Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns it all.
Rated M for several reasons.
Several Months Later
Some of us are enjoying a short vacation at the newly rebuilt Montana ranch.
Pete was pissed when he found out I'd flattened the house but very graciously allowed me to pay for the repairs. Or rather Jasper, since I'm flat broke, no pun intended.
Which is why it now has a pool an' a Jacuzzi. In fact at Char's insistence it has been quite considerably improved, the only room that hasn't changed, at my insistence, is Jasper's.
With a smile I pause at the bottom of the stairs breathing in the scent of freshly cut lumber before heading out onto the deck.
"Finally." Char huffs. "It's no fun sunbathin' on your own."
It's not summer here in Montana so it's a little while before I start to feel the warmth on my skin but it builds gradually an' I emit an involuntary sigh of satisfaction.
The last few months have been some of the happiest of my life.
Pete an' Sam have really bonded, I don't know why as I can't see what a battle hardened vampire an' a family man who turns into a wolf have in common, but it works for them. We have a new treaty an' the Cowboy Coven at least is safe from furry attacks from the foreseeable future. An' a rather impressive exchange programme, they come here to train an' serve with us an' we go to La Push to patrol an' protect with them. The Recognised Covens think we're crazy but they'll change their tune when they meet their first scary ass wolf. Pete's already taking bets on the first body part to be accidentally ingested when that happens.
Esme says that Lisa's getting on well an' that whenever her newborn's emotions get too much for her she beats the crap out of Rosalie. Which is nice, we should all have a Rosalie when we need to let off a little stress. In a few months she's going to bring her for a visit. I'm both looking forward to it an' dreading it. I can't wait to see her alive an' well but at the same time I'm not expecting to be her to be my new best friend, after all I killed her brother an' inadvertently her too. Maybe, in a couple of centuries, she at least won't want to kill me.
I still sometimes find it uncomfortable being around Demetri, not least because I've finally accepted that I fancy the pants off him. I'm only a woman an' he is a very sexy and charming man. Simon an' I are working through my issues an' apparently the guilt that goes with my occasional lustful thoughts is quite normal. So that's alright then?
Of course the most sexy an' beautiful man on the planet is my husband an' mate. One Jasper N Whitlock. Who is currently off somewhere attending to his leaderly duties. An' so he should be, because we're leaving tonight for a two week skiing trip, well we're going somewhere cold an' snowy, the jury's out on how much skiing will actually get done an' I'm sure Pete's offering odds on that too. Will the Mistress actually be able to ski when they get back? Not likely, in fact I might even put a couple of grand, of Jasper's money, on because Simon's picked out all my underwear for the trip.
The bright sunlight that was beating down on my eyelids suddenly dims an' from Char's annoyed squeal I'm guessing her light's been blocked out too.
I open one eye.
Pete. A very excited Pete.
"We've got visitors!" He announces, hopping from foot to foot.
"Congratufuckinglations." Char growls, motioning for him to get out of the way.
"But we always greet visitors as a family." He whines. "It's no fun without you guys."
"Are you poutin'?" She asks without opening her eyes.
"Yes." He chuckles, winking at me.
Grumbling she gets to her feet, dragging me up with her. We each take one of his arms an' he guides around the house to the front steps.
We only have to wait a few minutes before three identikit hiker vampires trot into view. Or déjà vu if you're feeling nostalgic.
"Morning Sir." The tallest greets us politely. "I hope we're not interrupting anything?"
"You are." Pete informs him with a lascivious wink.
I roll my eyes an' Char giggles.
"Then we won't keep you." The vampire continues. "We're just passing through the area and we heard a rumour The Major was staying in these parts."
"Did you now?" Pete asks with genuine interest, red eyes twinkling with innocent merriment.
"Yes sir." Our new friend says eagerly. "Is it true?"
"Yes son, it is." Pete confirms easily. "Can I ask what you want him for?"
"We'd like to challenge him." Mr Eager answers quickly, puffing out his chest.
"To what?" Pete chuckles. "Scrabble?"
"To a fight." Mr Eager responds as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Well I'm afraid he's not here at the moment, he's probably out in the woods somewhere executin' the last bunch of fuckin' morons who came here to pick a fight with him." Pete inspects his fingernails idly. "You know if ya wanna catch him you really have to get here before ten, that's when the queue starts formin', wouldn't you say ladies?"
"That's right Petey." Char simpers.
"Er." The vampire says as he an' his cronies look at each other uncomfortably. It's not quite a sense of self-preservation but it's a start.
"If you want y'all can leave a message with his answerin' service?" Pete offers helpfully.
"Yep, he's around here somewhere. Demetri ya lazy fucker, where are you?"
"Here My Lord." He slips out of the shadows at the edge of the yard.
"Oh good. These three fellas wanna leave a message for The Major."
"Of course My Lord." Demetri bows deeply at Pete before turning his gaze to our visitors.
"Which one of you would like to leave the first message?" He asks politely as he rolls his shoulders an' pops his knuckles.
"What a strange name." Simon drawls, stepping into the yard behind them. "Which one of you is Um?"
"Perhaps we've made a mistake." Mr Eager mutters, starting to back up with his two friends following.
"Yes." Pete snorts happily. "I believe you have. So do you want to leave a message or not?"
"No thank you."
"Oh well, never mind." Pete sighs theatrically. "You can leave the same way you came, but I suggest you take note of the sign next time."
"What sign?" The identikits back up another step, angling themselves around Simon who is blocking their path.
"Oh dear." Simon commiserates with them. "Didn't you see the Beware of the Dog sign?"
They shake their heads, beginning to look seriously freaked out.
I can't help but giggle as a large wolf stalks into view around the side of the house, followed by another.
With a huge yawn the first sinks onto his haunches an' turns his gaze to Demetri.
"Ah Seth, there you are." Demetri smirks. "These gentlemen were just leavin', be a good boy an' see them off the property please."
Our visitor's faces are the perfect mixture of horror an' confusion as Seth gets to his feet with a snarl.
"One." Simon begins to count.
Our visitors start running.
"Two." They clear the bend in the drive an' disappear from view.
The wolves take off after them, baying like the hounds of hell.
"See." Pete says loftily as Char an' I are reduced to hysterics. "It's much more fun now there's no actual danger involved."
"You're goin' to seriously damage my reputation." A deep voice rumbles behind me as two arms snake around my waist.
"Please." Pete snorts. "It's better than everybody findin' out you're a pussy whipped married man. Who hasn't got time to greet visitors because he's got paperwork to finish before he takes his wife on yet another vacation."
My squeal of outrage is drowned out by Jasper's growl as he releases me an' chases a laughing Pete off the steps an' into the trees.
"An' what stress are we relievin' this time?" I drawl at my sister.
"None." She chuckles. "I just married a dick with a death wish."
Laughing we link arms an' return to our sun loungers.
A/N And so here we are, at the end. Probably.
I'd like to thank my husband who, while making no secret of the fact that he finds this hobby of mine deeply strange, has been very good at providing mood music for me to write to.
Once again I would like to thank all the people who took time out of their own lives to review. I'm sorry I don't always get to reply but with a husband, two kids, two elderly parents, a dog an' a full time job sometimes it's all I can do to write. And I wouldn't be able to do that without your encouragement, so thank you.
Back soon . . . .