A/U: Sorry for not updating for a long time. And sorry for starting a new story instead of updating the old ones as I should ^^b Don't worry, I'm not going to abandon any of my stories. Also, thanks to those who reviewed my other stories, for some weird reason, I couldn't reply to all of them as FFnet kept giving me error messages. But thank you all, I really appreciate every review! As for this story, well, it's quite dark, twisted, kinda like a love-square among Sora/Roxas/Ventus/Vanitas. I understand that the idea may upset some readers, so if you don't like the idea, please stay away from it.
Pairing: Sora/Roxas, Sora/Ventus, Vanitas/Ventus, Vanitas/Roxas (i.e. Sora and Vani are Semes, while Roku and Ven are Ukes.) Twincest and incest. Rated M for sexual stuff.
Disclaimer: own nothing.
"...Ngh…Ah…Harder, Sora, Harder!...Agh…Sora…"
I thrust into the blond boy underneath me again and again, not wanting to stop. My body is all heated from the rough sex but my heart is frozen, my mind is numb.
What I am doing with him is all wrong, very wrong, wrong in every fucking sense.
Tears are rolling down from his porcelain face as he hears my groaning.
Roxas. No, that's not his name.
Seven Deadly Sins: Invidia
My name is Sora. Everyone sees me as a happy-go-lucky dude. But am I really happy? No, I am not. That's a lie. I'm not happy at all.
I could have been a happy guy if I didn't have a twin, if I never fall in love with my own twin brother. People think I'm a good guy, cheerful, loyal to friends, kind and gentle, having strong sense of justice and etc. They think a guy like me, who always has this goofy smile pasted on my face, should have been living a perfect happy life. Maybe I could once. But I have messed everything up.
Ever since we hit puberty, ever since I realized my true feelings towards my own brother, everything has changed. Those forbidden sinful feelings and thoughts turned my whole world upside down. I was once confused, completely lost, I was scared. I no longer knew what was right and what was wrong. Yes I know it is wrong to love your own brother, your own twin more than you should, but at the same time I feel it's just so natural and so obvious that I would fall for him. He's my Other, he is the other half of me. Without him, my heart and soul would be only half complete. So what is fucking wrong about loving him? Why is it wrong to give all my love to him? It's just natural I do that, right? Right?
After spending three years figuring out my own feelings, I am not confused or scared anymore. Now I have accepted the fact I love my twin more than I should, after all I can't lie to my own heart. I don't think it is wrong anymore, I'm not wrong to love someone with all my heart and soul. I love him. There's nothing wrong about it. I love him. I would say it aloud thousands of times if I'm allowed. I love him. It's not wrong. I love him! It's not wrong!
But I can't have him. He is not mine to have. It's not like I've done nothing after my realization. I've given him hints and I've learned the answer. No, he never feels the same way as I have for him, not to mention he's probably straight. It's just the brotherly love he has towards me. Nothing less nothing more. To him, it is completely wrong to love your own flesh and blood, completely insane. And it makes me sick. I can't tell him my true feelings and thoughts. I can't even touch him after puberty starts. My love for him is lustful. I want his everything. But I can't. I just can't. I love him too much. I can't hurt him, I don't want to hurt him. It'd make my heart broken if he gets hurt. So I don't dare to do anything. It's too dangerous. I know if I let my secret feeling out, everything would be ruined. I would lose him completely. Losing him, that's the most fucking unbearable unthinkable thing to me. I don't know whether I'd ever be able to keep living if I lost him. So, I'm content, as long as he stays with me, even just as a brother, it doesn't matter. I'm not happy, but I'm content.
Although, I don't know how long it will last, before I lose my sanity. I've tried so hard to keep my feelings in check, not dare to show a single bit of it. I think I've played my role as a brother well enough, but…but still, we become more and more distant for some reason. We used to be so close, always do everything together. But not anymore. Since high school starts, I can feel that Roxas seems to no long enjoy my accompany. He'd prefer to hang out with his friends rather than me. Nowadays he spends more time with his many friends, without inviting me join their group, like he's intentionally avoiding me. Yeah, he has so many friends, Xion, Namine, Olette, Hayner, Pence…and he's so popular among the girls, which, as you can imagine, drives me crazy.
Jealousy, the dark emotion has corrupted my heart. The damned, ugly, dark emotion - I know I shouldn't allow jealousy to consume my soul, but fuck it! That's the way I feel every time I see him laughing happily with the girls. I am jealous of all of them! They can talk to him, they can hug him, they can make him smile, they can make him happy,but Sora can't. None of those things I can do anymore. I am no longer the one to make Roxas happy. It's killing me inside. I don't even know what to do to stop him slipping away from my life without telling him the truth, without telling him how I truly feel. I can't. I can do nothing. I just let the pain slicing my heart, like a sharp knife, into millions of pieces.
And, there is one more person I feel envy toward.
Vanitas, my cousin, a real incarnation of Evil itself. I envy him so much.