On her drive home from the Jeffersonian a song played on the radio. She was on her way home from a case which was supposed to have been a small case, more of with Booth's field or the local pd. They had both returned from overseas not long ago. Brennan returned with a new perspective on life and on her relationship with him. She was now willing to take the risk. But Booth had returned with a girlfriend. Brennan's heart crushed more and more each time she saw them together. Sitting alone at The Founding Fathers after her third or was it fourth case was the worst. Who knows, maybe this was the fourth case. Anyway, there was no celebratory drink that night, only a drink to drown her sorrows.
The artist on the radio struck a chord that metaphorically struck one in Brennan as well. It was then she pictured him, her partner, as the artist sang the chorus. We use to have this figured out, we used to breathe without a doubt, when nights were clear you were the first star that I'd see, we used to have this under control we never thought, we used to know, at least there is you and at least there's me…can we get this back, can we get this back to how it use to be… She sighed and looked in the rearview mirror at the teenager starring out the window in silence. The girl was quiet as well, consumed by her own thoughts. The song continued and Temperance Brennan turned it up, the teenager flicked her dark blue irises at Brennan and then went back to starring out of the window.
… I used to reach for you I got lost along the way, I used to listen you always had the just right thing to say, I used to follow you never really cared where we would go fast or slow to anywhere at all, we used to have this figured out…
It was Cheyenne who broke the silence. "You should listen to Sara Bareilles cover of Cee Lo Green's song Fuck You. Anyone can tell you love him. That sucks he has Blondie. Then again if life didn't suck we would all fall off the earth, right?" Cheyenne said nothing else and Brennan looked in her rear view a bit stunned at the girl. She was looking out of the window in silence again, the world passing her by. Cheyenne felt Brennan's eyes on her. "Here, it's on my IPod plug it in." she handed the device to the driver but Brennan didn't seem to know what to do with it. Cheyenne unbuckled herself at a red light and climbed up to the passenger's seat.
"What are you doing?" said Brennan
"Helping you get over him. You got me outta that hell hole, I still don't know why but you did and so I figure I should help you out some. Hell, I still don't know if I want to go with you lady, but I'm here and this song will do us both a little good."
Cheyenne was speaking of her old foster home. She was planning on running away again the next day, although her foster father had beaten her up pretty bad. Though next day the Feds were called in because apparently her foster parents weren't who they said they were. Her plans were ruined. She shrugged it off no surprise, what wasn't ruined about her life? Booth and Brennan worked the case and now Brennan found herself in charge of the street smart, wise ass, sixteen year old riding shot gun.
Cheyenne plugged in her Ipod and soon Sara Bareilles' voice was blasting through Brennan's car. I see you driving round town with the girl I love and I'm like Fuck you and Fuck her too…and though there is pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a Fuck you…
Brennan glanced at Cheyenne who sang quietly along with the lyrics. "This is a very-"
"Don't talk now Dr. Tempe, just listen. Let your mind slow down, screw your thoughts right now and just be." Though when Cheyenne said 'just be' Brennan thought of the time Angela and she became wasted together and Angela got the words Let It Be tattooed in cursive on her ankle. She tried to get Brennan to get one too, though she decided against it for no real reason. She just didn't feel like it. She shook the memory and listened to the rest of the song with the lip syncing teenager.
…I got a thick tounge brimming with words that go unsung, they simmer and burn for someone yeah the wrong one, I tell myself to let the story end my heart will rest in someone else's hand my why not me philosophy. And I say ohh, how I'm I gonna get over you? I'll be all right just not tonight oh someday yeah I wish you wanted me to stay. Oh I'll be all right just not tonight, someday…
Cheyenne glanced at the doctor lady who worked with dead but somehow ended up bringing her live body back to her house tonight. She wondered what the hell crazy type of turn her roller coaster of a life was about to take her on. She reached up and buckled her seat belt, knowing the car ride seemed smooth now, but shit happens and so do crashes.
Her life had been one rocky road and she didn't expect it to magically get better. She had learned a few things already. Her new foster mom was in love with the F.B.I agent who worked her case. She had been to her new guardians work for a few hours and met some of her co-workers. There she learned her foster mom's friend Angela was cool, entomologists' were strange and seemingly harmless, Sweets was a psychologist –note to self steer clear of him, and F.B.I guy was using some blonde lady to get over what seemed to be a broken heart.
Cheyenne had learned that observation was key to survival when she was thirteen and on the streets. She lived with a lot of other girls and a few guys, one in particular her pimp as most civilians would call him. The cops caught her, a year and a half later at a truck stop with some driver. From there it was the system, which wasn't much better to her. The song continued and Cheyenne wondered if the doctor was enjoying it at all.
…Baby, it's a vicious little word that could save me, keep me when I'm hurting and make me hang from your hands…but no more I won't beg to buy a shot at your back door, yeah but what for? It's not me anymore, I'm not the girl that I intend to be, I'll be strong just you wait and see, this time not for you but just for me. Ohhh, how am I gonna get over you? I'll be alright just not tonight…
Her new foster parent hadn't spoken yet, maybe she was enjoying it. She didn't want to ask her. Then the song ended.
Brennan glanced at Cheyenne she knew of her history, Cheyenne wasn't a naïve teenager, but a used broken child that didn't know the word love. Then again at that age while Brennan was never on the streets she had found love in all the wrong places too. Maybe she should just refer to it as lust. She knew that the human brain did not fully mature until age twenty five so Cheyenne still had nine years to go.
Though, she wasn't innocent. It suddenly occurred to Brennan how alike her passenger and she really were. Both were foster kids, both had been abandoned by family, both had not a clue about love or relationships. Though, Brennan now knew why people wrote all those sad songs about a pain in your chest, she felt that burning sensation. A burning sensation no medication could cure, only him.
She had tripped and fallen hard, head over feet is what she thought Angela usually said, maybe, actually she didn't really remember what she said. Though, she did know as Cheyenne messed with the IPod which blasted another song that things were different now. She wasn't just talking of her and Cheyenne sharing a roof either, her partner had Hannah. She listened to the new song for a moment.
…you had my heart and soul in your hand and you played it to the beat, baby I have no story to be told but I have one on you and I'm gonna make your head burn, make a home down there because mine sure won't be shared…the scars of your love they leave me breathless-
The song stopped as Cheyenne scrolled through her IPod settling on a new song. She recognized the singer's voice but didn't know who it was or what the song was called as the chorus came on …these precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless and parting with them is like parting with invisible best friends…I spent so long firmly looking outside I spent so much time living in survival…this won't work now the way it once did, cause I want you to side between some final endless and though I know where I am now I still don't know who I am…
"I like this one. Could you leave it on?" Cheyenne was surprised she asked instead of told her to leave it.
These precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was defenseless and parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friend…
"It's over." Cheyenne said simply and thought a moment as Brennan glanced at her. "You ever heard the song You Oughta Know? It's by the same artist Allanis Morrisette."
Brennan smiled inside, she knew that song she had Angela as a friend. "I do know the song Cheyenne and I don't hate Booth's girlfriend."
The teenage looking Brennan nodded. "Okay, so you don't hate her. You only wished she didn't exist?"
Brennan opened her mouth then shut it. Cheyenne looked at her amused and awaiting an answer. "I don't believe in wishes."
"Oh My God, really…you're actually serious aren't you? You're a real trip hon." Cheyenne chuckled to herself and Brennan glanced at her, suddenly she felt a bit self conscious.
"I don't believe in them they are merely irrational-"
"Screw rational, you are bringing me back to your place and you know of all the shit I've done."
"I'm always rational and I suppose I see a bit of myself in you which is why I asked to become your foster parent."
Cheyenne didn't like people trying to identify with her. "Maybe you should look in the mirror, is your partner using the blonde because you broke his heart or was it another woman? You seem pretty miserable and pretty lonely, sorry but its true hon." Silence lingered in the tension filled car. "You loved him, it was you wasn't it?" she knew the question was absolutely none of her business but it was too late now.
"You use a lot of obscenities Cheyenne. You shouldn't."
"I'll make a note, thanks doc." It was definitely her, for she evaded the question.
Brennan said nothing and the tires spun on the pavement a low hum accompanied by traffic noises were so loud where mere moments ago they weren't even heard.
Cheyenne turned to another song on her IPod …I had so many dreams about you and me and now I know I'm not a princess and this ain't a fairytale…
Brennan thought absentmindedly she did dream about Booth a lot in Maluku she wondered if he ever dreamed of her as well. Cheyenne quickly changed the song and Brennan liked her next choice but she didn't recognize it.
…Fifteen there's still time for you time to buy and time to lose, fifteen there's never a wish better than this when you only got a hundred years to live…I'm thirty three for a moment I'm still the man, but you see I'm of age a kid on the way a family on my mind…I'm forty five for a moment the sea is high and I'm heading to a crossing, chasing the years of my life…
Cheyenne sighed and settled back into her seat starring out of the window Brennan sighed as well as she look out the windshield to the road ahead.
Fifteen there's still time for you time to buy and time to lose yourself in a morning star fifteen I'm alright with you…there's never a wish better than this when you only got a hundred years to live….half the time goes by suddenly your wise another blink of an eye and sixty seven is gone the sun is getting high we're moving on…
Brennan found herself liking this song that took them both through the ages of life and then back again. Fifteen. That was a prominent number out of all of the numbers for her. She wouldn't want to be fifteen again, what age had she ever liked?
…I'm ninety nine for a moment and it's time for just another moment and I'm just dreaming counting the ways to where you are…fifteen there's still time for you, twenty two I feel her too, thirty three you're on your way…everyday is a new day…fifteen there is still time for you, yeah at fifteen there is never a wish better than this when you only got a hundred years to live.
It ended and she pulled up parking at her apartment. Cheyenne didn't bother to look at her as they sat in the running car. "That one, that song is my favorite so far." Cheyenne acknowledged her silently "Cheyenne, you were correct in your assumption. While I'm unsure if Booth, my partner, is using Hannah to get over a broken heart I was the one who caused the damage." The two smiled slightly at each other and excited the car. They smiled in understanding and acception.
As they ascended the elevator to Brennan's apartment Cheyenne spoke. "I'm glad you liked the song."
Brennan nod and the elevator came to a halt opening the doors to her floor. "Booth wished that I find happiness, love, and a dance once." Brennan didn't know why she randomly disclosed a part of what she considered 'just theirs' to Cheyenne, but she had.
Cheyenne nod in response and Brennan let them into her apartment. After Cheyenne was settled in the guest room they each took showers and retired to pajamas. Brennan walked out to see Cheyenne sitting on the couch she looked over her sleep ware and noted they would have to go shopping sooner than later.
"Is it okay if I join you?" asked Brennan
"It is your house you can sit wherever you want."
Brennan sat beside Cheyenne and offered her some trail mix and a banana, she took the trail mix picking out the M&M's first. Cheyenne yawned and grabbed at the throw on the couch. "How long have Booth and you been partners?"
Seemed like forever. "Six years."
She nodded and the two sat in silence a moment munching on trail mix. "Do you love him? I mean were you two ever together?"
The silence returned as Brennan thought. "I don't know. I mean it's confusing and complicated."
"I don't understand."
"Neither do I." said Brennan all in one breath.
Cheyenne threw some M&M's in her mouth as she watched the doctor, ha a doctor as a foster mom…what the hell? Brennan drew her legs up underneath her and seemed to be in another world. Cheyenne knew that world, the "what ifing" alternate universe. It was a bullshit ethereal world where every image was a mere irrational wish, a distorted version of one's own shitty reality.
"We never had sexual intercourse, and maybe…I don't know, my friend Angela says I love him but I'm too blind to see that."
Cheyenne emptied the remains of the trail mix into her mouth. "Don't get me wrong Angela is awesome and all from what I can tell, she seems cool. Though, she is wrong you aren't blind I think you are probably just scared to hurt him. Did he ask you for a relationship?" Cheyenne asked
Cheyenne shifted her position on the couch "You turned him down?"
"Yes." Brennan wondered why the hell she was telling this to her sixteen year old foster child.
"Yeah, you are responsible for his damaged goods." Cheyenne motioned to her chest where her heart lay. "Were you scared you would fuck the relationship up first and hurt him in the process?"
Brennan nodded yes.
"Yeah, I don't get the whole love thing. I don't think it even exists. Is there really such a thing as a happy ending anyway? Happily ever after is just in movies and just for kids." Cheyenne chuckled and reached into the bag for more trail mix.
"Booth says love is real, transcendent and eternal. That it's worth the risk."
"Yet he loves another." Cheyenne said tired as she stuck a raisin in her mouth.
Now Brennan shifted on the couch, "You think he loves her?"
"I don't know. I'm not an expert on the subject Brennan."
"That makes two of us." Said Brennan
"So, just so I have this straight DCF let me live with a rich heartbroken confused genius who has some weird friends. She also claims she is always rational, yet is contemplating if she is in love or not."
Brennan thought a moment. "Yes, you are correct."
Cheyenne smiled a rye smile. "Government funds must have been cut."
"I'm not aware of any government funding being cut." Said Brennan
"I was being sarcastic Brennan."
Cheyenne rose from the couch but before she retired to the guest room she stopped and looked at Brennan. "Stop thinking so hard about him and love your giving me a headache." She walked toward her room then stopped mid tracks turning back to Brennan both of their blue irises crashed into anther's. "Someone once told me if you love'em let them go, if they come back then they love you." Cheyenne shrugged "I don't know if it's true, but it sounds nice anyhow."
Brennan sat on the couch in thought did she love him? Did he love her? Booth didn't seem to care about Cheyenne living with Brennan but as Brennan sat stoic on the couch. She remembered the drive home and the plethora of songs Cheyenne had played for her. Did Cheyenne hate her? Did she like her new place? No one really new this early on in the game but Brennan thought the girl was nice and accepted her easily into her home.
Booth warned Brennan of Cheyenne's past and Brennan only brushed him off. "Everyone has a past Booth, even you and Cheyenne is no different."
"Bones, I understand you want to help her but she doesn't seem to want help from anyone." He said
"No Booth, I don't think you do understand Booth because you have never been in the system. Would you accept help from just anyone if you were her? Would you trust anyone? I didn't." said Brennan
Booth frowned as Brennan turned away from him quickly walking down a corridor. He ran his hands through his hair as he watched her walk farther and farther away from him.
Temperance sat on the couch and knew Cheyenne was in fact right because the burning sensation was back, the one that had no cure. She also knew that when one was in love they lost all rational, she didn't want to admit to being in love with him. Wishes were irrational, so maybe, just maybe hers had indeed come true. Maybe she would know love, happiness and a dance. One thing she did know is that she and Booth's relationship was turning tables and she didn't like the shift. Nothing and everything was changing all at once. Did she dare wonder what tomorrow would bring?
She stood and walked toward the window, a bright lone star. Should she wish upon it like in the song? She wasn't fifteen, it wasn't a morning star and wishes were irrational. Though, Cheyenne said screw rational, she said a lot of things if Brennan were to be honest. She sighed of love, wishes, the teenager in the other room, but mainly because of him. She looked up into the night again, she only had to close her eyes and form a thought she wanted to come true. Why was it so hard? She remained at the window almost daring herself to make a wish.
Booth was jogging alone, it was late but he couldn't sleep he told Hannah he would be back soon kissed her then headed out of the door. The night's sky was surprisingly clear, he could even see a lone star on the smoky black velvet canvass. He smiled but his smile quickly changed to a frown as he thought of Brennan and wondered how she and Cheyenne were getting along tonight. His jogging slowed to a halt and he looked up at the star, it really was bright. He wondered if it was the northern star, like the one that was over Jesus's crib where he lay in a barn. Booth closed his eyes and felt like a kid all over again as he made a wish. He stepped back into his jogging rythm and headed home.
Brennan let her lids gently close and she sat all of the thoughts that wouldn't leave her were now no where to be found. Here she was next to a window sill the moon illuminating her face, trying to make a wish when she couldn't form a coherent thought. Then, just like lightning it came to her and unbeknownst to her a smile tugged on her lips and her facial features had no more sad lines where sorrow ebbed it's way in. She stood eyes closed, and whispered aloud. "Screw rational." they were the two most unlikely words to ever come out of the Anthropologists mouth. Then she did it, made her wish and her smile grew even more. She was aloud an irrational wish, wasn't she?
Cheyenne lay awake in the guest bed starring at the ceiling. A rich brokenhearted genius doctor who worked with the dead…that was her new foster mother. She rolled onto her side and fisted the comforter pulling it up to her chin. What have you got yourself into this time Cheyenne?
songs-Used Too by Chris Daughtry, Fuck You/Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles, Rolling In The Deep by Adele, Precious Illusions by Alanis Morisette, White Horse by Taylor Swift, 100 Years by Five For Fighting and I have no freaking idea why I wrote this or what you'll think although I do like feedback ;) Someone asked why Cheyenne would have an Ipod if in foster care, Cheyenne was also on the streets when younger. She could have "traded" it for numerous things. I work with DV and SA cases people come in off the streets with pricey items. IPods, phones, high end purses etc. kids are not above stealing either.