United States of Hetalia Productions

Kung Fu Panda 2 coming out (no, I didn't see it yet. On Sunday I will)... I thought of every Hollywood Kung Fu movie-parody/training-sequence ever made... then I thought of China... Then thought 'Oh hellz yes, aru :D!'

I don't own Hetalia, Kung Fu Panda, or any Kung Fu movies for that matter.


"Hey, China, can you teach me Kung Fu?"

China looked up from his magazine at the smiling blonde American before him.

"Uh... why are you asking this now, aru?"

"Uh... you know? Cuz we're buddies, and I think it's cool and-

"You just want to copy stunts from the new Kung Fu Panda movie, aru."

"Yeeees." America whined. "The martial arts in movies look so awesoooome! Teach me, China! I'll get you free tickets to the movie."

China sighed as he put down his magazine. "Do you want to do this the actual way, or the Hollywood way, aru?"

"Let's try your way first."

"Fine, aru. Call me Shifu, aru."

"Yes, Seafood-China, sir!"

"Aiyah! It's Shifu, not Seafood!"

"Whatever you say, Seafood-China!"

China picked up a pebble and held it up in front of America. "When you can snatch this pebble from my hand, that means your training is over."

"...But what would I want to get a pebble for? That isn't much motivation."

China's eye twitched and the nation resisted the strong urge to facepalm. "Ok, aru." He tossed the pebble aside and pulled out the Happy Meal he knew was behind America's back. He pulled out a chicken nugget and waved it in front of America's face. "When you can snatch the chicken nugget from my hand, your training is complete."

America reached out to grab it, but China held him back with one hand. After about 10 minutes, America gave up and proceeded with the training.

China pulled out a thick wooden training post. "Beat this up for a while. To help endurance, aru."

China got back on his random lawn chair and continued reading 'Panda's Monthly'. That was until he heard the sound of wood snapping in half. America stood there waving at China, with the training post chopped in half.

"What next, Seafood?"

... Oh yeah... super strength...

"Uh... maybe it's better if we go Hollywood style, aru." China held up a mop and a bucket. "I want that floor to shine, aru."

...Later...

Hong Kong saw America washing his Sensei's car while the elder nation read panda magazines on a lawn chair.

"Wax on... wax off... wax on... wax off..." America kept mumbling.

"Uh... Sensei?" Hong Kong asked China. "What is he doing?"

"He wanted to learn Kung Fu, aru."

"For Kung Fu Panda 2?"

"Yes, aru."

"..." Hong Kong stared back at the American. "Shouldn't you tell him that this training only works in movies?"

"Not until he finishes the van, aru. Besides, he promised me free tickets."

Hong Kong thought for a second. "If the movie takes place in ancient China... how come you never managed to make an animated movie like that?"

"O_O... Shut up, aru. -_-"

"No, really. You're the nation of China. How come-"

"Shut up, aru."

Me: Thought bubble that came up when I was browsing through TV Tropes and I ended up on the "Kung Fu Panda" page.

America: Wait, do I learn Kung Fu or not?

Me: Dude, you already have super strength.

America: True. And Superman doesn't use Kung Fu.

China: (sweatdrop) Review, aru.