Authors Note:Spoilers from 1st and 2nd film (Will try to keep them minor on 2 for those who haven't seen) Big fan of the movies, all the pack (huge fan of B. Coop and Bartha), and addicted to whump. Soo though this will hopefully contain a lot of humor to keep you riveted, expect it to be a more mature, dark type with a whole lot of angst and drama to bat...I enjoy writing and this first chapter is admittedly lengthy and somewhat boring, but trust me when I say it gets better. Just have to lay down the foundation. Still working at characterization, so bear with me there also please. Alan and Stu are being tweaked but will hopefully be more as they should be soon!, Hopefully you'll enjoy reading and let me know it is worth continuing by R&R!
Title:The Hangover 3-This Reminds Me Of...
Genre:Humor(Dark)/Drama/Angst-all those good things!
Characters:The Wolfpack in its Entirety
Rating:PG13(for now)Rating will go up when it gets more graphic.
Summary:Alan is up to bat this go round, and against the better judgment of all (with the natural acceptance of the party man extraordinaire) the pack agrees to a nice safe Bachelor's weekend Safari in the Outback. What could go wrong? Everything...With unexpected obstacles, new foes, the given humor, plenty of whumpage to go around, plus one of the 4 badly injured, the boys will soon wish this was one Hangover they'd never drank themselves into.
Disclaimer:I own nothing to do with The Hangover Franchise, nor any of its stars. Just seriously enjoy the movies and writing :p Would really love owning Bradley Cooper though, mhmm and Justin Bartha
Sticking a toothpick in his mouth, sunglasses resting on the bridge of his nose, Phil was in top form , lowering his voice none as he asked the darker haired man standing closest by" You think she's real, or one of those blowup dolls? Because I gotta tell you Doug, good as I look in a tux, the sex appeal will be at 0 if I'm marching down the aisle with a plastic bridesmaid."
"That's my brother-in-law you're talking about." was the hushed given reply as the darker-haired of the 2 attempted to maintain a semblance of civility.
"Told you a long time ago, no ones holding that against you or Tracy. But.. when he's found by a poor stewardess in the bathroom 10 minutes into the flight unzipped, Spideys dropped, missus out of the old duffel-bag, joining the mile high club? Doing the PA for that one and bailing him out of jail are all you. "looks contemplative momentarily, then adds"Or Stu..."smirks, using his tongue to flip the toothpick hanging from his mouth.
"Standing right here."Stu, who was behind them in line with Alan, thoroughly enjoying that he was spending the weekend away from his wife and 4 month old twins, spoke up. He followed this with clearing his throat as he used an index finger to motion back and forth between himself and the groom to be, adding" Not 2 few feet away."
Next up in line to have his ticket checked by blonde who was manning the gate, Phil smirks at his friend and says matter-of-factually" Just when it seemed you couldn't be any more uptight, fatherhood came along to prove me wrong by zapping your mostly non-existent sense of humor away all together"
"You're a dick." Doug said, giving him a shove and nodding his head to indicate they'd finally reached the front where the stewardess stood, hand held out, gazing at the school teachers back with a look of annoyance.
Turning around, Phil stepped forward, gave her his boarding pass, then waited as she looked it over.
"Sorry sir, this ticket is for yesterday."the woman says flatly, handing it back to him.
"What?"Phil questions with disbelief, lowering his glasses to look at her, a humorless laugh leaving his lips.
"I said this ticket is for yesterday. "she repeats, then adds" You'll need to leave the line now so we can continue boarding"
Phil was ready to explode with anger, the rest of the pack looking at their own tickets in the process.
"Fuck that, I ordered the tickets, for today, a month ago online."the school teacher argued.
"Please move out of the line. Or do I have to call security?"she replies calmly, raising a perfectly arched brow at him.
"No no, that won't be necessary. He's leaving. Now." Doug answers for him with a tight smile, grabbing the other mans arm and pulling him away before he could end up getting himself thrown in jail.
"Yes now.."Stu echoed, grabbing the sputtering mad Phil's other arm to aid in the cause.
"Yesterday? What the hell?"the dentist asks in his overly dramatic manner when they are out of hearing range, standing with the other two who were turned facing the person who had volunteered to get the tickets.
"I know I specifically asked for today! This is bullshit! Utter fucking bullshit!" Phil stated loudly in his own defense, turning to glare at the woman manning the line again.
"No Phil, you didn't."Doug responds this time, waving his own ticket in his friends face."the date, on these tickets that you've had going on..what is it 2 weeks now, is yesterdays."
"Fuck fuck fuck!"Phil kicks at his own suitcase, rubbing his face with both hands in frustrated anger."How could I have..."he stops with a sigh when he sees Alan's crestfallen look of disappointment."Maybe I can talk to the desk, get them traded for this flight.."he offers, taking all the tickets in his hand and swiveling around to go ask while the others waited.
"I was going to run with the wild. Ride in a mother kangaroo's pouch.."Alan says aloud, gaining him strange looks from not only Doug and Stu, but also a man and woman who had been standing nearby but now moved away.
It was obvious by the wild gesturing that Phil was doing with his hands that they wouldn't be getting on the flight as planned, and even though his brother-in-law annoyed and embarrassed him sometimes, Doug felt pretty bad about his last weekend as a bachelor being ruined. By the look on his face, Stu did as well.
"We'll find something just as fun to do Alan, Something that Phil will not be in charge of planning, just like he won't be anything else in the future"Doug says, patting his meaty shoulder.
"Boys, grab your gear, we are back in business"Phil announced, rejoining the other 3 men, a look of self-satisfaction on his face. "They traded them?"Doug asks in surprise. He'd quit watching his friends angry anctics when it appeared obvious that they were shit out of luck.
"Even better! We are going to be traveling in style, via our own personal plane."he gets in response.
"You don't know how to fly a plane Phil and even if you did I.."Doug began with a scoff, only to be cut off by an adamant" No way in hell. No sir." from Stu at the announcement.
"I know how to fly a plane."Alan said with a raise of his hand, but was cut off too by Doug who objected with"Flying a fighter jet in a video game does not make you a licensed pilot."
"Guys...This gentleman, Mr. Rochester, has kindly offered us a lift in his jet. A jet flown by real pilots"Phil said, rubbing his hands together as the others noticed the short, balding man who had walked over with him for the first time.
"Say what?"Doug asked with a blink as he studied the new arrival dubiously. Phil went on to explain how the man had heard him, and having had to cancel a scheduled outing of his own to Australia, sympathized with their plight and gave them use of the plane in his stead.
Stu and Doug both objected after pulling Phil and Alan aside following introductions, but after a while longer of listening to Phil's usual arguments that always led to disaster, and Alan's stating that he thought the guy looked like Higgins from Magnum and who wouldn't trust him? They caved. It was after-all Alan's trip and it wouldn't be fair to cheat him of it.
Lord knew he wouldn't ever be marrying again in this lifetime, was the unspoken thought that all his friends had.
15 minutes later a still wary of the whole thing and thinking how unbelievably convenient it had been that Mr. Rochester had to cancel a private trip to exactly where they were headed, Doug settled into his seat, looking around at the very impressive lavishly decorated and pimped out private jet that the 4 of them had all to themselves.
"This is awesome guys? Admit it. Totally fucking awesome."Phil declared from his own selected seat which he was slumped back in lazily.
"Okay..yes, its awesome. I have to say you really managed to turn a full on potential ruination into..well this."Doug agreed reluctantly with a shrug, not able to hide the big grin on his face any longer now that the planes owner had left, followed by them taking safely off from the airport.
"Stu?"Phil prodded, turning his head to look at said man as he walked out of the large bathroom back to his own seat."Your thoughts?"
"For once your screwing up has resulted in a positive turn."he received in reply.
"In the spirit of the mood I will ignore that insult this time Dr. Faggot."Phil shot back, looking last, but not least, to the groom to be, who was bouncing up and down in his seat looking like a fat, retarded version of Zac Brown with the beanie he wore coupled with his facial hair.
"Alan, you're happy. Right buddy?"he questioned.
"That doesn't begin to describe how I feel. I believe it can best be put in these words I jotted down earlier while waiting to board the plane."Alan replies, clearing his throat and pulling a wadded up church flier he'd picked up in the terminal to write on from his fanny pack, smoothing it out .
"Here you go gentlemen, a drink courtesy of Mr. Rochester who said that the bar was open to you all for the remainder of your trip."the one stewardess on the plane interrupted him before he could begin, much to the other 3 mens unspoken relief, handing them each a glass filled with amber liquid.
They all took the slightest pause before toasting one another, remembering what had happened the last two times they'd started off a celebration this very way, but since this was not Alan's jet, and he'd been patted down thoroughly by his sister and parents to make sure he carried no surprises before being allowed to leave and take Doug with him, they all relaxed, clinking their glasses together, and downed their drinks after Phil announced" To Alan, may he enjoy his final weekend without a woman dragging him around by his balls."
The Following morning:
Oh man. Never drinking again...What is that smell..."Doug, who awoke first, face down in some yet to be identified gritty substance mumbled, putting his hands palms down on each side of his torso and pushing himself up slowly. His eyes felt glued together and he didn't open them against the light that showed through his lids right away, instead rubbing at them with his palms, which made them shoot wide apart when the foreign substance he'd awoken in worked its way into his lids.
"What the.."he exclaimed, blinking rapidly while at the same time spitting out some of the grit that had managed to make its way inside of his open mouth as he'd lain face down. Seconds later all this became very unimportant when his vision cleared enough for him to take notice of his surroundings for the first time.
"Oh shit."he jumped up from the sand covered beach displayed before him, his ankle almost giving out because of a slight sprain he'd no doubt received sometime the night before,blue eyes transfixed on the second thing that had caught his sight.
The smoking wreckage of the plane they'd been aboard was about 50 yards away near the edge of the shore, water lapping onto one metal wing with each breaker that hit. That explains the smell..he thinks dumbly, his mind growing sharper and more aware with each passing second. Crashed..they'd crashed..he realized after getting past the surreality of it all, but how? And why?
And why had he awoken away from the wreckage instead of inside since it didn't look to be as damaged at second glance as it had at first. No holes in its exterior..nothing but smoking engines..
Wait... Suddenly something important found its way to the surface..he'd not been alone. He almost cried in relief when he merely turned around and saw Stu and Alan laying nearby, Stus head was rested on the bare chest of the latter, who had on nothing but a pair of tightie whities, his right arm thrown across his waist. This would have all seemed incredibly funny were it not for the situation, and even with it Doug almost reached to grab his cell phone to take a picture.
The only thing that stopped him from doing it in the end was fear that the object would not be in its usual place, and that was a possibility he didn't even want to think of facing yet.
"Please tell me they didn't fuck." he heard a low voice say right behind him."I mean that, plus whatever the hell else happened, would just be too much..."Phil who, except for the expected tired eyed redness of a hangover and a large rip in the lower half of his black shirts front, looked fine as he stood there with a slight smirk on his face, staring at Stu and Alan.
"They didn't fuck."Doug answered in a monotone voice. He knew Phil was merely being a douche and just like himself knew they hadn't without even having to of asked that,
Phil walked to his side, bending down to put his hands on his knees, shaking his head silently in disbelief at the fact it had happened yet again. Just like Doug he remembered nothing.
"What the fuck is going on?"The two heard a now all too familiar question spoken in panic.
"Stu's awake."Phil stated, raising his head from studying the ground to look as the third to rise unglued his sweat stuck face from Alan's hairy chest then jump up quick to his feet. Too quick obviously since he spewed his stomachs contents immediately afterwards.
"You know, this reminds me of that one show..where the plane crashes on an island."Alan then spoke without yet having opened his eyes, adding as he sat upright, unharmed."And in the end they are all dead and in purgatory."
Shut up Alan..."all three of his companions stated in unison...
K that was my first long ass labor of love boring chapter. The ones to follow will be muuuch shorter more than likely, but definitely more action/peril/and angst packed.
Spoilers are: The Wolfpack slowly begins to piece things together and find out their reason for being on the island, while one of them works to hide signs of the fact he is not at all unharmed from the night before's events from the others.
So if you think it should be written, all you have to do is R&R!