A Broken Girl

No. This couldn't be happening to me. My whole life uprooted, Rachel thought in her chair by her dad's bed. Her life was shit right now. That's right. Rachel cursed. It all started five months ago, just after Christmas break. She found out that her dad had cancer of the throat. Her daddy. She didn't want to, but she started crying again. He was in the hospital, and he had been told that soon he would not be able to talk. HER daddy. The one who sang her to sleep when she was little. The one who would always talk to her about her day and give her advice.

Leroy Berry was strong. Rachel knew this. The doctors said that it was because of this he wasn't as bad as he technically should be. She spent all of her free time at the hospital, she had stopped her morning routines of exercising. She slept here. She went to school. She went home, showered, and came back with whatever she needed.

Dad, Hiram Berry, wasn't taking this well. She didn't understand. He always protected them. Now he would disappear for days at a time. Daddy was too fuzzy because of the drugs to notice. But she did. When she did see her dad, he smelled like alcohol and had bloodshot eyes.

She hadn't told anybody in glee. When his dad was sick, she had wanted to do nothing but help Kurt. Now she understood why he wasn't happy with everybody's help. It was the fact that he needed the help in the first place. She didn't want sympathy or help.

So she put on a show-face for the entire club, and she was an excellent actress. To them she was the same annoying, determined girl who wore animal sweaters. On the inside she wasn't. She just wanted to scream until her voice was gone. She wanted to know why this couldn't have happened to her. Not her daddy.

She sighed and sat up, sore from sleeping in the chair. She turned and saw her dad was awake.

"Hi daddy. Good morning," she asked smiling. She always tried to be strong for him.

He looked at her funny. He moved his mouth as if he was trying to speak. He was getting frustrated. Rachel felt tears coming to her eyes. She pressed the button for a nurse.

As the nurse walked in Rachel said, trying to control her voice,

"He can't talk. Why can't he talk? What happened?"

They nurse walked over and enveloped the small girl in a hug.

"Honey, I am sorry. We knew this would eventually happen."

They nurse walked out. Rachel turned to her father, who was writing in a notebook. It said :Rachel, I will be fine. Go to school. Sing for me in Glee Club, please.

He gave her a pleading smile. She smiled, not able to deny him anything.

She nodded, kissed his cheek and walked out to her car, not caring she was going to school in jeans, a sweatshirt and Converse. She tied he hair in a low messy ponytail. She would sing for him.

Glee was interesting now that they had lost Nationals. Finn was wanting me back. I needed to discourage him. I needed to focus on Daddy, and I couldn't let Finn in.

After school, I walked into Glee. Nobody said anything to me. Usually I was first in the room, not last. I got confused looks. I sat down, balling my fists. I needed to vent. Now. I raised my hand, interrupting Mr. Shuester.

"Yes Rachel?" he asked confused.

"Can I sing Mr. Shue?" I asked

"Um," he hesitated. I guess something in my face made him think twice about saying no. He sat down by Puck and waved me towards the front. I whispered the song in the guitar players ear and he told the band. I walked to the front. And started to sing…

I can't believe what you said to me
Last night when we were alone
You threw your hands up
Baby you gave up, you gave up

I can't believe how you looked at me
With your James Dean glossy eyes
In your tight jeans with your long hair
And your cigarette stained lies

Could we fix you if you broke?
And is your punch line just a joke?

I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

And I'll never love again,
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless

I can't believe how you slurred at me
With your half wired broken jaw
You popped my heart seams
On my bubble dreams, bubble dreams

I can't believe how you looked at me
With your Johnnie Walker eyes
He's gonna get you and after he's through
There's gonna be no love left to rye

And I know that it's complicated
But I'm a loser in love
So baby raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts
Of all my wrecked up friends

I'll never talk again
Oh boy you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless so speechless

I'll never love again,
Oh friend you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless, so speechless



And after all the drinks and bars that we've been to
Would you give it all up?
Could I give it all up for you?

And after all the boys and girls that we've been through
Would you give it all up?
Could you give it all up?

If I promise boy to you
That I'll never talk again
And I'll never love again
I'll never write a song
Won't even sing along

I'll never love again
So speechless
You left me speechless, so speechless
Why you so speechless, so speechless?

Will you ever talk again?
Oh boy, why you so speechless?
You've left me speechless so speechless

Some men may follow me
But you choose "death and company"
Why you so speechless? Oh oh oh

She finished. Tears were pouring down her cheeks. She had completely let herself go in that song. The Glee-clubbers were amazed. She wasn't singing to any of them. Her eyes were closed half of the song. They all had different thoughts running through their heads.

Will: Oh my God. What happened? When did this happen? What should I do? Maybe she should see Emma.

Will suddenly ran out of the room.

Finn: Was that about me? I can talk and she wasn't looking at me at all so… she wasn't looking at anybody.

Quinn: Oh my goodness. This girl will stop at nothing for attention.

Mercedes: Something's up. What the hell. She has been fine. If anybody's hurt her… Aww, Hell to the No… Nobody hates on Rachel, without me having something to say

Kurt: What is this? She looks like a puppy that's been kicked.

Santana: What's wrong with Manha… err, Rachel. Usually I would think its for attention but it doesn't look like it. She was going to go all Lima Heights on whoever did this to a member of her team.

Britney: What's wrong with Rachel? She's crying. I wanna give her a hug.

Britney stood up and wrapped Rachel in her arms

When did Rachel get so thin? I can feel her ribs through this big sweatshirt.

Artie: Um… this is awkward.

Tina: What's up with Rachel. I've never seen her this upset before?

Lauren: Damn! Berry looks bad.

Mike: Hmmm, I haven't really gotten to know Rachel but she looks bad… not really sure what to do

Sam: oh God. What happened? Rachel's one of the nicest girls I've met. She's been helping with Stacey. No way I'm going to let her hurt like this…

Rachel found herself enveloped by Britney in a hug. Then slowly the whole club and a reluctant Quinn hugged her in a big club. They let her cry. Britney wouldn't let go after they all backed off. She decided she was going to protect Rachel.

Rachel looked around. She had a family here. She took a deep breath, and clung to Britney for support.

Mr. Shue came in with Emma and stopped when he saw Rachel surrounded by his kids, comforting her.

She clung to Britney and started talking.

"Last January… my dad, Leroy… he, um, got throat cancer," She said having trouble breathing. "He's been in the hospital for about a month." She was silent, not able to stop the tears, " Um… this morning he couldn't talk, and I don't think he ever will again." She buried her head into Britney's shoulders, knowing she couldn't talk anymore.

Everybody in that room was frozen. They knew something was bad but they had not expected that.

"Guys, we are cutting practice off for now. I want somebody to take Rachel home. Everybody needs to be there for Rachel right now. Sing to her, talk to her, simply be there for her. She needs you, more than anybody else right now," Miss Pillsberry said.

They all nodded. Santana felt terrible. This was the girl whose life she had made hell. She had to start making up for that. Immediately. She grabbed Britney and Rachel and made there way to Rachel's car. As Britney drove, Santana held Rachel in the backseat. She told Britney to go to Rachel's house. She sent a mass text to the glee club

Santana: Yalls better get your asses 2 Rach's. Bring snacks. Its a musical watchin afternoon. We r going to b there 4 her…

She immediately got the other ten texts of agreement.

When they got to Rachel's house, Santana got Rachel to put on pajamas. Rachel really wasn't moving much so Santana helped her. She saw Rachel's wrist. Scars. Not of razors but fingernails. Oh God. How did the club not realize the state that Rachel was in. She stood right in front of Rachel's staring eyes

"Berry, this is wrong. You are never doing this again, okay? It is wrong and bad for you. You're dad being sick is terrible. You don't need to be in pain as well. None of this is your fault."

She finished dressing Rachel and took the girl by the hand and lead her to the TV room, turning on the AC. It was basically summer. Rachel should already have it on… Unless… she has basically been living at the hospital. Santana lead her in the room. Rachel was shivering even though it was HOT. She sat Rachel down on the coach and wrapped he like a burrito in a blanket. She called for Brittney who came in with hot chocolate for Rachel. I loved Brittney. She always knew what to do.

The rest of the club arrived. We all huddled around Rachel. I put in Funny Girl. She had gone on and on about it in Glee so I figured that it would cheer her up a little.

About halfway, I turned to check on Rachel, who was currently in Puck's arms, asleep. He was watching her, an extremely worried look on his face. Santana remembered that Puck had basically grown up with Rachel. He probably felt like she did about all the bullying.

Puck held Rachel in his arms and was glad she was asleep. There were circles under her eyes that he guessed she usually covered up. God, he was an idiot. Before Junior High they had been inseparable, always hanging out. She had been his best friend. Then, like the asshole he now knew he was, he had stopped hanging with the small girl because it wasn't cool. He wasn't ever going to hurt her again.

After the movie, Rachel woke up, roused my My Man. She looked up and was glad she was in Puck's arms, she missed him. She… She had to go see Daddy! She sat up and looked around. All of the glee club was around looking at her.

"I want you guys to know what you have done is amazing. I have to go see my Daddy though." They all nodded, and got up.

"Um, Puck, will you come with me? You to Santana?" She looked at Puck and Santana. They nodded. They got in Puck's truck. Puck driving, Rachel in the middle, holding Santana's hand on her other side.

Rachel knew she should have told the club sooner. She felt warm for the first time in months.