Seven Years

Seven years were gone.

Seven year since you've left me, since nothing has ever been as it has before.

I remember when I first saw you, your dark eyes piercing into mine. I remember each word you said, every move you made, your whole figure looming from head to toe over me, beside my desk.

Just the thought of you makes me shiver, trembling all over without the slightest chance to stop.

I remember our first kiss, the feeling of your lips moving against mine, so gentle and so warm. Would I tell someone, nobody would believe that, would believe you capable of such sensitivity, cold as you seemed to everybody.

Once again I'm lost in thought. Thoughts of you, sitting in your armchair by the fire.

You, pulling the chair out, holding the door open for me. Just for me.

You, sleeping next to me, curled up against me, your arm possessively wrapped around my waist. You, whispering "Love you" whenever you thought I couldn't hear you.

Sometimes I wonder why. Sometimes I don't, just because I know there's no sense in trying to understand. Sometimes I even start to cry, immediately trying to stop and dry my tears.

Sometimes I want to break that endless circle of missing, regrets and the endless questions, what's been going wrong, that endless circle of hell.

Most of the time, I've given up.

Hopefully, I can some time manage that entirely.