Godfathers. The godfather of my newest charge ditched his responsibility, giving the flimsiest of excuses as a reason. The mother of said child - who had briefly been a ward of the clan when we sponsored her in her quest for Konoha citizenship after she had been sent to take Senju Mito's place as the Kyuubi Jinchuriki - had predicted that something like this would happen and managed to secure a promise that her child would become a ward of the Hyuuga should something happen to her and her husband whom she'd neglected to name, and no suitable guardian could be found. I had thought the local orphanage to be a suitable guardian, but my pregnant and rather hormonal wife who had taken a liking to the Uzumaki woman when they were children begged to differ.
I can only assume that Uzumaki Kushina's mystery husband had managed to catch Jiraiya of the Sannin while he was three sheets to the wind and halfway down another bottle when he got the man to agree to be his child's godfather. The man was obviously lacking in either sense or sanity as his choice of godfather and name for his child clearly shows. Who in their right mind would give that drunken pervert any responsibility, much less their child whom they had named after something found in a bowl of ramen?
Bottles. My darling wife decided I needed practice for when my own child comes a month from now and left the Uzumaki child with me for the day. While changing diapers was a rather unpleasant task that I would rather leave to a member of the Branch house despite my wife's desire that I be involved in all aspects of the raising of our offspring, it is a relatively undemanding one. It is feeding the child that has proven most troublesome. As I discovered after several attempts, if the formula is not the correct temperature and consistency the child would refuse to drink, and would briefly look at me with a pair of cold blue eyes that I could swear I last saw beneath the Hokage's hat less than two months ago before he would resume crying. The destroyed bottles from attempts at quickly heating the child's food with a fire jutsu will be disposed of in a place where they will never be found.
My Desk. Until now the fact that my desk and my wastebasket were both metal had never been an issue and probably never crossed my mind more than once. It wouldn't have today if Naruto - who is rather precocious for a baby who turns a year old in two days - hadn't discovered the joys of covering his head with the now empty wastebasket and running into my desk. Repeatedly. It has become increasingly difficult to work with the constant clanging in the background. My darling wife, rather than saving me from this situation, thought that it was positively adorable and started taking pictures.
I will take pride in the fact that my daughter Hinata is much better behaved than the little hooligan in the making that I cannot order a Branch member to usher out of my office due to a generations old seal that prevents them from entering it in the first place, as the office is supposed to be the sanctuary and sole domain of the head of the clan. Which now that I think of it is patently ridiculous, since I have to get up and carry my paperwork from the door to my desk several times a day, and have to go out of my way to meet with and discipline Branch House members at some other location in the compound. What the hell had my great-grandfather been smoking when he came up with that idea?
Sake. How Naruto managed to get his hands on any at all, I do not know. Fortunately, the boy's occupant prevented any accidental poisoning. However, the damnable Kyuubi did not prevent the inevitable hangover, and I am now stuck dealing with a very miserable 14 month old baby. My wife has apparently decided that the whole incident was my fault somehow and has left me to deal with the fallout as punishment.
Frogs. Naruto somehow managed to get his little hands on one and turned it loose during a meeting between myself and Uchiha Fugaku. After bouncing around my office for a while, the frog ended up landing on Fugaku's vest, jumping onto his face, and attempting to climb up the side of his nose. Fugaku decided to take this personally for some strange reason. It's not like this had been arranged as payback for the time little Itachi had set that lizard loose or anything...
Potty Training. How is this MY responsibility?
Koi Ponds. Someone has obviously been neglecting the one near the back of the compound. Naruto dove into it because he wanted to hug one of the rather expensive fish that most definitely should not be hugged, and came out completely covered in algae. The rather affectionate child then proceeded straight to my office where he decided to hug me as well, trailing clumps of algae behind him and transferring a large amount of said algae onto my clothing in the process.
Uchiha Sasuke. Why I accepted that invitation to the party celebrating that boy's 3rd birthday on Naruto's behalf, I do not know. I was forced to break up three fights between the Uchiha boy and my ward during the party and ended up with a bloody nose due to a lucky kick from the Uchiha child as a result.
Pinatas. While the brightly colored paper mache creatures may be a Whirlpool birthday tradition, it is one that I will never again follow in regards to Naruto as I do not enjoy being whacked in the privates with a stick. I shall be having words with Hizashi about the timing with which he had pulled the pinata away from my ward.