, blithely turning the page to a picture of him in a tux with... Loki giving him bunny ears. Dear God, Loki has discovered photobombing.
"So you're... still in contact with Loki?" he said, practically tiptoeing around the words.
Tony sighed and turned to an image of Loki giving a pair of thumbs-up. His face was all pleasing lines and wicked smiles. "Yeah, you could say that," he said distractedly. "Though really Loki's in charge of the amount of contact.
"Yeah. And he hasn't even tried to kill or maim me in the past few months. I'd call that progress!" Tony gave Steve a thumbs up of his own, imitating Loki's diabolically gleeful expression.
Steve frowned and blinked at him for a long moment. "Still not sure I approve."
"Don't worry, Mom. He always gets me home before curfew, and he keeps his hands strictly above the waist. I, on the other hand – "
"Okay!" Steve interrupted, grimacing and holding his hands palm out. "I get it. I'll stop prying. Just..." He gave Tony a long, searching look. "Just be careful, okay?"
Tony already had his phone out again. Chinese food tonight? he texted Loki. He'd learned the hard way to specify "food" when asking Loki if he wanted Chinese.
Half a minute, and then: Your place. Order wontons.
Footnote: the photobombing here is a nod to a livejournal prompt and fill that involves Loki mastering the art of photobombing. Look it up if you get a chance. It's hilarious!