It's not unusual to see an angry Squalo every day. It's not unusual to see him pacing around Varia's boss office screaming at Xanxus. It's not unusual for Xanxus to ignore him and sip from his wine. This is an everyday occurrence. This time around Squalo is angry at something that Xanxus did and said man could care less. Honestly he can swear his left ear is going deaf. Now Xanxus is mad, and the grip on the wine glass tightens.
"What the fuck where you thinking? Did you seriously think seducing that fucking fake tenth would get you to steal the rings before he destroyed them? Jesus even that fucking brat has more common sense than you have right now. Don't you get it? We are in dip shit thanks to that Millfiore newbie and here you are wasting your fucking time drinking wine thinking of ways to seduce a fucking brat in order to get the mother fucker rings that almost took our lives?"
Xanxus's wine glass suddenly breaks, wine spilling all over the floor and Xanxus himself.
"Shut the fuck up, you fucking trash. You fucking piss the living shit out of me."
At this point Xanxus is mad with rage. He can't fucking take anymore Squalo's wild, grunting voice; nor the lack of morals being thrown at him. Xanxus really wishes he could kill Squalo right now. But he can't, no matter how much he wishes, he just can't kill the other man. It's not because Squalo is an important individual to the Varia, nor its about his skill well needed by the Varia. It's because of something completely and totally different, something that Xanxus doesn't dare to think about. He is ashamed of himself. But he can't stop his own feelings, nor how crazy Squalo makes him.
So he does the best thing he knows about in dealing with an annoying shark. He stands, strides towards him and with his mere physique imposes the man to back up. Squalo moves until his back is against the wall. He swallows hard, he all to well knows what is about to happen. He awaits for it, a hand is slam against the wall.
Squalo is captured, in between the wall and Xanxus. The other man stares at him, something dark and deep in his eyes. Squalo pulls Xanxus towards him for a kiss. He had been waiting for this the whole day. It hurts to even think about it.
Xanxus kisses him harshly and aggressively, no mercy in his touch. Xanxus has never be the gentle one, he likes to take on his prey and savage them with his essence, filling them and leaving marks all over their bodies. This was why he preferred men than women. Women were soft and fragile; if you weren't gentle they might break easily. Men were not, they were fierce, hard and conventional in this world. Out of all men, he preferred Squalo. He had effeminate traits with the manly core that was needed to 'handle' a guy like him.
He was never gentle to Squalo and said man always moaned and begged for more. Something that made Xanxus's heart quiver. Sometimes he wished he was not as brash and for once he would go easy on the man. But that would be admiring his feelings, it would also change everything. For the first time,, Xanxus was afraid.
From aggressive long kisses to small, brash smacking of lips things had spiked up to higher levels. Xanxus was ripping all of Squalo's clothes, throwing them aside. He attacked the pale skin with kisses, hands and tongue. He liked to feel and touch him, he very much like dhow he tasted. It was intoxicating, to the point of loss of self-control. Xanxus lost it there, and without warming or preparation he took Squalo. Thrusting inside his body with force.
Thank god Squalo knew Xanxus very well that he had prepared himself earlier. He always prepared himself every day; he liked to take care of himself for the man's sake. If he didn't, he would be torn and bleeding with a broken mind.
Time passed and Xanxus was coming hard and unforgiving on Squalo's ass. When he was done, he tucked himself in his pants, called for a maid and requested more wine. Squalo watched him, the other man didn't pay attention to him. Squalo would have complained, yelled if needed (which was always) but couldn't. Instead he took what little of his clothes were left and covered his parts and walked off to his room to change, never looking back.
By the time the maid had come with Xanxus's wine he had seen Squalo, giving the used man a soft look.
Xanxus watched as Squalo left with little covering; Bound to embarrass himself for walking almost nude in the Varia castle. At times like this, his angelic side hated him and his demonic side smirked.
Once again, another glass of wine was broken. This time spilling more than wine.
After that happened, Xanxus stopped looking at him, stopped wanting his body. Squalo was burning with frustration and anger. Why? He had never complained in fear of losing what little he had from the man he loved. Then he saw why.
Xanxus was at the corner of the room, speaking with the tenth generation boss of Vongolia. They were chatting quite peacefully, and Xanxus wasn't trying to kill him and by the look of things he was neither calling him trash.
They were at a party that was more like a ceremony. Today was the chosen day for the destruction of the rings. It looked as if the tenth had wished everyone from Vongolia and allied families to see the event, so he organized the event. Of course, something more strategic was going in the background. It was clear, even if it was at the last minute; Xanxus was taking his chance at stopping the ceremony of the breaking of rings by seducing the tenth.
"Hey there Squalo, long time no see."
Arms wrapped by themselves around his neck and shoulders. Unwanted attention was suddenly thrown at him when he was busy staring at Xanxus and the tenth.
"Ah, it's you annoying brat."
He growled, suddenly his view being clouded by people.
"Hahahaha… You sound like you missed me."
The idiot smiled. And said idiot had a name.
"Yamamoto, unwrap your arms off me before I fucking slice you into small pieces."
He warned, his tone grave, his eyes trying to catch on them. The people cleared, they were not there anymore.
"Sorry, I just came to say hi and thank you for the very instructional videos. You are really kind, even when some people don't know. If you pardon me, I have to go or Gokudera might get mad."
Just like that Yamamoto had left. Over the years he had grown taller and less awkward. He had become a handsome man and a very skilled swordsmanship. His inner teacher self felt very proud of him. Realizing what the other man had said, he wondered if Reborn had somehow rubbed himself on him. Then the answer came to him. Reborn had died not long ago, and it was known to have impacted greatly the guardians. He felt sorry for the kid's loss, they too had lost Marmon.
Thinking about losses made him remember Xanxus. Said man had disappeared from the party, along with the tenth and no matter how much Squalo looked for them, he could not find them. He decided to ask around, and found the strongest guardian of Vongolia, the cloud guardian, the feared Hibari Kyouya.
"You say that the herbivore had gone missing alongside that rat for a boss you have?"
"What are you saying of my boss, you fuckign trash? If it weren't because I was fucking looking for Xanxus I would have beaten the shit out of you. Have you seen them or not?"
Hibari left, not giving Squalo a glance or word. Jus like that, the cloud guardian went missing as well.
"Well, fuck you."
Squalo had given up looking for Xanxus inside the party. It was most likely that he was alone in some run with the tenth. Touching him, kissing him, marking him…Making the trash his. Squalo didn't want to think of it. He wanted to deny that was probably the reality of now. No, the trash for a tenth was too soft and fragile for a man like Xanxus. He wouldn't be able to take him on. Xanxus would be brutal and forcefully towards him, nothing gentle. If this was the truth then... It was very possible, Xanxus not wanting to restrain himself by be raping the tenth.
Squalo had to find them fast, before Xanxus did something irrational like that and damage his future as the boss of Varia. Raping the boss of mafia was considered an act deemed of death. He had to stop him before he was too late or maybe he should let him feel the pain of being Xanxus's. Either way, he was going to do something. He wasn't going to tell his guardians, in fear of something happening to Xanxus and because he wanted to give Xanxus a chance.
Squalo left the party, and asked around if anyone had requested a room. Xanxus had requested one He rushed towards that room, and almost stumbled upon an unexpected sight if it wasn't for his instincts. He could feel the murderous fierce protective aura. He was surprised that so much intent of kill was actually protective towards a single target, anyone else in the way was meant to be dead. This kind of aura belonged to only one person in particular.
Squalo stopped in his tracks, watching as the cloud guardian carried in his arms, bridal style the tenth. The boyish man's clothes looked rumpled, almost torn. He was also silently sobbing the older man's chest.
He didn't say anything to the couple, and just let them walk away. Hibari silently glared at him, their eyes connecting for a second, then letting go.
Squalo moved again, this time walking calmly towards the room. Slowly he pushed the doorknob, opening the door and towards the dark room. It was completely dark, void of any light of any kind Xanxus was in a corner of the room, on the floor. There were blood stains on his shirt, when he looked up towards Squalo; he had noticed the man had a bruised face and broken nose.
"The fucking kid fought me well, almost knocking me over but he was too weak. Just then, his cloud guardian went, fucking started to beat me. I fought back, but the fucking kid stopped us before there was a bloodbath using his flames. I don't know how he did it but convinced the trash not to fight, his flames extinguished. He was exhausted; the cloud guardian catches him and leaves the room with him in his arms. Fucking trash starts to cry. I fucking failed because of two fucking trashes!"
"At least you fucking didn't do something you would regret! You fuckign idiot!"
Squalo was angry and upset. Really, why did he love this man?
"I don't care… Now leave trash before I…"
"Before what? Before fucking what?"
Squalo had never acted this violently. He would always scream and insult Xanxus but he never actually talked back to him. Not this way.
"Before you fucking decide to take my body like you used to? Before you rape me again?"
To Squalo it wasn't rape, he had wanted it, yearned for it. But he had wanted more and what Xanxus doing was technically rape.
"Shut the fuck up trash! Every time you fucking begged for more. You have always my loved my cock stuffed up your ass."
"Even if I did, what I loved most were you! It was you who touched me, fucked me, even if it was brutal I liked it because it was all you!"
"Are you fuckign confessing to me like a schoolgirl?"
"Yes, I am. I fucking love you since I can't remember, I have always wanted you, needed you."
"Go fucking piss off. I don't need another faggot in Varia."
Squalo hated him; he could feel his heart starting to break in small pieces. He didn't want to lose Xanxus. He wanted for the other man to touch him again. Even if it meant giving his body to him and never receiving any kind of love. He was obsessed with Xanxus the same way he was obsessed with his swordsmanship skills.
He couldn't take it anymore and leaned forwards against Xanxus. Their lips meet, and soon there were tongues being swapped and tasted with. The kiss was brash and sloppy. A trail of saliva leaving them.
"Why…Why won't you touch me again? Why won't you take my body anymore? Did you get bored of me?"
Squalo asked, again kissing the other man.
'If I hadn't stopped that day, I wouldn't have been able to stop forever from touching you, making you mine. I didn't want that. I don't want to admit that I have these feelings towards you. I fucking hate you for making me feel this way, I fucking want to kill you, but I can't. I wanted to stop before it was to late, before you ended breaking me.' Was what Xanxus wanted to say but couldn't. If he did, he would be admitting everything to himself and find himself stuck with Squalo.
Xanxus pushed him off abruptly, making him fall against the floor. He swung himself towards Squalo, landing on top of him. Their eyes meet, and once again like every time they were left alone and Squalo would piss him off, Xanxus would lose it and take Squalo.
Excessive clothes were torn apart, the sound of skin smacking against skin as heard. Moans, screams and grunts. Squalo quivered and shrieked in pain. Xanxus was being more brutal and forceful than ever. He was pounding with an almighty thrust inside of him. This time around Squalo had forgotten to lubricate himself since Xanxus had become so inattentive and because of that he was hurting more than usual. He had tried to plead for Xanxus to go slower or to stop, but the other man wasn't listening.
When Xanxus was done, he dislodged away from his body. Blood and semen smeared from Squalo's ass. He had known he had over done himself on Squalo and that he wasn't lubricated. He wanted to think he didn't care. But true to himself, his heart was burning.
"This is the last time. Don't ever bother me with this kind of passion."
He said before tucking himself and redressing. He left the room, being fully aware of leaving a silent crying Squalo.
After that day, Squalo still screamed in his left ear, but much less frequently. He was always out of his way, avoiding him, only speaking when necessary. Every time Squalo and his eye meet, there was always some sort of pang of something between them. He couldn't tell what, but he could feel himself being ripped apart, as Squalo, turned away from him each day.
Maybe someday, Xanxus might be able to change this kind of fate…