Disclaimer: I do not own
How Did You Sleep?
I remember waking one morning, the blinds partially opened, the sun lighting up my room. I remember the smell of bacon and eggs, snags and tomato's flooding my scenes, flittering through the house and taking over the usual musk scent.
I remember how cold it was despite the sun shining, my bare feet touching the cold wooden floor that would squeak under my weight. My exposed chest collecting goose bumps that trailed along my arms, my legs warm from my blue baggy pajama pants.
I remember the new rose scented soap that that taken place on my bathroom sink, new and pink and smelling like roses. The fresh towels that hung on the towel rack complete with a hand towel I didn't have before. The automatic freshener that went off every half hour and smelt like lavenders and almost always sprayed me in the face, and has done on a few occasions.
I remember walking down the hallway with the new framed pictures of my new life hanging there. The last two years my life has changed, an amazing change, something I never thought would happen. The pictures showed us smiling, the two of us in different locations some wearing formal outfits some casual.
I remember walking up behind her in the mornings, wrapping my arms around her petite waist and resting my head in the sweet curve of her neck. Taking in her scent of Earth, the fresh air, the rain, the sweet smell of clean dirt, it amazed me that despite the air fresheners and the scented soaps she smelt so sensual. I loved it.
I remember feeling her smile and hearing her giggle shyly as I kissed her neck, her soft skin felt surreal as if she had never battled in her life. My arms resting on her large bulging tummy, the life inside giving a little kick letting me know that they would be strong, like me, like their mother.
I remember how she always asked the same question, "How did you sleep, Kakashi?" I never answered her, I never needed to. I'd rub her stomach and kiss her cheek before grabbing the plates. Plates with tiny simple designs along the brim, plates I always thought were for family men. I'm one of them now. I owned rose scented soaps, hand towels, air fresheners, and I had pictures hanging on the hall walls. I was a family man… almost.
I remember her amethyst eyes, her milky skin, her short shoulder length midnight blue hair. Her complete perfection, she was too me. I couldn't imagine my life without her now, I can't understand why it took me so long to see her, she was always right there, she was known throughout the village.
I remember how she came to live with me. Hinata needed a place to stay and I had given her one. I was expecting to go on a six week long mission but changes had happened, maybe God had intervened, and so I ended up staying home. In six weeks I noticed feelings had surfaced for her, in the following months I went from trying to avoid her to trying to woo her…. And I did. I courted her for two years before we married. People joked she was too young and that I was a dirty old man. But she loved me.
I remember standing at the altar, the guests seated, the hall filled, and then seeing her. Her floor length ivory dress, her sleeves loose and hanging just below her elbow… I'm not good at describing these things but believe me, she was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. I suddenly felt as if there was nothing more in this world than her. She had long hair back then, you know? It was done up in a bun with small white flowers sticking out, she was more than an angel, she was a goddess.
I remember the day she gave birth to our son. The day she cried and screamed and tried so hard. The day we felt the worse pain a person could feel. For us there was no happiness, the room we set up next to ours stayed empty but our bed was almost always occupied. Sometimes she would lay in there for days and only got out to use the bathroom. You don't get over that pain, it digs a hole in your soul and burns you from the inside out, I kept busy with work and wasn't there for her. But one day I came home and curled into bed with her and I placed my hands around her stomach and suddenly it hit me. Just one month ago there was life in there, a baby, our son, he was kicking and healthy and now it was empty. Those months of recording every sickness, those appointments, those classes… they were all a waste. We had nothing to hold, or to love. The room across from ours was empty. I wept and she wept and we healed together.
I remember the day the room across from us was no longer empty. Hinata bought a new crib, painted the walls, got new clothes and toys. For her it wasn't right. Those things belonged to our son and she couldn't use them for the new baby. So she gave them away, to Sakura to Ino and even the Tenten who was planning a family. I was fine with it, even agreed, those things were for a baby who will forever be sleeping, those things had been empty for far too long but it didn't seem right to use them for our new baby. There was one thing Hinata kept. She bought it for our son and even took it to hospital with her, a beautiful little green teddy bear she had held onto in bed for many nights. She couldn't get rid of it because it was all she had of him. Now he sleeps next to his 'sister', our beautiful little girl with wispy white blonde hair and eyes like her mother.
I remember all the good times, the day our daughter took her first steps, spoke her first words, the day she first went to school and the say she graduated. I remember it with all of my children, even my grandchildren and even you, my great grandchild. These are things a man will not forget.
I will not forget the day she died. The last morning my house was flood with the scent of breakfast, the last morning I kissed her neck and looked at her gracefully aging face and her graying hair. The last morning she ever said, "How did you sleep?" and for the first time I replied, "Just wonderful". Even now I don't know why I said it, she only ever asked out of politeness. That afternoon she went out for milk and never came back. The doctor's said her heart had given out, she had gotten the milk and went to the hospital, Hinata sat down and closed her eyes. It was my choice to turn off the machines, hardest choice I had ever had to make, they were keeping her alive but she was dead. She had already left us but we needed to say our goodbyes. Forty three years we were together, she was still beautiful that morning, still the goddess I married, who I wept with in bed, who I kissed every morning.
Kakashi looked at the boy in front of him, his granddaughters son, his mousy brown hair he had gotten from his father, his mother had soft black hair, "An old man who remembers the past cannot learn from it. But you, my kiddo, you can learn a million things. Now run along scamp, tell your mother I'd like some water."
Kakashi's grey hair was short, his mask still covered half his face, but he no longer wore his headband around his head to cover his eye, instead now he left it beside his bed. His hair line had receded greatly and he was sure he had more hair in his ears than on his head. His face was wrinkled and reminded him of a prune. "Ok Gramps," He smiled and ran out.
Kakashi smiled and laid back on the plushy bed. He was in hospital, he had been ill and he didn't want to burden his grandchildren. Besides he knew it was coming. These memories surfaced with such vividness he understood.
His eyes were so sore from being opened, so heavy, he couldn't support them anymore and he closed them. For the last time in his life Kakashi could smell the bacon and eggs, the snags and tomato's, he could smell the rose soap and lavender air freshener but most importantly he could smell the Earth in all its splendor and he could see her standing there. So he walked up and wrapped his arms around her petite waist and kissed her neck and she asked him, "How did you sleep?"