A/N: Hello my darlings! Merp...over a month since I updated...don't hate me? I'm terribly sorry my loves, but I do have valid excuses this time! If anyone follows me on Tumblr, you know I just suffered through Tech (hell) Week for my show, and I've been trying to fight through NaNoWriMo on the side. Either way, I'm terribly, terribly sorry it's been so long, and I can't promise very frequent updates for the rest of November as I have to catch up on NaNo, but as so as that ends, I promise I'll be all over this.
I'm anticipating another 4 chapters left, based on my outline (which I finished by the way!), but it depends how rambley I plan on getting. This and the next chapter were supposed to be one, but I decided to cut it to keep up consistency in chapter length. Nevertheless, this is the longest chapter yet! I hope that'll earn me a little forgiveness :)
Also, the "important location" from You Move Me pops up in this chapter, and will do so again later in this story! If you'd like to read that one-shot, it's on my profile! Shanks!
The song used at the end of this chapter is Gravity by Sara Bareilles. One of my personal favorites. Actually, this song was never supposed to be in the story, but as I was writing I realized it was perfect (considering I accidentally went so far as to quote it without realizing). Add this to the normal youtube URL: /watch?v=A_U6iSAn_fY
Okay, rambley author's note is getting rameley. I hope you guys enjoy!
"How about this one?" Rachel asked, pushing a piece of sheet music across the bedspread towards Kurt. They sat in Kurt's bedroom on Wednesday night, leafing through his and Rachel's various collections of sheet music, Kurt's I-pod on shuffle in the background, searching for the perfect song. They'd been at it for almost three hours already and so far were just as they were when they began; empty-handed.
Kurt picked up the paper from the foot of his bed and continued pacing, tucking Rachel's copy of "Best of Streisand" under his arm and scanning the piece she'd handed him.
"Rachel, I hardly think Lovefool is appropriate for this situation."
Rachel gave a large sigh. "Look, I'm sorry, but I'm trying. It's not my fault you're being so picky,"
"I'm not being picky, Rach- or, okay, maybe I am, but I have to be! This has to be the perfect song…he has to know that…he needs to understand what I'm trying to say to him,"
"What exactly are you trying to say, Kurt? That you're sorry? Because half the songs I've suggested so far have said that and you shot them all down."
"No, not just that I'm sorry, that isn't enough. He needs to understand that…that I'm not just sorry, that I regret this more than anything. He needs to know how much I hate that this happened, that I'd take it all back in a second if I could, but not just that. He needs to know that, above anything else, I…I love him," he ducked his head, speaking quietly, just barely loud enough to be heard. Rachel shifted closer, watching him pace, listening intently.
"He needs to know how much he meant- means to me. I didn't want to hurt him, I never did. And he's…he's everything to me," Kurt finished, biting his lip.
Rachel moved to the foot of the bed, pulling Kurt's hand into both of hers and rubbing it slowly. "Kurt," she began.
The song Kurt's IPod was playing softly in the background ended, and a new one began, a familiar, soft melody echoing throughout the room. Rachel recognized it immediately. Candles.
Kurt snatched a pillow from the foot of his bed and hurled it towards the dock on his desk, effectively knocking it over and silencing the music. He collapsed onto the edge of the bed next to Rachel, his head in his hands. Rachel wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his shoulders soothingly. She reached towards her bag, digging around for her bedazzled IPod as Kurt pulled his hands from his face and rested his head on her shoulder.
"Let's try another approach," she said gently, scrolling through her playlists, of course, sorted by emotions and situations. After a few moments, a soft knock on Kurt's door made the both of them look up.
"Kurt? You alright in here, buddy? Oh, hi Rachel," Burt Hummel stuck his head in, glancing at his son curled up on his bed with his friend, looking thoroughly miserable. "Um, Kurt, I wanna talk to ya, but if you guys are busy I can just…"
Rachel sat up, smoothing Kurt's hair before standing up and putting her things in her bag. "That's alright Mr. Hummel. I need to get going anyway, he's all yours." She was about to tuck her IPod into her bag when something caught her attention and her eyes lit up. She flashed the screen at him quickly, asking quietly "What about this one?" He stared at the title for a moment, his brow drawn in contemplation. "I know she's not really your style, but I think this could be…it might be perfect for what you're looking for. Think about it, okay?" She pressed a quick kiss to his temple and squeezed his hand before tucking her IPod into her bag and turning towards the door.
"Goodbye Mr. Hummel," she smiled sweetly as he stepped aside to let her through.
"Bye Rach," he smiled back.
Finn's door opened from down the hall. "Hey Rach. Are you leaving?" he asked.
"Mmhmm. I have to go meet someone. I'll see you tomorrow though, okay?"
He pouted slightly. "Okay. See you."
She giggled a little. "Oh, don't be like that," she smiled, taking his hand.
"I just miss you. We haven't hung out at all this week."
"I know sweetie. I'm sorry. But Kurt really needs me right now," she offered, dropping her voice slightly.
"But I'm all yours Friday night, alright?"
Finn's face lit up at the mention of their plans. "Yeah, alright," he grinned, leaning down to peck her quickly on the lips. She smiled, squeezed his hand, and turned to head down the stairs.
Kurt scowled. Did they really have to be so coupley? He sighed, catching himself in his bitter train of thought. That wasn't fair to them. It wasn't their fault anything related to any relationship made him bitter right now.
Burt shut the door, drawing Kurt's attention back to his father again.
"Hey buddy. How're you doing?" Burt asked, crossing to Kurt's bed and sitting down beside him.
With a quick breath, he smiled as best he could and turned towards his father. "I'm good, Dad. Why? What's up?"
"Well, I kinda doubt that considering you've spent the past two day holed up in your room with some assortment of your girl friends over. I know they're usually here in packs like that when you're haven't been coming down for dinner or anything and you haven't really been talking to me or Carole. I'm a little concerned, bud."
"I'm fine, Dad, really," Kurt attempted again, forcing his smile not to falter.
"Kurt…" Burt continued slowly. "I'm not going to pretend I couldn't hear you crying to yourself last night."
Kurt flushed, biting his lip. "It's…it's nothing-"
"And," Burt interrupted, "Finn told me what happened."
Kurt's smile fell, his eyes casting down to his hands clasped in his lap. Burt watched him quietly, waiting for some response.
"Oh," he finally answered. "How, um…how much did he tell you?"
"Not much. Just that you and Blaine…aren't together anymore. He didn't say why." Kurt didn't answer. Burt pushed forward after a moment. "Do you wanna talk about it?"
Kurt shook his head slowly, refusing to look his father in the eye. Part of him was glad Finn hadn't told Burt the whole story, but on the other hand, that left the task to him, and he wasn't sure he could handle how his father wouldn't react. All his friends were all disappointed in him, and he didn't think he could bare it from his father as well.
Burt nodded after a while. "Okay. I'm not gonna force you to tell me anything you don't want to. I just…I gotta know…he didn't hurt you or anything, did he?"
Kurt's head shot up. "No! No, Dad, he didn't do anything. This was…it was my fault," he admitted quietly. "I…I messed up."
Kurt refused to meet his eye, waiting for the interrogation, the scolding; something. Burt stared at his son, his expression unchanged.
"Are you gonna try to fix it?"
"Are you…do want to get him back?"
Kurt nodded again. "Of course. I…I love him," he breathed so quietly Burt almost missed it, but the sudden flush creeping up his son's neck told him he'd heard correctly.
Burt nodded. "Alright. Good, cuz…I know you don't wanna hear this right now but…he's a really great kid, Kurt. He really cares about you. And from what I can tell, you really care about him. You two…you've got something special. I believe in you guys. I think it's gonna be okay. Alright?"
Kurt looked up to stare at his father. "I…yeah. Yes. Thank you, Dad."
Burt pulled Kurt into a tight hug, patting his back briefly before pulling away and smiling at him. He stood then and moved towards the door.
"Okay bud. And, you know, if you need me…"
Kurt nodded, smiling just a bit. "Thanks, Dad."
His father offered one final nod before stepping into the hall and closing the door behind him.
Kurt smiled a bit to himself. He never realized how much his Dad's support helped him until he'd been given a great example of it, yet again. He turned to the head of his bed, pulling his laptop from under the pillow and pulling it open, pulling up his ITunes and searching the song title Rachel had suggested as she left. He clicked play and let the slow tune drift gently out of his speakers and fill the room.
She was right. This wasn't his style at all. But it might just be absolutely perfect.
"I don't know what to do, Rach." Blaine groaned and rolled onto his back, pushing aside his milkshake and turning to face the sky above them and the stars glittering through the tree-tops. They were stretched out on the hood of his car, parked on top of one of the few hills in Ohio, in the small park just outside Dalton, the car radio playing softly behind them. Rachel sipped at her smoothie, glancing over at the boy beside her in concern. He pressed his knuckles to his temple, as if trying to knead the frustration out with his bare hands. Rachel pushed her drink to the side and pulled Blaine's hands from his head and into hers, squeezing.
"I know. I wish I could tell you," she replied soothingly.
He sighed. "Well why don't you?"
Rachel's face turned stern. "Blaine, you know that's not why I'm here. I'm here to support you, because I can tell you need a friend right now. I'm not here to interfere. This is between you and Kurt, and I'm not going to influence your opinion. Besides, it wouldn't be fair to either of you, since I'm both of your friends. Whatever happens, it has to happen by your doing."
Blaine sighed again, squeezing her hand. "I guess you're right. I just…I hate this. I'm making it harder and harder for myself. I keep trying to make myself forget him, because I know that's what I should do, but…something always brings me back to him. It's like…my head is telling me to get over it, but my heart refused to let him go. I keep dragging myself back to him. It hurts, but…being close to him…it's all I've got right now. I know it's stupid but…"
"It's not stupid. I understand," Rachel answered. She stared at Blaine as his eyes fell shut and memories flashed behind his eyes.
"You used to bring him here, didn't you?" she asked quietly.
His eyes fluttered open and he turned his head to face her, nodding slowly, eyes shining.
"This is where I asked him to be with me…officially," he whispered.
"Oh, Blaine," Rachel sighed, scooting towards him and wrapping her arms around his chest, resting her head on his shoulder. "You really love him, don't you?"
He nodded against the top of her head. "More than anything. I know I shouldn't, but…it's not even like I don't want to. I do. I need to. I just…yes. I love him. So much."
The music in the background shifted to a slow piano melody, and Rachel rubbed Blaine's arm, and after a moment, he quietly began to sing along, under his breath, his voice watery as she listened.
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone
You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain
Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me
and all over me…