To anyone who's still with me, this is the new chapter. Life got really crazy for awhile, new job, new place to live. Things are finally settled back down into a pace that's liveable. I'm back in a place where I can work on this and actually feel like it's okay. So, I'm really sorry for that long break, but I'm back and this story is continuing and will be updated regularly. I don't want to give up on it, and I want to finish it for anyone who's sticking with me. Thanks for everything to all of you. Now back to our regularly scheduled tale of Sam and Mike.
Mike opened his locker the next morning to get his books out for the first half of the day. As he started pulling books out, he stopped a moment and smiled, thinking of the night before. No turning back now, they were officially a couple. He still wasn't quite sure what that made him as far as orientation meant, but he guessed he could just go with it and see where it all led him. He sighed and closed the locker door with a slam.
A person was leaning against the bank of lockers, right behind his locker door. The sudden realization of someone there, startled him and when he realized it was Brittany, he sighed and relaxed.
"You scared me to death." he said, a grin on his face. He looked at her and saw an expression of concern on her face. "What's wrong, pretty girl?" he asked.
"When's your free period?" she asked.
"That's what I thought. Mine's not til fifth. I needed someone to talk to and was hoping we could get some time with just each other."
"What do you have third period?" he asked.
"Perfect." he said, "Tell Mr. Schue to give you a pass so we can do some work for Nationals, and we'll go to the auditorium to talk. We do need to get started on choreography. We can't put it off much longer."
"We don't even know what music they're doing for the competition." Brittany said, still looking off into space.
"Come on," Mike began, "This is New Directions. Finn and Rachel will sing a slow song together staring wistfully into each others eyes, then they'll segue into a fast song that the whole group will sing together. We do some basic moves for a slow beat, then something for a fast beat and once they pick the songs, we'll actually time everything correctly. It's not going to be anything difficult or complicated anyway. Finn and Rachel aren't exactly Fosse and Verdon."
She looked at him blankly in response to that.
He chuckled to himself. As amazing a dancer as she was, she wasn't delving as deeply into the history of their craft the way he was. He'd been studying up on a lot of older dancers and choreographers. Hours had been spent on Youtube watching as much as he could find.
"They were dancers." he said, explaining it as simply as he could.
She nodded in response.
"So, what is wrong anyway?" he asked.
"Well, it's a couple of things." she answered, "One of the main things is Lord Tubbington has been using up all of my phone minutes to order things off of the shopping channels. Plus, I'm confused about the Santana thing. I just don't know what is going on with that."
He nodded, knowing exactly what she meant. "Are you going to talk to Mr. Schue?"
She looked a little hesitant.
"Want me to go with you?" he asked.
She nodded excitedly.
"Come on sweetie." he put his arm around her shoulders and they headed off towards the Spanish classroom to talk to their choir coach.
Sam got to home room just as the bell stopped ringing. He walked in and scanned the room quickly for an empty seat. Finn was motioning to an empty seat next to him. Sam rolled his eyes and walked over and slip into the desk next to Finn.
"Dude, where were you all weekend?" Finn asked, "Puck tried to call you like a thousand times to come to the park to play ball."
"I had family stuff I had to take care of." Sam said, leaving it at that.
"Well, we missed you, but Blaine was there and played with us."
"Did he?" Sam asked, intrigued.
"How'd that go?"
"He kept running under Puckerman's arms and scoring. Puck was so pissed off by the end of the game he was practically spitting nails. Kurt was out there too. First time he ever showed up for one of our games."
"Did he play?"
"No way." Finn answered, "He sat with the girls. But he cheered whenever Blaine scored. That made Puckerman even madder."
Sam laughed at that. "Sounds like I missed quite an afternoon."
"Yeah, we all missed you." Finn sat back in his seat and looked straight ahead. "Some probably missed you more than others."
Sam glanced over at him, curious, then said, "What do you mean?"
"Well, I'm sure that Mike missed you a lot." Finn glanced over out of the corner of his eye as he said this statement.
"Finn..." Sam started, a tone of warning in his voice.
"Well, I'm just saying...I mean now that you guys are..."
"Shhh." Sam said, leaning over quickly, "Come on, I don't want to get into that here."
"Sam, I don't care." Finn whispered, "None of your friends are going to care."
"I just don't want to make a big production in the middle of home room." Sam whispered loudly.
Finn thought for a minute, then said, "So this means you're gay now?"
Sam leaned back in his chair. He took a moment, then he sighed and said, "Yeah Finn. I have been for awhile."
"No kidding." came the answer.
"So, when you were dating Quinn, you were gay?"
"Yeah, I guess so."
"Wow. So, why did you fight so hard to get her? Why did you date her at all?"
"Because I wasn't ready to deal with it. I was a new kid here, and I needed to fit in. So, I joined the football team and tried to find the most popular, prettiest girlfriend I could. But that didn't work out. Then, I became friends with Mike and discovered my feelings for him growing. I don't know. I'm still working all this out in my head."
"So, you've been gay since you got here?" Finn asked.
"Do you want a precise time line?" Sam asked, "I mean I guess I've been this way my whole life. It's been for as long as I can remember."
"I'm was just wondering if you were gay when we were playing football together." Finn said.
"But you weren't looking at me in the locker room or anything?"
Another sigh, "No Finn. I wasn't looking at you."
"Good. So, you were never in love with me or anything?"
"No Finn. Not ever."
"Good, cause guys being in love with me never ends well for me. I end up getting yelled at a lot. I'm trying to avoid that happening again."
"Don't worry Finn. I never looked at you in the locker room. I never looked at anyone in the locker room. I mean I'd seen Mike naked bunches of times in the locker room, but I never really paid attention to it til last night."
Finn sat up and his head swiveled around, "He was naked with you last night?"
Sam's hand flew up to his forehead as he wondered how he could have been so stupid to let himself fall into this trap.
"Dude, what happened last night?" Finn asked, laser focused on Sam.
"Come on dude, spill. What did you two do last night?"
"Why do you want to know this?" Sam asked, wondering how he could get himself out of this situation.
"Cause I'm curious. Come on. What happened last night?"
"We just messed around." Sam said, putting it as delicately as he could.
"Messed around, huh?"
"That's it." Sam said, "And that's all the answer you're getting."
"I still think you should tell glee club." Finn said, sitting back in his chair.
Just then, Sam's phone vibrated in his pocket. He reached in and pulled it out. He looked over and noticed that Finn was pulling his phone out too. It was a text from Mercedes. He assumed Finn had gotten the same thing.
New Directions, meet out in the courtyard at lunch.
Finn looked over at Sam questioningly. Sam just shrugged his shoulders and put his phone away.
Finn's face got serious for a moment as he put his phone back in his pocket, "Just treat him good." he said, looking at Sam. "Mike's a good guy, and I don't want to see him get hurt."
"You don't have to tell me Mike's a good guy." Sam said, "No one knows that better than me. Trust me, I'd never do anything to hurt him."
Finn nodded and sat back in his chair.
Ten minutes into third period found Mike sprinting to the auditorium. He'd had to stay a few minutes past class to ask his Chem teacher a few questions. He hoped Brittany didn't think he was deserting her. As he got to the auditorium, he opened the door and slipped in. He looked and saw her on the stage, alone and dancing by herself.
He watched her for a moment, amazed by what he saw. He knew he was a good dancer, but he'd thought more than once that she was probably better than him. She'd been doing it longer for sure. When the two of them were working together, both able to cut loose at the top of their abilities, he was happier than any other time in his life. When they could push each other to be better and go further, they made magic together. As much as he loved the rest of the glee club, sometimes he wished he and Brittany didn't have to simplify their routines for the less capable dancers in the group. Finn, Mercedes, even Sam...while they were amazing friends and amazing singers, they just weren't as capable dancers. He sighed thinking that the one chance they had gotten to really show off, at Regionals, probably wouldn't come again for awhile.
He moved to the stage, smiling at Brit when she looked over at him. "You look amazing up there." he said.
"Thanks." she said, smiling back at him. "Just messing around, stretching out."
He walked up to the stage and up the steps to stand with her.
"I had a move I've been going over in my head." she said, "I think we should try it out."
"Something for glee?" he asked.
"Something for us." she said. That was their code for things they came up with that they worked out until they were perfect, but the world would probably never see. Usually they were way too difficult to try to teach to the New Directions, but until the two dancers had worked out the intricacies the ideas would never leave their heads. They had hundreds of dances, most of them complete to entire songs that no one else but the two of them would ever see.
She described the lift to him and mimed most of the movements she had worked out. He watched her carefully and when he felt comfortable, they performed it. She had worked out the intro, the lift, and then an immediate followup. They started the dance, he held her arms and started to lift her in the air, as he was getting ready to grab her body to complete the lift, his balance shifted and he lost his hold on her. She tumbled to the floor, grunting as her butt hit the stage.
"Oh my God, are you okay?" he said, bending down to help her up.
"Of course." she said, smiling. "Anytime I don't fall on my head, it's a good beginning."
"You're actually getting a lot better at the lifts." she said, "This one almost went the whole way the first time."
"Well, I should be better." he said, annoyed at himself, "We've been working together for over a year now. I should be able to do this without even thinking about it."
"Don't beat yourself up." she said, "Partnering is still new for you. You spent most of your life dancing by yourself. You haven't even had formal training. Considering you're completely self-taught, I think you're an amazing dancer."
He shrugged his shoulders and said, "We'll keep working on that and get it down."
She nodded her head and moved over to her bag to get her towel out. She wiped her arms and shoulders and draped the towel around her neck. She looked over at him and said, "How have you been?"
He shrugged his shoulders again, looked away and just answered, "Fine."
"So, you and Sam, huh?" she said, a gleam in her eye.
He looked up at her and saw the gleam and started to grin, "So you and Santana, huh?"
She looked down, the gleam gone and a moment of sadness passing across her face, "I guess. I'm not even sure."
He saw the change in expression and moved over to her, putting his arm around her shoulder, "What's wrong? Is everything okay?"
"I don't know." she said, "I do love her, and she says she loves me. She says she wants to be with me, but then she turns around and does something like start dating Sam...or Karofsky. I just don't understand what she wants." She moved away and went to the front of the stage and sat down, her legs dangling over the edge.
He moved over and sat next to her. "I know what you mean." he said.
"You do?" she asked, turning to look at him.
"Sam says he loves me...and I do believe him, but he's terrified of anyone finding out. He won't even tell the rest of the New Directions. He's scared of that becoming his label."
"Being gay?" she asked.
"Santana too. She keeps saying she doesn't want to have to join a lesbian commune...whatever that is. I didn't realize you had to join something to be gay. I'm not sure if I have to join too since I might only be bisexual. Have you heard about having to join something? Is there a charge?"
He chuckled and said, "No sweetie, we don't have to join anything. Santana's just being silly."
"Oh good." she said, "I keep telling her she doesn't have to be anything she doesn't want to. I love her just the way she is. But sometimes I do feel like she's ashamed of me or something."
He put his arm around her again, "The last thing she is is ashamed of you. I know for a fact that she loves you more than anyone else in the world...short of her family."
"How can you be sure?"
"The way she looks at you." he said, "The way she treats you. She would defend you and protect you to the end. She respects you. I think she respects you more than anyone else she knows. No baby girl, she does love you. It's just hard I guess. It's hard for both of them.
I've done a lot of thinking since Sam and I admitted how we feel to each other. I guess I've come to the conclusion that right now he's what I want. I know it's gonna be hard and there will be a lot of obstacles, but being with him makes me happy. I think part of what makes it easier for me is that I'm a dancer. I love doing it, and that makes me happy too. There are a lot of drawbacks to being a male dancer. Lots of people think you're a sissy or not a real man because you do it. I've spent the last year and a half mentally dealing with everything I know I'm gonna have to go through to be a dancer. This thing with Sam is just something else to work through. As long as he's there with me I think I can do it. We were good friends before this whole thing got more serious. I think we can work through everything else. We respect each other. That's the most important part. As long as we keep that, everything else will work itself out. The same thing goes for you two as well. You and Santana are best friends. Even before anything else, you care about each other that way. Just keep that in mind, and you two will be able to get through the other stuff."
She looked thoughtful for a minute, then she turned and threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. "You're my best friend too." she said, "You know that, right?"
He nodded, "And I feel the same way. You make me a better dancer. We work well together. We're a great partnership. And on that note, let's get to work and give these singers something they can dance to."
He stood up and held out his hand to help her up.
She stood and they moved off to start working.
After their hour was up, it was lunchtime, and they changed clothes to go out and meet everyone in the courtyard for the meeting they had gotten the text about. As everyone stood around milling about, Puck showed up last wondering what was going on.
Once he was there Mercedes stood up and made her announcement that Kurt was back at McKinley. Kurt made his appearance at the top of the steps and moved down to greet all his teammates. Then it was time for the other surprise that even Kurt wasn't aware of. Everyone turned to see Blaine standing at the top of the steps. He begin to sing. The other Warblers joined him and the song moved into high gear.
As the song went on, Mike and Brittany were standing near the piano together, watching Kurt and Blaine, huge smiles on their faces.
Sam was standing one step up, his hands on the railing in front of him. Santana was just below him, leaning back on the rail. She turned to look up at Sam a couple of times, both of them had the same expression on their faces.
When the song was over, the Warblers started filing out. Blaine and Kurt were standing, holding each other as though they didn't want to let the other go. As they separated and said their goodbyes, the New Directions all crowded around Kurt.
Sam turned and saw Blaine, walking up the steps, turn to look back, a small smile on his face, then continue slowly up the steps. As he walked, a couple of people stopped him to shake his hand and congratulate him on the performance. He thanked them, but he didn't seem to take much notice. He had a kind of stunned look on his face. He got to the top, put his hand on his face and moved around the building toward the parking lot.
Sam moved away from the group and ran up the stairs to follow him. When he got around the building, he saw Blaine standing there, one hand still on his face, the other on the wall next to him for support. Sam moved to him and said, "Are you okay?"
Blaine looked up a little surprised anyone was there, when he saw Sam he relaxed. "Yeah, I'm good. This is just a little harder than I expected."
"He looks happy." Sam said, trying to say something to make the situation a little easier.
"Yeah." Blaine said, "This is where he belongs. Like I said down there, we loved having him, but he never felt a part of the Warblers or Dalton. He told me several times, he felt like he was just there visiting. Sometimes he said intruding. We never felt that way though. At least I didn't. You know, I spent so many months trying to fight the feelings that were developing. I was so terrified of falling for him. I was afraid he'd eventually find out that I was this scared kid and not this awesome hero he had built me up into. Then when I finally got the balls to tell him how I feel and get into this relationship, he leaves and now I don't know what I'm gonna do. I got so used to him being there, you know? He's become an important part of my life and now he's not there."
Sam nodded and waited for Blaine to continue.
"You know what I did this morning? I brought his usual cup of coffee to his room, completely forgetting he wasn't there anymore. It's become such a habit to show up there and walk to morning classes with him that it didn't even dawn on me that he wouldn't be there. I guess I sound kind of silly don't I?"
"Not at all." Sam said, "You sound sincere. You know, you might think you're a scared kid, but what you did down there just now was one of the bravest things I've ever seen. You come to a strange school, one that you know has a history of not being the easiest places for gay kids, and you sing. You sing to the boy you love. That's amazing. You're my hero now."
Blaine blushed and looked down at the ground at those words.
"It's true." Sam said, "You just put up a really hard bar to climb over for a lot of guys at this school. Me especially."
"I'm sorry." Blaine said, looking upset all of the sudden.
"No dude, this is something I need. I've been feeling so sorry for myself and so afraid to deal with how I feel. I just need to get over it. If you can do what I just watched, I can certainly deal with how I feel about Mike. I just need to get off my ass and do it. Thanks. Thanks for giving me the kick in the ass I need. And don't worry about you and Kurt. He's here at McKinley. He's not going to the moon. Of course you're going to see each other. And summer is coming up soon. Just think about that and don't worry so much."
Blaine looked down at the ground for a moment more, then he grabbed Sam and hugged him. "Thank you for coming up." he said, "I know he'll be okay here. He'll be happy, and that's what's important. Just take care of him for me, okay?"
The two boys pulled apart and Sam held out his hand, which Blaine took and they shook hands, "We're all gonna watch out for each other, don't worry."
Blaine nodded and turned to head off to meet his teammates.
Sam watched him for a moment, then he turned and headed back. As he slowly moved down the steps, he circled around the glee club who were all chatting with Kurt and still welcoming him back. He went into the building alone and started wandering around the halls. He found himself nearing the choir room. As he got closer, he could hear the sound of the piano tinkling. It didn't sound like Brad. He wondered who was in there, everyone else in glee was outside.
When he entered the room, he saw Santana sitting at the piano, lightly hitting the keys.
She stopped as soon as he was in. She sat up and looked straight ahead. Without turning to him, she said, "What do you want Blondie?"
Surprised, he said, "How did you know it was me?"
"When I saw the look on your face," she began, "I figured that spectacle got to you just as much as it got to me."
"Spectacle?" he said, "Is that what you think happened out there?"
"I don't know what happened out there." she said, "All I know is it made me feel like shit."
He moved to the piano and sat next to her on the bench.
"How could he do that?" she asked, "How could he have enough nerve to come here and do something like that? He's just some kid like us. Why can he come here to our school and make a declaration like that? I'm supposed to be this huge badass, and I'm too terrified to admit how I feel to even you dorks in glee? What does that make me?"
"He decided telling the person he loves how he feels is more important than being scared." Sam said flatly.
"And what does that make me?" she asked
"Us." he responded, "What does that make us?"
"Not as good as him I guess." she said.
"Don't be silly." he said, "We're just different than he is. He's been out for a long time. He feels he wasted a lot of time before he and Kurt got together, and now Kurt is leaving him. Or so he thinks. He wanted to reach out and make sure Kurt knew he was always there."
"Ugh, you have an answer for everything."
"I just went up and talked to him before he left and he basically told me as much. No, we shouldn't look at this as something to make us feel we've done something wrong. We need to look at it as an example of what we should be doing?"
"We should get up in front of the school and serenade the person we love."
"Well not exactly that," he said, "But at the very least, we need to learn how to be brave enough to admit it. If not to the whole school, at least to our friends."
She nodded, "You know for years I thought the way I felt about girls was just something that I'd grow out of. I figured I could have some fun and then eventually I'd straighten out and meet the right guy, fall in love, and that would be that. Girls didn't fall in love with each other. Being with girls was just fun and felt good. I couldn't imagine any girl that I would want to actually be with. But that all changed when I met Brit. She was so different. I know how all of you look at her, like she's just some weird, dumb blond. You don't really know her, though. You don't know how kind she is, how gentle she is. She's the sweetest person I've ever known. She doesn't look down on anyone. To her, everyone is the same. Everyone is just a good person to her. I had never known anyone like that. I just assumed I'd meet everyone with the same bitterness and cynicism. I tried that with her, but it never bothered her. She still treated me with respect and love. Eventually she wore down even my bitchiness. Then, Kurt and Blaine start dating. They're two boys dating each other and in love with each other. Now this thing out there happens. I feel like a coward. He can come here and do something like that...on our turf. I feel like a terrible person. I'm in love with her, and I don't know what to do about that."
Sam watched her as she spoke, then when she was done, he turned his head slightly to look straight ahead, "When I was a kid, being gay was something to be ashamed of. Only weak guys were gay. Real men were with women. The only gay guy I ever knew before Kurt was a hairdresser my mother had when I was real young. His name was Sid. Sometimes she'd take me to the shop when she got her hair done. I'd sit there quietly, reading a book or something, but I always paid a lot of attention to him without anyone realizing it. I've known I was different since I was a little kid. I knew when I was really young that I didn't like girls the way other boys did. Like you, I figured that would change eventually, and I'd be the way I was supposed to be...straight. But when I watched Sid, I would get so scared because he was really feminine. He was everything I was afraid of turning into if I actually turned out to be gay. The thing was, he had a boyfriend. He would talk about him to my mother sometimes. When he would talk, it was so obvious that he really loved this guy. I mean I've known lots of straight people in relationships and none of them talked about the person they were married to like this guy did. He talked about him, and the other guy wasn't even in the room. It wasn't like he had anything to prove. He just loved his boyfriend so much. Then, the boyfriend got sick and ended up dying. My mother went to the funeral. I asked her if I could go with her, which confused her a little, but she ended up taking me. When we got there, Sid was sitting, crying. I walked over to him and said I was sorry the person he loved had died. He looked at me and hugged me really tightly and thanked me for being there. A part of me wanted to tell him that I was like him, but I didn't. Probably just as well. He was at his boyfriend's funeral. I guess the last thing he needed was a ten year old coming out to him. But he wasn't ashamed of who he was. He wasn't weak. He loved this person and he was here, showing everyone how much he loved this other guy. That made a big impact on me. Then, I met Kurt. He scared me to death. I was still hiding who I was, and I was terrified Kurt would see right through me. I think he did at the beginning, but I just played it off. But he was so brave too. Here was this guy my age who wasn't willing to hide or not be who he was for anyone. I was so confused. Gay guys were supposed to be weak, but Sid wasn't weak. Kurt really wasn't weak. I guess knowing Kurt has taught me a lot. He's the reason I got the nerve to actually tell Mike how I feel about him. Now I've got to find the nerve to tell everyone else."
After sitting for a moment, Santana said, "That's the tricky part." Sam nodded agreement.
"You'd think it would be easier after last night." he said.
"Last night?" she asked, "Something happened last night."
Sam crossed his arms on the piano and did a faceplant into his arms. "I've got to learn to keep my mouth shut." he said, his words muffled by his arms.
"Come on, spill it. What happened?"
He didn't say anything. He just kept his head down in embarrassment.
"You know I'm not gonna leave you alone til you tell me."
He lifted his head up and sighed. "Things just got a little more serious than kissing." he said.
"Did you fuck?"
"Santana! Jeez! No, we didn't...do that. We just..."
"Come on and tell me. We just unloaded our whole childhoods to each other. Just tell me what happened."
"You won't tell anyone?"
She shook her head.
"We gave each other blowjobs." he said.
She looked at him for a minute, then she said, "That's it? I figured you'd done that already."
"We've only been together a week." he said, shocked.
"So? I thought gay guys pounced on each other the first night."
"No," he said, "This isn't like that. This isn't just about getting laid. I really do care about him. Last night was really special. I've never felt like that with anyone before. It was more than just sex. I just really felt special being with him. I guess that sounds stupid."
She thought for a moment, then she said, "Hm!"
He looked at her questioningly.
"I just realized that Mike and I have sucked the same dick. That was a plot twist I didn't see coming."
"Do you have to turn every moment into something sordid and dirty?" he asked, "Man, how do you do that?"
She shrugged her shoulders, "It's my way. I don't do well with deep moments. They make me uncomfortable."
He just shook his head, "You're impossible. I need to find something special to do for him. I want us to move forward, but I need to find the right moment. It's hard at his place. His parents are almost always there. They were out last night, but that's really unusual. I need to find a place that's really special for us to go."
"Not easy to do when you're a teenager in the middle of BFE in Ohio." she said.
"Yeah, I know." He thought for a moment, then his face lit up, "I have it. I know just what to do. It'll be amazing."
"You're such a romantic for a boy." she said, shaking her head. "Let's go out and meet the others. Mike and Brittany may think we've run off together."
She stood up and held out her hand. He took it and stood up. The held hands for a moment, then released them and walked out to meet their friends and welcome Kurt back.